Requiem

When I look back, on the decisions I've made, on the most part I can say I'm happy.

As far as I'm aware there's little unsaid or important to be done. In most cases I've said what I've needed to say, pushed as hard as I've been comfortable to in life and love, and left things as well as I could, before moving on.

I think it's important to live life this way, as you never know when your time here may come to an end. I hate leaving anything unfinished.

Still, when I heard that a workmate who fell from his ladder earlier this week, passed away this morning, I wonder if I couldn't do better.

Perhaps I will.

I keep forgetting

Question: How does being married to Tom Cruise automatically make you asexual?

Fuck taking back the night - we need to reclaim Katie Holmes!


P.S. I may be drinking tomorrow night, so will try and stop myself drunk-posting. Wish me luck!

The fundamental good

Although this may not happen everyday, its important to remember that once and a while our true potential shines through.

Kind thoughts to you all today :)

Lighter moments

There was a disturbance in the force yesterday.

Around 11am I turned to my boss and said (out of the blue)
"You know, it's as somethings lifted around here"
" The weight on my shoulders has... well.. gone"

(I should point out this is NOT a thing I would normally say aloud)


She looked at me strangely, and replied
"You know, it's weird, but I was just thinking the very same thing"


I look forward these brief connections between people. The phone call when you're thinking of someone, the email out of the blue, the energy of the crowd.

We're all made of the same stuff fundamentally; so it shouldn't be surprising if we connect from time to time at some sub atomic level.

Sometimes I wonder why we move in and out of each others lives; the cyclic nature of it all.
The mysteries of life and quantum physics aside, often Occam's Razor applies; simply, sometimes we can't bear not to.

And the reason for that, is something else entirely.

Underachieving

I've been listening to Taylor Swift all weekend.
I love the simple bass riffs I've been learning along the way.

She sings from the heart - and although I'm not a huge country fan, I cant say enough about her raw talent and emotion.

I wish I was half as passionate as her - but to be honest I'm feeling a tad jaded. Must be all that overachieving I've been up to. :)

Making it Rain

I really wanted to see one of these before they stopped.

I hope to see something even more inspiring from the US space program, but as long as people harp on about world peace and feeding the starving millions, we'll just keep dumbing ourselves down as a race. I think the real problem has got more to do with greed and power, than launching shuttles into space.

If I was king of the world I'd start with the eradication of far right and far left. Not forgetting the far green - I've got my eye on you guys as well!

Some kind of Talent

Now - If only that bloke from the Coors could just lose the chicks he'd make a fortune !

The Coors 15 minutes may well and truly be gone, but they did serve to show that Irish people are ALL incredibly talented, not to mention devilishly attractive.

A fact that wasn't wasted on me when I met Niamh Shaw for the first time.

I love this song - although the compression from Youtube really doesn't do the song justice. The only real issue is translating the lyrics - I mean "and tearing has it's ways??"

I'm thinking not...



I will get my Amp now - right luv? :D

Prozac Prose

This evening I took some time out to look around a local bookshop. When looking for a new writer I often follow a process I use when trying new wines - I'll take the ones with the nicest labels thank you very much.

Tonight my search passed row after row of self help books...

Im a cynic when I comes to self-help books. I think, in the most part they only succeed in helping their authors make huge mounds of cash. While I'm on this subject, I've always wondered why airport bookstores have an inordinate number of these books. Is it because frequent flyers need more help than those who take the bus or train? Is visiting an airport bookstore really just a cry for help?

Perhaps not.

At the same time I find it odd that any odd person can write a self help book that any other odd-er person can pick off a shelf; after all one cannot simply rock up to the chemist and pick a box of Prozac or Xanax of a counter like a pack of condoms. God that would be great. Just imagine.. "Very good sir - would you like some LSD or E with that"?

Anyway...

I looked at the titles, and the famous authors. Witty titles and colorful labels beckoned to me like an iPad on payday, and yes I must admit I was tempted. But with so many areas for self improvement, and so few years remaining, I decided it was much better to be a Monet (fine from far away, but with an underlying complexity up close) than an open book.

P.S. Ironically, I'm still angry :)

The Dreaming Bed

Since returning from my overseas trip, I've been sleeping in my spare room.
The spare room is adjacent to my living room, so when my folks come to stay I'm only too happy to vacate my master bedroom and en-suite, knowing my later bed time wont interrupt their sleep habits - it's a win/win scenario.

So why after all these weeks am I still in the room? I'm guessing its the dreams.

I never remember my dreams in the other room, and for the life of me I have no idea why.
I've always found that looking at your dreams is an excellent way of cutting to the quick, even if you don't really want to admit what they're saying to you.

Sooner or later you have to look to the truth of the things that bother you.

I'm wondering if admitting it means the cure isn't too far off. Right now I'm too angry to care, although that could have (partially) been the last 5 minutes of Castle S02E24 tonight.

So angry !

Toasty feet

I love the rain.

Today I took at walk at lunchtime and got caught in a downpour.
As life suddenly sped up to a mad dash around me, I decided I couldn't get any wetter, so carried on undeterred. There's a kind of peace that comes from not reacting on impulse.

Tonight the wind is blowing rain onto my kitchen window.
The wind whistles under the eves on it's way to Piha, while I am nice and warm inside.
These are the simple moments to cherish, even if my socks were wet all day.

It's a small price to pay for hot water cupboard trainers tomorrow :)

Looking Past the Obvious

I'm a sucker for this kind of sound.

I think that like this clip, in life you have to look beyond whats in front of you. You've got to want something more than what you see; either that or forever doomed to be nothing more than a Muppet.

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

I cant stress how important that last bit in italics is to me these days.

I feel old

Chemistry

I don't mind being married to my career
and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as i fall asleep at night
I just don't wanna settle

-Up in the Air (2009)

The next big thing

I remember how outwardly idealistic I was once,

I remember how one of my workmates said he'd kick his son out of home if he was gay.
I remembered getting into an ever increasing argument telling him what a fuckwit he was.
That part will never die.

I remember watching a mate dragging another out of girls room at a party
Because it wasn't his girlfriend's

I remember barricading the doors at work from non union worker trying to get in during a strike. I was shitting myself, but I wasn't alone.

I remember dancing with Georgia before she could walk. Later I remember reading stories to her. I remember her smiles and screams of joy reading "The Bear" story.

I remember when everything seemed so much more important, that the things we did were pivotal in some way. Things seemed mostly larger than life. Maybe it's just the hindsight talking.

Over time people mellow. We see the benefits in compromise, we curb our excesses, we grow up. Most of the time it's a good thing, but I guess I'm still looking for the next big thing - something to raise that emotion; bring back the flavor of life.

I wonder what it will be, and how soon it will take to get here....

One - Aimee Mann

Rumour has it the entire film "Magnolia" was dreamt up while listening to an Aimee Mann album. Depending on your opinion of Paul Thomas Anderson's work that may or may not be a good thing.

Yes Shaw, I know you hated it :)

I promise - this will be the last in the line of music posts. They come in three's don't you know.

Always a woman

I haven't heard this in ages. I remember borrowing this album when it first came out.
Shitty stereo, on vinyl, I played it to death. The thing I remember now is that I know the lyrics to every single song on "The Stranger" - I wonder in the age of the mp3 how common this is now.

Addiction needs a pacifier

GRRR moments;
1) One thousand three hundred emails upon my return to work.
2) I forgot that TODAY was my birthday day off - not yesterday.
3) Looked up at the clock expecting midday - it was 10 AM !!

Moving along.

I was trying to explain something to Niamh the other night.

I had an occasion to stand near the front of the ship in front during a beautiful sunset. I was alone, surrounded by and endless sea. As the sun set in its brilliance, the wind dropped I waited for an epiphany that... just.... didn't....come.

It was a waste of a perfect moment.... What I really needed was something like this :)

I see the universe.
I see the patterns.
I see the foreshadowing that precedes every moment of every day.
A part of me swims in the stream.
But in truth, I'm standing on the shore.
The current never takes me downstream

But nope - nothing... I hate it when life does that!

Random thoughts

I hate that when you see someone asking for money on the street, you immediately check run mental check to see if you're being conned. I hate that people can take advantage of others good will, to a point where we now think twice before offering our fellow man a helping hand.

I feel for parents who have young children on planes that misbehave prior to take-off and landings. I know it's often because they have to sit in their own seats and not Mum and Dad's knee; or that they're probably overtired and tantrum friendly. Still, all that aside I wish they could just stick them with an epi-needle and knock the screaming shits out.

I'm glad that after a stressful day in a foreign country, when you're hungry and confused with the new currency, you can walk into a McDonalds and feel at home again.

I'm disturbed that the loss of hair on your head doesn't automatically exclude ear or back hair as well.

I'm happy Walmart shoppers aren't always the same as they're perceived in the popular media.

I love it when you're expecting the third degree from custom and border security, and they meet you with a real smile and cheery disposition.

I really love it that I got in and out of Hawaii without getting fingerprinted or retinal scanned. I understand why, but I really believe you should be a criminal before being treated like one. But after you've proven to have committed a criminal act in a court of law - totally different story - go to town!

I hate how much you miss home, until you actually arrive back.

Back

I'm back after a 12 hour flight from Hawaii, and suddenly I'm in a New York state of mind...



No work tomorrow - it's my birthday "day off".

Shorts

I know it's overly sensitive of me, but I hate it when I see people reading a magazine from cover to cover, only putting it down only to pick another.

I know it might upset the balance of our delicate earth's ecosystem, but I'm wondering if the world wouldn't be a little bit better off without people always trying to get something for nothing.....

Time waits for no man

There's nothing worse than waiting for an email that may never come.

Expect perhaps having to pay 75cents/minute for the privilege :)

Forgive me :)

Sorry Niamh.

In any relationship, you're bound to slip at times, especially when apart over great distances.

Plus it's never cheating when you're not in the same zip code, let alone the same hemisphere - right?

And the Margarita's were divine, so that makes it OK - doesn't it ?

Love Markie x

Unfriending

The act of unfriending is a new social trend we all eventually have to learn if we're a Facebook user. Although the results are always the same, the reasons for unfriending are not always as simple as they first appear to be.

Facebook is an interesting social media machine; some people use it to collect as many "friends" as possible while others keep their social media connections to those they would truly call friends. I struggle when it comes to ignoring friend requests - simply put it's not polite to not extend your hand in friendship, but to do so to someone who has over 500 friends seems easier - after all, don't they have enough already?

I have less than 60 friends. Some are workmates, others are social friends, none are for status. In my time I have only unfriended two Facebook friends - for entirely different reasons.

The first was in my early days of Facebook. I got a request from a girl who seemed to know me very well - but for the life of me I couldn't place her photo in her profile. Curiosity won me over and I accepted her friend request, only to find she was a friends sister. Her hedonistic lifestyle eventually got to me; she continually whined about her lot in life, at the same time only too willing to bankrupt her doting parents by getting them to pay for everything, including the very house she lived in. Unfriending her was a simple act - I just didn't like her.

The last act of unfriending was driven solely by self preservation. After accepting the friendship connection I realized that very post on her page was a reminder of a life I could not be connected to; a constant prompting that, for whatever reason, any love we shared could not be overcome to create change. In a way it provided a deeper understanding that my love for her simply wasn't enough. Contrary to any opposing view I needed to accept that - but in a way her Facebook posts were a consistent painful reminder of that fact. It was unhealthy, and for completely different reasons unfriending was again a simple act. Although in this instance she still haunts me every single day.

I look at my Facebook inbox today and I see a request from a prominent Korean businessman, who has serious financial connections to my aunt: I think I've met him once. My dilemma; should I accept a request from someone who I don't know very well, yet may take my snub personally enough to impact on his business deals with my aunt. His request hovers in my inbox, neither accepted or denied. If only life were always that simple.

Inaction often seems simpler, yet achieves nothing.

Northern Exposure

Moorea Bungalow $950 USD a night - breakfast not included

At 2am this morning we silently passed over the equator. When we woke this morning I reacquainted myself with the northern hemisphere. By 10am we had already sighted the Christmas Islands, ironically named as it was incredibly hot outside, not incredibly wet like most Dunedin Christmas's I have experienced over the years.

As my cruise reaches it's end I'm both happy and sad. Happy because I'm starting to get to that period in any holiday when you get sick of being on holiday - perhaps not holidays in general - just the one you're on at the moment. If I was mega rich I'd always make a plan to take a holiday in the middle of my holiday before going back to my original holiday. By doing that both holidays would always be fresh and interesting; you wouldn't notice the twenty track CD in the dining room was constantly on repeat, and as a result wanting to drown yourself in the breakfast oatmeal to the dulcet tune of "suicide is painless", or as it's otherwise known name "The theme to MASH".

I still subscribe to the whole doing less, achieves more fun theory. Right now I'm once again in the ships library, reclining in a nice leather chair (fully clothed IG). I watch the day pass with the waves as we steer toward the Hawaiian Islands at a leisurely 16 knots. I of course have nothing to do but watch the majesty unfold - and unfold it does.

Just yesterday I won BINGO, but had to share my $84 with some chick from Australia because she called it at the same time. When I announced I was from New Zealand I got a huge cheer - perhaps because there were a few Kiwi's there, perhaps because I was wearing shorts - I am unclear which.

Tonight I have to attend a stag do for someone who's been married 30 years. Such are the complexities of shipboard life. Everyday they plead for people to attend the Jammers nightclub, but as it doesn't open until 9pm, most people are in bed. I would go, but the bar staff always burst into tears when I arrive - realizing that no one else will be attending. I always buy at least three drinks so the gratuity payments (automatically added) pay their wages for the night. I kid. Well kinda.

Gratuity is a funny concept, nope, on second thought I fuck'n hate it. Australian and New Zealander's don't tip. It's not that we're cheap - it's just that it's not in our culture. When you get good service you return to that restaurant; you tell your friends. That's how it works here. We discovered 3 days in to our journey that we were all being charged $11 per day as a flat gratuity fee - this on top of a 10% gratuity fee on all our drinks. As this was an optional service the next day there was a massive line to the pursers desk by irate Oz and Kiwi passengers getting the charges removed. Princess Lines are planning to add the charge to all fares in the future so you know what you're in for. Frankly I think it's wise - often those who travel from this neck of the woods aren't super wealthy, for some it's a trip of a lifetime.

Pet stingrays on Moorea motu. Brilliant!

I had to smirk the other day; like in the days of Titanic, there still remains a class structure on a cruise - even if it's self imposed. People at our dinner seating decided to treat themselves to something called "The Captains Sanctuary". For a nominal fee of $15 per person you can book time in a remote part of the ship with a full luxury service - food, shade, own bar staff etc. Thing was, when they went to book they found all the spaces were pre-booked by the more wealthy clientele - when they wandered by later that day they found no one there. One way to keep the commoners out I suppose :)

So today is my birthday here - I have duct-taped my Mums mouth shut, and she's under a penalty of death should she make a fuss. I just want to get away from it all and switch off. Surrounded by over 1300 people it's a bit tough. Still in the library at least everyone has to keep their gobs shut. Blessed silence.

Finally : I've been wondering.. do you "Love the ones you Miss", or "Miss the ones you Love". I've been thinking the latter.

What about you guys?

Low shoulder - through the trees

Liked this in a movie -hope it translates in Youtube, as my connection is too slow to view.

Anyway - enjoy (hopefully) :)

Bah! Birthdays!

I never liked birthdays. I think I may have mentioned that, for me, they're a measurement of progress; a time to take stock of certain things.
It's a waste of time, i know, but we are all wired a certain way.
Sometimes it can be a huge distraction; forever pulling me back to the same place to be measured against a standard that is continually changing; I can never win.

In my mind there were some things I wanted to have sorted by the 17th. The irony is that I can now only recall the things still outstanding. My life coach continually tells me I'm very perceptive; I'm thinking it's a curse of sorts, I often wish I was oblivious and unaware.

The risk of continually looking for answers, are getting some I suppose.

I once read a science fiction story where one of the sub-characters had a elective surgery procedure where he was left perpetually happy, not caring about any outcomes of life. Best decision he ever made he claimed - but there's the rub - He'd say that anyway.

Blissfully unaware, blissfully happy. I wonder if I could let it all go. I'm haunted by a memory of what life could offer, and what yet may be.

Another year: Still searching, still measuring, still learning.

I dunno - maybe it's a good thing after all. :)

Just to say

So, if someone says "You know I love you - right?"

Does that mean they love you, or simply that you should know that they do, without them actually having to say it.

Just wondering....

You can checkout anytime you want

As big as this ship is, I've actually been thinking; "How big is big enough?"
A week into my cruise and for the last three nights I've avoided the main dining hall; partly because of the people at my table, but mostly because I'm sick of the good food.
Discovering what you do and don't want to eat becomes more difficult as the cruise goes on - I'm thinking it's because you cant actually make anything for yourself, instead relying on others to read your mind EXACTLY.

I also miss my guitar and internet connection. I'm also thinking this may be more pertinent as time goes on. The heart wants what the heart wants, and doubly so if it cant have it.

A cruise ship is indeed like a floating hotel - but a hotel you cant really leave - at least not without getting very wet, or more importantly very drowned. Themes of "Hotel California" aside I believe that to enjoy the experience you have to make it less of one.

By this I mean, don't attempt to make the most of everything. Be lazy - potter about your cabin - don't feel you have to attend a lecture on Polynesia or Ceramic painting. Avoid the Bingo and the Bean bag Boulle - by all means lie in you cot and star at the ceiling - I will keep you sane when every one around you has slowly gone mad. [Note: This may have actually happened, given the behavior of some of the other passengers.]

I feel the ultimate day in a 'round the world' journey would start with a decent lie in, followed by bugger all else.

So - am I enjoying it ? The resounding answer so far is YES; but important in all this is never having to justify why - You just have to discover the reasons yourself.

Come join us - we are programmed to receive. :)

Clarification

Although I can often focus on the things that irritate the hell out of me - I must admit I'm enjoying the change of view, pace, and space.

I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to do this, as left to my own devices I'm sure I would have never taken the time to explore traveling this way.

So would I recommend this sort of touring?

Give me a few more days and I'll give you my verdict :)

Yikes !

Formal night tonight.

Hope I scrub up well. It's been a while....

Just hoping "they" don't look down on me :)

Food fight!!!!!

I now have definitive proof to the unanswered question; “Why are we alone in the Universe?”.

I should point out that I do not make this claim lightly. I have thought about this for almost an hour now, but unlike most of my fleeting thoughts - I still believe I am right in this.

Like most epiphanies, this though can in the most unlikely of places - the Lido deck of the cruise liner Dawn Princess.

I currently sit in the antithesis of the Lido deck. In the ships library there are still rules of etiquette to follow. Silence is golden, no one is chewing their cud, and the smell of old books fill the air. I feel the last vestige civilization surrounds me; a bastion of books to keep away the marauding horde of sheep - nay cows - shuffling between the pool deck and the food troughs.

God - I loathe crowds. Every day I find an area of the ship bereft of as many people as possible. Here, with nothing but deep blue ocean surrounding me I attain a small measure of self - disconnected. Here I understand concepts of “Far from the Maddening Crowd”, and “An Island to One’s self”; but at the same time I realize it’s always on my terms.

Breakfast and lunch offer two alternatives. You can either be served, or serve yourself.

Opting to be served avoids the crowds, and the fiercely pitched battles over table spaces, but inevitably has a downside - you never know who you’re going to be sat next to. Trust me: It could be just as bad. Another negative to this option is the size of the portions, and the time taken to dine; both decided by the hyped up waiter staff, who seem to be paid by a) the number of patrons they serve every hour or/and b) by how far they stretch the food budget. It’s a whistle stop tour - this silver service option.

Self service would almost be tragic, if it wasn't for all the adults playing musical chairs will full lunch trays. Those lucky buggers already holding a table stake, smiling with a false sense of accomplishment, are reluctant to give up their prize possessions, even well after they have eaten. There is nothing more demoralizing than seeing your fellow man walk aimlessly amongst the tables, his lunch ever cooling; a modern day flying dutchman - ever approaching an empty table, only to have it taken as he comes into range of possession.
I’d laugh if I sometimes wasn’t playing the dutchman myself.

Still, I cant help but smile when I imagine the production crew edit the day’s video tape and show it on some Asian reality TV show. It’s all there - man’s inhumanity to man. Class structures, and turf wars go head to head with the meek and the mad - stirring stuff, all ending as they finally find their spot to graze, smiling at those less fortunate still searching.

At the end of the day it’s just that simple. Why would you bother? There’s so many of us. We’re all on an important mission, and we’re always looking for that table to put our food tray on. We speak so many different languages - yet we are all the same. It’s a complex machine of people, places and purpose. Frankly there’s really no room for outsiders, except to look in and discover; so maybe, just for now, we’re really just not worth the effort.

I’m just hoping they discover the libraries.

Coral Sea

I find it somewhat humbling - traveling through the Coral Seas; where so many have died to protect the freedoms we now take for granted.
As I stand on the bow of this massive cruise liner, the sun shines down on a peaceful sea, as the wind blows past unhindered.
I wonder if this was how it was between the battles in the Pacific; between the horror of the war, a glimpse of the peace that was to come after.

No land, just an azure sea, and a total lack of perspective - except for our small part in the picture.

Yada yada yada

True Story

Albert, being one of the younger members of the cruising party, was always causing mayhem. Leading the remaining older passengers astray with his shenanigans, staff would always breath a sigh of relief after 7:30pm when everybody retired for the evening.

The Boat of Love

I'm hanging with Issac for the next three or so weeks.

When you think of me I'd like you to think of this theme song...



Good grief - just watched the video and threw up in my mouth a little.

These posts should come with a warning message at the beginning - not the end. Will post from the high seas, should internet be available.

Again sorry 'bout the clip.

Bye :)

Shorts

The weirdest thing - last week work was far to hectic for me to slip off to the gym at lunchtime. I was pissed.

Saturday I rode my mountain bike to the mall and managed a spectacular crash avoiding a jogger on the way home.

Sunday, aching all over, I got back on the "horse" again and didn't fall off...

Monday I slipped out from the office and embarked on my new arm/shoulder killing workout. After work I went for a cycle after work to unwind.

The weird thing - this isn't me - at all. I wonder if the pod people ever knew they were pod people?

Sidebar: My couch is filing for irreconcilable differences, and I still feel fat.

Wow this is amazing. Stolen from Chris.

The power of music and the interweb together in a unique vision.

COMPOSED AND CONDUCTED BY:
Eric Whitacre

Representing 12 Countries:
Austria
Argentina
Canada
Germany
Ireland
New Zealand - Yay!!!
The Philippines
Singapore
Spain
Sweden
United Kingdom
United States of America

Rain on my roof makes me happy

I've been thinking that so many situations we face are so similar, yet we continue to look for the differences, in some vague hope that being unique means we can make our mark in the world.
In truth our strength is in our common bonds, regardless of origin or creed.

20 Questions about privacy

I wonder how much is enough.

A couple of weeks ago I was sick, and missed out on a team building day. This was unfortunate - not because I missed out on a kayak down a slow flowing river, but because it provided my team an opportunity to discuss my love life.

To this day I don't understand what right people have to try and shape another life in their image of their twisted world. We all know someone who asks;

"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"When are you getting Engaged?"
"When are you getting Married?"
"When are you having Children?"

I assume it eventually stops - I mean how many times do you get;

"When are you planning on on dying?"

I wonder why this sort of thing irritates me so?
Is it because I want to be firmly in control of my own destiny?
Is it because I'm a very private person, who likes to keep some distance between their work and social lives?

I know what I like. I know what I want. I'm capable. I'm able.
But for right now - more importantly I'm pretty damn happy.

Except when my boss sends me an email today; addressed to me and a friend of hers it was entitled "Putting you two in touch...."

So maybe I'm not so much angry; maybe instead just a little sad.

.

Just shine dammit!

I've always found there is more than one way to tell a story.

When all you do is focus on the negative elements, you miss an opportunity to stand apart, and to look at a unique way of focusing on a positive.

Life is grand; life is full of choice.
You have more power than you think. Make it what you want - because if you don't, you'll be simply making it what it shouldn't be.

Look at this clip, as a case in point, and let that light shine in.

Hand me Down - Matchbox 20

I like the musical progressions within this song, the phrasing and the melody.



If only you could just wind the "whiny" down a little.

I've known too many people who like to play the victim. I dont tolerate them anymore.

One lesson learnt - God knows how many to go...

Imagine if this caught on.

It's a fucking stupid mixed up world.
I've got my God; he speaks to me every day.
Somethings I just cant work out, so I leave them be; even if I think they're wrong.
Because I know one day he'll make me understand
I've got that trust: It's called belief.
I'm a lucky man.

Anwar's Dad - Skins S01E09

Memories, light the corners of my mind

Well maybe not exactly.

Mum - skip this, you wont like it.

Pop psychology: The secret to truly moving on.

This just in.

1) Acceptance - accept that nothing in the past can be changed.

2) Forgiveness - Forgive yourself and others for past actions

3) Gratitude - Be truly grateful for what you have, and what surrounds you.


Two out of three isn't enough supposedly.

If any of you score 100% let me know if this works for you. :)

True story

In a previous life I lived in a small village in the south of France.

Summers came and went. The pace of life was glacial.

One spring day I put my tanned arm outside my window, and moved my hand as the wind blew between my fingers. It was divine.

Nothing ever seemed to happen. It was magic.

Inhuman Resources

It amazing how easily you can be dragged back into the fray.
Its amazing how the faintest smell of a situation can take the floor from beneath you; how other peoples issues can suddenly become yours again.

I know life shouldn't always be about me, so when I realize I've been hijacked on the back of someone else's amygdala, I get kinda angry that I haven't let the old stuff go.

Sometimes you have to be realistic and know that some things are bigger than you and me, and that revenge for wrongdoing only happens in the movies or our dreams.

For now I just hope that the one fundamental law of the universe is simply "What goes around, comes around".

Because justice is just so important to me right now, I really need to believe that.

Dendrite dilemma

It turns out, that when we're born, our brains are only wired for basic autonomic functions, designed to keep us alive. As we develop and do stuff, pathways develop in our brain. These neural pathways are created by Dendrites and get "stronger" with repeated use over time.

The really cool thing about these pathways, is that we are continually developing them. We still have the ability to great new skills; with time and effort those pathways can be strengthened to the point that they can become second nature, involving little or no conscious effort.

Equally gratifying is the fact that unused mental pathways can erode and wither - I'm not sure if the connection are ever truly broken, but most times we do have to partially relearn the skills....perhaps like riding a bike again as an adult...

I guess what I'm saying is that by accentuating the good, and eliminating the bad, there's still time for a much healthier balanced brain. It's a nice thought to think that with consistent effort we could all be much happier - eventually without even working so hard to make it so. :)

My only concern is that recently I've remembered some of my dreams - bizarre as they are I'm thinking that if my dreams are creating dendrite connections, I'm in for an awful lot of trouble...

Still - best not think about that eh :)

See ya Guys

When i think of Andy and Niamh's exodus from the holy land, two images come to mind;

An arduous passage...

and just totally rocking the moment when they get there.

This is actually a great representation of Ms Shaw.

Either way, they're the kinda people you miss when they're gone.

Defining mementos

Angela and I walked in to this concert in 1993 as a last minute thing.

It was a visual extravaganza - and in amongst it all I kinda fell in love with U2 again.

It's all good.

You never know what the tide will bring in; but rest assured, left well alone, it will take it back again. People drift in and out of our lives. I'd like to think there are reasons for these ebbs and flows - in fact I'm sure of it.

I joke that there are lessons to be learned, and only when they're absorbed can we truly move on. Lately I've realized that for me, the idea is to see things as they are, and not as they should be, or how I want them to be.

Sometimes love isn't enough, and at the end of the day there are more tangible reasons for things to be the way they are.
I've learned you cant fight life; you let select people in, and hope for the best. What happens next isn't so much in the lap of the gods, but within ourselves.

When it's not enough, you have to be happy you tried, having no regrets. Love is the stuff of legends - battles won and lost over time immortal. It's comforting to know that when we're nothing but dust, people will still be looking for the answers, when it's entirely possible there are none.

Kidding - it's something about chocolate - obviously! :)

Food Thoughts 1

Sometimes thoughts come to me. Like Eddie Vedder says "they arrive like butterflies". For now I wont chase them away; instead I will jot them down here.
My readership may suffer somewhat - but I'm up for it if you are :)


Free Range Eggs

I buy free range eggs at the supermarket, and where possible when I eat out. I'm fortunate that my income allows for the extra expenditure, and although I do it for the health of those free roaming chickens, I also smile when I realize that as a result the battery hens now have to lay less eggs every day.


Bacon

I seriously wonder if there is such a thing as bacon outside the United States of America. This meat on my plate is nothing but hot ham, wishing to be more, but always coming up short. I think bacon must be most happy when extra extra crispy.





Currently watching : Mary and Max

Woody's and Holden T's

I was in a queue at my favorite diner last week.

As I contemplated how not to break my low carb diet, I watched aimlessly, as those before me ordered.

A man in a holden shirt asked for a small minature botttle of wine, and a minature bottle of bourbon and coke to go with his plate of fries.

It was Valentines day after all, and he had a lady to impress.

I'm single for a reason people; although some days I struggle to understand why :)

I Skate therefore I am

This is me

Is there something fundamentally wrong with a man over 40 skateboarding?

I must admit the initial purchase was a impulse buy. Brett and I had been watching an old video transfer detailing the history of skateboarding in New Zealand. Both of us overcome with nostalgia, Brett mustered the courage to go out and purchase a longboard. Needless to say I was close behind.

The guy behind the counter mentioned that he'd sold a few longboards to older guys lately - I confessed on the spot and he laughed when he recalled Brett coming in looking for a board.

On the way back to work, longboard under my arm, I swear I looked like some cool urban surfer looking for the perfect street to skate. I was no longer MarkJ, Cellular Engineer - I was MarkJ, frumpy guy with a longboard under his arm. Categorize me into some "box" now be-arch!

Last week I brought some red wheels for my board - red wheels go faster, don't you know!

It's nice to know the child is strong with this one.

For today, I remember your smile

Certain songs take us to certain places; memories as clear as the day they were made. Some songs become anthems of sorts - defining moments in our lives.

Iconic kiwi songs aside this little Australian number reminds me of a time when things were incredibly complicated, yet fun at the same time. If I could I wouldn't go back - I guess couldn't cope with all that misplaced optimism and navel gazing :)

Still - I cant help but wonder if this song will translate without the associated memories. I hope you enjoy it.

I will come for you at night time
I will raise you from your sleep
I will kiss you in four places
I'll go running along your street
I will squeeze the life out of you
You will make me laugh and make me cry
We will never forget it
You will make me call your name and I'll shout it to the blue summer sky
We may never meet again
So shed your skin and lets get started
And you will throw your arms around me

I dreamed of you at night time
And I watched you in your sleep
I met you in high places
I touched your head and touched your feet
So if you dissapear out of view
You know, I will never say goodbye
Though I try to forget it
You will make me call your name and I'll shout it to the blue summer sky

Ahhh - cyber love

I seriously don't know if I should laugh or cry, but for some strange reason this writing style reminds me of Deadly Jelly. :)

Exhibit One: (below) - a comment on gizmodo

I met my wife on the internet. We met, things were great for a bit, and then not so much.

She freaked out and left...Granted she was a cruel heartless bitch that crushed my soul and ripped my still beating heart out of my chest like Mola Ram.

Then 2 years later she came back, apologized for her behavior, (she describes it herself in her own words openly as being a cruel heartless bitch to me) we started dating again, and now we're married.

She isn't above asking me to put my phone away when I start fidgeting during blank spots dining out. She doesn't mind when I start tearing her pinball machine apart to fix some little quirk it has developed. She appreciates me and my geeky tendencies as a gadgetaholic (I inherited this genetically from my other) who works hard to temper his purchasing choices.

I don't like things like Twitter and Facebook because they take real interaction away from you. You trick yourself into believing that you're having a relationship (friendship or whatever) with folk, when really it's barely that.

I believe you can meet, start a relationship, and fall in love via gadgets. I do not believe that you can have a real relationship via gadgets. Eventually you need face-to-face time and love.

And, my love for gadgets carries over into the bedroom. Including the holy grail of sex gadgets for women. (Yes, that one.) But, again, you really can't replace people, and actual human interaction. No matter how much furniture Frucci attempts to hump in the name of journalism (FSM bless him for his shameless pursuit of excellence.) at some point it comes down to face time and attention. Real attention, not that I'm using the laptop, watching tv, and listening to music kind of attention where you're soaking up input passively.

Journeys

Just remember its not just about how it ends, but every day it takes to get there.

One red guitar

In the corner of my room lies a battered red electric guitar. The frets are scalloped from inexperienced fingers pressing way too hard; the varnish worn away from the fretboard as the strings vibrated against the wood as I practiced: my first guitar, discovered again, dusted off, cleaned and restrung.

So - It may not be a patch on my new American Strat Deluxe, but playing her again I'm reminded of the 26 years we've both been here. Sure - we play a bit better together now; but we've both got a way to go yet.

So, with the sad preponderance of 80's music on our 3-in 1 stereo behind us now, we play along to a more enlightened platter of genres from my iMac; and as I play I'm glad we're back together again. I smile to myself, wondering exactly why….

It's nice to know that some things improve with age, even if we're both a little worse for wear around the edges.

Maybe even me.

But wait - there's more

This pretty much sums up why I dont watch the news anymore...

This is bloody tight

Who am I to argue :)



Every band with a single this year has a mission: beat "Break Even" by The Script. Oh, yah... good luck. John Mayer

Fighting for your food

The last couple of days I've discovered pistachios again . I find it amazing that somehow in this mixed up world, I forgot all about them.

Sonja introduced them to me in Paris, while we waited outside the Moulin Rouge in the rain. She was my first and only tour leader crush - a truly amazing woman.

I love how you get to pry open those sturdy shells, especially those buggers that resist. You find the small crack with your tongue and align your tooth just so. The shell parts under the resolve and voila! … well it's on to the next shell actually.

I always appreciate the things I have to work harder to get. There is no better feeling in the world than knowing you deserve what you have sitting right in front of you.

The trick, I guess, is knowing how hard you have to work for the next great thing in your life.

The wonder of weekends

I have my life back today ...

Since returning from Dunedin I've had a house guest, and it's funny now the place is empty. Funny, but in a totally great way.

It's not like I'm sitting here posting this naked in a leather chair[1] or anything - but when it comes down to it; I really like my own space. Space to breathe and if I'm in the mood, some music to break the silence. God; the silence, the whole not having to say anything.

Yesterday I dropped by the P's for a chat, and ended up getting the whole "This years going to be a good thing for you - blah - you've gotta promise to "get out there" this year speech. Nothing makes me more angry. People insist they have my best interest at heart but they just need to accept I have to live the life I want to, and that doesn't involve me being "out there", until I'm damn good and ready - if at all.

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone

You either fit with someone else, or you don't. When you find someone that fits, and for some unknown reason you don't end up together, it just takes a bit of time to adjust to that fact. That there may be another piece of life's jigsaw puzzle that fits just as well seems...well.. suddenly very unlikely - at least for now.

So - my mum entered by birthday into a numerology website when I was in Dunnoz.

You are a reserved, analytical and peace-loving soul who is blessed with intuition and intelligence. Your ability to concentrate, learn and absorb information far outshines other numbers and you often excel at all forms of scholastics. Usually your intellectual prowess as well as the clarity and foresight of mind is very evident to others at an early age.

However at the same time you are also a very spiritual number. This is because you believe whole heartedly in the relationship between Mother Nature and science. This is part of your inquisitive nature and determination to get to the bottom of what makes the world tick.

You dislike braggarts, gossips and neurotic individuals and find socializing difficult. This is because you can barely hold back your contempt of other people, who are often, indeed acting like fools. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion, so others are more likely to find you watching television at home rather than attending a big sports events.You are not likely to have a wide circle of friends, but once you do accept someone as your friend the bond is usually for life.

The same thing goes for your love life. It is not unusual for a seven to go their entire life without a partner simply because you cannot relate to the emotions and drama that accompany most relationships. This causes you to appear self-centered to others as you opt to spend your time on more interesting subjects.

Hey! I'm not about to believe that the date of your birth determines your whole existence - I'm just saying, that like most things in life, if you throw enough rocks, you're bound to hit a few targets.
That said, I see more than a passing resemblance to myself in those damn italics, but as one of the P's said last night "Nobody ever said you couldn't enjoy tomorrow".

And in that, at least, they're absolutely right. :)

[1] It's actually a cloth chair

Yay it's Wednesday :)

More than friends, I always pledge,
cause friends, they come and go.
People change as does everything.
I wanted to grow old.
Just want to grow old.

Not so much a hot-tubber....

Its too damn hot!

Given the choice of warmth or cold, I'd always opt for cold.

You can always put more clothes on, sit in front of a comfortably hot fire, or go to bed early with someone special. As an added bonus, I honestly believe the less flesh you show, the sexier you potentially are.

I mean; what's under all those extra clothes ? It's like an extra fancy Christmas wrapper, albeit on a very "adult type" gift.

Plus - in the scorching humid summer days you can only take off so many clothes. Especially when you have a house guest, or friends visiting.

Yep - it's not a "hot tub" kinda house - so sue me :)

Decision-fest

There are many types of decisions.

There are those that run the gamut from quivering in anticipation, all the way through to a denial that lasts your whole life.

It's always more comfortable to make the decisions that lie in the middle ground, but after a while the safe ones pale to insignificance - even the ones that hurt you a little. Every now and then you just have to make a really good decision, or an equally bad one, to know you're really alive. The trick is knowing when, what and where to make the decisions that matter.

No - I haven't worked that particular formula out yet; I just tend to wait too long - it's just safer that way.

Every now and again, when you're about to make a decision you're unsure of, there's a slight pause in your thinking. Like a younger version of yourself about to jump off a tall cliff into a deep waterhole. You know it's going to scare the hell out of you, that you might not even survive, yet you understand the juxtaposition of the cliff and the waterhole leave you little choice. They were put there for this purpose - this moment in time, so you could jump. And like this metaphor, so is life.

You jump, you fear, you fall. But if your timing's right, or even a bit late (as in my case), you know as soon as you jump, that you were on the money all along.

You jump the tracks, take a different tack, and your life could change forever. The less we fear the leaps, the more faith we'll have, and maybe we'll get to where we ought to be in this life.

As someone said to me yesterday. "It's important to look before you leap, but it's equally important to leap as well".

Eventually a lot of us never get to the second part.

Angry me.

Misdirected as it is, there's still a bit of power in this anger thing.

Embrace and direct, absorb and learn.

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Curious me

I'm amazed how some artists constantly put their hearts on their sleeves.

Perhaps that's why; when they fall, they fall so hard.

Mathematical Error

Just back from a wedding, where I took a few hundred shots.

I've known Amanda since the day she was born, and now she's married.
It may be serious denial - but for fucks sake I'm just to young for this shit!

And because I'm only allowed to date woman older than half my age plus eight years (I'll elaborate another day), the whole bloody bridal party was off limits.

I need a new calculator - mine's obviously malfunctioning... Its a shame the years don't come off like the kilograms. I'd love to be 30 again :)

The wisdom of the Bob

Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks.
Just look into your heart,
and do whatever the hell makes you happy.

Dances with Avatar

Writing is a strange thing. I've been putting off my first post of 2010 because for the last few days I've been in the most horrid of moods. Not wanting to start the year off on a negative note, I now realize it's not so much the mood that I've been in, but the mood I'm in when I write about my bad mood that counts.

Capiche?

I think the worst thing about a foul mood is knowing why. If you happen to know, and you're powerless to do anything about it, you just have to ride it out like a bad cold. This is somewhat ironic, because I also have a cold at the moment.

Yes - Life is full of irony.

Rather than delving into the reasons for either my cold or bad mood, I will instead accept both and try to battle through regardless. The good news is I have yet to fall to the dreaded affirmations, but in order to survive the looming storm on the horizon I will no doubt have to pencil them in one day soon.

I think the trick is to be realistic. I think this is a lesson I haven't learned very well. I suspect it will take time and patience to master; and I wonder if something of me wont be lost at the end of all this. I hope I'm worng, I hope I'll always have some sense of magic, a belief in the possible along with the probable that shapes our lives. Time will tell I guess. At the moment I'm still open to the possibility of the unexpected. And for now that will do nicely thank you.

I find it interesting that many of us still turn to our entertainment to temporarily balance the less enjoyable parts of our lives. I attended a screening of Avatar last night. There were may oooh's and ahhh's over James Cameron's epic. I joked that it was merely "Dances with Wolves in Space" but Matt argued it was actually "Pocahontas in Space" instead. IG sided with me but correctly named it as "Dances with Wolves in Space without the running away bit at the end".

I wondered if Cameron wasn't running the risk of becoming an epic caricature of himself - stories coming second to the special effects and technical advancement of 3D. I mean, at least Peter Jackson can move from "Lord of the Rings" to "The Lovely Bones" - something I doubt Cameron could muster.

Still you have to admire his passion for his craft - his drive to create a world where not everything can be defined by logic or emotion. For that alone you should take time out and spend two and a half hours with his vision.

It's not a big ask people. :)