Rock Stars for a Day

At the end of the my eighth year at school I was awarded a Merit Award in Engineering.

You might think that such an award would do wonders for an awkward thirteen year old. You would be correct, but it was also a curse of sorts. You see - one had to collect the award in front of a full school assembly of 1200 students and board members.

I vividly recall the stairs leading to the stage; the trip wires and claymore mines to trap those who dared step in the wrong spot. I recall the practices for the junior students, so they wouldn't fall and ruin the look of the whole prize giving event. Such was their faith in us.

No matter how hard they instructed there was always someone who failed the test; someone who didn't follow the teachers instruction to the letter, someone who walked a little too quickly, or didn't watch where they were stepping and caught the wire. Many people died during the Taieri High School ceremonies over the years.... or so it seemed...

I believe it was fair to say that after that initial experience, I shunned any possibility of overachieving again during my school years - which was a pity, as I really could have done much better.

When I moved onto my career in Telecommunications I gravitated to working with the most intelligent technician in the group. He didn't suffer fools, which was unfortunate, as I was quite foolish in those days. I did, however, survive the process to become "adequate" by my "Sensei's" opinion - which actually meant I was immanently employable when my employer decided we were both no longer required.

I've grown in my current job - my second real job - in some ways it has taken time to step out of the shadow of my origins, and with a little help from a brilliant manager, given a voice that is finally heard.

A lifetime away from booby trapped stage stairs, today my name was called and a walked up the stage in front of my peers. The trip wires were gone, replaced by spotlights and television cameras. I shook the hand of my GM and CEO, and along with others, thanked for going the extra mile.

I'd like to say the horrors of the past were gone, and with them the fear of success; but upon reflection I've come to realise all those events have only contributed to the mosaic that is my life.

For better or worse I am who I am...

OK there were a few Bacardi's as well :)

OK - It was me

Richard Hammond - Telecom's new ad man

Now it's over, and the stress levels have dropped, I feel strangely weak - like I've just recovered from a nasty bug.

Telecom management (basically a pact of soul-less arseholes), have fessed up and admitted they "made a mistake" (not that they'd actually say that in so many words).

Having them call me and my fellow workmates incompetent was hard to take, as were their calculated mis-truths in the media. Make no mistake, we were right, and they were wrong.

How can I be certain ? I know this because "I" was a part of the team that discovered the problem...

While they're sitting on their nice leather chairs, icing their bruised crotches... I wonder if they ponder who the hell trained those bloody Vodafone Engineers that finally made them listen to the truth of the situation....

The irony is .... they trained us themselves ... It turns out most of us are ex-Telecom.

I really hoped over the last seven years they'd changed; that they'd finally turned a corner - but lifting the polished veneer, you can still expose the infection that breeds unchecked, and you sadly realise they really haven't changed at all.

So Telecom ...

No more stress working night and day to prove you wrong, when you wouldn't admit it yourself .
No more sleepless nights wondering what truth you would distort next.
No more selling myself short...

Tonight I'll sleep like a baby :)

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Vodafone goes to court alleging Telecom network interference

5:57PM Friday May 01, 2009

Vodafone is off to court to protest at Telecom's new XT mobile network, in the belief it is the source of interference on the Vodafone network.

....

Vodafone said it had begun the legal action following a significant rise in the number of customer complaints about interference on its network.

Testing showed serious interference to Vodafone's network caused by Telecom's network, which was still under construction.

and then finally after the dust settled

Vodafone says call quality will improve now Telecom 3G fight over

4:15PM Thursday May 07, 2009

Related links:

• Telecom delays XT launch after Vodafone settlement

Vodafone says its customers should notice improved call quality after sorting out its scrap with Telecom over the latter's new mobile phone network.

Vodafone yesterday sought an injunction to stop Telecom rolling out its new XT network on May 13, claiming its transmitters were causing interference to the Vodafone network.

But the parties reached an agreement last night which will see Telecom extending its programme installing filters to its new transmitters while putting back the network launch until late May.

Vodafone chief executive Russell Stanners said the agreement was good news for its phone users, who he said had reported call quality problems since Telecom began testing its new transmitters early this year.

Where is my mind?

Office politics played no small part in my day.
Dipping my toe in the big boys pool, idly checking the temperature, I was invited in to play.

I should have stayed in the kitchen. It would have been much safer with all those knives about.

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself....

Just what I needed to see on a Wednesday

I'm still hoping that the Large Hadron Collider will provide a more expedient end.



But you know how science can let you down...

Work Dreams

So; I'm involved in a aftermath of a disaster. Although getting everything operational again might require some serious thinking, I'm pretty confident I can rig something together to get it all working.

My contractors have (once again) made a complete hash of everything, so sure, it's going to take some serious work to undo their efforts first. The more I work on the problem - the simpler the solution becomes; I start to ask myself leading questions.

I wake in a tangle of blankets and swear words. For a micro second I realize it's been all a horrible dream. My anxiety ebbs until I suddenly comprehend that in reality, the situation is probably much worse.

Spending a Saturday morning curled up in the fetal position in ones bed is not the start to the day that one might have wished for. I will buy two Lotto tickets today; maybe three.

Monday will come soon enough; wanted or not.

Andante

I took Monday off. I worked some long hours and my boss said to take a day away. This happens a lot, but I seldom get time to take time off: yesterday I made time.
I slept in late, and in the afternoon I walked in the sun to a slower tempo than normal.
Today I feel better for the experience, yet a little out of step with the week. I am not inclined to play catchup - it would defeat the purpose.
As an interesting aside I was offered a job today. In the loosest terms I have an opportunity to return south later in the year. I'm unsure if the offered career path is for me, but I'm heading home to Dunedin in April to at least discuss a possible framework.
There is much in Auckland to like; this will not be an easy tune to change.

Just keep swimming

"Make your own luck" she said.

I had no idea what she meant, but the have words stuck with me for over 15 years.

"You'll never run with the gangsters, but you're not a lucky person - you must make your own luck. Remember you saw me in the year of the Horse."

And then she was gone, leaving a memory - a moment I cant forget.

These are the memories that stay with you, along with all the others you'd rather forget. The missed opportunities, viewed with 20:20 hindsight are the worst - times when different decisions could have shaped a different life - if one was so inclined.
What will be - will be, was the way I looked at life. I didn't realise that through this all, I was waiting for luck to make me.

It's funny that some people would think I plan too much, when in the harsh light of day, I know I never planned at all. Drifting, I took what was offered - maybe more, and for the longest time that was fine. Yes, I know what's done is done. Yes - I know you cant go back and do it over again. But that's the problem isn't it. Knowing all this doesnt make it any better.

I guess the saving grace for us all is the knowledge that part of coping in this life, involves a certain acceptance of who we are - not what we could have been.

Perhaps you find yourself asking;

How do I measure up?
Am I a good person?
Are my motives pure?

The questions we ask differs for each of us. Some people, true to their form, never ask these questions of themselves: we are all so different.

All those words of comfort are fine and dandy, but all the acceptance in the world is cold comfort, when we know the past is set in stone. Perhaps this is the only real truth we have.
But, when life affords you look at what could have been, it's harder to accept a different outcome - realising it was your own fault for not making your own luck a little more often.

The gypsy was right - I just didn't quite understand until now.

No fate but what you make.

It may be the fact I'm working nights at the moment and running short on sleep, but now more than any other time spent here in Auckland, I feel I'm not making any forward momentum.
I'm not sure - maybe this is just a end of the year thing, but in the past I always seemed to have more targets set, my progress measured by them being ticked of my list.

I think the issue was brought home to me last night, after a discussion with Dufus.

I have been tasked with something called "Network Health Checks". This job involves finding ways of measuring the "health" of our network and driving processes to improve the customer experience. In short; I find stuff that's wrong and try and get the groups concerned to do something about it. Already I have come across some areas where things could easily be improved but it's not my job to do the work that could make those benefits, and those other groups- well, lets say they believe they have bigger fish to fry.

The second thing I became aware of, is that during my search for solutions to this, and many other problems found, I have shifted my focus from my "business as usual"(day to day) work - and as a result I have found myself on the back foot in my own work space - not a good realization to have but I'm in good company - our group is in free-fall at the moment.

So, for the first time in five years, I'm questioning where I am right now, work-wise. As I moved here primarily for my work - it's scary that this may now be a motivation for me to move on. To where though, is less certain.

By a complete fluke I was watching this speech on You tube the other day;


These are the sort of speeches that make you wonder if you should be somewhere else, not settling for something less, at the best of times. But it my current frame of mind, lets just say the feeling is more urgent.

I'm not saying I'm definitely leaving yet, but in all honesty the need to stay must come from more than monthly paycheck. I have great friends here - but as time goes on, and they all move on with their lives I feel increasingly, less a part of the whole life experience, and more like a sideshow that refuses to end. That may be a sign in itself.

Then again - after a good nights sleep, everything could be a whole lot better.

I'll let you know when all this madness ends.

Cheese Sandwich Posts

Things have been busy this week. I'm working a mix of nights and days for the next two weeks, and my routine is up in the air.
I did a presentation to management at nine this morning, after four hours sleep - I went home today at midday and slept until 4pm; I have no idea what day it is, or if I should even be hungry. Tonight it's more of the same - I'll start at 11pm and will probably finish around 6am on Thursday (I think).

It's time like this that you realise how you protect yourself with the routine of your life, and how fragile that inner peace can be when that routine is gone; especially when the littlest road blocks come your way. I know this will be all over by November, but I am now beginning to see that I am becoming increasing inflexible to these changes in my life, and I really need to fight that; if you can't bend, you break.

Though all this madness I do however, have flashes of clarity - I guess the lucid moments are an attempt to make sense out of this supposed chaos. I look forward to some sort of normal service resuming shortly; as probably, will you.

Found this song a while back. I found it as background music to this clip.
It's a simple song to play, and on days like these the simple songs are the best.

But

There is a part of myself I bury.
But even with my best intentions
My Mars nature surfaces from time to time.
It's hard to balance outrage with common sense.
But - It's a battle my placid side keeps well in check.
But....
Every now and again I have to count to 20 instead of 10.
And sometimes that isn't enough.

Someone put the boot in, and I wasn't ready to lie down.
It wasn't even my battle - I was oblivious to the war.
But - He thought he was scoring.
So, an arrogant ass goes out of his way to ruin a beautiful day.

But when I counted to 30, and discussed it with my peers
(with little restraint - and much truth - unfortunately).
I now realise I was afforded a gift: his character.

So the phone rings tonight - and I hit silent
Not the bumping kind I'm afraid - always so proper: I regret.
I give so much every day
I'm not going to waste another day,
When I could be helping someone
Worth my time.

It's been a long time between storms.
I think tomorrow, another beautiful day is in order.

The Politics of Business.

It's funny as we get older, how much politics plays a part in our lives.
I remember when I first joined my latest job five years ago - there were always others who tried to get a line on what I thought about "so and so". I always tried to duck those questions, mainly because I really like to make an informed decision, and sometimes because the first impression isn't always the correct one.

Fast forward two years - I snap and refer to a colleague as being in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history, and in doing so, borrow a classic line from Good Morning Vietnam.

Fast forward another eighteen months, I see this same person as mostly reasonable, albeit fatally flawed in area of inter-personal relationships, and ethics. :)

Skipping on to today, I find we have reached an accord of sorts; we can work together. Even now I wonder if I haven't compromised myself in some way - it's a matter of degree perhaps, or an extra hot shower on the bad days.

And in my own personal dealings with others, I always try and go with the old adage "Judge people by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them".

I was reminded of this last week. I was working with a man who I admire greatly. When I was two years into my current career stint, I decided he was the sort of boss I really wanted to work for. When I mentioned my interest in working in his team he announced, in confidence, that he was leaving work, to take up a less intensive role, allowing more time with his family. I was crushed.

These days our paths still cross with mutual projects every now and again, and although some people no longer treat him as the high flying manager he once was, he's happier for that knowledge. I think it's because most of us treat him exactly the same way: he has a pretty good idea where he stands.

I envy that knowledge. I often wonder how those around my daily work life would treat me, if I wasn't so useful to them. Some day's I'm not sure I ever want to know.

I am Legend - well kinda

Never mention shagging the Goat!

So - it turns out someone at work has nominated me as a legend. Basically this means that from a list of nominees, a committee of managers shortlist 20 worthy souls, who then leave for a distant exotic location (with partners), to enjoy 5 star hospitality for a week - all expenses paid. If picked - I'll probably be the only single one there.

Whether or not I make the short list, it's nice to be recognized by your peers. However I must remain vigilant, as the scary sickle that whittles down all the tall-ish poppies is ever present waiting in the wings. 'tis a kiwi thing, sadly.

The problem with awards; although often nice to receive, they pretty much infer everyone else is decidedly unledgend-like. Although I'm sure most offices have employees who do the bare minimum, most people I know work damn hard for their daily bread. It seems that award outcomes often read like a popularity contest, and because of that it's fair to say I'm conflicted by the whole business of them. I'm thinking how (un)comfortable a "fit" this nomination is with me.

But all that said - I've often wondered what it's like to be in the inner circle of the firm I work for. If I make the shortlist I may discover such gems as the combination to the Marketing Department's washroom, or the "secret squirrel" handshake - the final step in moving from the basement to the ground floor.

One wonders if the sky is really as blue as it is in my dreams.

Awards

Tonight my company is having a black tie awards dinner.

Although five lucky winners will be honoured for various categories, fifteen will be also-ran's.
Of course for the rest of us, there is no reward - perhaps because the work we do just isn't sexy enough, or more likely because of the politics of the business. Sometimes you have to accept that life is a popularity contest, and most days only the cool kids get noticed.

It's not that I believe in some sort of communism, where we all should get a reward - you shouldn't get anything special for turning up to work, or living a life for that matter.

It's just that I see so many people giving so much of their energy and time going the extra mile, never being rewarded. The funny thing about all this, is that every once and a while someone who really makes a difference does get noticed and we can all celebrate that - his reward is shared by all the other average joe's in some way. I like that.

So to all of you out there, where ever you are, who tirelessly go the extra mile when others don't - to those who quietly achieve and never seem to get noticed, there is a small group of those around you who realise the good work you do. And even if all that never leads to a shiny award, know you have the respect of those that really matter - your peers.

Do I sound bitter ? I hope not.

50 year storm my arse!

Cows debate the size of their new swimming pool.

Over the last few days, hurricane winds have lashed at the Northern region of New Zealand, leaving many people without power and communications. I, on the other hand have begun life as some sort of quasi-vampire, sleeping during the day, only to rise when the sun goes down.

Right now, for example; I'm sitting in our National Maintenance Centre, keeping an eye on all our sites, trying to keep as much of our network running as possible. Yesterday Gary and I worked a 22 hour day, but tonight things have calmed down a lot, and we will probably get home after 6am.

I feel for those people who have lost power, sitting in the dark for nearly two days now. And these are just the folks around the suburbs of Auckland. I'd imagine some further north will be without power for a week, perhaps longer.

I count myself lucky. When I eventually get home today, at least I'll still manage to have a hot shower. Sleeping through the day is a small part to pay for that creature comfort.

Outsourcing

We fear change - oh yes we do..

Change is a universal constant; I guess I just don't want it in my universe.

Last Thursday, our firm had a full technology meeting, in which they announced they were looking at outsourcing the work that we did in the business. What they were saying obviously upset a few people, but I have to say, for some unknown reason, I wasn't fazed at all.

I've been through this all before with Telecom NZ, and that was truly horrendous - frankly I cant believe it would ever be the same as that experience - actually I know that for a fact - because I have changed. I wouldn't let it bother me anymore - I know I'm stronger than that now.

The previous experience has empowered me to make some decisions around what I was, and I wasn't going to let effect me. When I moved up to Auckland I decided not to buy a house - I ensured I saved over 10% of my salary from day 1. I set myself up so I could leave on a whim if i needed to - no one owned me. Ok - so if in the interim I happened to meet someone - all bets were off. Seeing that hasn't happened, I'm still on track, albeit a little miffed about the whole not meeting anyone thing.

So...I arranged a meeting with a top brass guy and asked him some pretty pertinent questions - which he answered to my satisfaction; something I wouldn't have had the balls to do five years ago. I then had a talk to the others I work with and things seemed have calmed down a bit. It never ceases to amaze me how these top managers never seem to get the basics right. They never make the true facts clear. Yes - they are looking at outsourcing - but if it isn't viable, they're not going to go ahead with it. There is no secret agenda.

Two days layer; still no bad dreams, extra stress, or sleep loss. Just the normal run of the mill stuff - the normal kind of stuff that freaks you out on a daily basis anyway.

And with all that normal stuff going on, who has time for any other brand of crazy anyway. Well apart from meeting someone - obviously!

Five thousand

Who would have thought it.

It's so nice to see some many people dropping in to say hello.

So whether you are a first timer, or a regular visitor - I thank you for taking time to drop by.

Oh - and Sands - lets see if you can summon enough courage to add a comment before the counter hits 10,000. Yeah - I know - I won't hold my breath :)

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. I have wasted the whole of my Saturday working in the bowels of Auckland International Airport fixing what must be the most horrendous fault in my technical life.

Unfortunately there is always tomorrow.... I pity the fool who made this mess for me to clean up - there will be retribution - oh yes there will.