Greater Expectations - the Omelette Experience

It's horrid to expect more from life; especially when we should know better. There are many certainties in life; if you hold your hand on a hot stove element you will always burn yourself. But people seldom follow the same laws of physics when it comes to emotion.

I keep looking for something or someone to change my mind. I'm open to change - open to being surprised - just not in a birthday kind of way.

I also realize that this is entirely my own fault. I understand that every now and and again you will get chicken instead of cheese in your omelette (true story). The truth is you may not like the omelette, but it is what it is.

You pick at the omelet and try to pull out the chicken, but you realize that it's not entirely possible to remove the two from each other. You almost decide to give up and eat the paltry excuse for a meal, when you understand you just cant bring yourself to.

From a distance your plate looks like a war zone, and you're still hungry.

You go to McDonald for a Fillet 'O' Fish, and although that will do at a pinch, you're always looking for something to satisfy the deeper hunger inside.

But it will never be chicken.

Momentum

MarkJ and Sandy:
London 1989

I have a good feeling about this year. I really cant quantify why this particular year should be any better than the last couple - I just have a feeling that after some time things are progressing again.

I think it's been fair to say that catching up with NFG was very much a mixed blessing. The good was that we connected again - along with all the emotion that came with that; the bad was that we connected again - along with all the emotion that came with that. :)

I've loved very few women, and when you know those emotions mean something - it's hard to let them go overnight. In many ways I'll never be over her - I suspect that she probably thinks I hate her - but she was always wrong about that. Sure I was sad and disappointed, but it would have been a monumental move for her and I respect her choice. Any other reaction would have been infantile on my part. When John Lennon once said "All you need in Love" - he couldn't have been more wrong. Relationships are also about time, place, and responsibilities.

I can write this now - two years later on, because I suspect she no longer visits this place. I wish there was a way of turning off these emotions - so in someway we could remain friends. Once upon a time I thought I could do just that - but I couldn't have been more wrong. Part of me would have died inside. I suspect life may yet have more in store for us - but what that may be is outside of my control and may always be.

Still, through all the emotional highs and lows we had a perfect moment in time. Fate conspired to put us in the same time and place, and for the longest time I thought it would be enough.
I know I was lucky to love her, and to have that amazing emotional connection. It serves to remind me that such things are possible in life, and one day may be again.

So - I am moving on. Casting off, settling sail; I suspect it will still take time to gain momentum - but in part my journey is already starting.

And believe me when I say that's no small thing. :)

Soulmates

An ethereal song, much like the concept perhaps.