Sunday, May 29, 2011
You'd be so proud of me - I'm doing everything differently.
I have a new job, a new bonus, a new salary: a new me.
Well I'm not sure I can really suspend disbelief completely with that last one, but change is most definitely afoot.
I haven't been posting lately, because I was seeing a trend I didn't want to continue. There was some angst it was fair to say, and I was sick of making it more "real" by writing it down. I have, however come to the conclusion that getting things like rewards, jobs, and money often only serve to bring into sharp relief the things you're not getting, or that are missing from your life.
I've resisted the temptation to charge on regardless, as I have done every other time - with limited (to no) success. Instead, this time, I have decided to sit back and wait - to see what might happen without forcing my own luck. I'm beginning to understand that much of what we want involves a certain degree of trust. I was also reminded that much of what we want involves the action of others; actions that should be true and unforced.
For now, more that ever - what will be will be.
Being truly open to that will be a painful lesson I'm sure.
Wish me luck :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I sent someone a text today. Simply put - I believe it was probably the best writing I've done in a long long time. All through today I referred back to it - I can't believe I wrote it. These moments are sent to remind us of magic of words - that they can move us so much, yet can come from a part of ourselves we can't recognize or touch.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I've been wandering around Tumblr lately posting random quotes and images on my homepage.
Although Tumblr is mostly porn, there are some other amazing images to be seen and digested.
It's nice to know that while a lot of the stuff pitched to us in this world is sterile and ultimately false, the internet remains a bastion of hope in so many places.
See the best of it it before the soulless bastards ban it and try and sell us a Prius instead.
Maybe even the porn.
I got a new job yesterday.
Over one hundred people applied, and when my new manager gave me the good news he actually mentioned the high caliber of the shortlist, and how pleased he was that he had me to choose.
This new job is requires an entirely new skill set - one that I must develop over time from scratch. I look forward to the challenge - the focus, and the change. I'm just not as happy as I should be; and that makes me angry.
Knowing what you really want is a curse of sorts - especially if it's nothing you can plan or work toward. I guess that every now and again you have to rely on someone else to make a difference, even if you're used to flying solo.
And flying solo is something I'm sick of right now.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
I'm hating my brain right now.
I'm trying hard not to listen to it, to fall into the same traps as always.
I'm trying to evolve, do things differently.
I'm reminded that doing the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome is sheer madness.
It's not easy living with my thought processes right now - but maybe that's a great reason to try another tack - and perhaps as a result, a different outcome.
And that's a thought I can deal with.