Temperature Check

Finding a good live version of a Stones song is hard.
I'm not an Elvis fan, I'm a Beatles fan - so my dalliance with the Stones is tenuous at best.
Never one to sing "Sympathy with the Devil", I prefer Tori Amos's version of Angie. Am I speaking loud enough ?

The original was great - the added choir, overproduced rubbish IMHO.
But today this is a good temperature check of where I am.
And with any luck - still waiting for what I need.

Sorry about the vid, I wanted a nice version - but like the man said - You cant always get what you want....

Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck

What if life was like a skydive gone wrong - how would we react to the moment?
Hurtling through life, aware of an all too certain outcome, would we live each moment as it comes, consoling ourself with a"So far - so good" attitude to our altitude?
Should we perhaps plan to enjoy each moment of the fall - feeling the wind rushing past our ears - planning a swoop or turn in mid-air just for the thrill, making more of the experience?
I suspect a significant number of us would simply be paralyzed with fear, hoping that by doing nothing, it would be out of our hands - perhaps even praying that the fall would last forever.

I'd like to plan a little. I guess I'm driven that way, but by what - I cannot (or will not) say.

NFG mentioned on Wednesday that perhaps I plan too much, that I should live more in the now - I'm paraphrasing her parachuting; she was way, way more eloquent. And uncomfortably close to making a decent point I hasten to add.
I have absolutely no idea about so many things. I am however a highly functioning idiot - not quite a savant unfortunately. If you knew me, you would perhaps make the mistake of thinking I was normal - here you get the crazy thoughts that plague me before I drift off to sleep - the idioting musings that promote giggles when in like minded company. It may seem at times that I am anything but balanced, BUT dammit I know I'm not alone in this state of being!
Just the other day, on a flight back from Christchurch, I overheard a guy in his mid forties talking to his mate in the seat next to him.
"You know I think my life stopped at 26 - no matter how the years have past; I never felt any older or wiser."
His mate nodded in agreement - sullenly reaching for his bag in the overhead locker, as he suddenly realised he too was stuck, waiting to evolve....
Quote from here:

We're the middle children of history, man.
No purpose or place.
We have no Great War. No Great Depression.
Our Great War's a spiritual war... Our Great Depression is our lives.
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires,
movie gods, and rock stars.
But we won't.
And we're slowly learning that fact.
And we're very, very pissed off.

I sometimes wish I could be someone different; an indifferent skydiver, who would have planned, and placed a huge mass of down pillows to cushion the fall before he hopped on the plane - not to stop the inevitable; just to make the ending worth waiting for.

There i go planning again - damn - I hate it when she's right :)

Mentoring Me

Never apologise - it's a sign of weakness, says Gibbs.
Later, much later, we learn this is not necessarily a golden rule, and that friends are afforded an exception of sorts; but generally, the rule still stands.
I was brought up by a generation who taught children were to be seen and not heard, so what do I really know? The rules these days are written in quicksand, changing with the tide of whimsy. After hearing these pearls of wisdom from a TV character who is a mentor to many, I sometimes wonder; do we loose more than we gain when we say sorry?
Where people appreciate honesty over accuracy the answer is easy, but when the world has evolved/devolved - the question remains the same - but has the answer changed?

I may not know, but I WANT to know.

I guess that every now and again, when curly questions raise their ugly little heads, it would be nice to have someone you respect, listen to your concerns and discuss the finer points of corporate ethics. But perhaps in the interim I'll stick to what I know.

While on the topic of mentors - I'd like to learn how to write; really write. I wonder if it is a skill that we are born with, or perhaps something that could be nurtured from a blank slate? Some would surely profess, I write therefore I am a writer; but I change the oil in my car - and that doesn't make me a mechanic.
When I look here, and I'm constantly amazed - I wonder if someone out there can make lemonade out of my lemons. If writing (well) is a gift, a talent you are born to, perhaps those who prefer to apologise need not apply to mentor this mess :)

A brutal answer will suffice, albeit with little ice cream on top please.

Emails

Today I got a lovely email from NFG.

The email was one of those "send them on" types - but I have to admit, I never do.
A couple of years back however, I decided that I was going to tell the few people capable of hearing the words, exactly what they meant to me. It was important to me, but at the same time, once said, I really didn't feel the need to repeat it again - well, maybe not in so many words.
Perhaps it's my Aries nature, but for better or worse I always say what I feel, usually when I'm feeling it. For the rest of my time on the planet I'm more likely to give you shit, or take the piss - perhaps pausing to be ever so slightly more honest after a bottle of wine; increasing more so after two.

So the lesson here, is not to get me drunk unless you want the truth -

You want the truth? You cant handle the truth!

And NFG? Simply said girl, I love you to bits.
And for that, a single drink - I don't need.

Cynics beware

A month or so ago I attended a comprehensive First Aid course, and as a warm up to the course the nice lady instructor asked each of us in turn what TV shows we liked to watch. At the time I thought of House and Boston Legal. I've always admired David E Kelly's writing, and in Boston Legal he has done the seemingly impossible - taking Kirk away from Shatner and giving us Denny Crane in return.

Anyway, pleased with my "off the cuff" revelation (and not blurting out Americas Next Top Model instinctively), I was surprised that the instructor responded with "Oh - those shows are both so cynical". Those who know me would be shocked to learn that I was totally lost for words; devoid of any witty reply.

This whole episode has obviously left me emotionally scarred, as recently I made a list of the TV shows I love to watch when I have time. It turns out that at first glance, most do seem cynical and dark. There is however a constant theme of redemption running through most of the shows - which is probably the reason why I watch them. You have to love flawed characters with good intentions - especially when you don't tolerate them in real life :)

So - My Top 10 Shows (in no apparent order)

House
Dexter
Californication
Boston Legal
Battlestar Galactica
NCIS
Life on Mars
Outrageous Fortune
Americas Next Top Model - Tyra Mail!!!
Hells Kitchen

And while I'm still in my cynical space, feel free enjoy this clip that Gyro Stan sent me.
Cats can change - believe me - they just have to want to change :)

A Week of Work

It's been an interesting week.
After all my concerns over my work life - out of the blue I got a call from someone I trust, and got an interesting look at a possible outcome to my current work concerns. I cant say too much at the moment, as a lot of stuff is being juggled - any you just don't want to upset those balls while they're flying through the air.

On the home front I'm still working nights; which pretty much stuffs up all of my days. My folks are arriving on Friday, so I can only hope my body clock gets back on track sooner, rather than later, although I wouldn't bet on that.

In the meantime Karsten sent me a photo of his family and their 2CV, which I slammed in a roundabout way a few posts back. Karsten - you rock, and your car - well I'd have to say it's so damn ugly it's cute. :)

The lighter moments

I love when people surprise. I live for those moments when people go against type; when that knock on the door comes from someone you don't expect, or that someone who manages to totally reinvent your perception of them in an instant of time.
I like it even more - because it's rare.
People hardly ever surprise me these days, but even the smallest of revelations can make my day. And I realize I've been missing that lately.

I saw something the other day that pretty much sums up this whole writing thing for me. Especially when you realize that this blog is only a small part of who I am, and you don't always see the parts that balance me.

We are here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. - Natalie Goldberg

No fate but what you make.

It may be the fact I'm working nights at the moment and running short on sleep, but now more than any other time spent here in Auckland, I feel I'm not making any forward momentum.
I'm not sure - maybe this is just a end of the year thing, but in the past I always seemed to have more targets set, my progress measured by them being ticked of my list.

I think the issue was brought home to me last night, after a discussion with Dufus.

I have been tasked with something called "Network Health Checks". This job involves finding ways of measuring the "health" of our network and driving processes to improve the customer experience. In short; I find stuff that's wrong and try and get the groups concerned to do something about it. Already I have come across some areas where things could easily be improved but it's not my job to do the work that could make those benefits, and those other groups- well, lets say they believe they have bigger fish to fry.

The second thing I became aware of, is that during my search for solutions to this, and many other problems found, I have shifted my focus from my "business as usual"(day to day) work - and as a result I have found myself on the back foot in my own work space - not a good realization to have but I'm in good company - our group is in free-fall at the moment.

So, for the first time in five years, I'm questioning where I am right now, work-wise. As I moved here primarily for my work - it's scary that this may now be a motivation for me to move on. To where though, is less certain.

By a complete fluke I was watching this speech on You tube the other day;


These are the sort of speeches that make you wonder if you should be somewhere else, not settling for something less, at the best of times. But it my current frame of mind, lets just say the feeling is more urgent.

I'm not saying I'm definitely leaving yet, but in all honesty the need to stay must come from more than monthly paycheck. I have great friends here - but as time goes on, and they all move on with their lives I feel increasingly, less a part of the whole life experience, and more like a sideshow that refuses to end. That may be a sign in itself.

Then again - after a good nights sleep, everything could be a whole lot better.

I'll let you know when all this madness ends.

Jose Gonzales - Crosses

Your talent, whatever it may be, is yours regardless.
Whether, or how you choose you use it - is obviously another story.

Real musicians can perform live, with no lip syncing. This is real talent - not something less manufactured for mass consumption.

Don't you know that I'll be around to guide you
Through your weakest moments to leave them behind you
Returning nightmares only shadows
We'll cast some light and you'll be alright

Overrated Cars Part 4

A filler - I know. Too much on - work wise - at the moment.


4. Lancer Evolution and Impreza WRX

A hard-won reputations earned on the gravel roads of the WRC has been all but obliterated by the hordes of Japanese import WRXs and Evo's that flooded into the country and were bought by dickheads who instantly lower them and slap on drainpipe-sized exhausts that make them sound like a donkey farting through a trumpet. Based on bland, base-model econoboxes that only your grandmother would drive, the irony is that the sort of people who buy these cars wouldn't be seen dead in granny's car, unless, of course, it was festooned with ridiculous, tacked-on wings and scoops.

3. Hummer

The Governator is to blame. Mr. Schwarzenneger was the first "civilian" to buy a road-going Hummer, inspiring the idiotic idea that the world really needed a huge, lumbering waste of resources with less room inside than a vehicle half its size. Eventually someone realised the H1 was actually a piece of crap, and a "smaller" model was released, the H2, which was nothing more than a cynical marketing exercise on wheels. Usually on 22-inch chrome wheels, which only added to its spectacular pointlessness. Now with the advent of the cheaper, smaller but still bigger than a house, H3 even more wannabe gansta-rappers can afford to flaunt their lack of taste and intelligence in the most spectacular fashion imaginable.

Religionless Christianity

Firstly: I didnt write this.
It was written by Philip Matthews from New Zealand Listener Magazine.
If they complain - I'll take it down immediately.
Its just an interesting article - if not somewhat controversial.

Article starts here;

The Interview: John Shelby Spong


This week, John Shelby Spong arrives in New Zealand to promote his new book, Jesus for the Non-Religious, and to give talks on "progressive Christianity". Why does the retired Episcopalian bishop and "moral activist" continue to attract so much controversy - even death threats?

By Philip Matthews

Ahead of New Zealand you toured Australia, where Sydney Archbishop Peter Jensen banned you from every church in his diocese.

He does that everytime I come. It's actually wonderful publicity. The people that I want to reach are the people that he repels. The Sydney Anglicans are unusual - they're almost biblical fundamentalists to a fault. It's one of my favourite cities in the world,
and the church is almost irrelevant. You're promoting "religionless Christianity", but don't some people need the miracles, the supernatural element? And
can you blame them? No, but religion can't be based on what people need. If
Christianity is not based on truth, then I don't think it's got much of a future.
You've got the Roman Church claiming that they have the infallible Pope
and you've got the Protestant churches claiming that they have an inerrant
Bible. Both of them are looking for security systems, and I think Christianity
calls us to venture into the unknown. Far from giving me security, it gives me
courage to embrace the insecurity of life and not fall apart.

In the new book, you say that "the Christianity that is now emerging in America and the Third World is some- thing with which I do not choose to be identified". How does your version differ?

It differs in almost every way. I don't believe that anybody can tell another
person who God is. I don't think a horse can tell you what it means to be human.
I don't think a human being can tell you what it means to be God. The kind of
religion that I see emerging is hysterical.

In the US, if you're in the right-wing religion, you support George W Bush
and I find him the worst President I've ever lived under. You're in favour of the
war in Iraq, which I regard as totally immoral, a disaster. I have a daughter
who has done three tours in that war. She's a Marine. That's existential for me.
That's not abstract.

Hasn't every US President since Jimmy Carter been closely identified with
Christianity?

He was a born-again Christian, but he was also a person who didn't use
his religion to hurt other people. He was a magnificent human being. He was a
Southerner who was in favour of full equality for people of colour, full equality for women.
His religion is one I'm very comfortable with.

Where does Hillary Clinton fit?

If you know her personally, you know that she comes out of the Methodist social gospel
part of her religious background. She's deeply committed. It's not something
she wears on her shoulder and it's not something she will run on the basis of,
but you scratch her and she's a John Wesley-type Christian.

I think that the religious mentality has severely gone down in American politics.
Bush tried to rev up the religious vote by keeping Terri Schiavo alive after she was
brain-dead. There was great disgustabout that and people said, "If that's
what religion means, I don't want any part of it."

When you visited Christchurch in 2003, 29 local Anglican vicars signed a protest statement against you.

That doesn't concern me at all. I was welcomed by the Dean of the Cathedral and the bishop
- the bishop happens to be a close friend of mine. There are going to be people
who object to anybody. When George Bush comes to Australia, there are going
to be wild protests. I might even join 'em!

I've had 16 death threats in my life and none of them have come from an
atheist or a Buddhist. They've come from Bible-quoting true believers.
Religion is sometimes a very negative force in people's lives. It covers up a
lot of hostility.

Warm fuzzies at someone elses expense

This makes my heart sing, , and funny sounds come out my mouth. I think it's laughter.

So love this.....HERE...

Even if it's bullshit - I'm linking to it from now on.

Finding greatness in small things

I want to write about hooks - not the kind you fish with 'though.
I want to find a better version of Rosanna, because as much as I like that damn song, the thought of it is actually better than the song itself: So overproduced and muddy....
To make it worse I've now heard that there is an SACD version of the Album Toto IV. Why would I just get my hopes up? I know that the only place to listen to Rosanna was in the 80's on a crappy 3 in 1 Stereo, full knowing that when I just saved the $700 for that cheap CD player - it would sound that much better.

Or course it didn't: I just didn't know that yet.

Yesterday I walked outside, after a sudden downpour.
The sun had broken through minutes before,
the evaporating water on the concrete was rising around my feet.
The sun shone warmly on my face.
On the air, I smelt the first scent of hay,
As a warmth cascaded through me like an electric current
I found a spring in my step,
as I walked to the mailbox.

It was a lovely break from Rosanna. :)



See what I mean?

Cheese Sandwich Posts

Things have been busy this week. I'm working a mix of nights and days for the next two weeks, and my routine is up in the air.
I did a presentation to management at nine this morning, after four hours sleep - I went home today at midday and slept until 4pm; I have no idea what day it is, or if I should even be hungry. Tonight it's more of the same - I'll start at 11pm and will probably finish around 6am on Thursday (I think).

It's time like this that you realise how you protect yourself with the routine of your life, and how fragile that inner peace can be when that routine is gone; especially when the littlest road blocks come your way. I know this will be all over by November, but I am now beginning to see that I am becoming increasing inflexible to these changes in my life, and I really need to fight that; if you can't bend, you break.

Though all this madness I do however, have flashes of clarity - I guess the lucid moments are an attempt to make sense out of this supposed chaos. I look forward to some sort of normal service resuming shortly; as probably, will you.

Found this song a while back. I found it as background music to this clip.
It's a simple song to play, and on days like these the simple songs are the best.

True Love

I have to admit it. I'm in love for the third time in my life.

Before any of you who know me faint, or yell "finally" to the heavens - I should point out I'm talking about this;



Yes - I've always been a PC geek. I've built, and repaired more IBM compatible PC's, than I care to remember - but I've given that all away: I've finally moved to Apple - the 24" iMac to be precise.

I finally came to this conclusion because this week I was selected to write a review on a piece of software for the iMac called Parallels. Parallels is a program that allows you to run Windows XP or Vista inside a "Window" on an Apple Mac. The program runs Windows apps like a dream, but I must admit when XP finally booted on my Mac I felt that I had sold out - and somehow, in the process, let my new computer down.

Five years ago when IG mentioned buying a Mac I laughed at him - perhaps he had more vision than me. All I know now is that I couldn't see myself going back to a IBM Compatible box computer, and I don't think I'm alone in that.

Seriously folks - If you're sick of virus scanners, after-market firewalls, spyware, and daily security updates take a look at Apple next time you upgrade. If you're anything like me you wont regret the move - or the possibility of falling in love again.

My Mall

I'm not sure I like the mall experience.
Full of people who walk too slow, and stop suddenly - inviting an accident.
There's a distinct lack of privacy, and at the same time, a false sense of space.

When I was walking through our local mall today, I was frustrated by all those holding me back. It wasn't that I had somewhere to go as such. They were just moving at a different pace I guess.

It's funny how a trip to the mall can become a metaphor for ones life - if you look a little too closely. I think I liked it a little better when my focus was slightly off.

Running Man

I hate running. I really, really hate running. But even with the hating of the running thing going on, I realize of all the other physical exercise options, I hate running the least.

In order to cope with the tedium, and danger of running on the streets after dark, I brought a treadmill and have wired up my laptop to watch bite size movies while I run; at least until my fitness improves enough to keep up with all the other runners in the neighborhood. This may take some time. I am a pathetic running man.

This week I've been running through Scrubs episodes (so to speak). Next week perhaps Frasier - I don't know yet, I'll see where the muse takes me.

Anyway; one of the things I like about Scrubs is the music. As I warmed down tonight I caught this song at the end of an episode. Although it may be a bit of a downer - subject wise, It really is a lovely little song, and worthy of a listen.

Overrated Cars Part 3

6. Mini

The Mini falls into the same basket as the 205 GTi- a great, revolutionary car, an icon for its time and still great fun in small bursts, but the woolly-headed, rose-tinted nostalgia that surrounds it conveniently forgets several key points-mainly, it too is noisy, cramped, uncomfortable and unsafe. And it is also British... The Mini is remarkably simple to work on, which is just as well, as owners will probably spend more time sticking bits back on it than driving it, and you can always tell a fellow Mini owner by the abrasions on their knuckles from trying to do anything in the engine bay. Imagine if the Germans had made it- it would be much safer, go much harder, not break down, be hideously expensive and have nowhere near as much character... oh, wait...

5. Triumph Stag

The Stag was a great looking car that was assembled by a group of skilled artisans who cared deeply about the final result of their labours, and took great pains to ensure every detail was absolutely perfect on every single component their capable and accomplished hands lovingly caressed. Bollocks it was. Lashed together with sticky tape and wishful thinking between smoko breaks, the Stag was another great idea that was royally buggered by British car industry obstinacy and internal rivalries, and became a shining example of the quality and craftsmanship that led to its lingering demise. Those looks and a thumping V8 tucked under the bonnet promised great things, and it would have delivered too if it had been put together by people who gave a toss, but it was put together by British Leyland. So there you go.

Baggage

Watching a new show called Sensing Murder this week; a show using psychics to unearth new clues on old murders - I was saddened to note that when the "mediums" were "talking" to the victim, she was as bitter and twisted, as she was in her real life.
So much for moving on and wiping the slate clean. If an afterlife exists, I guess we get to carry our baggage there as well.

I'm not sure this isn't a load of old tripe, but forewarned is forearmed. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Yes or No?

There are no easy answers. To every proverb there is an opposite.
Too many cooks - make light work.

And so too; pop music feeds us themes from different angles, saying the same thing. Or not.

I wanna fall in love



or... I don't want to be in love



I guess it all depends on what you want to hear; like many other things in this world, you decide.

By my side

Before Rockstar
Before erotic asphyxiation on hotel doorknobs.
These guys were a musical force of nature.



I still think "Never Tear us Apart" would be a kick arse wedding song.

I was standing
You were there
Two worlds colliding
And they could never tear us apart.

But

There is a part of myself I bury.
But even with my best intentions
My Mars nature surfaces from time to time.
It's hard to balance outrage with common sense.
But - It's a battle my placid side keeps well in check.
But....
Every now and again I have to count to 20 instead of 10.
And sometimes that isn't enough.

Someone put the boot in, and I wasn't ready to lie down.
It wasn't even my battle - I was oblivious to the war.
But - He thought he was scoring.
So, an arrogant ass goes out of his way to ruin a beautiful day.

But when I counted to 30, and discussed it with my peers
(with little restraint - and much truth - unfortunately).
I now realise I was afforded a gift: his character.

So the phone rings tonight - and I hit silent
Not the bumping kind I'm afraid - always so proper: I regret.
I give so much every day
I'm not going to waste another day,
When I could be helping someone
Worth my time.

It's been a long time between storms.
I think tomorrow, another beautiful day is in order.

Overrated Cars Part2

8. Porsche 911


Okay, they're great cars now, but that is only through sheer Teutonic pigheadedness regarding the utter refusal to put the engine somewhere sensible. Some may say that it is through the refining of the rear-engine concept, advances in suspension technology and the addition of sophisticated electronic stability systems that has tamed the 911's tendency to launch itself backwards into the scenery, but it is probably simply the fact that they persisted with it for so long that the laws of physics simply gave up and buggered off to bother someone else.

7. Peugeot 205 GTi

Yes, it was a revolutionary car at the time. But that's the key phrase - "at the time". Now it's a small, cramped, noisy, uncomfortable, unreliable ball of death waiting to happen. Safety systems consist of, well... nothing really, and its remarkable ability to swap ends under virtually no provocation in the wet is sphincter-clenching fun for all the family. That said, it is still huge fun to drive, that is until it breaks down (which it will) or you hit anything bigger than it.

Already Over it

New Zealand was taken out at the quarter finals of the Rugby World Cup early this morning (NZ Time).

While the media will go on and on about how the whole country is in mourning on tonights Television News - I really don't care: and neither should you.

As a country, we are more than a bunch of Rugby players on a field. Why we put these guys up on pedestals, and live or die on the outcome of one rugby game is beyond me. New Zealanders' can be proud of so many things (Rugby amongst them) - and although I do feel for the guys in the All Blacks, we have to admit it's time to admit there is more to life.

I'm going for a walk in the sun - It's a beautiful day in Auckland - and I'm going to make the most of my Sunday. :)

Smart TV

Not an oxymoron - this is funny on a number of levels.
I wonder if this is a real show - or some sort of pilot. Anyone know if it got picked up?

Warning: These clips are about 9 minutes each



Part 2

Part 3

Time travel to 1975

The real reason for discouraging time travel:

1) To stop us all from travelling back in time to meet our younger selves, and the obvious slapping we would administer, when they'd refuse to listen to what we had to say to them.

I wonder - if I could tell these kids one thing... what would I choose?

Paul, Scot and Mark (circa 1975)

Buy Microsoft and IBM shares? Or something a little less superficial?

Tell me it's not about the money...it's never that easy is it?

Unfortunate Car Choices

It always seems that I have no taste when I comes to cars. The choices I make never seem to be as inspired as those of IG or Brew King. Listening them discussing cars, is like watching a finely tuned orchestra performing .... albeit playing dueling banjo's . :)

Regardless - I admit, as much as I may know about the inner workings of an automobile, the fact that I bothered to restore a 70's Ford Capri will forever cast a serious doubt over any street cred I may have had prior to that date. Building a second Capri with a Lexus V8 only serves to damn me further.

With all this in mind I found an article on the ten most over-rated cars. I would hasten to add a Capri is not mentioned. Here are the first two in the countdown. IG would say, that with advice like this, I may not have started down the dark path to car ignorance. It may be too late for me, but you may yet be saved.

10. Dodge Viper

Originally conceived to be a modern interpretation of the Shelby Cobra, the end result was somewhat, umm, bloated. The American mantra of "bigger is better" was applied liberally here, without anyone actually realising that this doesn't really apply to sports cars. The combination of a small car with a big engine always equates to "fast"; but the Viper wasn't a small car, so in this case the combination became a big, heavy car with a huge engine. A huge TRUCK engine. Add to that the fact that most of the suspension was sourced from the Dodge Dakota pickup and you've basically got a truck wrapped in a scaled up sports car body...

9. Citroen 2CV

Ahh, personality- the last desperate refuge of ugly, single people and crap cars. And in the case of the 2CV ugly, crap cars. Originally designed so that French peasants could drive to the market at 60 km/h across muddy unpaved roads with up to 100kg of stuff in the back, the 2CV was developed before World War 2 and during the German occupation of France Citroen management hid the prototypes from the Nazis, fearing some military application. What possible military application a "car" with a 6.5kW, 375cc, air cooled engine could possibly have escapes most right-thinking people, but then what possible use a "car" with a 6.5kW, 375cc, air cooled engine could possibly be on the road also escapes most right-thinking people, and yet they still sold nine million of `em...

It's not your fault this happens

Its all about personal responsibility. Alone, we may not be able to stop a war, but together we can do something - even if it's about the smallest things first.

Here, in the city I live in, a man accused of killing his twin sons, has once again been given bail after three times previously breaching his bail conditions - conditions being that;

1) He refrains from drinking, and;
2) He stays away from children under 12.

He has failed three times to obey this court order,

Chris Kahui has been behind bars since August, the day after he was committed to trial, when a judge found that he breached his bail conditions by drinking alcohol and being in the presence of children under 12.

....he [the judge] granted bail, saying the fact Kahui needed to be in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day while in prison outweighed his risk of reoffending.

What about the rights of his alleged victims? Who will speak for them?

Kahui had breached his conditions three times when Judge James Rota denied him bail in Manukau District Court in August.

Justice Heath said the risk could be managed through bail conditions.

If you live here - you have an opportunity to make your voice heard at the next general election. Regardless of who you vote for, stress safety for yourself and your loved ones - and responsibility for those who choose to bring their war to us; to our homes and into our lives.

The behaviour of the court is unacceptable. Is this the price we all must pay for overcrowded jails?

It's time to stop blaming society for all this illness. Sure - we do need more ambulances at the top of the cliff, instead of the bottom picking up the pieces. But one day, we just have to realise that we cant save them all. Time to draw a line in the sand and save the ones we can.

Missing you.

This post is dedicated to all those people in our lives we miss.
For all the reasons in the world, it's so true; our lives are much more drab and empty when they're gone.

I'm wondering if the whole act of missing someone isn't a sign that we're not entirely unworthy of existence as a species. With all the bad news fed to us these days, we should take every good thing we can get to brighten our days.

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.
Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away,
the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still,
the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.
I guess I just miss my friend.

Banana hamock horror

Meanwhile over a Green Street Girls blog, the unsavory subject of speedo's are being discussed....

I can tell you that unless one was a lifesaver, or competitive swimmer, the wearing of speedo's are actually a cultural faux pas in New Zealand. Board shorts are currently the swim wear de jour, and one can only hope the trend continues for ever!

However it appears that board shorts and boxers are not as fashionable in other parts of the world. It is a concern.

Case in point "The Todd" :)

Music lessons

My love of music has always been with me. Mum tells a story of me grabbing a portable record player in the early 70's; the sound of the Monkees racing up and down the halls of the house on a Sunday morning. A regular early wake up call in those days - I was about four I think.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

When we were in the Cook Islands in the mid 70's my Dad brought a 3 in 1 Stereo system - a tape/record player/radio combo, and amongst the few records he had, I discovered the Beatles.

Bright are the stars that shine,
Dark is the sky,
I know this love of mine,
Will never die,
And I love her.

When we moved back to New Zealand around 1976, music was much more accessible. My folks paid for piano lessons - I still remember the winters at 7am in the morning, cycling to see Sister Mary Zita through the frosty streets; a Nun who tried to foster a love of classical music, a serious task given the student was more interested in Kiss or Meatloaf.
When she fell ill with cancer, Sister Mary Patrick took over. I suppose she found me to be a tougher prospect; we just never clicked - to her music was a completely different beast. I left after another year, disillusioned with the piano, and the possibility of never playing a musical instrument. Nuns can do that to you.

My saving grace was a good musical ear. In the seventh form I picked up the old school bass guitar and ended up playing in the school jazz band - always learning the songs by rote. When Jonathon Wood (a fellow student) showed me the relationship between a piano keyboard and a bass fretboard, a light went off in this "scientists" brain. To this day that light is still there, burning just as bright, my savior on a cloudy day.

Years long gone, memories of my parents new upgraded 3 in 1 stereo system are fresh in my mind. Learning songs with my headphones on and my guitar plugged in I later used all my pocket money to buy an amplifier - only to find it amplified all the mistakes as well. So many wasted years, so many blisters yet to come. But all great fun.

Today, as I glance away from my iMac screen, I see a not only a bass guitar, but also an acoustic 6 string, and to keep them both company, a mint Black USA Fender Strat. Twenty four years of music; I still can't walk into a room with a guitar, without picking it up.
Music is a serious addiction; the thought that I'd be here today without music in my life, is foreign to me.

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time

Some things remain the same tho. That same old amplifier sits in the corner of room, a little worn and scuffed but still amplifying those damn mistakes. But music, like life, is a work in progress I guess.

Eclectic?

Methinks something is rotten in the state of Denmark.



Upon reflection, using Ani DiFranco to sing this song is actually an inspired choice :)

Talent

I have to admire talent when I see it, even if my more cynical self may think it a little "cute".
These two have more talent in their little finger, than Britney has... full stop.



Today I've been holed up in bed sick with a cold. In the late afternoon I watched some Scrubs episodes, and came across this song. It seems a better fit, and to be honest this post needed some balance, on a day when good news has been rather scarce.




Don't worry. It just that I got my car repair bill, and the house and car insurance arrived in the mail today. And to think that April is the cruelest month.

Finally, another Scrubs related clip, about the last great mystery.



The good news is my cold is so much better.

The Politics of Business.

It's funny as we get older, how much politics plays a part in our lives.
I remember when I first joined my latest job five years ago - there were always others who tried to get a line on what I thought about "so and so". I always tried to duck those questions, mainly because I really like to make an informed decision, and sometimes because the first impression isn't always the correct one.

Fast forward two years - I snap and refer to a colleague as being in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history, and in doing so, borrow a classic line from Good Morning Vietnam.

Fast forward another eighteen months, I see this same person as mostly reasonable, albeit fatally flawed in area of inter-personal relationships, and ethics. :)

Skipping on to today, I find we have reached an accord of sorts; we can work together. Even now I wonder if I haven't compromised myself in some way - it's a matter of degree perhaps, or an extra hot shower on the bad days.

And in my own personal dealings with others, I always try and go with the old adage "Judge people by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them".

I was reminded of this last week. I was working with a man who I admire greatly. When I was two years into my current career stint, I decided he was the sort of boss I really wanted to work for. When I mentioned my interest in working in his team he announced, in confidence, that he was leaving work, to take up a less intensive role, allowing more time with his family. I was crushed.

These days our paths still cross with mutual projects every now and again, and although some people no longer treat him as the high flying manager he once was, he's happier for that knowledge. I think it's because most of us treat him exactly the same way: he has a pretty good idea where he stands.

I envy that knowledge. I often wonder how those around my daily work life would treat me, if I wasn't so useful to them. Some day's I'm not sure I ever want to know.

Is it really that bad?

They once said “when the bellhops start buying shares: get out of the market”
How bad must it be then, for Van Halen to get on the political bandwagon?



Still, this video makes some valid points, even if it's casting a fairly wide net.

The Real Cheesemakers

Big hair
Power chords
Baby I cant fight this feeling anymore.
I've changed my mind - you can keep the 80's in the 80's. :)

Cheese Sandwich Post

I've always been incredibly stubborn; When I make my mind up it's hard to change. The problem isn't so much the not changing my mind part - It's how I come to the decision.

Take the Legends meeting yesterday. All the nominees were invited to a drinks and nibbles thing, and for some reason, I decided I wasn't going to go. Fortunately I worked until 5am on the day of the award "party" so turning up at work that day wasn't required - not that would have made a difference; It was just fortuitous that I didn't have to justify my decision to my workmates.

It isn't like this isn't an isolated incident either; at six years old I decided I didn't want to go to Martin Bridger's birthday party, and I didn't - even after being told about all the cake and lollies. What kind of kid would give up all that for an afternoon of play alone in his backyard ?

I was talking to Mum this evening, and when I asked her if I've always been stubborn, she mentioned the Martin Bridger thing without prompting, so for some reason it's stuck in both our minds for well over thirty years. Supposedly my Dad was the same about all the pomp and circumstance stuff, so perhaps at some level it's genetic. It would be nice to have a good excuse for being contrary. I get incredibly angry when I'm manipulated into something I don't want to do - even if it's for no good reason on my part.

Sorry Ren, I didn't make the final twenty.
That in itself is a source or relief to me, as I didn't really want to go on the trip; Any reason why? No idea at all.

NFG would probably say it was my Aries nature - I'd like to think she was right, it would be great to have something to blame all this "crazy" on. :)

Anika Moa

I'm searching for something here. I cant put it down on paper. The words; out of reach, out of focus.
I'm surfing youtube.com for music, something to help put whatever is "out there" down on paper. So far - not so good.

I feel the need to listen to Anchor Me, and Youthful. Perhaps it's a kiwi vibe I need today?

I think it's time I dragged a stick through the sand....

Manic Street Preachers

There's something about this song I like - Although I'm pretty sure it's not Nina Persson's singing. It may be an accent thing but her voice doesn't seem to be entirely suited to it. Not strong enough? I'm just not sure. Judge for yourself. The Manic's rock.

The Big Sleep

Disclaimer:

I think it's fair to say that things have been stressful of late. There's been a lot going on.
All that aside, I must admit I smiled when IG rang the other night (out of the blue) to check up on me. [Although I'm sure Shars had some part to play in it]

But let's be clear here - I'm absolutely fine.

One of the problems with being more honest on this blog, is that too many people who drop by know me; and that is entirely my fault. When I started writing this blog, it was a method of keeping in touch with friends and family. As time rolled on I wanted more from this space, and in some ways I've achieved this; but still, every now and again, I have to remember to pull back from the abyss, and moderate my comments, lest the phone calls start!

Post starts here:

When I didn't do so well in my second year at Otago University back in 1985 I pretty much slept for 24 hours - I remember this, as I remember too many things from my life past. My brain is thus full of rubbish - memories stored solidly, refusing to budge.
What I learnt from that second year, was that I really didn't have a future at University. Although that memory still comes back to haunt me on a semi annual basis, I realise now that things pretty much sorted themselves out for the best; at least with respect to my career.

So - my career aside, the lesson I'm trying to learn right now, is that you cannot change the past. You'd think that this would be a simple lesson to learn - but I think my desire for something to be different just keeps getting in the way of the way things are.
Why get do I get so angry at something I can't obviously change?
I guess it's because I was there once, and should have done much more, when in actuality I did so much less.
And if you have any idea exactly what I'm talking about - then you shouldn't be reading this post - it's private :)

I have to find a way though this, and undoubtedly I will. But it's going to take a lot more time, and even after last weekends effort, a hell of a lot more sleep.
I will beat this, mainly because the only other option is a lifetime of regret - and I wont buy in to that mess, even for a supreme lack of effort fifteen years ago. :)

Kasey Chambers

This video could be viewed in many differing ways. Possibly a whine-fest about not being noticed, or a not so subtle comment on how much importance we place on how we are perceived by others. I wonder if we aren't all a little lost in the world.

I like it because it's simple, and lacks pretension - like a lot of Kasey's music.

I remember seeing Kasey play "Hollywood" on Rove Live, and was blown away.

This is not Hollywood
There is no camera in my room
This is not Hollywood
Flowers grow before they bloom
Well you can hide away when you walk in dusky light of night
But this is not Hollywood
This is my life

Five years in Auckland

I'll be five on Sunday.

I often wonder if I can be bothered with where I am right now in the greater scheme of things; Given the day to day monotony of life in general, I often find myself asking - is that all there is?

Sure - we could take up a multitude of hobbies and good causes to accompany all the other things we do to keep us busy, but still - if we stood back and looked at our lives through a different set of eyes, what would be the difference between any two lives lived? Would you like to judge which life was "better" on the grander scale?

Who's to say that a life in front of a TV set, is any better in the bigger picture, than someone, who say, climbed Everest. Obviously sitting in front of TV is a lot safer :) - but that's hardly my point. I'm just not just talking about personal achievement here - it's bigger than that. After all, on the count of who's winning in this life, who really keeps score - except perhaps you, or someone competing with you?

With all our self important running around, should we really think about our futures, or live blissfully in the now?

The people I know who are most happy, never seem to think of the future - but did you ever notice how society feeds us a constant diet of conformity, coupled with a controlled mix of fiscal responsibility and consumer must haves. It's just that I'm starting to think I don't want to buy into it anymore.

I think this cycle just feeds the misery, and most days you can see it on our faces. Time to smile a bit more, and think a lot less :)

Best laid plans

I saw this in the local paper today, and it made me smile.
I wanted a permanent copy - so I've taken the whole article from here.

Here’s an excellent example of pwnage: when the white supremacist group VNN Vanguard Nazi/KKK tried to host a hate rally in Knoxville, Tennessee, they were foiled by … clowns!

Unfortunately for [VNN] the 100th ARA (Anti Racist Action) clown block came and handed them their asses by making them appear like the asses they were.

Alex Linder the founder of VNN and the lead organizer of the rally kicked off events by rushing the clowns in a fit of rage, and was promptly arrested by 4 Knoxville police officers who dropped him to the ground when he resisted and dragged him off past the red shiny shoes of the clowns. http://www.volunteertv.com/home/headlines/7704982.html

“White Power!” the Nazi’s shouted, “White Flour?” the clowns yelled back running in circles throwing flour in the air and raising separate letters which spelt “White Flour”.

“White Power!” the Nazi’s angrily shouted once more, “White flowers?” the clowns cheers and threw white flowers in the air and danced about merrily.

“White Power!” the Nazi’s tried once again in a doomed and somewhat funny attempt to clarify their message, “ohhhhhh!” the clowns yelled “Tight Shower!” and held a solar shower in the air and all tried to crowd under to get clean as per the Klan’s directions.

At this point several of the Nazi’s and Klan members began clutching their hearts as if they were about to have a heart attack. Their beady eyes bulged, and the veins in their tiny narrow foreheads beat in rage. One last time they screamed “White Power!”

The clown women thought they finally understood what the Klan was trying to say. “Ohhhhh…” the women clowns said. “Now we understand…”, “WIFE POWER!” they lifted the letters up in the air, grabbed the nearest male clowns and lifted them in their arms and ran about merrily chanting “WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER!”

Old but good

Sums up where I've been, musically wise, this last week.
This may be old - but it seems fresh to me; probably because I don't listen to much mainstream radio these days.

Fuel - Bad Day.

Doctor Sucks Ass!

For some unholy reason Dr Hook's Greatest Hits has just been re-released here.
But wait - there's more - From the band who's lyrics gives us classic lines as....

And when your body's had enough of me And I'm layin flat out on the floor When you think I've loved you all I can I'm gonna love you a little bit more

OR

If I seem to come on too strong I hope that you will understand I say these things 'cause I'd like to know if you're as lonely as I am and if you'd mine - spending the night together.

OR

Night falls on the city, baby feels the beat Slick and sexy angel of the street The queen of all the night birds watch her when she walks She don't say nothing but, baby makes her blue jeans talk

I'd imagine if Aliens were approaching the earth from a Galaxy... far... far away, listening to 50's and then 60's radio stations as they got closer, when Dr Hooks' "Spending the Night Together" finally assaulted their ears in the 70's I'd imagine they'd stop, only to turn their craft around, and head home.

Perhaps Dr Hook was devised for exactly that purpose, and if that failed there was always Disco I guess.

I am Legend - well kinda

Never mention shagging the Goat!

So - it turns out someone at work has nominated me as a legend. Basically this means that from a list of nominees, a committee of managers shortlist 20 worthy souls, who then leave for a distant exotic location (with partners), to enjoy 5 star hospitality for a week - all expenses paid. If picked - I'll probably be the only single one there.

Whether or not I make the short list, it's nice to be recognized by your peers. However I must remain vigilant, as the scary sickle that whittles down all the tall-ish poppies is ever present waiting in the wings. 'tis a kiwi thing, sadly.

The problem with awards; although often nice to receive, they pretty much infer everyone else is decidedly unledgend-like. Although I'm sure most offices have employees who do the bare minimum, most people I know work damn hard for their daily bread. It seems that award outcomes often read like a popularity contest, and because of that it's fair to say I'm conflicted by the whole business of them. I'm thinking how (un)comfortable a "fit" this nomination is with me.

But all that said - I've often wondered what it's like to be in the inner circle of the firm I work for. If I make the shortlist I may discover such gems as the combination to the Marketing Department's washroom, or the "secret squirrel" handshake - the final step in moving from the basement to the ground floor.

One wonders if the sky is really as blue as it is in my dreams.

The Ultimate Bourne Ultimatum?

Ben Affleck Hoping Jason Bourne Has Sidekick In Next Movie

LOS ANGELES—Affleck envisioned the sidekick as being taller and slightly beefier the Bourne, and who would always look out for his best friend.

John Cusack Fan Club

The best scene from the best movie about music I've ever seen.
I wish i had written this, or at least had said it to someone by now.

Unloading

Honesty is a good leveler. So much of what lies within us, isn't as transparent to others as we might think. Every now and again it's important to be honest, and to own up to our feelings for others, regardless of the outcome.

Wednesday came, and not without some degree of foreboding on my part. Things were said, made real, and I feel a significant weight taken from me. Regardless, I was true to myself, and that is all we can really ask of ourselves - right?

Two songs to clear the air.

Eighties Elvis - light and fluffy - lyrics here.



Newer Elvis - a little more honest, and with it, a hell of a lot more power. Lyrics

Wednesday

Speaking in riddles
Always understanding,
regardless.
Moving in slow motion
Circling the wagons
Protecting the obvious
From the unknowing
Everyday.

Block

I have nothing but writers block today.
In lieu of something creative, I have thrown myself into my domestic duties. God how I hate cleaning!
So now, even though my house is clean, and smelling ever-so-slightly of pine scented cleaning products, there is no feeling of accomplishment.
But I'm picking Thursday I won't be able to shut up.

No so perfect days on the way I can assure you :(

I understand now

This is how life should be - for all of us.

Parallel Words

I love words. I love their width and their depth.
I love that the same sentence can mean different things to different people, and I love that they add colour to our life.
I love that we get lost in them - that they can perplex us, and transport us to another place. I especially love it when not everyone "gets it", and for those of us that do, the joy that that knowledge brings; that with all our differences, all the combinations and permutations involved in being an individual, we still get to have something together. Something special.

There are levels, and levels again. Meanings within meanings. In some way writing, music, and art can be superficial on one layer, yet in others, open to so much interpretation. Therein lies the magic; it's not just cut and dried; and for that I am thankful.

I guess I'm always looking for meaning - and I love the realization I've got a lot to learn yet.

You stand too close to the painting.
All you see is patches of colour.
Stand too far back - can't see any of the detail.
Right now this is your particular perspective.
And if you ask me.....

I'm a little too close??

Yes.

Wind of change

This week I feel a wind of change. Perhaps decisions somewhere have been made - it's not clear - things just feel different. An overactive sixth or possible tenth sense - I've lost count. I try and tell myself it's not a bad thing, or that perhaps it's all in my head. Normal service will resume after a period of acclimation, or realisation - whatever comes first.

In the meantime....

I've always loved Peter Frampton- in the early eighties Frampton Comes Alive was a staple for me on our family record player.

The sweetest fragrance, it brings a wind of change.
I feel it's now or die.
I have itchy fingers and butterflies are strange;
You know that I live a lie.

Sapphires aren't enough to buy me happiness.
Diamonds don't demand me, they're just for looking,
Love comes close to wrecking all you have to give;
God knows, there's so much to give

Unfortunately there was nothing on Youtube to post, but there was another song with the same name that reminded me of my tour through Europe many years ago, so in lieu of something better, that will have to do.

So who are you?

Kirsty sent me a fun little test in an email today.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/index.shtml

You know, I'd like to think you couldn't put me in a box, even one of sixteen. Still it was an interesting diversion in a day stifled by yawns, and a very polite American lecturer, who really wanted to see the "native" population while he was here.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that the Maori weren't a tribe of warriors living as they did when Europeans first arrived here. The puzzling thing was that he said he saw "Once Were Warriors" years ago, and wanted to see "people like that". To be honest - if I ran into Jake the Mus, sticking around for a chat would be the last thing on my mind. An extremely powerful and unsettling film definitely made sure of that. Viewer discretion recommended by the way.



Then again it just could be the Resolver in me.