Disclaimer:
I think it's fair to say that things have been stressful of late. There's been a lot going on.
All that aside, I must admit I smiled when IG rang the other night (out of the blue) to check up on me. [Although I'm sure Shars had some part to play in it]
But let's be clear here - I'm absolutely fine.
One of the problems with being more honest on this blog, is that too many people who drop by know me; and that is entirely my fault. When I started writing this blog, it was a method of keeping in touch with friends and family. As time rolled on I wanted more from this space, and in some ways I've achieved this; but still, every now and again, I have to remember to pull back from the abyss, and moderate my comments, lest the phone calls start!
Post starts here:
When I didn't do so well in my second year at Otago University back in 1985 I pretty much slept for 24 hours - I remember this, as I remember too many things from my life past. My brain is thus full of rubbish - memories stored solidly, refusing to budge.
What I learnt from that second year, was that I really didn't have a future at University. Although that memory still comes back to haunt me on a semi annual basis, I realise now that things pretty much sorted themselves out for the best; at least with respect to my career.
So - my career aside, the lesson I'm trying to learn right now, is that you cannot change the past. You'd think that this would be a simple lesson to learn - but I think my desire for something to be different just keeps getting in the way of the way things are.
Why get do I get so angry at something I can't obviously change?
I guess it's because I was there once, and should have done much more, when in actuality I did so much less.
And if you have any idea exactly what I'm talking about - then you shouldn't be reading this post - it's private :)
I have to find a way though this, and undoubtedly I will. But it's going to take a lot more time, and even after last weekends effort, a hell of a lot more sleep.
I will beat this, mainly because the only other option is a lifetime of regret - and I wont buy in to that mess, even for a supreme lack of effort fifteen years ago. :)
7 comments:
"But let's be clear here - I'm absolutely fine"...
Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional?
:)
Ahhhh The Italian Job remake :)
I see some real genius in your comments, anonymous, but I can't say that. I was afraid that everyone would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you.
You worry too much. It will all be fine, just be happy with what you are now. Because it could have been much worse. Who knows that when you did do your effort back then, you might not be in this situation. And the same doubts but in reverse you would ask yourself, what if I did less. You see, we doubters, doubt, but we forget that we would even doubt in the what-if situation.
Manic
I need an Asprin now!!! :)
Red wine is the cure-all for the big questions... in my experience.
I did uni late and it's almost not worth the INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE paper it's written on these days, although it is a key to certain doors, and lends creditability on occasions.
I don't know Mark, I nagged you for years but maybe you did it all the right way I mean hey, you're in Auckland in not a bad job and that's actually okay :) and you're coming to Europe next year.
I don't have a clue what has happened, but I know that a few years ago I quit beating myself over the head for not choosing this or that and sticking with it on a linear plan. I've done a little of a lot and like that very much.
Just exorcising ghosts Ren. The sooner I get real the sooner I'll move on. Also, its important to note this post was written after 3 days of constant back pain.
Di - I think I've put the University thing to bed - it would be nice to have the credibility a degree offers, maybe thats what I was looking for in my career after all this time, but I really dont care anymore? My personal life choices were the source of this post's inception tho.
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