Oh yes there was a GP too

Coy-lee Minogue

Evidentally this was how John Hamilton from the Herald Sun saw the Melbourne GP.


THE sun shone, the banshees wailed, the blonde's wiggled, the stilt walkers pranced, and two human kangaroos bounded. Everybody tried very hard, but a frozen Finn won a desultory Australian Grand Prix yesterday. Kimi Raikkonen, the Ferrari driver with the charisma bypass, drove his red machine to a passionless victory at Albert Park watched by a strangely subdued crowd. There were plenty of seats to spare in the stands along the straight when the race began, while around the lake an hour before the start you could pick your picnic spot under a shady tree. Raikkonen, himself, set the mood of the day when he was booed by fans soon after he arrived at the course at 10.20am.He was five minutes behind his Ferrari team­mate Felipe Massa. But while the bouncy Brazilian jumped from his car to greet the hundreds of fans gathered outside the gates leading to the pits and signed auto­graphs on everything from caps to shirts to toy cars, the frosty Finn just turned on his heel and strode away from them. Booing replaced the earlier welcome cries of "Kimi! Kimi! Kimi!" With a blonde companion dressed in tight jeans and calf-high boots, Raikkonen walked with a set ace into the Paddock area, where he disappeared quickly into the Ferrari pits. Outside the pits, in an extended hospitality area, elegant Europeans in red uniforms and shirts with stripes in the Italian national colours sipped espresso and watched the passing parade. The strollers ranged from Mr Bling to Miss Poland. Mr Bling, alias Mr Moko, a jewellery designer originally from Senegal, was in leather pants and leather hat with a shirt featuring red, green and yellow hibiscus flowers. He had diamond studs in his ears, 14 gold and silver bracelets on each wrist, and every finger of each hand twinkled with stacked rings. Silver chains swung from his waist as Mr Moko said his Chrome Hearts jewellery was sought by many stars, including Cher. He brightened visibly when told that Kylie Minogue was in the area. At this moment Miss Poland, who, alas, speaks no English, teetered past in a short and glittering bead dress. The wonder was she could walk in a pair of shoes with stiletto heels as thin and high as tomato stakes. After aerating a patch of turf, she sank with a grateful sigh on to a chrome chair and moodily sipped a chocolate milk. Nearby were two figures who are at the GP every year and somehow added to the feeling that the event has become Melbourne's Groundhog Day. There was Nikki Lauda in his red baseball cap and Jackie Stewart in his blue plaid tartan cap and tartan trousers. Both were continuing conversations that may have begun here last year, or the year before that. And over there was Ron Walker, chairman of the Australian Grand Prix Corporation, stewarding VIPs and looking worried. As he does every year. Overhead the army helicopters clattered and an F/A-18 thundered. A Qantas jumbo made a low pass down the straight. As usual. Kylie Minogue was the happy superstar who gave the show some fizz. She upstaged the lot of them and saved the day. There she was in the Honda pits, posing happily for photos with the mechanics in her sheer fawn dress and glitzy gold shoes. There she was just before the start of the race, waving to the crowd. And there she was, even blowing kisses to the media gathered above the starting grid before the howling of the F1's began. I should be so lucky. (Click at your own risk)