Thursday, March 30, 2006


Watching television, then on comes an advert for a local liquor chain, offering a free bottle of wine when you buy 12 bottles.

Because we live with the legacy of cigarettes and liquor, it's ok to drink and smoke. Supposedly, successive governments make more money in tax from cigarette smokers than the costs of any resulting cancer treatment; so in actuality smokers are subsidizing the rest of us.

So when you take into account the damage that liquor causes to our society, isn't it absolutely stupid that it's still legal, unless, of course, the health system wouldn't survive without their taxes....

Imagine if we went back in time and changed a few things....

Cue new TV advert

Today at "tokers" With every third bag of crystal-meth, get a free bag of LSD-doped grass. For a limited time only.

The problem is never moderation, but excess. Often those left behind learn the lessons, instead of those setting the example.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Crisis - What Crisis?

Recent discoveries at George Washington University Medical Center show that the aging brain is more flexible and adaptable than we previously thought. Studies suggest that the brain's left and right hemispheres become better integrated during middle age, making way for greater creativity. As our aging brains grow wiser and more flexible, they also tend toward greater equanimity. And a great deal of scientific work has confirmed the "use it or lose it" adage, showing that the aging brain grows stronger from use and challenge. In short, midlife is a time of new possibility. But that doesn't mean we can sit back and expect good things to happen: several types of activity can, if practiced regularly, help boost the power, clarity and subtlety of the aging brain.

Frak me - roll on midlife Crisis!

Tuesday whimsy

This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that "Cellar Door" is the most beautiful.

Rent this movie

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Hopes dashed

So - I was reading Dooce today, thinking what an amazing writer she was, and by extrapo-thinking, how crap my scribblings were in comparison.

Why are her posts so grown up, yet mine strangely immature and unimportant?
Then it struck me - my posts are not really about me, but small portions of me.
The trouble is a lot of people who know me read this, and I now find myself asking "Is this a limiting factor in my blog"?

Was talking to Tumorboy tonight - and again he gave me a few idea's of things to blog about. I often wonder if our conversations aren't something out of a stoner movie, when the next day, straight again, you reach for the pad where you wrote down some imazing ideas to share with the world, only to find "What if cat was spelt D... O... G "

Still- while things are still clear in my mind I must simply state Tumorboy's new idea for a "Survivor" type TV show. He calls it Survivor Kitchen cubboards.

In this latest reality television spectacular, families would be locked in their homes, having to survive on what they had in their cupboards. The last ones out win. Imagine what shocking things could happen if ;
The TV stopped working AND
The phone was disconnected....
Imagine the challenges, families playing board games, reading books, communicating: what horror!!! I can't wait!

In that ilk I was wondering what other "Fractured" Television shows we could invent. The mind boggles.

A reality TV show that follows a bunch of burglars 24/7 - and how they never get caught - because the Police have more pressing things to do.
A story about an incompetent Doctor who finds new and exciting ways of killing his patients, whilst getting off scot free - a type of Anti-"House" if you will.
An edited drama made up from the video documentation of real lives of our parliamentarians - juicy stuff indeed. Scandal, Power and the Passion.
Or even better, a composite show - where a team of highly specialized burglars break into to parliamentarians homes - cleaning them out. Or having their cars stolen, or having then wait for hours in an A&E.....the list could be as long as the common man's suffering. See Helen Clark suffer as she sleeps outside "Real Groovy Records" overnight to get a NZ ballet ticket - only to find the scalpers have cleaned them out and have them on trademe already.

(Sigh) ....and I had such high hopes for this post...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Diablo Rocks!

Diablo had one of the first blogs I came across, and I still visit her site daily. She has a unique writing style that may not appeal to all, but you have to admire her integrity and her extensive vocab.

Anyway her book "Candy Girl" is out now - I've been trying to get an autographed copy for ages but unfortunately there are no scheduled book signings in New Zealand any time soon.

Here is her appearance on Letterman from Monday. Isnt the internet amazing!

Balance would be good.

Back pain has stolen my otherwise sunny disposition. Things are on the improve tho. The constant ache from my back may have biased my blog but not as much as the real world can offer in return.

So much in the news these days seems unbalanced - I'm not talking reporting bias in the media (this time), but a skewing of certain things that, to me, just dont make sence.

First is the awarding of 25,000 to a convicted paedophile who's rights were violated by Police, because they told the community where he settled that he was there (living next to a kindergarten). Now this guy has offended on numerous other occassions, and even if you dont buy into that arguement, the state hasn't paid any of his (very young) victims any money at all. It's just not right.

The second thing is the recent spending of taxpayers money by Labour during the recent election campaign. Now I dont care which party spent tax payers money - but if I spent $400,000 of it and the Police said I was wrong, chances are I would be arrested, or at least have to pay the money back: but to both counts. Dont even talk to me about David Benson Pope. Guilty as charged say Police - but wait - no charges. David Fararr has various articles about this on his blog ; including this article.

Finally the story of three Police Officers on trial for the rape of a woman.
If they did it - they deserve to be punished. I just think the charge for laying a false claim of rape should be the same if the reverse is proven true.

On the good news front the IRD is now allowed to "let people off" with honest mistakes - about time I say!! Well done.

Finally Have a look at the Uncyclopedia - a great piss take on Wikipedia ( the online encyclopedia) . Some classic entries to be found on New Zealand for example.

Enjoy, and have a great day today :)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Would you trust this woman?

Would you believe this woman utters the final words in series two of Battlestar Galactica. And those words would be;

Humanity has surrendered The war is finally over. We must now fulfill our true destiny. So we will love them and take care of them, Show them the glory of peace. And like God, our infinite mercy will be matched, Only by our power, and complete control.

So if you answered yes - you would be wrong.
Sneak clips of season three appear here. Just press the button with the long haired Starbuck.
Also a series three synopsis is here. Beware spoilers enclosed.
Yes I know - I am a geek.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Short survey for you

Had an interesting result with this quiz about you "Love Secrets".
Give it a go and let me know if it's complete bollox :)

Friday, March 17, 2006

Talking cats

Just trying to embed some video. If youre interested in talking cats try this link. About 3 Megs for those of you on dialup.

Scrabble Queen would approve!

Enjoy :)

Fingers crossed please

This weekend I'm off to fly my "Chopper" for the first time.

Hopefully afterwards, it will look the same - but just in case I thought I better take a photo !

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Talk to the hand

High on the release of her last book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, Lynne Truss has released her latest masterpiece Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door.

Inside are absolute gems on how far people will go to be polite, including a good, dark little story ..about a well-bred country gentleman with suicidal intent who felt it wasn't right to shoot himself before entering his own name in the Game the way, he listed himself under "Various".

Chapters discuss the missing "thankyou", why you are the only one being polite these days, the issue of personal space, amongst other insights to the daily use (or lack of) politeness in our modern society. Her writing style is brilliant - and of course the punctuation and spelling are top shelf as well.

Just the other day Tumorboy and I were discussing the interaction of opening a door for another person. This is a complex equation, and contains the following variables. Each can add or subtract to the weight of the door being held open.

Distance of peson to the door.
Speed of the person walking behind.
Do I know the person?
Is the person pregnant?
How old the person is.
Is the person attractive?
Is the person pushing a pram?
Is the person holding a huge box?
Did the person smile?
Do they look angry/crazy?

Obviously there comes i time when the door can no longer be held open...

They are too far away
They walk to slow
They are a skinhead
They slow down as they walk to the door.
They slow to chat to someone else.

The door opening equation is very hard to calculate, and sometimes, as in life, we make the mistake of holding on, when we should just let go.

And the fact some tossers never acknowledge you efforts dont make it any easier the next time either.
A pox on them I say!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Something is wrong here

It's ridiculous - at what age these days must people take responsibility for their actions?

When do we know right from wrong?

Definitely not at 1 or 2, or maybe even at 3 years old. But I would hope that at the age of 12 you should have an idea that aiding in tormenting a schoolmate is wrong. But to try and play down your responsibility in the girls resulting suicide, is morally repugnant.

In my opinion, to tell the Herald on Sunday they weren't "the only ones" responsible for the girls death, just adds insult to the injury of losing a loved one in such a manner. I hope they wern't paid for their interview.

While I believe that over time the feeling of guilt may fade for these girls, I can only hope they use this horrible incident to shape the future of their lives; to rid their soul of the nastiness that may harbour there, and not chat about it to a Sunday paper like it was yesterdays news.

Thanks Frankie :)

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday Blogger - The Census according to IG

As I filled out my census form, I discovered I live in a 2 storey 7 roomed dwelling with my wife and parrot. I walk to work and we don't speak Maori at home, we have 1 car we don't use and we burn stuff to heat the place, I also discovered I was someplace else last census and probably should have tried harder at school. I find it hard to believe that any of this information could be useful to anyone other than me, but as they said we are going to grow so we need to know.
I really think they missed out a lot of more relevant questions they could have included;
How long did you spend in traffic this week?
How much did you spend on alcohol or smokes this week?
What did you steal from your work this week?
How many people do you know who are on a benefit who shouldn't be?

These questions seem to be more relevant, but they are not politically correct.
I feel the census is a load of bollocks but it's not Kiwi to question why are we're answering these silly questions. I look forward to the results of how they interpreted this data, as I am sure it will have a real effect on the next 5 years of my life until the next census.
As you may have detected I am not the biggest fan of the census but we have to get on with it as they said "we are going to grow so we need to know"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Rude People Part1 - People in Cars

God: people are so damn rude these days.
In a "so called" developed society, I can't believe how rude people can be.
Today I was almost run over the center-line into oncoming traffic by a fuckwit in a truck carrying a shipping container, who thought it might be a good idea to run up the non existant left lane, inside me. I actually had to slam on the brakes because he obviously operated on three distinctly different theories;

1) That his truck was way bigger than my car
2) He had his front wheel in front of mine (an old car racing rule)
3) That he was a fuckwit.

Actually, although the first two items were also correct, the fuckwit notion obviously took a precedent.

People can be very rude in car's. Personally I wish I had the power of telekinesis. That way when a complete tosser speeds down another lane, ripping past a long stream of traffic only to pull back in front at the front of the slow queue, I could mentally blow up their car's engine!

Is it wrong to want to physically pull that person out of their car and ask them why they feel themselves so important by putting themselves ahead of everyone else, whilst at the same time punching them repeatedly in the face? I suspect it not to be a good move - however there should be laws to deal with the bad behavior in the first place, and perhaps a pat on the back for those administering a little attitude correction.

I have come up with a list of instant fines, in lieu of an impromptu roadside facial renovation for the follow pet peeves.....
Intentionally merging into the front lane of slow traffic, after pulling out to pass all the other cars in that lane.
Intentionally pulling out of their lane into a merging lane to get ahead about 10 cars before contributing to the traffic bottleneck the were avoiding in the first place.
Stopping in the middle of the road lane to let their kids out.
Rubberneckers - who cant help but slow to 10 kph to watch someone on the side of the motorway change a tyre.
People who do 80 kph on the motorway - when the speed limit is 100.
People who constantly change lanes, without realising they aren't actually moving ahead of everyone around them.

Actually forget the fines - just sent in the "heavies". We could even televise it. Just imagine - film the infraction, them film the retribution. It would be gripping stuff. A great ratings buzz. Especially if the punishment could ironically fitted the crime. I think I'm on to something.......

I better call my agent.....

In the meantime here is an abridged email from Tumorboy on issue with accidents on his street. More car rudeness I tell you - the only rudeness allowed in cars my friends, should be the back seat variety only!

As a resident of Rawhiti Rd I would like to let you know what I think [of the recent car accidents]
The intersection itself is perfectly safe, but the behaviour of a majority of road users travelling through it is dangerous. I have observed this intersection and have to say it is rare to see cars stop at the Stop Signs.

The reason for this behaviour can often be attributed to a phenomina which I will refer to as UMSS (Urban Motorist Shortcut Syndrome). I will explain... Motorists in an attempt to reach their destinations (eg home, work, bakery, Lotto Shop) will shortcut through urban sidestreets, to avoid major intersections. On taking these shortcuts the UMSS sufferer is overcome by the need to ensure his shortcut is indeed a shortcut!
The nature of a shortcut being that the motorist must arrive at his destination earlier by taking the shortcut means he is compelled to travel faster and if possible not stop.
So he speeds and ignores Stop Signs as he travels through these quiet safe streets; hence the large number of crashes and near misses at this and other intersections in our neighbourhood.
This raises the question, when is a shortcut not a shortcut? Answer - When you need to speed to justify it!

Grey Days abound.

I'm just humoring myself that my opinion matters.
You will never know the exquisite pain...
of the guy who goes home alone...
because without the bitter, baby, the sweet ain't as sweet.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Haiku Tuesday

Lord of the icecream haiku

My ice cream is cold
A promise I made today
Will haunt me tonight

Findsomeone Haiku Part1

A message in my in box
Surprised, no one more than me
Stuff this up i will

Findsomeone Haiku Part 2

Bellybutton fluff
Conversation starter hell
Not Brad Pitt, am I

Haiku is such fun
five syllables to start it
Five, seven then five.

Give it a go!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sorry for bug'n ya

Is force feeding a hunger striker torture?

I remember Bobby Sands, back in the days of the IRA bombings in London, and how he became a martyr to the cause of northern independence in Ireland, when he died during a hunger strike.

Now the Voice of America has an article of force feeding of hunger strikers at Guantanamo Bay. Persons' on the receiving end of this "treatment" have stated hunger strikers were restrained and had large feeding tubes forced down their noses and throats, causing them a great deal of pain.

....Lawyers for a detainee at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba say the military's method of force-feeding hunger strikers amounts to torture. A legal move is now underway to stop the force feeding.

I'm finding myself conflicted. On one hand these people don't have any legal rights where they are, and now even their human right to a peaceful (if not fatal) protest has been taken away. On the other side of the fence, the United States has some responsibility for the heath and welfare of their Prisoners of War (I'm not sure they have POW status tho)....

I just wonder if the forced feeding of these detainees isn't so much for the prisons benefit, but rather for the ongoing information gathering by the US Military - but I'm prepared to be swayed on this if you can offer a good arguement.

What bothers me is that Guantanamo Bay has been used for a specific reason. Detainees are not afforded the rights of any citizen under US Law. Detainees can be held indefinately without charge, and information extraction (torture?) is ongoing without any end in sight.

But what bothers me more is our willingness to do and say nothing about the whole issue.

Comments are welcome - please!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

It's madness I tell you!

Talking to FacilitiesMan today at work, the conversation eventually moved to the Internet dating scene. And among other things we talked about how some peoples expectations of potential suitors may be a tad on the high side.

Now, I know why I have got to my current age without getting married - That is obviously because there is something fundamentally wrong with me. The sad point about "some" people on Internet dating sites is that they do not, in any shape or form, realise they also suffer the same malaise.

Some people think they are living in a TV series like Beverley Hills 90210, or perhaps the latest variant on that theme - say The OC. You would have to be living under a rock not to notice that non-reality based television, is full of extremely beautiful people who all think they are ugly. In this alternative reality they all have good jobs, or rich parents with trust funds. And their life is.... so... hard

In short, for most of us, this "dream" is simply not a reality.

And sooner or later people should have to face up to that fact.

Some of us are short, some tall - most are average.
Thats why it's called average.
We aren't all beautiful in a TV reality sense ;
We have good days and bad days.
We don't always look like we've walked out of a salon
(except maybe Tyler).
We sometimes say the wrong things at the wrong time,
we forget birthdays (Sorry Shars).
We can let people down.
We are REAL, and we have real flaws.

We however, also have a great capacity to do great deeds. Curiously this has nothing to do with our height, looks or income. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Another "true" story

A Sudanese man has been forced to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.
They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15 000 Sudanese dinars, nearly £40, to Mr Alifi.
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Mr Alifi, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.
"When I asked him: "What are you doing there?", he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.