Saturday, April 23, 2011

Observing the Octopus

Isn't it unfortunate when you meet someone you like?
I find it odd when the realization dawns; like in that ever so famous "filim" Love Actually, when Hugh Grants character meets Natalie. It's so...well... inconvenient.

It's also horrible when you realize that once again, your brain and disassociated hormones have swung the lever on some cosmic one arm bandit; yet instead of being showered in joy you simply feel sick to your stomach.

It's even worse when you know that you're not the Prime Minister of England, nor is she a tea lady. Personally, I think my brain has an ironic sense of humour, and would be better served concentrating on World Peace or some other achievable aim - rather than a foolhardy pursuit of someone so laughably beyond my reach.

Yet, regardless, the feeling persists - in much the same way morning sickness doesn't. :)

Lots of healthy denial and sweeping under carpets methinks.... yep - that should do the trick :D

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Stuff I wish I knew 25 years ago

Although I know this cant possibly make sense, it's important to know that it doesn't matter how much you're into another person; it's how much they're into you that really counts.

In this, nothing you do has any influence; it's all the things you did to get to that moment of awareness. By then it's either happened, or it never will.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Greater Expectations - the Omelette Experience

It's horrid to expect more from life; especially when we should know better. There are many certainties in life; if you hold your hand on a hot stove element you will always burn yourself. But people seldom follow the same laws of physics when it comes to emotion.

I keep looking for something or someone to change my mind. I'm open to change - open to being surprised - just not in a birthday kind of way.

I also realize that this is entirely my own fault. I understand that every now and and again you will get chicken instead of cheese in your omelette (true story). The truth is you may not like the omelette, but it is what it is.

You pick at the omelet and try to pull out the chicken, but you realize that it's not entirely possible to remove the two from each other. You almost decide to give up and eat the paltry excuse for a meal, when you understand you just cant bring yourself to.

From a distance your plate looks like a war zone, and you're still hungry.

You go to McDonald for a Fillet 'O' Fish, and although that will do at a pinch, you're always looking for something to satisfy the deeper hunger inside.

But it will never be chicken.

Monday, April 04, 2011

A life more Appl-ee

I remember building my first real computer. Anything before was simply an imitation; something I got up early, and cycled to school for in the middle of winter.

I had a black and white monitor, a basic case with no sound card; yet financially I was tapped out. Weeks later I'd unwrap a new card from its static proof enclosure, waiting for the dulcet tones of Windows 95.

I loved to play, explore..inadvertently, eventually destroying : no longer me.


I want it to run out of the box -
I have no need to make it unique.
I've seen it in all its iterations,
I just want it to work.
I want it to be secure.

I don't want the possible thrill of a virus; I no longer care that I run everything through iTunes. Now It's there for me through it all; like a constant companion, ever reliable.

It's just that I saw a friends son in the weekend - he showed me his Android phone, and scoffed at my notion of an iPad. I saw in him a return to the days of my first PC. Poles, and a lifetime apart we smiled and went our separate ways.

Later still, I saw that all this was simply a conversation about different life choices, and thought it odd that we may have been speaking entirely different languages at the same time. :)