Retaining water

Suddenly bereft of anything important to do, I find myself a little on the fragile side this week. Even today, while IG trundles off to the Gym full of vigor, I find myself wanting to curl up on the couch for a little sleep when no one's watching.

I might otherwise attribute this malaise to too much food or/and wine, but I can assure you that this is not the case either. Rather than follow the previous Christmas dogma of too much food and wine, I have have decided to be "good" over the break; I even have a packet of rice crackers lurking somewhere should the need arise to prove my point.

Upon reflection my lethargy is most probably related to a lack of (bad) stimuli; and the resultant nap-wanting, a poor substitute for a sugar packed, fat laden, old fashioned chocolate bar. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately I must report a distinct lack of junk food within arms reach. Life is so unfair!

The missing post.

One of the Knopp girls

The verdict is in - and the grass is greener on the other side of the fence - or perhaps, just at first glance.
Today I find myself in front of my brothers computer in very hot and sunny Dunedin. Last Wednesday I flew home on the quiet to catch up with IG, who just happened to be 40 yesterday, surprising my parents in the process.
As usual with a trip home I find myself spread a bit thin - wishing I had more time before my flight back to Auckland on Sunday. But all that said, since Wednesday I have had a serious job offer, registered my Capri, taken photo's of the Knopp ladies at play, eaten a shed-load of BBQ meals, and enjoyed myself far too much.

Even with this all going on I managed to write a post down on a piece of paper last night. The thing is - I've lost it - and it's really started to bug me. It said exactly what I wanted it to say, and now the words I write just aren't enough. I just hope I can find that damn bit of folded A4 paper before I go home!

So - until then - I'm having to retrace my steps. Grrrrr

Unfortunate Car Choices

It always seems that I have no taste when I comes to cars. The choices I make never seem to be as inspired as those of IG or Brew King. Listening them discussing cars, is like watching a finely tuned orchestra performing .... albeit playing dueling banjo's . :)

Regardless - I admit, as much as I may know about the inner workings of an automobile, the fact that I bothered to restore a 70's Ford Capri will forever cast a serious doubt over any street cred I may have had prior to that date. Building a second Capri with a Lexus V8 only serves to damn me further.

With all this in mind I found an article on the ten most over-rated cars. I would hasten to add a Capri is not mentioned. Here are the first two in the countdown. IG would say, that with advice like this, I may not have started down the dark path to car ignorance. It may be too late for me, but you may yet be saved.

10. Dodge Viper

Originally conceived to be a modern interpretation of the Shelby Cobra, the end result was somewhat, umm, bloated. The American mantra of "bigger is better" was applied liberally here, without anyone actually realising that this doesn't really apply to sports cars. The combination of a small car with a big engine always equates to "fast"; but the Viper wasn't a small car, so in this case the combination became a big, heavy car with a huge engine. A huge TRUCK engine. Add to that the fact that most of the suspension was sourced from the Dodge Dakota pickup and you've basically got a truck wrapped in a scaled up sports car body...

9. Citroen 2CV

Ahh, personality- the last desperate refuge of ugly, single people and crap cars. And in the case of the 2CV ugly, crap cars. Originally designed so that French peasants could drive to the market at 60 km/h across muddy unpaved roads with up to 100kg of stuff in the back, the 2CV was developed before World War 2 and during the German occupation of France Citroen management hid the prototypes from the Nazis, fearing some military application. What possible military application a "car" with a 6.5kW, 375cc, air cooled engine could possibly have escapes most right-thinking people, but then what possible use a "car" with a 6.5kW, 375cc, air cooled engine could possibly be on the road also escapes most right-thinking people, and yet they still sold nine million of `em...

Stop - Police

Coming back from a night's work in Tauranga, I mused about how boring my driving habits had become over the years. Mentally bashed by years of road safety advertisements, and anti drinking propaganda, here go I; driving at the speed limit, with an absolute zero blood alcohol limit; It is a good thing I suspect.

The Police here in NZ want to drop the current legal limit even further, saying it will go a long way to reinforcing the idea that drinking and driving is a bad idea - I just can't agree with that logic. Most people caught DUI in New Zealand are often measured at more than twice the legal limit. I fail to see how that figure changing to three times the legal limit will do much more than make the government more money. Recidivist offenders are the problem here, not those who keep below the existing drink driving blood alcohol levels.

My own brushes with the law have, fortunately, been few and far between. The last time I was stopped for exceeding the speed limit was over eight years ago - Yes, I've been effectively neutered. Funnily enough my two most stressful run in's with the law involved IG.

The first time I was 'radar'd' - IG admitted to seeing the Cops in the distance. Later, when asked why he didn't say anything IG looked embarrassed before stating "I was just working out how much the fine was going to be".

The second time, a Cop stopped me for not coming to a complete stop at a "Stop Sign". When I got out of my car to talk to the Officer I had no idea why I was being pulled over.

"You failed to stop at that Stop Sign back there sir" he said

"He did stop" - offered IG, before I could say a damn thing. This statement obviously raised the ire of the Cop who said in a loud voice "NO... he didn't".

I hurriedly intervened, stating that I was unaware of my actions, and would take more care to stop completely in the future.

The Cop looked down over his moustache, and weighed up the evidence before saying "Well just make sure from now on - let the car roll ever so slightly backward after you stop - that way you know you have completely stopped"

Breathing a sigh of relief, and having avoided a ticket, my calm was shattered an instant later by IG immediately stating "BUT HE DID STOP". It was obvious from that point onward that IG and I had no psychic connection; unless, as I mentally projected SHUT THE FUCK UP with all my will, he simply elected not to hear me....

Actually, I wouldn't put that past him .....

Kevin Smith

I was discussing Clerks II with IG the other day. I've followed Kevin Smith's films since Clerks - I've seen him craft his art, get smarter in his story telling and directing; his writing in Chasing Amy was sublime, and his movies "look" better and better each time.

But this isn't a Kevin love fest - I'm a little disturbed where he takes us, and although that's to be expected with all his films, it's just lately, the dark places seem a little forced, pushed a little too far. It's like he has to make a point, but I'm not sure he knows what point he really wants to make. Perhaps he's worried about becoming some sort of sellout - destined to spend the rest of his life signing copies of his movies outside video rental stores in the malls he loves so much.

I'm sure if he ever read this he'd say something like "Fuck Mark - it's just a motherfucking movie bitch. Deal with it." Kevin - I am, it's just hard sometimes.

Take Clerks II. This film has a great heart, the interaction between Dante and Randal is brilliant and touching at times. The go kart scene, with the best nod to Butch Cassidy I've ever seen, was just lovely to watch; it really touched me. But Kevin, what the hell was the donkey show for. Fart jokes just get harder to pull off I guess.

To be fair I've yet to watch Catch and Release or Jersey Girl - I want to, I really do, but the biggest part of me just wants to see what he does without the darkness. Maybe it's just me - but I can't believe it's not in there somewhere - waiting to catch me unawares. And Liv Tyler seems such a lovely girl.....

In the meantime I'll keep watching - if just to hear what you really want to say; and yes - even if it's really about donkeys.

Art Darling

Some of you must be wondering if I live most of my life within the confines of YouTube.

Why, yes - I do. :)

I found this stuff whilst looking for a video clip for Freshman - by the Vervepipe. While I never found that particular clip - I did find this art form, which just goes to show there's a lot of talent out there folks.



And for IG this link, and finally Brew King - this link.

Apologies

Pity the fool who writes about me!

Sometimes I reference real people in this blog directly.
IG appears from time to time, and is usually addressed as such.
So if I was to say that IG once uttered the following pick-up line to a beautiful Ski- bunny, whilst extremely drunk in a posh Queenstown Bar;

"Heeeelllllooooo.....(long pause)..... do you ski?"
"Yes" - said ski-bunny replied (in awe that he could still talk, one imagines)
"Uphill?", IG asked inquisitively.... (which of course is an absolutely brilliant next line in my opinion).

then you know that it was indeed IG that said those words.

But when I mention "Pasta in the Pot" - I did not in anyway infer or imply that the poem was about IG.
In fact - I'm surprised that you could think such a thing.
No wonder IG was so outraged, when I talked to him in the weekend.

So IG, to thee I offer this apology.

Dearest IG,

For this slight upon your fine character, I hereby resolve to let you win the first three pool games at the Pool House Cafe, when I am next down in Dunedin pontificating on my Uncleship.
You know how hard this will be for me....
As I am a pool god, and you are mostly not :)

Looking forward to visiting soon - much cruising in the Merc, one suspects!!!

MJ.

A cigar is just a cigar

I was talking to IG (who doesn't call me no more) today, and he mentioned of late that my blog seems somewhat melancholic. What IG fails to realise is that although my writing may sometime seem melancholic, its perhaps better classified as nostalgic in nature. Melancholically nostalgic at a stretch!

Like most people my age, I guess I'm a little more concerned about what's goes on around me; I think now, more than ever, I'm starting to look at the world, and in some way, my place in it.

Mythos: Everything was better then than it is now. Reality: I guess not having Sunday trading would be great - that is until I want to go shopping :)

Anyway. On to the Nostalgia!

When I was a child I spent hours looking at the face of my first watch - I can actually remember the name on it - a Nivada - and it was red with a leather strap. I remember it because it was the first present that I ever got that was a grown up gift. Not a toy truck or a kids bike - it was a proper working watch - and it was soooo cool. It was nice - shiny, and so grown up.

From that point life has been, among other things, a journey of wants and desires. Things I wanted but never got, things that I got through hard work, and some things that fell in my lap. I think, after some reflection - yes - I am a perfectionist - and that although I may not have a lot of "stuff", I have nice stuff; often because I've worked hard to make it that way. And I won't apologise for that.

But all that said, I'm trying hard to compromise. I think it's fair to say I am usually the happiest person in the room, but there is more to me than than a smile or a witty comment. Di keeps telling me to embrace the parts of me that my job and surroundings have forced into the forgotten recesses of my mind. My photography, writing, music.

It's an exorcism of sorts, but I'll get there if IG and my other friends care enough to give me a kick in the arse when I get too serious.