Angry me.

Misdirected as it is, there's still a bit of power in this anger thing.

Embrace and direct, absorb and learn.

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Something Moody this way Comes

Some days you'd be better off staying in bed. Like today, perhaps?
By 11 am I'd already told one of my workmates to "Go get Fucked" (with meaning, I should add).
If you were to ask any of my close friends if this was typical behaviour, they would hopefully come to my defense with a resounding NO.
So much of what I write here is honest. I believe that to be aware of ones motivations, anger, frustration, is better than to bury it all and hope for the best.
So with all this introspection, it comes as a complete surprise that I should get upset for no definable reason; even more confused to think it may be a myriad of smaller vectors.
I haven't even scratched the surface.
Butterflies beating their wings in some far land reining down chaos on my day are infinitely more reassuring than simply feeling better after lunch; I'd hate to think all of this PMS'ing came down to just having low frakking blood sugar.

Character Assassination

I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character but every now and again I find myself taking an instant dislike to a person for no apparent reason.

I wonder what is was about the person that set me off, given this has only happened a handful of times during my life. Months later, when the same person walks into the room I still feel the same way, and it bothers me. Obviously I'm grown up enough to deal with this person in a pleasant and professional way, but afterward I feel like I've compromised myself.

It's much easier to dislike people to a lesser degree. Today I held a door open for someone, and they didn't say thankyou. I believe there is a special hell reserved for those who don't say please and thank you; the lessons their parents taught them years ago, lost to the comfortable anonymity of the big city.

You may think it doesn't matter Mr "no thank you", but I noticed - and believe me, karma's a bitch

But

There is a part of myself I bury.
But even with my best intentions
My Mars nature surfaces from time to time.
It's hard to balance outrage with common sense.
But - It's a battle my placid side keeps well in check.
But....
Every now and again I have to count to 20 instead of 10.
And sometimes that isn't enough.

Someone put the boot in, and I wasn't ready to lie down.
It wasn't even my battle - I was oblivious to the war.
But - He thought he was scoring.
So, an arrogant ass goes out of his way to ruin a beautiful day.

But when I counted to 30, and discussed it with my peers
(with little restraint - and much truth - unfortunately).
I now realise I was afforded a gift: his character.

So the phone rings tonight - and I hit silent
Not the bumping kind I'm afraid - always so proper: I regret.
I give so much every day
I'm not going to waste another day,
When I could be helping someone
Worth my time.

It's been a long time between storms.
I think tomorrow, another beautiful day is in order.