Sunday, March 29, 2009

Angels with dirty halo's

So; I watched the final tonight - and I have to admit I wanted some closure.

The Sackhoff/Bamber arc held some special significance for me, so after all this time I just wanted a happy ending for these two. Turns out writer/developer Ron Moore had other ideas.

Regardless of what life throws at you, two people should be able to overcome anything to be with each other; well, at least in the "movies".

Hey - It's not like I always want the happy ending, and ....

I guess I shouldnt really gripe when some show on TV dares to follow the conventions of normal life to negate the ending we desire, denying us the one time and place when such an outcome might actually be possible.

Yeah - I know - I'm working on making it real, but deep down I still wanna be surprised by this mixture of faith, experience and substance - this "Life Pie".

Yet, the taste is still a little bitter for this "saps'" palette I'm guessing.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A rushed trip home.

Grief is the universal leveler - eventually it will visit us all.

I'm continually amazed at the different ways we deal with this emotion; some bear it stoically, others give in to the moment and wear it on their sleeves for all to see; most, somewhere in between.
There is no right way - no wrong way; it's an individuals choice, or perhaps lack thereof that pushes us in the direction we must go.

Surrounded by those who care, people reacted as they always do; a universal truth.
I cant help but wonder how confusing the service may have been for the rather mature five year old, who sat next to her mum and dad, as we said farewell to a good man. She was starting out on her own path, learning the greatest lesson of all - that all this too will come to pass, and that many good people, like Bob Gilles, will be taken from us far too soon.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Michelle Pfeiffer's version of Rogers & Heart's "My Funny Valentine"

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Last Chance Texaco

Musically, I've got a lot of it wrong, I've had my share of Milli Vanilli's....

I'll never regret my Rickie Lee phase tho :)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

With great power comes great responsibility

It's hard to explain the first time I put my new glasses on.
Is was if I was missing the spaces in between. In some ways it felt like I had been bequested a super power of sorts - do no evil with this "crystal vision" a silent voice in my head intoned.

My particular issue was with astigmatism. On the most part I see really well - it's freaky in a way because I have an issue distinguishing between a "b" and a "p" at a distance. It's not like everything else is out of focus.

But when I put these glasses on, the world shifts a micron of a degree and everything flows into a perfect symmetry. Things go sharper than sharp. Super sharp - if you will.

So now I have this super vision thingy....

By day, mild mannered cellular engineer; computer screen, mouse and keyboard - others not suspecting. By night, I guard you while you sleep. (OK - more truthfully, I fuck with your cellular coverage, but I digress...)

I nod at the "others" in the office - we are everywhere, we spectacular men. It's only my first day, but I understand there's a league one can sign up to if one is inclined.....

Psst - Did I mention the guys who made my frames make these?

The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision. - Helen Keller.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Living with a 21 year old facebook friend

When I was asked if she could stay with me for a five week placement I was apprehensive.
My life of late has been so busy that my home has become my fortress of solitude; the place I go to escape all that stuff "out there".
I wondered how difficult it would be to have a flatmate for 5 weeks. I worried that I'd become so reliant on myself, that letting someone else in might be a stretch for me.

I needn't have bothered; the five weeks flew and we had a ball.

I wasn't around a lot; but that's my life right now. Tiffany took that all in stride, dealt as much shit as she got and (hopefully) enjoyed her stay. The neighbours gave me the sideways glances; hanging with a girl half my age, thinking the worst or the best; take your pick.
I'm not saying it wasn't fun watching their faces change when I explained the actual situation: mental self-chastisement in full swing.

I must tell you though, it was weird wading past the mine field of woman's underwear on the drying rack in the hallway every morning. My poor TV; subjected to any and every soap opera known to man between 5 and 8 pm every day, not to mention the in depth discussions on why I couldn't watch New Zealand's Next Top Model

Me: they're only 15 to 17 for God's sake, it's perverted !
She: So what, get over it !

So - before I knew it I'd let this monster in, and before too long my home stopped smelling of boys, and took on a more sophisticated aroma of girl/boy and (I think) many varied hair products.

But today the hair straighteners are packed away, the shower de-gunked of long blonde hair, and a calm has settled over the maelstrom that I have called hurricane Tiffany. No more jokes about the bookshop ringing to say my porn has arrive (read: computer mags), or the "taking it to the grave" secret pact about that one time we went to KFC because we couldn't be arsed cooking.

The scary thing is I think I'll miss her - or that might just be the KFC talking to ya.....

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Circular logic

I made this T-Shirt a while back, which touches on the concept of eternal return;

Eternal return is a concept which posits that the universe has been recurring, and will continue to recur in a self-similar form an infinite number of times.

On my green T-Shirt are the words
"All this has happened before, and all this will happen again."

It's not that the struggles we endure are made less by this thought; but it is comforting to understand that although these issues are personal to us in so many ways, we are not unique in our efforts: someone has been where you are now; tomorrow, another person will take your place.

There are so many ways to get to the same end solution. Hated or loved, selfish or altruistic; maybe we'll get it right the next time, if we don't manage get it right this time around.

What ever choices we make doesn't guarantee we wont get a bruise or two through the experience 'tho.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Watching the Wheels - a metaphoric tale

I did something different today.

Rather than fighting the fires that fanned my frustrations, I simply let go of the wheel and let the car crash.

The funny thing was watching the higher ups run to take control, not realising the car itself was heading toward the cliff at break-neck speed. It was a stick - and you know that managers just cant drive sticks.

I, on the other hand, stepped out, and rested under a shady tree while the tragic comedy unfolded for my viewing pleasure. After that I went out for long lunch.
Returning from my break, blood sugar now under control, I observed the aftermath with a less critical eye. I started to feel for the car; the old feelings were hard to hold back.

But for today, I'm not giving in to those morsels of regret.

Fuck 'em :)

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

Saturday, March 07, 2009

The Delux Cheese Sandwich Post

I think the reason I haven't been posting that much lately, is because everything is becoming more real; and when things become real the gloss comes off for me.

Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing; clarity comes at a price, just something I didn't want to pay for right now.

It would be easy to say I've been working long hours, and split shifts; that I've been worn down around the edges: and that would be true. But through it all there have been less "uplifting" moments of late.

It's important to say that this has nothing to do my friends at all - I was recently in Dunedin, and had a ball, but I have to realise I cant live my life entirely through a great group of friends and family: I have to be happy within myself as well. Finding the joy in everyday life should be a life mission for us all. I'm sure you'd agree.

I was chatting to a friend [1] the other day, and in a totally roundabout way she made me realise, that in so many ways, I haven't really changed at all.

This little gem of information knocked the wind out of my sails. With all these changes, all my person successes, the confidence gained over the last six years; deep down I am fundamentally the same person making the same mistakes over and over again...same same - but different.

Now, after this revelation, I'm actually wondering if it is physically possible for me to change?

The total irony around this is that I'm continually told I give great advice - people thank me all the time. Now i understand it's more a case of "do as I say" rather than "do as i do".

The time is coming when I must admit that choices have been made for me; and no matter how much I would resist it, I need to find a way forward without her.

It's just a bitch when freedom from choice is exactly what I want right now...

[1] Yes - you Shars :)

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Destined to be cold

When once asked for his description of hot, Robert Downey Jr. stated "Destined to be Cold".

One could dwell on the rise and fall of Creed.
One could discuss the train wreck that was Scott Stapp; the destruction and recreation of a career built on the sands of cynical complacency, shifting to the tune of the next big thing....

Or, you could be a better person and just listen to the song in the context of its place and time, and without prejudice, simply enjoy it for what it was: Four minutes and forty seconds of history. [1]

I think that's a great way to look back at the past; plus I always likened the bridge to what falling in love must be like - but I'm not talking about with whom.

[1] OK, maybe I can't back that up