Fingers crossed please

This weekend I'm off to fly my "Chopper" for the first time.

Hopefully afterwards, it will look the same - but just in case I thought I better take a photo !

Talk to the hand

High on the release of her last book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, Lynne Truss has released her latest masterpiece Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door.

Inside are absolute gems on how far people will go to be polite, including a good, dark little story ..about a well-bred country gentleman with suicidal intent who felt it wasn't right to shoot himself before entering his own name in the Game Book....by the way, he listed himself under "Various".

Chapters discuss the missing "thankyou", why you are the only one being polite these days, the issue of personal space, amongst other insights to the daily use (or lack of) politeness in our modern society. Her writing style is brilliant - and of course the punctuation and spelling are top shelf as well.

Just the other day Tumorboy and I were discussing the interaction of opening a door for another person. This is a complex equation, and contains the following variables. Each can add or subtract to the weight of the door being held open.

Distance of peson to the door.
Speed of the person walking behind.
Do I know the person?
Is the person pregnant?
How old the person is.
Is the person attractive?
Is the person pushing a pram?
Is the person holding a huge box?
Did the person smile?
Do they look angry/crazy?


Obviously there comes i time when the door can no longer be held open...

They are too far away
They walk to slow
They are a skinhead
They slow down as they walk to the door.
They slow to chat to someone else.


The door opening equation is very hard to calculate, and sometimes, as in life, we make the mistake of holding on, when we should just let go.

And the fact some tossers never acknowledge you efforts dont make it any easier the next time either.
A pox on them I say!

The Perfect Post

Denny Crane.

Something is wrong here

It's ridiculous - at what age these days must people take responsibility for their actions?

When do we know right from wrong?

Definitely not at 1 or 2, or maybe even at 3 years old. But I would hope that at the age of 12 you should have an idea that aiding in tormenting a schoolmate is wrong. But to try and play down your responsibility in the girls resulting suicide, is morally repugnant.

In my opinion, to tell the Herald on Sunday they weren't "the only ones" responsible for the girls death, just adds insult to the injury of losing a loved one in such a manner. I hope they wern't paid for their interview.

While I believe that over time the feeling of guilt may fade for these girls, I can only hope they use this horrible incident to shape the future of their lives; to rid their soul of the nastiness that may harbour there, and not chat about it to a Sunday paper like it was yesterdays news.

Thanks Frankie :)

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Friday Blogger - The Census according to IG

As I filled out my census form, I discovered I live in a 2 storey 7 roomed dwelling with my wife and parrot. I walk to work and we don't speak Maori at home, we have 1 car we don't use and we burn stuff to heat the place, I also discovered I was someplace else last census and probably should have tried harder at school. I find it hard to believe that any of this information could be useful to anyone other than me, but as they said we are going to grow so we need to know.
I really think they missed out a lot of more relevant questions they could have included;
How long did you spend in traffic this week?
How much did you spend on alcohol or smokes this week?
What did you steal from your work this week?
How many people do you know who are on a benefit who shouldn't be?

These questions seem to be more relevant, but they are not politically correct.
I feel the census is a load of bollocks but it's not Kiwi to question why are we're answering these silly questions. I look forward to the results of how they interpreted this data, as I am sure it will have a real effect on the next 5 years of my life until the next census.
As you may have detected I am not the biggest fan of the census but we have to get on with it as they said "we are going to grow so we need to know"

Rude People Part1 - People in Cars

God: people are so damn rude these days.
In a "so called" developed society, I can't believe how rude people can be.
Today I was almost run over the center-line into oncoming traffic by a fuckwit in a truck carrying a shipping container, who thought it might be a good idea to run up the non existant left lane, inside me. I actually had to slam on the brakes because he obviously operated on three distinctly different theories;

1) That his truck was way bigger than my car
2) He had his front wheel in front of mine (an old car racing rule)
3) That he was a fuckwit.

Actually, although the first two items were also correct, the fuckwit notion obviously took a precedent.

People can be very rude in car's. Personally I wish I had the power of telekinesis. That way when a complete tosser speeds down another lane, ripping past a long stream of traffic only to pull back in front at the front of the slow queue, I could mentally blow up their car's engine!

Is it wrong to want to physically pull that person out of their car and ask them why they feel themselves so important by putting themselves ahead of everyone else, whilst at the same time punching them repeatedly in the face? I suspect it not to be a good move - however there should be laws to deal with the bad behavior in the first place, and perhaps a pat on the back for those administering a little attitude correction.

I have come up with a list of instant fines, in lieu of an impromptu roadside facial renovation for the follow pet peeves.....
Intentionally merging into the front lane of slow traffic, after pulling out to pass all the other cars in that lane.
Intentionally pulling out of their lane into a merging lane to get ahead about 10 cars before contributing to the traffic bottleneck the were avoiding in the first place.
Stopping in the middle of the road lane to let their kids out.
Rubberneckers - who cant help but slow to 10 kph to watch someone on the side of the motorway change a tyre.
People who do 80 kph on the motorway - when the speed limit is 100.
People who constantly change lanes, without realising they aren't actually moving ahead of everyone around them.

Actually forget the fines - just sent in the "heavies". We could even televise it. Just imagine - film the infraction, them film the retribution. It would be gripping stuff. A great ratings buzz. Especially if the punishment could ironically fitted the crime. I think I'm on to something.......

I better call my agent.....

In the meantime here is an abridged email from Tumorboy on issue with accidents on his street. More car rudeness I tell you - the only rudeness allowed in cars my friends, should be the back seat variety only!

As a resident of Rawhiti Rd I would like to let you know what I think [of the recent car accidents]
The intersection itself is perfectly safe, but the behaviour of a majority of road users travelling through it is dangerous. I have observed this intersection and have to say it is rare to see cars stop at the Stop Signs.

The reason for this behaviour can often be attributed to a phenomina which I will refer to as UMSS (Urban Motorist Shortcut Syndrome). I will explain... Motorists in an attempt to reach their destinations (eg home, work, bakery, Lotto Shop) will shortcut through urban sidestreets, to avoid major intersections. On taking these shortcuts the UMSS sufferer is overcome by the need to ensure his shortcut is indeed a shortcut!
The nature of a shortcut being that the motorist must arrive at his destination earlier by taking the shortcut means he is compelled to travel faster and if possible not stop.
So he speeds and ignores Stop Signs as he travels through these quiet safe streets; hence the large number of crashes and near misses at this and other intersections in our neighbourhood.
This raises the question, when is a shortcut not a shortcut? Answer - When you need to speed to justify it!

Grey Days abound.

I'm just humoring myself that my opinion matters.
You will never know the exquisite pain...
of the guy who goes home alone...
because without the bitter, baby, the sweet ain't as sweet.

Haiku Tuesday

Lord of the icecream haiku

My ice cream is cold
A promise I made today
Will haunt me tonight

Findsomeone Haiku Part1

A message in my in box
Surprised, no one more than me
Stuff this up i will

Findsomeone Haiku Part 2

Bellybutton fluff
Conversation starter hell
Not Brad Pitt, am I


Haiku is such fun
five syllables to start it
Five, seven then five.

Give it a go!

Sorry for bug'n ya

Is force feeding a hunger striker torture?

I remember Bobby Sands, back in the days of the IRA bombings in London, and how he became a martyr to the cause of northern independence in Ireland, when he died during a hunger strike.

Now the Voice of America has an article of force feeding of hunger strikers at Guantanamo Bay. Persons' on the receiving end of this "treatment" have stated hunger strikers were restrained and had large feeding tubes forced down their noses and throats, causing them a great deal of pain.

....Lawyers for a detainee at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba say the military's method of force-feeding hunger strikers amounts to torture. A legal move is now underway to stop the force feeding.

I'm finding myself conflicted. On one hand these people don't have any legal rights where they are, and now even their human right to a peaceful (if not fatal) protest has been taken away. On the other side of the fence, the United States has some responsibility for the heath and welfare of their Prisoners of War (I'm not sure they have POW status tho)....

I just wonder if the forced feeding of these detainees isn't so much for the prisons benefit, but rather for the ongoing information gathering by the US Military - but I'm prepared to be swayed on this if you can offer a good arguement.

What bothers me is that Guantanamo Bay has been used for a specific reason. Detainees are not afforded the rights of any citizen under US Law. Detainees can be held indefinately without charge, and information extraction (torture?) is ongoing without any end in sight.

But what bothers me more is our willingness to do and say nothing about the whole issue.

Comments are welcome - please!

It's madness I tell you!

Talking to FacilitiesMan today at work, the conversation eventually moved to the Internet dating scene. And among other things we talked about how some peoples expectations of potential suitors may be a tad on the high side.

Now, I know why I have got to my current age without getting married - That is obviously because there is something fundamentally wrong with me. The sad point about "some" people on Internet dating sites is that they do not, in any shape or form, realise they also suffer the same malaise.

Some people think they are living in a TV series like Beverley Hills 90210, or perhaps the latest variant on that theme - say The OC. You would have to be living under a rock not to notice that non-reality based television, is full of extremely beautiful people who all think they are ugly. In this alternative reality they all have good jobs, or rich parents with trust funds. And their life is.... so... hard

In short, for most of us, this "dream" is simply not a reality.

And sooner or later people should have to face up to that fact.

Some of us are short, some tall - most are average.
Thats why it's called average.
We aren't all beautiful in a TV reality sense ;
We have good days and bad days.
We don't always look like we've walked out of a salon
(except maybe Tyler).
We sometimes say the wrong things at the wrong time,
we forget birthdays (Sorry Shars).
We can let people down.
We are REAL, and we have real flaws.

We however, also have a great capacity to do great deeds. Curiously this has nothing to do with our height, looks or income. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Another "true" story

A Sudanese man has been forced to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.
They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15 000 Sudanese dinars, nearly £40, to Mr Alifi.
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Mr Alifi, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.
"When I asked him: "What are you doing there?", he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Missing in action

While having lunch today, I mused over the "plastic" cheese slice i was putting in my sandwich. I'm lactose intolerant but for some stange reason these slices of "magic" cheese have no nasty side effects.

Work mate Muzza came into the smoko room and on seeing my cheese slices proceeded to tell a story about how his children demolished a packet on 60 cheese slices in one day. One of the other guys in the lunch room entered into the conversation saying how he missed the Chesdale cheese segments. All of a sudden you could have heard a pin drop. I stopped in horror. I hadn't seen the chesdale cheese segments in the supermarket for years, and suddenly a feeling of loss swept over me. How remiss was I in not noticing a kiwi icon disappearing.

In the immortal words of Rob from High Fidelity.....
What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

So had I forgotten the cheese segments first - or had their omission been the cause of my memory loss. Either way there was obviously some skullduggery on the part of Chesdale to secretly remove the segments - obviously if they were to make their removal common knowledge there would be an uproar. Bastards!

I think "they" secretly rid kiwi icons from our supermarket to slowly wean us onto generic world wide brands. Maybe even the most iconic kiwi brands will one day be a distant memory - and one day we will all be looking at our cup of teas in confusion, one empty hand will waver near the brim of the cup, the memory of the gingernut biscuit, long forgotten, but, in some instinctive sense remaining, as a part of race memory.

What other things have gone missing, taken from us? It's time to make a list before ... I....forget.....

Chicken of the Sea Unite!

Isn't it funny, that those who take the extreme moral high ground, almost invariably fall from grace in the most horrific way.
An example of this phenomenon is Jessica Simpson, (who once pledged her virginity to her father until she married - yes, you read that right) may have been having an affair for a number of years with Maroon 5's lead singer Adam Levine. It "appears" that her recent marriage collapse may have been the direct result of that infidelity.
It just goes to show you that, supposedly "having it all", doesnt necessarily mean you have it "all" together.
I find it ironic, now this information has come to light, her husband Nick Lachley has decided to petition for spousal support, stating that his own income has dropped, as he has invested more and more of his time investing in his relationship with his wife. As a full partner in the relationship, with no prenuptial agreement (Jessica's idea I understand), Nick stands to gain half of his wife's 50 million dollars empire, as well as ongoing alimony.
Karma's a bitch eh.

Something wicked this way comes.

Look at the coming revolution. And be afraid - be very afraid. Hot among the news that Music Copywriters will soon be looking to sue people who put lyrics of their favourite songs on the internet, here is news that Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) has done an about face, and now "has reversed its position on CD ripping and now wants the practice outlawed."

Readers comments include the following gem outlining how ridiculous the situation could get.

For example, I own a LP of Led Zeppelin II, I want to play it in my car, I would have to purchase the cassette of it (this is in the 80's). Now, I want to play it in my truck (now) I have to buy it on CD (again buying it) Yesterday my girlfriend gave me a MP3 player. To play Led Zeppelin II the way THEY claim is legal, i have to buy the media AGAIN... That is FOUR copies of The Lemon Song....

and a possible outcome....

The RIAA can eat me
I used to buy a couple of CDs or more every pay day. Now, those greedy maggots are turning on their own customers. I have almost completely quit buying music at all. I've got hundreds of CDs, had to buy extra storage for them...and now they claim I don't have the right to copy them to a digital player for my own use. I hope their entire industry goes bankrupt!

Also from Kiwiblog, David Links to a fellow NZ blogger who sees a day when the internet will no longer be a free and frank medium of exchange, because corporations want to limit speeds and services for their subscribers, depending on what other services they can on-sell. An example of this sort of thing is not being able to use a P2P shareware program on one ISP, but being able to do so on another.

I heard some time ago that Telecom were looking into ways of slowing down Skype "packets" to stop this technology being used on Xtra, in competition to Telecoms own fixed wire network. Now in fairness, this was second hand information, but it did ring true at the time.

My point is that sometimes this World Wide Web poses "issues" to telecomunications companies - and they will try to limit these effects as people develop new and emerging technologies if they impact on their bottom line.

The battles for future freedoms may not be fought in the trenches, or a battlefield, but against telecommunication companies all over the world, by people who refuse to let them strip away their rights without a fight.

Never take for granted the freedoms we have now, or we may lose them forever.

Judging Books by Covers

In a belated Valentine's Day tribute - perhaps one of the nicest love songs, from a potentially unlikely source. Kudo's Mr Smith.

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

X marks the spot

This is my first time… please be gentle…

Whilst walking to work this morning I came across a tourist information board. Yes! Believe it! Dunedin has tourists! On it there was a graphic depicting the town centre with an “X” and the words “YOU ARE HERE”. Upon reading this my initial reaction was one of relief (conformation that I am in fact really here…very reassuring!) then after suppressing the urge to write “Yes. But why?” in big red indelible letters I started thinking how useful it might be to have these markers in other aspects of our lives. Imagine you’re at a party, having a good time, completely oblivious to any dangers that might be lurking ahead when you come across a marker that reads “X - YOU ARE HERE: Three drinks away from bumping structures with the Russian mail order bride” (We’ve all been there…) Or maybe one seemingly innocent afternoon you’re browsing Trademe and a marker pops up “X - YOU ARE HERE: 2 clicks away from buying 2^nd hand urban camouflage pants” Think of the embarrassment and suffering that one might avoid with a little forewarning. We can all pinpoint a moment in our lives when we wish there had been such a marker. I wish there had been a marker at the top of the Skyline Luge in Queenstown that read “X – YOU ARE HERE: 5 minutes away from witnessing Mark hitting his head on the mind your head sign at the bottom”. Had there been I would have found a Japanese tourist and mugged him for his video camera… *sigh*

Friday Guest Blogging

Every other Friday I will invite a non-blogger to have a say on this blog. Today is the first such occurance. Please welcome "Tyler Knows Best" and his contribution to my blog.

Stupid Headlines from 2005

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

The Great Auckland Swap meet.

One of the weirdest things about Auckland, is the non organic rubbish pickup every two years. Every two years you simply put out all the rubbish you can't put in a recycling bin, or kleensak, next to the curb to be picked up by the council.
If it wasn't odd enough that for a couple of weeks your subdivision looks like a South African shanty town, you still have to deal with the people taking stuff off your pile to take home.
I'd like to point out that this is not a casual "theft" by someone walking past who picks up an item and continues: some arrive in trucks to take your stuff away. One of my workmates put out an old broken shower door, and the next day the aluminium surrounds were stripped off and only the rubber and glass remained. I guess it's just a redistribution of wealth - well at least as far as rubbish is concerned.
As these collections cycle through different parts of Auckland throughout every second year, it must be a full time job for some of these guys.
I cant help but wonder if I should join this madness and throw some stuff out - but I'd always worry that my stuff wouldn't be worth collecting. What would I say to the neighbours then?

The Real World

I was thinking about how people see themselves in a relationship, and how unreal that view might really be. Having seen how a relationship works from the outside I now realise that if you actually set out to look for it - you may never achieve it. I have come to recognise certain aspects of relationships from an outsiders perspective. This may prove useful in the search for a girl at findsomeone.
The first universal theme involves the male in the relationship passing wind, followed closely by the partner complaining about it. This seems to only serve to encourage the male to once again to pass wind, in what quickly becomes a never ending cycle of gas and complaints. I am unsure if there could be a role reversal here, as I've yet to find a woman who admits they "pass wind".
The second common theme, is an ongoing struggle over who does a meaningless task. The task isn't important - What is important is that neither person wants to do the task. Obviously there is much to and fro'ing over the task. Any third person present would gladly do said task to shut the whole to and fro'ing thing down. But you soon realise that the couple would then pick another task to try and get the other to do. In short you cant win - and neither can they.

This is not unique to any couple - so if I know you - and you're a couple - chances are I've seen you do this. I must point out I'm not thinking of any one couple - Youre all the same!!!

So If I have any chance of finding a suitable girl I must change my online dating profile accordingly. I should add - Can pass wind, even under duress. Can do most tasks but not if you specifically want me to.

Any other skills required for a real relationship I should be developing? Do Tell!

Tyler says no

(An artists impression of Tyler knows best)

Finally something to really get upset about. Seems Bollywood are remaking Fight Club.

This is a great insult to Fight Club fans the world over and I for one will not be eating Indian food for a week - in protest!

On a lighter note Russian girl Elena has had her structure removed, and can no longer be contacted.

It's all about context

After a week of toncilitis, swallowing is still something akin to eating very sharp glass. This coupled with a lot of night work, and corresponding lack of sleep, has curtailed my normal happy happy joy joy existance, and I have truely become surly boy!

Of course the following message on findsomeone didn't improve my mood either:
Hi friend! My name is Elena! My 25 years, my photo you can see on my structure. I to become interested in your structure and I wish to have in the future with you the correspondence!!! I wish to find out better, write to me on e-mail 2$5^&##@yahoo.com. I wait for your letter!!!

So when a couple of days ago IG sent me an email contailing this link, I didnt expect too much, but instead found a real jewel. Even if you've got a dialup link I'd download this one. Kudo's IG. May your structure always be sturdy and strong like bull.

The story thus far

(with help from the Cohen's and Bill Shakespeare)

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date

Translation: You're hot, but I may have left my run a bit late.

I fear this whole interweb dating is starting to wear a bit thin.
Time marches on, Adour cools. Perhaps it wasnt the best idea.
Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?
Obviously the same middle name - but my point, as I meander through this post is...
That perhaps those of us that are single, are because we are meant to be - and that it is just that simple.

Perhaps....The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

I will however keep you up to date with the latest happenings, as they come to hand.

Religious Intolerance

I've been trying to get my head around the riots over the cartoons appearing in different papers around the world.
I can understand the depth of some peoples convictions when it comes to their faith - but when people promote bombings in retaliation for newspapers publishing these cartoons, I lose my patience. If you are insecure in you faith enough to destroy innocent people over this issue, perhaps you shouldn't be a part of the society you live in.
There's a lot of things I don't like about the society I live in, but I know the alternatives are much worse, so I'm prepared to make the most of where I am, and try to make it better. In this respect I have absolutely no problem with the local Muslim community protesting over the cartoons, as when the Catholics protested over the "Virgin Mary in a condom" incident. The right to protest, and free speech is an important method to sway public opinion - for the better or worse. Violent protest never accomplished anything. A great example of the power of peaceful protest was the Civil Rights movement in the United States. With peaceful protest they have accomplished more than any attempt by any other group who insist on violence.
Perhaps Islam, in it's current form, has no place in the western world - when the rules that apply to all other religions in the western world cant apply to it. A society has to benefit the people that live in it, or else what is the point of having a society? I cant help but think this entire problem has its root in oil supply - and I hope when we move from fossil fuels to an alternative, the reasons for many of these conflicts will change - hopefully not to be replaced by new ones.

New Zealand Day - 3rd time lucky

Have posted this three times now. The Blog must really hate it as it keeps disappearing :)

New Zealand Day.

There's a great sound in those words. New Zealand Day - a day to give thanks that we live in such a great country. But this year I just won't call it Waitangi Day. I won't call it Waitangi Day because to me Waitangi Day means protests and mud slinging, and a day where a very small minority make the television news for the same, pain in the arse reasons.

This is a day when anyone looking in from the outside would think we are the least united. This legacy of past wrong-doings and the corresponding settlement process must have an end. And please make it soon.

New Zealand is full of people from different ethnic origins. In the most part these people want to take part in our society in a positive and beneficial way - they want to take the best things from their culture and make it a part of ours. In short "They want to move forward".

I'm really glad that most Maori people feel the same way - and I've heard that Waitangi is a great place to go over the long weekend - a carnival of sorts, with lots of fun to be had. But it all doesnt just happen there. New Zealanders' all over the country take to the beaches, and the parks to enjoy a day, tailor-made for us. I just want this day to reflect on us all - as New Zealanders, not just focusing on 10% of our population.

Be proud of what we achieve, and be proud to be a New Zealander. Remember - We are one nation - and it's time to celebrate that fact.

You complete me.

Having not seen the Evil Weevil so far this year - we arranged to catch up last Monday. As is a normal occurrence for our meetings we usually have dinner followed by a movie. Now I'm a bit of a movie snob, so on occasion I ask that the other person choose the movie. That way I often get to see films I would normally avoid - and perhaps become a little more balanced in the process. Sometimes I get to see some amazing gems, and sometimes not.
This time Evil Weevil chose "Just Like Heaven".

The film was mildly entertaining in a chewing gum for the mind kind of way, but I found myself wondering if the plot was any more (or less) far fetched than a Michael Bay extravaganza - like Pearl Harbour. Well I said to myself - at least Pearl Harbour happened, and although there were no ghosts per say it was no worse for their omission. It might have been better though.

But Reese did a good job - the movie was warm and tender, with ... ok it was bollox, but what do you expect.... If you want to see Reese in a drama go see "Walk the Line". Resse is simply the next Meg Ryan - and that's all I'm going to say about that.

This lead me to think about romantic dialog in movies, and how if people said what the actors said in real life, how unlikely the romance would continue. Take for example this dross;

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Ahhhh... The word STALKER comes to mind...

Here are some other examples of swoon inducing moments in cinema....that just cant work in real life. And if they did work you'd probably be more than slightly worried......

"You complete me"
"You make me want to be a better man"
"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat."

"I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends- as opposed to what we actually are- people who don't know each other's names and met in a chat room where we both claimed we'd never been before. What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you."


So a challenge for you, constant reader, is to find a romantic movie quote that wont work in real life, and post it as a comment. And don't forget to have fun!

I hate telecom - Part 2

Don't make me angry - you wouldnt like me when I'm angry......


"I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Truely, it pissed me off when I see telecom's share price rising on the back of crap emphasis in the media.
telecom shares rose 10c, or 1.8 per cent, to $5.76 in early trading today despite the telco reporting a $466 million half-year loss.

Read that carefully..... Shares rise - after telecom report a half billion loss.
So why.....

"Not so much the financials, but the mobile and broadband numbers. Both have surprised on the upside very nicely."
telecom chief executive Theresa Gattung said mobile connection growth was strong in the quarter, with 135,000 new connections.
telecom picked up 38,000 new broadband customers in the quarter, about 35,000 of which were residential.
telecom said it expected double digit growth in mobile voice and data revenue to continue.

OK lets deal with some of these issues separately.

38,000 Broadband customers. Does that include the onselling of Broadband to Telstra in the 11th hour deal that stopped impending government intervention?
Also I am connected to IHUG but my ADSL connection has to be through telecom (I have no choice). So I guess I'm included in those numbers - if I was a new connection. The current arrangement is bad for any non telecom customers.
Example: Last week my ADSL fell over - I used to be a telecom tech so I was able to determine the fault lay with telecom's DSLAM. Yet when I reported the fault to telecom thay told me to report the fault to my ISP (even though I knew the problem was with telecom). In short you cant report an internet fault with telecom unless you are an Xtra user. In the end I had to report a line fault to get this problem fixed - even though I knew my line was OK.
My second bug bear is their mobile connection numbers. This is bollox - and regardless of what any cell company tells you, the number of cellular connections is unrelated to the company's revenue bottom line.
Example: I honestly believe the high number of recent connections to telecom mobile is due to their $10 TXT promo. Ok so lets see, assuming these kids are canny, and god knows NZ kids are smart when I comes to money, telecom are most probably making little more than $10 a month on most of those connections. The major indicator of a companies sucess is ARPU. That is ARPU is an acronym for Average Revenue Per Unit or Average Revenue Per User. It is the revenue generated by a customer phone, pager, etc., per month.

Basically stated the higher the ARPU, the more successful your company is. By telecom putting a cap on their ARPU from TXT, they will have to increase their mobile ARPU by stimulating growth in their voice and data areas. I can just see kids/adults that sign on to $10 TXT doing that.

The only shining light for telecom's wire network is their dominance in the local loop (wires in the ground), but in time the revenues from this medium will drop as cellular use increases due to higher data speeds and lower costs. Personally I believe it's time the local loop was deregulated, but telecom has survived thus far with minimal compliance, and I expect this to continue for some time yet.

I'm on my way

Look at Jim-Bob.

Jim is modeling the latest in chic Wellington businesswear. This little ensemble complete with roman sandals, walk socks, and shorts, is sure to raise the eye of every single girl at the office.

See the short sleeve shirt and corresponding short brown tie - never overstated or dated - always styley. Very sexy.

Note the impressive body language, stating in simple terms that he is relaxed and confident: lord of his domain.

A virus made me fat

Fast on the heals of a scientific discovery that a virus may be responcible for making people fat , scientist have also discovered there is no limit to the human beings capacity to blame anyone else for their own misfortunes.

The Darwin Awards are full of people, whose sole redeeming feature is that they can no longer blame anothers; because they are now dead.

This 2005/2006 awards go to a guy who killed himself by Lava-lamp, another who welded a chain to a grenade (to use it as a paper weight), and a young vietnamese man who thought that putting a detonator in his mouth and connecting it to the house mains supply would prove that the detonator, was in fact, defective.

...Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed. To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle.

For more stories of people who have left their mark by shuffling off their moral coils in a unique manner go here. It is indeed a refreshing notion, that given time, there may be a glimmer of hope: that all the idiots that surround us, may some day, find a way to transcend to greatness.

Weekends with Tumorboy.

Suffering from writers block, I visited Tumorboy and Scrabble Queen for a catch up chat. Scrabble Queen checked out my profile on findsomeone and gave it the two thumbs up, whilst Tumorboy told me of his run in with a Wilson Parking guy who was not nearly as intelligent as the parking booth he sat in. Seem's that a prominent Auckland hospital allows you a free 30 minutes on your parking ticket before charging - which I find remarkable - given the cost of parking in this city.

Anyhoo.... Tumborboy takes his car into said car park to find there are only 2 minute parks outside the hospital for dropping off patients. Not wanting to be towed he parks in the (only other) general car park only to be charged $3 when leaving 15 minutes later. Get this - the parking booth guy says that he gets charged $3 because he parked in the car park. When Tumorboy tells him about the 30 minute free parking sign at the entrance to the car park the Wilson parking guy says that he should have parked in the 2 minute parks - as no-one ever gets towed from them. He then said that Tumorboy obviously didn't understand the 30 minutes free parking sign. The mind boggles.
I told Tumorboy that he absolutely must right the wrong, and by some means get his $3 back from the Hospital in one way or another. There must be a Yin to their Yang. The balance of the universe relies on such things. Suggestions are welcome....

The conversation then flowed like beer at Octoberfest, witty observations abounded, followed quickly by a great many farcical comments: a great many topics were discussed. In between Tumorboys left-cheek-squeeks and in spite of the resulting ongoing howls of protests from Scrabble Queen, we managed to solve all the worlds woes. But for the life of me, as I headed home, all the solutions we had discussed had, like the snow at the end of winter, dissolved to mush. I do remember the best bits involved frogs tho.......

And madness fell upon the land.

Rob: Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

Rob: She LIKED me. She liked ME. SHE liked me... At least I think she did.

Update: Scrabble Queen - I have posted the damn photo!

I am officially "out there"

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides

SweetP dropped in last night, and whilst chatting about her upcoming 1st date, surfed the findsomebody web site - helping me find "that" special person.
I would like to point out the "that" in no way measures up to "the" as in my previous post. "That" denotes the fact that this is a daunting and tiresome process - and four day's into Internet dating I'm beginning to feel jaded about the whole thing.

The whole first session you're online you think you're absolutely making progress- You get to be witty about your profile, waxing lyrical about youself and what you're looking for. The whole thing is new and exciting.

The second day you go in and see that the site has generated 100 hits for a potential match. Initially you want to be fair about the whole process - you start to look at all the profiles, taking each at their own merits. You carefully sort those who don't match you and behold! - more matches pop into view. For some strange reason I had hoped the process would have been more scientific.

Day three, you start you get smiles. Smiles are like small pop-up notes - telling you that someone is interested in you. If you're interested in them you can "smile" back. It's just like high school again - shudder....

So day four - and here I am. Ripping through profiles. Deleting some people for good reasons (must think God is the most important thing in your life) through to dubious ones (Not sure about wanting children or not).I feel shallow, pathetic and strangely - angry with myself. And the damn server mocks me by providing more matches.

So having got through the today without killing anyone (have come close), and not jumping out my window at work, I have come to the conclusion that the reason I'm a bit miffed is that it's not supposed to be this way. Damn it - Are you supposed meet your future wife on a Internet website?

Or perhaps online dating is the new Saturday night dance?

I raised this with Cloey - a work mate. I asked him, if when he went to the dance halls of old , with an onion tied to his waist (as was the fashion of the day), if raising the heels to the Charleston was a better way of meeting a life partner? I could imagine the scene (I offered).... riding to the community hall a-top the family oxen. Holding "his" lump of coal for the pot-belly stove. The lanterns and the garlic around the windows to ward off evil spirits. I mean... if you squinted and looked just so..... you could possibly see Peter Cushing in pursuit of Christopher Lee.

Needless to say he was not amused by my images of 70's New Zealand, but he did tell me how he met his lovely wife. And a lovely story it was too - well worthy to tell the children it was.

If I do meet someone on this web site - methinks I must concoct a tall tale indeed to put them off the trail.

Come Watson, the hunt is on!

The Magic of the "the"

So.... now I'm a member, I have been looking around the Find Somebody web site, and have been shown the first 100 matchings. Frankly I believe the matching program must be a bit screwy because God knows there aren't 100 women out there who could put up with me! I suspect I may need to look at ammending my profile - and NO - no one here gets a link to that.

With these interweb dating thingies you get to send "smiles", which is way way cheaper than sending flowers - but I guess - just as stalky.

Now I haven't put a photo of myself up yet, the reasons are many and complex. If i was to dig through all the reasons and hazard a guess why, the answer would have to be either

a) To piss off Scrabble Queen.
b) Because I have to find "the" photo.

"The" is an understated word in the English language. Getting "the" car park right next to the entrance when you're late to the pictures. Finding "the" combination of fillings for that perfect Subway sandwich. In both these instances the "the" I'm talking about may not be the same thing next time. The second time you taste the magical combo you created - it just doesn't taste the same, and the sad fact is: it never will. Never underestimate the power of "the".

In no way do i think relationships are like this, in fact I'm glad they aren't. Imagine meeting "the" woman only to find the next day (or the next year) again the magical combo wasn't the same, and that the lovely woman you fell in love with was really a sadistic troll with tourette's syndrome.

Now I'm nowhere near jaded, but when someone says "Why get Married? - Just find a woman you hate, then buy her a house", I wonder if I'm on a hiding to nothing.

It's times like these I try to think of the happily married Tumorboy and Scrabble Queen, and the look of adoration on her face, as he "throws" the weekly scrabble game and lets her make the "victory" cup of tea at the end of the night. I of course, ignore the intervening hours when they almost come to blows over silly things like the time taken to make a move, or if the word is allowed. You cant beat that sort of entertainment, as a spectator to this I have to say it's unrivalled, perhaps going even as far to say: it's "the" best.

The dreams of ordinary men

It's a strange feeling when you finally discover that strange place you live in has seemingly become your home - overnight.
Of course it's never that easy a discovery to take. It's the little things about living in a big city that sneak up on you - the kind of things that you don't notice until you head back to the smaller town you came from.
Noticing the lack of crowds and traffic in a smaller city are the obvious ones - and believe me when I say it's a pleasant shock. You make a few jokes, write a few blogs, and realise how much a slower pace of life in Dunedin agrees with the human soul.
So - I'm now two weeks back in Auckland, and I'm noticing that I'm not noticing the crowds of different ethnic origins again, and I'm not using a map book to drive around the city as much as I used to. It's a major concern to me that I may have come "home" after all.
So why the concern? This is the year I have given myself to make some decisions about weather to stay here for a longer term - or head back to "Dunnoz", having "been there - done that" in Auckland. My job is great - and that's why I'm here, BUT work isnt everything, and recently I have felt that I'm not making the traction I have had previously. On the good news front I am assured that things will be changing at work but the carrot on the stick only works for so long - so we will have to wait and see if those promises eventuate.
So in the meantime I only have to worry about "getting out there" in the dating scene - My Mum, Sharz, SweetP, and Scrabble Queen are all looking for suitable girls, and I hate to say it but all this has turned me from a moderately contented lad into a nervous wreck who has started to wonder if his biological clock has just begun to tick.

Icecream Girl's Sudoku

Hi Tamsin

Hope you are safe and sound back in the UK. Here's an easy puzzle for you.

Why I shouldnt go to jail - please.

Classic Stuff from stuff.co.nz :)

An "incompetent" burglar who was tackled by elderly members of a petanque club would never again be able to hold his head up among his criminal peers, his lawyer told Christchurch District Court today.

At sentencing today, Dearman's lawyer, Michael Knowles, urged Judge Michael Crosbie to regard the publicity and humiliation his client had suffered as a result of media attention as a mitigating factor.

Dearman had been pictured in media hog-tied and surrounded by elderly club members while they waited for police to arrive.

Mr Knowles said the incident had been embarrassing for Dearman's mother, who had dealings with the public, and the publicity had forced Dearman's partner to leave town.
Mr Knowles said a probation report indicated Dearman was taking longer than others to grow up.

Dearman had been the "laughing stock" of inmates at Christchurch Prison over the past week and would "never be able to hold his head up in criminal company again".

Odd one out?

One:

I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy, we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called "possession of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Two:

Topper, I was so young, just a schoolgirl. He was an older man, so wise in the ways of the world. He used to come around the schoolyard, day after day. I so admired his persistence. Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him was no deterrent. He opened my eyes to the arts: music, clog-dancing, WrestleMania. His work has meant so much to so many. And I owe him everything, Topper. Everything.

Three:

"At first, I thought they handed me the wrong dossier. I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead. Third generation WestPoint, top of his class. Korea, Airborne. About a thousand decorations. Etc, etc... I'd heard his voice on the tape and it really put a hook in me. But I couldn't connect up that voice with this man. Like theysaid he had an impressive career. Maybe too impressive... I meanperfect. He was being groomed for one of the top slots of the corporation.
General, Chief of Staff, anything... In 1964 he returnedfrom a tour of advisory command in Vietnam and things started toslip. The report to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Lyndon Johnson was restricted. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them. During the next few months he made three requests for
transfer to airborne training in Fort Benning, Georgia. And he was finally accepted. Airborne ?
He was 38 years old. Why the fuck would he do that ?1966 he joined the Special forces, returns to Vietnam ..."

A Real Dead Man

Found this snippet on a supposedly dead Indian who has complained to his local Police that his family no longer recognise him as living.
Children screamed "Ghost! Ghost!" and villagers locked their doors when Raju Raghuvanshi returned from jail earlier this month to his village in Mandla district in the central state of Madhya Pradesh.

You want fingers with your combo?

A Santa Clara woman must be regretting her decision to place a severed finger in her "Wendys" chilli to extort a payout from the fast food chain. After a scam was revealed the woman, and her husband were yesterday sentenced to prison for nine years.

It should be pointed out that she now regrets the incident.

"I am truly sorry. I owe Wendy's and its employees an apology," a sobbing Ayala told the court. "Wendy's had always been my family's favourite fast food restaurant."

Having had Wendy's chilli I can categorically state it tastes just fine without the finger, and you're not missing out on anything.

I understand the woman has been involved in other scams with other fast food restaurants, hence the heavy sentence imposed.

What the hell's in the water?

Its been a bizzare week so far - I'm beginning to think someone's been spiking the water we drink.

A sickness beneficiary caught on video breaking shop windows - by a member of the same group - for laughs. I cant think why this guy should receive a benefit - if he wants to spend his time breaking windows, the tax payer shouldnt have to pay for it....

Also this week a guy is shot dead for no apparent reason except he was running.

Here - we see a "top ten" speed camera that has dished out nearly 9000 tickets a year. Supposedly the camera was put there to stop people speeding - and they think its working????
Own up New Zealand these camera's are revenue gathering machines! - nothing more...

And finally a women bites her two dogs to stop them attacking a third dog.

What the hell is going on!

Dere's poetry in dem dere movies

Tyler's "borrowed" comment in the previous posting is too good to not have it's own post.

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright... and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice...but still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.

Steven King wrote the original story - and I wonder if this was in the book, or just the screenplay.

Either way, seeing this quote can make you a bit sad - especially when someone you work with decides to take a job in Melbourne with a rival company. Good luck Verapol - you will be missed.

On a more interesting note - perhaps if you have some favouite part of a scene in a movie you could include it as a comment. Avoid the obvious ones ok?

When headlines go bad.

Most idiotic headline from the Herald today.

Sperm unlikely to cross Tasman.

At 1 to 4 mm per minute a succesful crossing is indeed highly unlikely - what was I thinking?

Goes to show you now can believe everything you read in the mass media. I take all my previous comments "back".

Things are not so bad after all

I "Googled" a report of a shooting of a teenager who confronted a SWAT team with a realistic "modified" BB gun that looked like a 9mm handgun and came across this page. Turns out the modification is simply painting the end of the gun black - it seems all toy replicas sold in the US must have the end of the barrel painted red to avoid incident.

I hope this website is just being sarcastic, as the data is very disturbing. There are a lot of people in the USA though - I wonder how many own guns?

God - I'm so glad only the serious criminals have guns here.........

America’s Shooting Gallery, 1.13

America’s Shooting Gallery is our daily look at all the gun violence ravaging the country. It’s ugly, but someone’s gotta see it.

* FL: Student threatens police SWAT team with modified pellet gun, gets shot for his trouble
* IL: Student among 3 hurt in shooting near South Side Chicago school
* MA: Police investigate shooting homicide in the “safest city in America.” Still think nothing’s wrong with the gun situation in this country?”
* MA: 18-year-old killed in Dorchester. Same killing or different from the Dorchester killing earlier this week? Who can tell anymore…
* MA: Teenager injured in shooting near schoolbus
* MI: Shots fired inside Detroit high school
* NC: Woman arrested in shooting
* FL: Three arrested in fatal drive-by shooting

Whimsy

whimsy.

I like this bit :)

Often Characterized by seahorses, children, and toys. Whimsy is usually lost by the age of 15 when it is replaced by emotions that are meant to be mature but are actually far more immature than whimsy.

Seahorses, children and toys? - Oh.. my.. god...

Dont know why - perhaps the humidity or the temperature - or perhaps a combo deal. Either way if the humidity doesnt drop my mood may move from whimsy to homicidal rage - like the feeling i get when I see that dropkick who does the $10 TXT promo for Telecom on TV.

Every time i see him I hope (against hope) that he never ever gets laid - he is ghastly I tell you - ghastly.

In the meantime I might just go restore another Ford Capri - arrrrghhhh - no.... thats just the masochism talking.

If i could just stop the bizzare dreams that always seem to come with the warmer temperatures. Normally I dont remember my dreams - and right now I could do with a bit more of that.

Peace out

Why pilots get the big dollars

Have a look at this tricky landing by a 747 into Hong Kong - then tell me these guys don't deserve decent paychecks!

Evolution by shoe

A potential class structure emerges... From people who choose to walk barefoot (even in winter) to those who wear Italian leather loafers.

Do not judge lest you be judged? Bugger that!

In the begining there was the foot.

And then came the Jandal

Then came the gyms shoe

Then the "proper" shoe

Can anyone tell me where the jandal and sock combo fits into the evolutionary tree? Or is simply genetic throwback?

Or what about the yuppy sportshoe wearer?

God it's great to be a guy

Humour

Selected reasons:

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women.

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

Movie trivia - name that movie.

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiance. He was thirty-five years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit for his long, reputed soul mate; a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, it is a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite, sublime plan. Ask about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. Things were clearer for him, Kansky noted. Ultimately, Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe we must all possess a powerful faith, of what the ancients used to call fatum; what we currently refer to as destiny.


No cheating!!!!

And so it begins

So...US troops break into a respected journalist's house in Iraq looking for insurgents - and take away all his video tapes he's using for a documentary on the "War against terror".

Ali Fadhil, who two months ago won the Foreign Press Association young journalist of the year award, was hooded and taken for questioning. He was released hours later.

The director of the film, Callum Macrae, said yesterday: "The timing and nature of this raid is extremely disturbing. It is only a few days since we first approached the US authorities and told them Ali was doing this investigation, and asked them then to grant him an interview about our findings.

The tapes have yet to be returned - and I can't say I'm surprised

I fear the real war against terror: The US industrial military complex against anyone who disagrees with anything "they" hold true and just!

source

Supression in action

MP Ron Marks wants to bring in a new law to provide new harsher penalties for those who attack the Police. The article is here.

"Society can't have it both ways. We can't demand that the police protect us and then turn a blind eye when thugs and drunken louts attack the police," he said.

What about the thugs and drunken louts that attack those of us that arent Police?

I thought we were supposed to be the same - Cops and Citizens alike - how about we have one law for all. Oh - wait a minute we already do - don't we?

We all deserve to be treated the same way - we don't need a class structure just yet thanks.

When does "Tyler Knows Best" - Know Best?

"Tyler Knows Best" mentioned the other day that we should be a little more understanding of the "boy racer" subculture in NZ.

I am paraphrasing when I write these statements but Tyler basically believes that we are in the process of making all fun things illegal in NZ.

Tyler says we are only trying to stop people doing the same things now that we did when we were young.

Tyler says we should be able to "draw outside the lines" and not have to conform to an ideal society. I have to admit that I agree with many of Tylers statements.

IG, Tumorboy, Tyler and all you others who are scared to post - your comments would be appreciated.

In the meantime see a small glance of the world Tyler would have my lovely car live in :)

My 70's Show

Meet my car. It’s 32 years old.
This car kept me sane in my last job as a Telecom employee. Well restoring it did anyway. Five years of slow methodical work – a calm in the storm that was my (work) life.
I didn’t finish it until after I left Dunedin and moved to Auckland to work for a much better company.
Every year at Christmas I come home, and pull back the car cover to reveal the same Christmas present – and it never stops making me smile.

Don’t get me wrong – this car isn’t fast, or well behaved. I get a lot of shit from my friends who think I’m a bit too anal about it – and to them I say “Well -Yes I am!”. This car is a throw back to the 70’s – I time when I was growing up – a time when the most important decision I had to make was the flavour of my ice cream. A time that is the butt of too many jokes – and I must say that the 70’s in New Zealand wasn’t a bad time to be growing up. Who cares if you couldn’t get a "flat white" or shops didn’t open in the weekends!

It’s funny that there has been a revival of 70’s memorabilia recently – perhaps people are searching for something lost along the way to this century. By restoring one small part of that 70’s era I’d like to think I’ve kept something important: well, something important to me anyway.

Movie Madness

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a walking database on movies. I often get calls from friends who ask me questions like.. "What was the movie with Clint Eastwood and the girl who played Matthew Brodericks sister in You Can Count on me?".

If I could just harness the brainpower required to process all that information and channel that into a more proactive direction I wouldnt be relying on Lotto to save me from lifes' woes.

In the meantime I can only point out they are talking about Absolute Power. Fools !!!!!

The best online database for movies can be found here. Enjoy the masses of information I digest (without thinking), that slowly erodes any other room that could be taken up by - say - spell'n un suchlike stuff.

One of the best movie reviewer guys on the net is here. James is a brilliant reviewer, and I've almost never disagreed with him. (except the time he gave the Phantom Menace 4 stars - He must have been on drugs THAT day).

Confusing Signs Abound

Evidentally the skating chapter of Hells Angels was in town......

A drink anyone?

Drunken stars' will be wondering what the hell happened to their New Years Eve celebrations today, when they awake to find themselves in a Police cell, charged with various offences.

No doubt they will blame everyone else for their woes, but they can take heart - that they have well and truely been passed the torch from last years drunken idiots.

Now, I've never been a fan of Aussie cars - in fact turning them upside down and setting fire to them is probably preferable to actually owning or driving one. But legally the car must be owned by you, and not by the couple of sad looking locals who called the Police. Also setting fire to a car in a campsite surrounded by tents and other cars isn't the best of ideas either!

So the Police arrived to arrest the culprits, only to deal with a bunch of drunken idiots who decided to attack said police with bottles. It's a shame the Police always seem to have to pick up the pieces after stupid legislation is pushed through without thought. There's never time to do it right - but there's always time to do it over. Also contrary to my previous bits of satire regarding the Police I do support them in the good community things they do, I just wish they weren't a division of the governments revenue collection team.

Anyway - I think it is time to seriously look at the way we drink as a nation. It's not what we drink - it's how we drink. And we drink bad.

Happy New Year !

A Happy New Year to all those readers (yet still no comments - sigh).

I trust the hangovers have started to abate in the Southern Hemisphere, and I can but imagine those drinking in the Northern hemisphere are still working on theirs.

Anyway - where ever you are, and whatever you do - have a safe New Years.

Mark