Adult Alternative Me

Question: Am I truly old if all I listen to is adult alternative music?
Or just weird?

OK. So I admit to listening to a lot of dross in the past (and maybe tomorrow). My CD collection definitely has some skeletons, but Radiohead isn't one of them. I do however, have a disproportionate number of Pat Benatar albums....

I love this song - I'm not sure why, because I've very possibly never been in this situation..

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My Fake Plastic Love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

Well unless you substitute love for life that is... hmmm
Full lyrics here. I hope you like the song - for, at exactly this moment, I am one with it. Tomorrow however, may be completely another story. At that, my friends, is the story of my life.

My Birthday

How I normally feel about my birthday

I am a lucky person.
I have friends; a lot of them.
How do I know this?
One day out of the year my phone chirps like a cricket on acid - and continues to spit out text and voice messages of birthday well wishes all day long.
I'm not big on big things - I'm big on little things. The constant calls and emails containing variants of the "you're old" theme is a nice reminder that I'm not alone in the world. Thank you all.
The physical distance that separates us is the price we pay for where we are. While the gifts I received this year were all lovely, i have to say that the one thing I'm certain to remember this year was when my friend "Painter-girl" put her arm around my waist, and we swayed from side to side for a moment as we waited to leave Rachel's house.
Because there's nothing as big as the little things.

The Perfect Age

Story One: Today
Visiting Waikato Hospital today on a work related matter, I find myself working in the "sleep lab". Asking the nurse how you get to spend a night in the sleep ward, the possible sleep apnea sufferer looks at the nurse awaiting a simple answer: no such luck. "You get a referral from your GP luv - says she, "You look like a bit of a snorer luv, it's that short neck of yours - a right giveaway that"...."Did ya know there's research that says the low frequency snoring can move aortic plaque to your brain and cause you to stroke out?"

Story Two: Mum re - my grandmothers nursing home.
"God - Mark .....David (a dementia patient) was there the other day; his trousers around his ankles, his pull ups fallen down enough that you could see his butt crack. I was worried he was going to take a dump in the corner of the visitors room!"

Dilemma - Just how long do I want to live?

Why didnt I ?

Ten things I wish I knew when I was twenty-one;

Buy a house and save 10% of you salary.
When good fortune comes your way - take it and cherish it.
Love needs to be acknowledged and nurtured.
Don't stay in the same job too long. You'll get more money and kudos if you keep jumping
Travel early - don't wait too long.
Trust in your abilities, if a new job doesn't give you butterflies in your stomach then it's not enough of a stretch for you.
Make your own luck. Any other sort of luck is random at best.
Being a good person won't make things happen for you - Karma only happens to bad people.
Don't be a drunk - be a connoisseur.
Don't put it off for tomorrow - those opportunities may never come again.

Danny Boy

I'd put this up againt sad kermit's version of "hurt" anyday!

1979

This song from Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness always makes me smile. And I'm not being ironic - honest!

Have a lovely weekend folks !

A cigar is just a cigar

I was talking to IG (who doesn't call me no more) today, and he mentioned of late that my blog seems somewhat melancholic. What IG fails to realise is that although my writing may sometime seem melancholic, its perhaps better classified as nostalgic in nature. Melancholically nostalgic at a stretch!

Like most people my age, I guess I'm a little more concerned about what's goes on around me; I think now, more than ever, I'm starting to look at the world, and in some way, my place in it.

Mythos: Everything was better then than it is now. Reality: I guess not having Sunday trading would be great - that is until I want to go shopping :)

Anyway. On to the Nostalgia!

When I was a child I spent hours looking at the face of my first watch - I can actually remember the name on it - a Nivada - and it was red with a leather strap. I remember it because it was the first present that I ever got that was a grown up gift. Not a toy truck or a kids bike - it was a proper working watch - and it was soooo cool. It was nice - shiny, and so grown up.

From that point life has been, among other things, a journey of wants and desires. Things I wanted but never got, things that I got through hard work, and some things that fell in my lap. I think, after some reflection - yes - I am a perfectionist - and that although I may not have a lot of "stuff", I have nice stuff; often because I've worked hard to make it that way. And I won't apologise for that.

But all that said, I'm trying hard to compromise. I think it's fair to say I am usually the happiest person in the room, but there is more to me than than a smile or a witty comment. Di keeps telling me to embrace the parts of me that my job and surroundings have forced into the forgotten recesses of my mind. My photography, writing, music.

It's an exorcism of sorts, but I'll get there if IG and my other friends care enough to give me a kick in the arse when I get too serious.

Demotivation rules

I usually take sarcasm with a pinch of sugar, but its close cousin sardonic wit, I appreciate a little more. By looking at things in a negative light we are somehow given the opportunity to look at ourselves less critically - and simply go with the flow of self depreciation. Some of the biggest life lessons I've learnt have really hurt - but I'd freely admit that in the long run, they're lessons I appreciate.

Despair have been around a while; you may have already seen the list of de-motivational posters and coffee mugs. You can even create your own posters with a tool on their site.

This is my most recent favourite;

When the winds of change blow hard enough
the most trivial of things
can become
deadly projectiles.

Make it so

Fact or Fiction?

Friendships are complicated beasts. Some are low maintenance, others fall by the side as we move forward. Some are nested in a shared history or time, others are a spur of the moment affairs that carry on.

I've been thinking about my friends lately - this is the first Easter in a while that I haven't been home, and I've been thinking about how things have been going for them, and where I fit now I've been away from Dunedin for nearly five years.

The thing about the success of any any friendships; are that they remain unchanged together, or alternatively changed together. Capisce?
Example: If a low maintenance friendship changes to a high maintenance friendship - unless you want to up-size to a high maintenance friendship as well, then odds on the friendship will fail.
Sometimes friendships will change together with shared experiences, and others will fall into disrepair as people diverge on their own paths. The good news is that sometimes life will throw you a curve, and some old friends can be come new again.

The trick is to find the ones you really care about and try to make them work, even if it's just a little maintenance every now and again; because even a good friendship needs a tweak every once and awhile. Of course this only works if the other party feels the same way about you as well.

Just because you want it - doesn't always make it so.

Mac and Me

Hi Guys

I've been thinking about upgrading my PC lately. It's been about three years since my last upgrade, and I'm wondering if my next PC shouldn't be a Mac....
It's just that I'm not a real gamer now; basically blowing the heads of the undead doesn't do it for me anymore. I find I'm spending much more of my time online, reading and talking to others.
Now I hear that Macs can now run XP within MAC OS X, which is a neat trick - so if I ever felt the need to play Quake or any other FPS, I could do it without any hassles.

So - what I need to know.... are Mac's as good as they say? No virus scanners or spyware hunters robbing me of PC horsepower... it sounds to good to be true...

No OS crashes???? C'Mon - I'm not as green as I am cabbage looking..... :)

Email me if you're too shy to post.

Cheers

Mark.

A new creed

Some new commandments to follow. And everyone - remember if each one of us can abstain from killing someone else this year - I'd appreciate it.

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile… Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thall shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by it’s cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thall shalt not buy Coca-Cola products. Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoakes.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you're done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.


The Beatles - Were just a band.
Led Zepplin - Just a band.
The Beach Boys - Just a band.
The Sex Pistols - Just a band.
The Clash - Just a band.
Crass - Just a band.
Minor Threat - Just a band.
The Cure - Just a band.
The Smiths - Just a band.
Nirvana - Just a band.
The Pixies - Just a band.
Oasis - Just a band.
Radiohead - Just a band.
Bloc Party - Just a band.
The Arctic Monkeys - Just a band.
The next big thing - JUST A BAND.

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.


Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music

Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.
When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
When I say "he say, she say, we say, make some noise" - kill me.
Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

And thou shalt always kill.

So this is science fiction?

"Later, in his quarters, Bill sits at his desk, Aurora at his right hand... He affixes the goddess to her prow: this family, every piece just right. No mothers without sons, no fathers losing daughters. Moving forward, toward the Lie of Earth that even he now believes, thanks in large part to his fallen child. He looks at the ship, moving forward with dawn upon her prow, a light breeze and the soft and rosy light, into the future. The dawn she put into his hands, when he feared she was going crazy, with the loveliest light in the back of her eyes, with her tiny hand in his, passing a goddess to him, smiling bashfully, full of love and light, even as the darkness was closing in. The moment in which they promised each other, with Laura standing witness, that everything was going to be okay: she put this dawn in his hand, and then took herself out of it. She handed him the future, a future which no longer includes Starbuck, no longer includes his favorite among all his children. A future he fights for, in large part, for her. Earth: a gift, to replace all the things New Caprica took from Kara and Saul."

Jacob, Television Without Pity.


Now - if I can only convince Jay to watch the pilot. :)

Insight

Within each of us; lies a child.

I've always loved kids - they are a fascinating insight to ourselves in so many ways. One of the things I've always found interesting is when they develop an awareness of self. By that I mean; when a young child looks at their own photo, and is asked "Who is that?", they almost always reply with their own name - like "That's Georgia", instead of "That's me". Cute me thinks !
As they grow up, children develop a sense of self, and eventually start referring to themselves in that manner.

More recently I've noticed another milestone. My workmate has a young son. Like most boys he's inclined to run around like a madman oblivious to his surroundings - that is - until those surroundings catch up with him. In the past falls have result in cries of pain, and rest assured, the tears are not far behind. Unabashed the little guy turned on the fountains, only to quickly recover, and continue where he left off a few minutes earlier.

That was the story a year ago anyway. When the same lad twisted his ankle on Sunday, he looked at me, and shuffled past quickly to his dads car. Once locked inside you could hear the howls, and you knew there were tears as well.

But mostly you knew was only a short time before they too would be gone, and tears would soon be few and far between.

Some right of passage - eh.

The kid in me.

You can only make something so new. This i realise today, whilst continuing what has become an ongoing saga to rebuild my 1970's Raleigh Chopper. This epiphany came to me today, just as I received the first lot of re-chromed items from the electroplaters. I thought that restoring a car was expensive - but that's just peanuts compared to the projected cost of this bike project.

My brother Scot has the frame in Dunedin - it's currently being re welded and media blasted.
When that's finished it will be etch primed and sent back to Auckland for painting.
Craig has offered to paint it in a new type of high lustre red paint, and I paid someone in the UK $80 for the transfers. Then comes the coat of clear lacquer over the top. Perhaps two layers - I'm not sure yet; and that's just the frame.

Then comes all the ancillary "bits" that I've chromed and restored. The rims have yet to be re-spoked in stainless steel, and the seat has to be re-trimmed. The cranks have to be straightened and the pedals have to be replaced. New tires and brakes are an obvious addition; the list goes on.

Is this project just a pathetic attempt to hold on to one of the major things I wanted at seven years old, or god forbid, something even worse?

More, as revelations come to hand. It might get nasty - oh yes it may...

Something you can't live without.

Totally stole this from David's kiwiblog site.

I saw this in Melbourne. Watch it - It's will make you feel better afterward.

Boxes

I don't like to think people can put me in a box; that they can look at the sum of me, and decide - OK - that's who Mark is.
In a way, although many people have tried to do this, I've always sought to have some type of balance in everything I do, a good example of this being my eclectic taste in music.
Last week it slowly dawned on me that I might be slipping into a demographic, without even recognising it; all this because about 8 months ago I joined a local dating website.

I joined match.com basically as a way of meeting new people. I have a lot of friends here in Auckland now and I love them all to death, but it's fair to say that the group I have been mixing in is now quite settled, and meeting new people is difficult. One of our group,Jen summed it up best when she said that she would like to meet someone when she was most happily being herself. Her idea was; when someone saw you being happy in your life/work/self, they would be more likely to like you for the same reasons you liked yourself. For that reason she always believed that she was more likely to find someone through a less immediate social contact than Internet dating. I have to say - I agree wholeheartedly; but after some needling from others I gave it a go anyway. I hate it.

Still, I have met some nice people online. Recently, however, I have backed off the whole Internet dating scene - simply because I've had a lot of other things on. The other day however, I received an interesting email from a girl from Wellington, who worked in the Financial sector.

I emailed her back, but I was a bit suspicious. I actually emailed her profile to another friend to see what she thought. The next day another email popped into my mailbox, telling me about herself, and that she was a child psychologist. I pretty much knew something was up - I mean how many child psychologists work in the financial sector? I wrote back, and giving her the benefit of the doubt, asking her if she was actually in Wellington. Nope - you guessed it - she was from one of the Baltic States.

In some ways I was conflicted about how to proceed with this. Perhaps this was a genuine person, who is attractive, and bright, with a University degree, just trying to make a better life for herself?
My cynical self though it more likely the emailer was a 56-ish year old man with a bevy of photographs of young women, waiting for his next Western Union transfer from some poor idiot somewhere else in the world that just wants to get laid.
Regardless - I'm not even interested in dating someone in another city - let alone another country, so I guess I'll pull the plug either way. Who would have though someone would have profiled me for this sort of bullshit?

It's weird, but a part of me hopes she isn't "real" - so because of this I guess you can put me in the "Sap box" then :)

I get bothered about stuff.

Moustache's - what the hell ya hiding fella?
As if women find the moustache sexy. So you grow this slug of facial hair above your lip, and let it catch anything and everything that comes near your mouth or nose. It's fair to say that I simply don't trust moustache wearers, and frankly I hope the trend doesn't catch on - lest I become ever more un-hip. The thought of someone with a "mo" getting more than me is very depressing - mainly because this is actually happening.

Sidewalk Dining - So you wanna eat where people walk?
Not to be confused with Courtyard dining - I believe the coup de grace was suckering the public into eating on the sidewalk. I can just picture it - a restaurateur worried about how he's going to fit all his diners in. He discusses this with his head waiter, and he joking suggests they can sit them outside the restaurant on the sidewalk. Like that's going to work - how did we fall for it?

Inconsiderate drivers
Merging into a long lane of waiting traffic at the last minute because they rate themselves higher than those who wait in line. The merging creates that line mister. Why do normally nice people get into cars and become complete arseholes? Be nice - and unless your wife is about to have a damn baby in the back seat - just get into the damn line!
Do you drive your mother to church in that car?

Sorry - When you've got writers block, a rant is good for the soul. :)

Fidelity

I would like to point out that I've had this album for over a year now, and am in not in any way posting this song because of any damn Xtra/Yahoo promotion on the TV!!! :)

Be

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Wise Up - Aimee Mann

Got a few hours?

Looking for a challenging little film that will blow you out of the water - if you could only handle the subject matter?

Look no further than Magnolia - a film reputedly based partly on the song writing of Aimee Mann. It's a total mind-frak, and coincidentally, the best acting I've ever seen Tom Cruise do.

Be brave. And don't blame me if you don't like it !

For some reason i cant embed the video - click here to listen to the track.

Is you is or is you aint?

How can the TV news have any serious credibility when their bulletins is full of grammatical errors?
When is and are are swapped around at someones maniacal whim, we is all lost I'm afraid.
I have no formal training on what the rules of Grammar is, but when I hear it done bad, I can't help but not wonder that as a society; is we on the slippery slope to Anarchy? So - Is we people???? IS WE?
Please don't lose sleep wondering if you've got the grammar bug or not - just remember either ya got it or you don't.

Got it?


ARRRRGGGGHHHHH

Thanks Brad !

Bugatti Veyron at top speed
Uploaded by Flabber

Oh yes there was a GP too

Coy-lee Minogue

Evidentally this was how John Hamilton from the Herald Sun saw the Melbourne GP.


THE sun shone, the banshees wailed, the blonde's wiggled, the stilt walkers pranced, and two human kangaroos bounded. Everybody tried very hard, but a frozen Finn won a desultory Australian Grand Prix yesterday. Kimi Raikkonen, the Ferrari driver with the charisma bypass, drove his red machine to a passionless victory at Albert Park watched by a strangely subdued crowd. There were plenty of seats to spare in the stands along the straight when the race began, while around the lake an hour before the start you could pick your picnic spot under a shady tree. Raikkonen, himself, set the mood of the day when he was booed by fans soon after he arrived at the course at 10.20am.He was five minutes behind his Ferrari team­mate Felipe Massa. But while the bouncy Brazilian jumped from his car to greet the hundreds of fans gathered outside the gates leading to the pits and signed auto­graphs on everything from caps to shirts to toy cars, the frosty Finn just turned on his heel and strode away from them. Booing replaced the earlier welcome cries of "Kimi! Kimi! Kimi!" With a blonde companion dressed in tight jeans and calf-high boots, Raikkonen walked with a set ace into the Paddock area, where he disappeared quickly into the Ferrari pits. Outside the pits, in an extended hospitality area, elegant Europeans in red uniforms and shirts with stripes in the Italian national colours sipped espresso and watched the passing parade. The strollers ranged from Mr Bling to Miss Poland. Mr Bling, alias Mr Moko, a jewellery designer originally from Senegal, was in leather pants and leather hat with a shirt featuring red, green and yellow hibiscus flowers. He had diamond studs in his ears, 14 gold and silver bracelets on each wrist, and every finger of each hand twinkled with stacked rings. Silver chains swung from his waist as Mr Moko said his Chrome Hearts jewellery was sought by many stars, including Cher. He brightened visibly when told that Kylie Minogue was in the area. At this moment Miss Poland, who, alas, speaks no English, teetered past in a short and glittering bead dress. The wonder was she could walk in a pair of shoes with stiletto heels as thin and high as tomato stakes. After aerating a patch of turf, she sank with a grateful sigh on to a chrome chair and moodily sipped a chocolate milk. Nearby were two figures who are at the GP every year and somehow added to the feeling that the event has become Melbourne's Groundhog Day. There was Nikki Lauda in his red baseball cap and Jackie Stewart in his blue plaid tartan cap and tartan trousers. Both were continuing conversations that may have begun here last year, or the year before that. And over there was Ron Walker, chairman of the Australian Grand Prix Corporation, stewarding VIPs and looking worried. As he does every year. Overhead the army helicopters clattered and an F/A-18 thundered. A Qantas jumbo made a low pass down the straight. As usual. Kylie Minogue was the happy superstar who gave the show some fizz. She upstaged the lot of them and saved the day. There she was in the Honda pits, posing happily for photos with the mechanics in her sheer fawn dress and glitzy gold shoes. There she was just before the start of the race, waving to the crowd. And there she was, even blowing kisses to the media gathered above the starting grid before the howling of the F1's began. I should be so lucky. (Click at your own risk)

Sorry - I gave to Unicef

If I had to name one immediate thing that reduces my faith in mankind, it would be the street beggar. Although I believe that we are responsible in some way for the well being of our fellow man, I'd also like to think that we all have to take some responsibility for our own lives, and seek help from others if we need it. If anyone should fall on hard times, a responsible society should have a safety net to accomplish these goals.

It may be hard to believe, but street begging in New Zealand is not a common thing. We have a supposed welfare system, that "should" stop most of this sort of thing from happening. Sure, some people live on the fringe of society, perhaps suffering from mental, or physical dependencies. Drugs like P or glue, or simpler varieties like alcohol are an easy enough "out" for those who of us who live in the mainstream let alone a fringe dweller.

It's harsh - but when some Melbourne drunk walks up to me and asks me for $5 for something to eat, or a young pregnant woman stops my brother for spare change - in a clean dress and shoes, I get really REALLY angry. Millions of people die each year die because they cant get enough to eat or drink, and these faux beggars are desensitising us to a point where we just can't afford to care anymore.

I hate them for it, and if I could I'd ship all these street beggars to Africa or some other famine zone. At least then all the starving millions would be in the same boat - and our aid and good will could really make a difference.

Too harsh?

Melbourne Musings Part1

All under 19 years old

So how was Australia?

I've asked myself this question many times since my return to New Zealand this afternoon.
I must admit that I'm conflicted; Melbourne was great, but there were definitely some major differences between Australia and New Zealand i hadn't really noticed before.
In fairness to Australia this could have been IG and Tylers doing. On my last visit I certainly drank more. I also know I ate more, the funny thing about that being well fed and slightly "sauced"; I perhaps wasn't as alert as I could have been.
This time I noticed that there are an extraordinary number of attractive woman in Melbourne.
In fairness - IG did mention this last time, but IG says this an awful lot, so after a while the whole sentence just gets diluted. What perhaps seems more interesting is that they all seemed to eat really really bad food. Oh - and they all seemed to smoke cigarette after cigarette as well.

The whole smoking thing was really noticeable in Melbourne because here in NZ we can't smoke in public places; In bars and restaurants, we are blissfully smoke free. (So if you come to New Zealand and see all these woman standing outside buildings smoking - rest assured they aren't hookers; they're just taking smoking breaks).

Standing in a smoke infested bar on St Patrick's Day, all I wanted to do was run to somewhere where the air was fresh and clear. This is what I have become!
After careful analysis I realised the source of my interest - how did these bronzed, attractive woman get away with eating burgers, pottles of hot chips and pizza, yet have very slim physiques? To my horror I realised that the "women" I was looking at were actually a hell of a lot younger than I first realised. It is important to note that would be impossible to determine this fact from their demeanour or looks. After much thinking I realised I had to recalculate by looking at the pimple encrusted geeky, gangly awkward friends walking next to them.
i.e. Their boyfriends...

Although this in itself was perhaps disturbing enough, to suddenly realise the "much" older ladies around me were in fact more my own age, was devastating to the extreme. I think I need therapy.

It's so nice to be home.

Struth

Coooeee maaaaaaatttte!

Struth cobber. I'm off to the Auzzie GP to have a Tooheys or perhaps a Fosters.

I'll get the real oil on the first round of the Formula 1 championship, but the downside will be having to put up with all the sheepshagger jokes between races. Perhaps if I wear a hat strung with corks I'll fit right in?

At least the place will be full of tourists!!!

Catch you on Tuesday :)

The Rain

There are some things I miss during an Indian Summer. I miss the rain.

Rain in West Auckland, when it arrives, is really like the type of rain one experiences on the West Coast of the South Island; when it rains there the water bounces from the road to form a white mist and the noise would raise the dead: God I love it.

On a winters night when I'm tucked up in bed I love to listen to the pounding of the water on my roof, while I remain warm and dry under the covers. I love when the sound wakes me from my sleep.

For me I guess it's like when you're a kid, and you're driving home in the back seat of your parents car late at night. You can drift off to sleep - not a care in the world. Then one day, you suddenly realise you no longer have that total security. The world has changed, and so have you.

From that day forth I guess we all seek to find some form of that previous nirvana. But all we can really offer in the long run, is the same security to our own kids, and pray they don't grow up too quickly.

But in the meantime, rain on my roof at night is a small taste of that past life, and I'm holding on to it as long as I can.

Westport Sunset

Back in the day when I made time to be creative, I brought a camera. Turns out I wasn't half bad at using the damn thing, which was a pleasant discovery after the disappointment of not being able to draw.

In those days I carried my camera everywhere, and now, back "home" in Dunedin, I have a huge box of negatives, poised ready to embarrass my friends in future years to come.

I lost these sunset images years ago - on my many trips home I'd open the same closet and search through the same boxes, hoping in vein that they would reappear again. This Christmas my searching was rewarded, and Mum arranged to get them scanned. They arrived in the post last week.

So; I give you the sun setting over the Tasman Sea, looking toward the somewhat controversial " West Island" of New Zealand (which oddly you can not see today *). Not retouched I hasten to add, as Photoshop was only a twinkle in the minds of its creators when this photo was taken.

Yes - like all things in the 90's the sunsets were also better.

* You can never see Australia from New Zealand, but many many people think you can. :)

My week in 15 seconds

It's been a crap week basically guys.

Everything came to a head on Thursday when we all met and told our immediate manager that unless he wanted the team to self destruct, they'd have to put a stop to the extreme workload we've been under.

Last week, one of our guys had a mild heart attack, and although that wasn't really works fault, we all wondered if we hadn't all pushed a bit hard this year. Just yesterday two of us pulled a 25 hour day. Work that one out!

The good news is our manager recognised that something had to happen, and now it looks like things will calm down a lot.

So hopefully now when another of my favourite characters in a TV show dies, it wont be such a big drama, and I wont go postal on ya.

I "borrowed" the following gif from one of the Battlestar Forums, and it pretty much sums up the week that was. The only difference is now I can smile about it.

Take care of yourselves - and enjoy the weekend. I know I will :)

Everything

You know - It's been a day - And I'm still in shock.

There has to be a reason for all this grief - I'm not ready to go into it now, but I think it's about unconditional love. And I'm not talking about a TV show here.

My head space presents: Alanis - singing "Everything".

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

They killed my girl

Kara Thrace - Missing presumed Dead

I know she's just a frak'd up character in a nerdy TV show. However, I hasten to add; a show that Time Magazine voted the the best show of 2006!

A frak up of major proportions - she hurt everyone she loved - but we all loved her just time same.

The geek in me is mourning - and will be for some time.

Oh- what to buy....

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute.

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.
And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life.
But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?"

Answer? That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.

What will your verse be ?


These thoughts, my friends, are what haunt me when I can't think of the next toy to buy!

Placebo

"I Love Nirvana - that doesn't mean I want to shoot myself " sang Dave Gibson from Elemenop.

I sometimes feel that I have to point out, even if some or most of my posts seem "down" in nature, I'm not depressed. Granted, some of the choices I make in the way I look at the world can often make me wonder how it's all going to end one day, but life's pretty good - ya know?

All that said: I love Placebo. There is something about this band I identify with; the only problem is - I'm not sure what. Brian Molko is openly bisexual, and Stefan Olsdal (the bass player) is gay. Their musical style is alien, compared to the structured stuff I normally listen to, but still; I love them. Perhaps is the sparseness of their music that appeals.
They do have a unique sound. The drummer has a great style, and although they are a three piece , the use of loops, and ancillary musicians (well hidden in the background), make for an interesting mix.

It's not like I can identify with a lot of the subject matter in the songs either; the list is a myriad of drugs, destructive relationships - and even more drugs - but there's poetry in the hearts of Messrs Molko et al, and its there for all to see in the lyrics.

I'm unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech,
You're slipping slowly from my reach.
You grow me like an evergreen,
You never see the lonely me at all

OK - maybe not great poetry, but poetry never the less...

So: Two Clips for you. The first being... Without you I'm nothing



And if you're a sucker for punishment... Follow the Cops back home.

Empathy

I know I should be more concerned about a lot more important things in the world, but while reading about the Academy Awards I noticed the following photo;

Reese 2007 Oscars

I've blogged on Reese Witherspoon before, so I wont bore you with any more on the subject. Suffice to say, that after looking at the picture from last year - I just want to give the girl a big hug. The eyes just give it away - she looks so damn sad.

Reese 2006 Oscars - a "little" less miserable

I really hope the 2007 photo is a case of bad timing, and I know we cant be happy all the time. It's just that I hate seeing people like this - Isn't it strange how the littlest things can pull at your heart, yet bring out the best instincts in you?

If only we could develop a similar empathy for some random person struggling for survival in the third world...well, that would be truly amazing.

The more things change...

Back in the mid nineties Benetton released a series of billboards that raised some serious issues; the universal theme being that, fundamentally we are all the same.

The image above was particularly controversial, but for the life of me I wonder if the controversy doesn't actually say more about those complaining, than the message itself.




These two billboards were also doing the rounds at the time - I saw the cross one for the first time yesterday, and sadly I cant help but think that it's just as relevant today, as it was ten years ago. We seem to learn nothing as time goes on.

Where am I going with this?

Here.

The Maori Party is calling for limits on immigration from Western countries, accusing the Government of trying to stop the ``browning of New Zealand''. Party founder and co-leader Tariana Turia said the party would begin formulating policies to tackle the issue. It was most concerned about traditional source countries like Australia, Canada and Great Britain...... ``We are still waiting for a government to address the skill deficiencies of the '80s that they claimed were there. We (Maori) have a relatively high birth rate. The prediction is that by the year 2050 we are going to see a considerable browning-up of New Zealand with Maori, Pacific and Asians and maybe this is the way the Government combats it.''

Someone once said "You are what you love, not what loves you."
I wonder; If that's true is the reverse true also?

Be kind

Britney J Spears

I want to say something, but the words seem to be off marinating some future post. So it appears that all I am left with is the desire to write something.

As the pain in my jaw ebb's I have become aware that for some people the pain of this life goes on. I'm sure, unless you've been living in a cave for the last week, you would see what Britney Spears has been going through of late. Dooce has written a lovely post, and frankly it's a breath of fresh air to see some support, rather than jumping on the bandwagon of ridicule - only to jump off when things take a tragic turn; Cue Anna Nicole Smith.

As Harold took a bite of Barvarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves, in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank god for Barvarian Sugar Cookies. And fortunately when there aren't any cookies we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind or loving gesture, or a subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort.........and we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies and subtleties which we assume only accessorize our days are in fact here for a much larger, and nobler cause: they are here to save our lives.

Rent this film.

Music on a Friday

I'd like to say - that people, people can change anything they want to.
And that means everything in the world.
Show me any country, and there'll be people in it.
Its time to take the humanity back into the centre of the ring, and follow that for a time.
Ya know, think on that; without people you're nothing.

Joe Strummer (1952-2002)

Redemption Song

Aches

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. I've been working nights which pretty much means that during the day I'm just too damn tired to feel creative. And if I'm not creative - I'm just not anything - If you understand where I'm coming from.

I did, however, contemplate writing about my loathing of all knives and forks, plastic - especially in the context of the mall food court, which is possibly just the modern mans food trough; but ya know - nope.

Part of the problem is I'm in pain. Not the "I'm leaving you" variety - or even the "Did I poke you in the eye with my plastic fork" type pain either. The pain I'm currently experiencing is the grinding metal on metal ache that wont stop; even with expensive over the counter drugs.

You see - years ago I used to worry about things, and all was good with the world - well apart from the excessive worrying i guess.

Then one day I concluded that worrying was a stupid thing and decided to stop. I say stupidly because my body apparently has different ideas on what is best for me. It appears that subconsciously, my body has taken over, and must worry for me. All this without my consent I hasten to add.

The other morning, after a particular nasty, stressful night at work I awoke to find my jaw had decided to clamp itself shut during my sleeping hours: sometimes I think it would be just easier to worry again.

So - for the last two days the right side of my face has ached incessantly, and all this coupled with broken sleep and high temperature/humidity - makes for a Mark with a very short fuse.

I know that everything should be good in around three days, but until then I'm tired, cranky and not myself at all.

Catch you on the flip side.

Deep Deep Undercover

Today i had to do something incredibly uncomfortable. Stripped of my work ID, I ventured into "enemy" territory to trade up some 025 telecom mobiles.

We use these mobiles when we are working in areas with no Vodafone coverage, and because telecom are turning off their 025 network, and are migrating all their 025 customers to their newer 027 network, we too must upgrade.

I tell you; I felt like a traitor, a spy if you will. In amongst the other members of the public I had to endure countless questions spouting around me like "Is your network better than Vodafone", and alike.... it was hideous!

The worst part of the exercise was paying with my Vodafone credit card - something the sales guy didn't even notice. I walked out of the telecom shop with my large telecom bag - and I couldn't help but feel I needed a nice hot bath to get clean again.

I really, really have to let this go sometime soon!

Zen and the Art of Painting

I've been starting work earlier these days; the trip to the office at 7:30 am is a bitch so I've been getting up at 6am so I can start at 7. The upside of all this, is that i can be home before 5pm, and therefore have more time to myself in the afternoons. The downside is that by the weekends I'm usually tired as hell.

On Saturday morning I slept in, which was a pain, because I had arranged to catch up with "Fireman Sam" to take some photos of her while she was working.

I really enjoy spending time with "Sam", mainly because I actually relax when I'm with her. She has a great depth of character, which makes taking a good photo all that more of a challenge: a challenge I'll admit I'm not up to right now.
Sam is a hell of a lot of fun, and has that neat trick of still being a kid at heart, but having that old soul wisdom to back it all up.
It's been a blessing to have someone like that in my life - the constant threats of a good "slapping" aside, Sam manages to put me in a state of mind to smell the roses every now and again. Her friendship reminds me that one doesn't have to be rich to be wealthy.

Needless to say the photo shoot went out the window as we chatted about life in general, but I managed one half decent shot before we headed out to Frolic for lunch. An excellent way to spend a Saturday morning I think.

Thanks luv :)

Nothing borrowed or blue

For Di :)


Something Old



Something New

Brooke Fraser

I saw Brooke Fraser, when she debuted for John Mayer a few years ago.

She was amazing live - her band was super tight. I brought her album and loved her songs - but when I later found out she was a Christian, her music just seemed to die for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Christians at all - her music just turned out to be something I couldn't relate to. When I thought she was singing about her love for someone else; I identified. Her love for her God was just a bigger ask for me.

She's still an amazing artist tho - play the video. Hopefully you can get past the whole God thing.

The fine art of saying nothing

I was thinking about an old quote the other day. Better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
There are a lot of reasons to shut up: least of all to listen.

I also remember someone saying their are two types of people; those who listen, and those who wait for their turn to speak. It's easier to wait to speak I guess - but of late I've been making an effort to listen.

Last year a close friend was trying to tell me something, and following the rules above I was trying to listen, but at the same time another factor was playing out. This friend of mine is not one to talk about these things - and I know that. When the conversation started, I became acutely aware of the speakers discomfort, and at that moment I just wanted it to stop. I wanted the whole moment to disappear and for the earth to swallow me whole. So as the listener, I interrupted and allowed the conversation to end in a tidy manner.
I was relieved, and the situation quickly passed into memory.
The problem is - I couldn't let it go - the memory of that moment still haunts me; and now I know why. I didn't end the conversation just for my friend - I ended it for myself as well.

If I could go back - I'd just shut up and say nothing. Regardless of my own discomfort, these words, once spoken, could not be unsaid.
Now I'll always wonder what I missed out on hearing.

I think it may have been important.

Feb 14 2007

Is it weird that I still have the card that came to my work with those flowers, years ago?
Is it strange the recollection of many different romantic moments are so strong, that the memories themselves are as vivid as the day they were born?
Should I have said yes to moving forward, instead of being comfortable in a moment?
So many paths to take, so many decisions, all leading to this moment in time. Buggery Bollocks!

Anyway, I heard somewhere the only second chance we get is to make the same mistake twice. The film State and Main, if memory serves...

Fonmeister put down her latte, and leaned toward me, as if to impart some important piece of knowledge. "Mark", she said, "If you're gonna go swimming - you're gonna have to get wet". I immediately grabbed a "placid face" from my expression storage area, while thinking of a witty reply - it never came. [Note to self : This one's a smart one. Beware!]
Later that morning, while shopping for DVD's, she recommended Proof to me. On the blurb was the quote "The biggest risk in life is not taking one".
Even DVD's are fucking with me now. :)

Anyhow - I remembered this clip, and I'm beginning to think that Overkill could be my song. Well at least to this point in my life.
Perhaps 14 Feb 2008 will find me in a different space - I look forward to finding out.

Movies and me

This is not me

I've just watched "Stranger than Fiction".

Emma Thompson was amazing as always, and although it got a lot of favourable reviews, I was a bit upset with the ending.
Like The Devils Advocate - I cant help but wonder if cutting the last 2 minutes wouldn't have made a much more satisfying movie, albeit a lot less Hollywood.
Fonmeister would say that it appealed to my sense of melancholy - and to that I would have to fix her with my best wry smile, and dismiss it out of hand.

More about Fonmeister when I'm feeling a little more creative - right now I don't think I could do her justice. :)

And that would not be fair - oh no it wouldn't....

So how smart are you?

Just follow the instructions - there are no trick questions.

Just because you have to try many many times to complete this simple puzzle does not mean you are thick. Honest!!!!

Click here.

For Di

Will try and knock a more recent photo out by next Friday. Until then here's a not so old one.

Evana with her "cud cud"

Why Me?

While waiting in line at the express checkout at Foodtown.

Saw: Lady with Greenpeace T-Shirt, wearing pedal-pushers.
Said lady walks up to the counter with recyclable shopping bag, reaches in and brings out organic vegetables and organic milk. Pays with cash.

So wanted to : Throw a whale at her.

My Recipe Wednesday

Last Saturday I got invited to a pot luck dinner. Because I was a boy, and bound to fuck up, I was given a desert to bring.
I do make a crazy delicious mars bar cheesecake, but of late I've wanted to be known for more than my cheesecake, so I decided to take something a bit different. This steamed pudding went down a treat.

Mum used to make this steam pudding before the advent of the microwave. Back then the dough was placed in a aluminium bowl with a baking paper top held on with string, itself sitting in a simmering pot of water. This recipe got lost for years - but fell out of my Edmonds cook book the other day.

These days it takes 4 minutes in a Microwave. Progress that can finally be measured!

Ingredients:

1 Cup Flour
125 grams Sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
50 grams of Butter
Sultanas
1 Egg
1/2 cup of milk


Method:

Cream butter and sugar, add egg and beat well.
Add sifted flour and baking powder alternatively with milk.
Mix in sultanas (you choose how many - within reason)

Pour batter into a moderate sized "stick resistant" microwave proof bowl.

Cook on Max power for 4 minutes . Turn out onto a plate while warm.

Oh - you can add a little vanilla essence earlier on in the process, if you're feeling brave.

Excited - moi?

When was the last time you really got excited about something?
I mean really really excited.
When I was eight years old I got very excited about a Raleigh Chopper, but these days, like a drug addict looking for a better fix, its fair to say a a Chopper simply doesn't cut the mustard.

Flat screen ? Nah
New car ? Nah
Games Console, Travel ? Give me a break! It's just not happening.

OK - Maybe if I had a few million in the bank? But ever since that damn gypsy grabbed me in Kings Cross in the 80's.. I know that's not going to happen any time soon. Trust me, regarding money; I'm certain I have a major life lesson to learn before I come into anything significantly financial in nature. Until then I'm happy with what I've got.

If the measure of success in life was excitement I'm not sure I'm making any headway. In fact - I might be going backward.
How to get excited - it cant be that hard a question to answer.

My Time Out

Yes: I know, Exile in Guyville was awesome.
Yes: I know that a lot of people think she's sold out recently. (not me)

But: There's something about girls and power chords, and a songs with a nice hooks.
Plus regarding my last post I have to practice what I preach!

And: I like this song - for all the above reasons (plus it's got swear words, and innuendo).
Liz is still Liz after all.

Liz Phair - Extraordinary (indeed)

My Conformity

And the musical theme flows on.....

For some reason I've been listening to a lot of music lately. My CD collection has well and truely been dusted off. Once again the sounds of 80's music assaults my neighbourhood on a daily basis. I may be dead by the time you read this post.

Oh well.....with that in mind...

I'm pretty sure one of the the best things we can learn from or younger years is the damage conformity can bring.
I remember High School; we all listened to the same music, drank the same beer, and wore the same clothes.
Everyone was looking for the new fashion to follow - living in mortal fear they would come to school worshiping some fad that died the day before.
I cant remember any souls that braved an alternative lifestyle at that early age; I suspect that conformity may have killed them all.

More recently I remember watching Bowling for Columbine, and listening to Matt Stone's comments on High School;

"They (the teachers) scare you into conforming in school by saying - if you're a loser now, you're gonna be a loser forever . So..... Eric and Dylan ( the killers) .... They called them fags - so you know if I'm a fag now I'm a fag forever . And you wish someone could have grabbed them and gone "Dude - High School's not the end ...it's amazing how fast you lose touch with all those people" ... (but) they just beat it into your head, as early as sixth grade... don't fuck up , because if you do, you're gonna die poor and lonely - and you don't wanna do that........and of course it's completely opposite.. all the dorks at High School go on to do great things and all the really cool guys are, like, living back at home in Littleton as insurance agents ....

Maybe we should embrace everything that makes us unique from each other; temper conformity with an eclectic taste in music, the arts, or whatever is around at the time. It's all about balance i guess.

So - embrace your love of Country music and Speed Metal equally, and perhaps more importantly, everything in between; because punk, goth or any other sub culture is just a another type of conformity as well.

Celebrate your inner dork, so next time you're singing a Back Street Boy's song in the shower - recognise it for what it is, a song you love, and enjoy the moment - instead of dying of shame - wondering if anyone has heard you.

With that in mind - here's a clip of the rock band Live with Country music star Shelby Lynne. A brilliant song, and a good mix of talents. They were probably all geeks in High School!

My Elton Tribute

There's something to be said about regrets.
Looking back over your life, and not liking what you see can be a great motivation for making some changes.
What changes one should make however, aren't always so obvious.
I also wonder if the choices some people make to achieve their goals, are worth it in the long run.
The famous, the A type achievers - I wonder if at the end their regrets aren't larger, simply because their lives are so restricted, and their options limited.
I mean - How "normal" can you be if you're Justin Timberlake or Paris Hilton?
Don't you find it odd that millions "worship" these people when today's Jason Timberlake will possibly be tomorrow's Michael Jackson?
Am I the only one that thinks this a little sick?

Elton John released a video a few years back - that seems to point out some of the concerns mentioned above. It's ironic that Justin Timberlake plays the younger incarnation of Elton. Life imitating Art I guess.

My Emo.

For IG -

Who, while searching for new music to listen to, came across the music of a younger generation, and succumbed to Emo.

We will miss him.

My Dear.

I will have you know;

I am ruthless
Totally untrustworthy
I will leave the oven on
And forget to lock the front door
I will forget our anniversary
I will stay out with the guys
I will make you house smell like "boy's"

Just so you know...

When ladies call me "Dear" - they are not psychic
They are sorely mistaken Goddammit!!!