Worshiping Mary Stuart Masterson since 1987.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Maybe this too is true

I think this would be nice.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The truth is simple

Sunday, October 06, 2013


There is a very good reason we are who we are. We can let life have it's way with us, and be what it moulds us to be. But we can also choose certain things along the way - refuse to be a certain way, refuse to bend to the whims of the events that would serve to shape us. Perhaps to a greater of lesser extent, that is how we are all unmade.

It can be difficult enough to be who we choose to be. It is harder when the ones we love cannot understand our choices - sadder still when we can not bring ourselves to explain those choices.

My stubbornness has shaped my life. A refusal to accept and move on. I am always amazed at those who can let things go - move on from something they wanted. I have often given that advice to others, and I live in wonder at those who have taken it and run.

I cannot. I relive moments of wonder - I cannot forget. The memories remain long after - both the good and bad. They continue to influence, cajole, remind.

For the most part it's OK, but when friends serve to tear away and look for reason behind my decisions - I'm suddenly put into a position where I have to defend them - to speak words and concepts of reply that have no meaning for others. A futile exercise, but one that brings a certain sadness regardless.

And I think I may have to wait forever.

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Office Space understands me

I have a job.

That statement should have brought a smile to my lips - it really, really should have.

Except it really, really didn't.

A few months ago my manager was saying things like "You should really start thinking about your future in this company - where do you see yourself in 5 years. Vacancies will be opening up shortly and you should think about where you want to be."

I wanted to be on a tropical island - but I don't think that was what he meant.

Of course I did not say these thoughts out aloud - I often keep my inner monologue well buttoned down, and this moment was no exception. 

The trouble is - I positively HATE the possibility that a mid life crisis may be lurking. It is such a cliche - and wherever possible I avoid cliches like the plague  (heh).

Many would say that a midlife crisis would be wishful thinking, and my aversion to a regular exercise regime has meant in fact that any opportunity for a midlife crisis rests long in the past. 

So I did then the sensible thing - prepared for, and said the right things, at the right time. 

I remain gainfully employed.

I am also very very very unsettled. 

Should my inner monologue ever see the light of day, I would very possibly take it out - wine and dine it for being so brave. Thank it for saving me.

From what, I'm not entirely sure.

Because I have a job.

Monday, August 19, 2013

More words that mean stuff

“It’s strange, isn’t it, how the idea of belonging to someone can sound so great? It can be comforting, the way it makes things decided. We like the thought of being held, until it’s too tight. We like that certainty, until it means there’s no way out. And we like being his, until we realize we’re not ours anymore.”
- Deb Caletti, Stay

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Jackson Browne

When I first started to listen to music I was very young. I'd drive my parents crazy lugging around a portable record player wherever I went, playing the same Monkey's songs over and over again. I'm pretty sure I was about 4...

My musical choices have never been that popular with my peers. I discovered Jackson Brown in the early to mid 80's - This song is a pertinent  to me now, as it was way back then...

Running on Empty is an awesome live album.

Sunday, June 09, 2013

So - I've been listening to old Fleetwood Mac albums. My stereo lights my room with memories, and then this happens.

A gem of a song I've never heard.

Every hour of fear I spend 
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly call inside

Possibly the saddest/loveliest Fleetwood Mac song I've never heard :)