The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides

SweetP dropped in last night, and whilst chatting about her upcoming 1st date, surfed the findsomebody web site - helping me find "that" special person.
I would like to point out the "that" in no way measures up to "the" as in my previous post. "That" denotes the fact that this is a daunting and tiresome process - and four day's into Internet dating I'm beginning to feel jaded about the whole thing.

The whole first session you're online you think you're absolutely making progress- You get to be witty about your profile, waxing lyrical about youself and what you're looking for. The whole thing is new and exciting.

The second day you go in and see that the site has generated 100 hits for a potential match. Initially you want to be fair about the whole process - you start to look at all the profiles, taking each at their own merits. You carefully sort those who don't match you and behold! - more matches pop into view. For some strange reason I had hoped the process would have been more scientific.

Day three, you start you get smiles. Smiles are like small pop-up notes - telling you that someone is interested in you. If you're interested in them you can "smile" back. It's just like high school again - shudder....

So day four - and here I am. Ripping through profiles. Deleting some people for good reasons (must think God is the most important thing in your life) through to dubious ones (Not sure about wanting children or not).I feel shallow, pathetic and strangely - angry with myself. And the damn server mocks me by providing more matches.

So having got through the today without killing anyone (have come close), and not jumping out my window at work, I have come to the conclusion that the reason I'm a bit miffed is that it's not supposed to be this way. Damn it - Are you supposed meet your future wife on a Internet website?

Or perhaps online dating is the new Saturday night dance?

I raised this with Cloey - a work mate. I asked him, if when he went to the dance halls of old , with an onion tied to his waist (as was the fashion of the day), if raising the heels to the Charleston was a better way of meeting a life partner? I could imagine the scene (I offered).... riding to the community hall a-top the family oxen. Holding "his" lump of coal for the pot-belly stove. The lanterns and the garlic around the windows to ward off evil spirits. I mean... if you squinted and looked just so..... you could possibly see Peter Cushing in pursuit of Christopher Lee.

Needless to say he was not amused by my images of 70's New Zealand, but he did tell me how he met his lovely wife. And a lovely story it was too - well worthy to tell the children it was.

If I do meet someone on this web site - methinks I must concoct a tall tale indeed to put them off the trail.

Come Watson, the hunt is on!

The Magic of the "the"

So.... now I'm a member, I have been looking around the Find Somebody web site, and have been shown the first 100 matchings. Frankly I believe the matching program must be a bit screwy because God knows there aren't 100 women out there who could put up with me! I suspect I may need to look at ammending my profile - and NO - no one here gets a link to that.

With these interweb dating thingies you get to send "smiles", which is way way cheaper than sending flowers - but I guess - just as stalky.

Now I haven't put a photo of myself up yet, the reasons are many and complex. If i was to dig through all the reasons and hazard a guess why, the answer would have to be either

a) To piss off Scrabble Queen.
b) Because I have to find "the" photo.

"The" is an understated word in the English language. Getting "the" car park right next to the entrance when you're late to the pictures. Finding "the" combination of fillings for that perfect Subway sandwich. In both these instances the "the" I'm talking about may not be the same thing next time. The second time you taste the magical combo you created - it just doesn't taste the same, and the sad fact is: it never will. Never underestimate the power of "the".

In no way do i think relationships are like this, in fact I'm glad they aren't. Imagine meeting "the" woman only to find the next day (or the next year) again the magical combo wasn't the same, and that the lovely woman you fell in love with was really a sadistic troll with tourette's syndrome.

Now I'm nowhere near jaded, but when someone says "Why get Married? - Just find a woman you hate, then buy her a house", I wonder if I'm on a hiding to nothing.

It's times like these I try to think of the happily married Tumorboy and Scrabble Queen, and the look of adoration on her face, as he "throws" the weekly scrabble game and lets her make the "victory" cup of tea at the end of the night. I of course, ignore the intervening hours when they almost come to blows over silly things like the time taken to make a move, or if the word is allowed. You cant beat that sort of entertainment, as a spectator to this I have to say it's unrivalled, perhaps going even as far to say: it's "the" best.

The dreams of ordinary men

It's a strange feeling when you finally discover that strange place you live in has seemingly become your home - overnight.
Of course it's never that easy a discovery to take. It's the little things about living in a big city that sneak up on you - the kind of things that you don't notice until you head back to the smaller town you came from.
Noticing the lack of crowds and traffic in a smaller city are the obvious ones - and believe me when I say it's a pleasant shock. You make a few jokes, write a few blogs, and realise how much a slower pace of life in Dunedin agrees with the human soul.
So - I'm now two weeks back in Auckland, and I'm noticing that I'm not noticing the crowds of different ethnic origins again, and I'm not using a map book to drive around the city as much as I used to. It's a major concern to me that I may have come "home" after all.
So why the concern? This is the year I have given myself to make some decisions about weather to stay here for a longer term - or head back to "Dunnoz", having "been there - done that" in Auckland. My job is great - and that's why I'm here, BUT work isnt everything, and recently I have felt that I'm not making the traction I have had previously. On the good news front I am assured that things will be changing at work but the carrot on the stick only works for so long - so we will have to wait and see if those promises eventuate.
So in the meantime I only have to worry about "getting out there" in the dating scene - My Mum, Sharz, SweetP, and Scrabble Queen are all looking for suitable girls, and I hate to say it but all this has turned me from a moderately contented lad into a nervous wreck who has started to wonder if his biological clock has just begun to tick.

Icecream Girl's Sudoku

Hi Tamsin

Hope you are safe and sound back in the UK. Here's an easy puzzle for you.

Why I shouldnt go to jail - please.

Classic Stuff from stuff.co.nz :)

An "incompetent" burglar who was tackled by elderly members of a petanque club would never again be able to hold his head up among his criminal peers, his lawyer told Christchurch District Court today.

At sentencing today, Dearman's lawyer, Michael Knowles, urged Judge Michael Crosbie to regard the publicity and humiliation his client had suffered as a result of media attention as a mitigating factor.

Dearman had been pictured in media hog-tied and surrounded by elderly club members while they waited for police to arrive.

Mr Knowles said the incident had been embarrassing for Dearman's mother, who had dealings with the public, and the publicity had forced Dearman's partner to leave town.
Mr Knowles said a probation report indicated Dearman was taking longer than others to grow up.

Dearman had been the "laughing stock" of inmates at Christchurch Prison over the past week and would "never be able to hold his head up in criminal company again".

Odd one out?

One:

I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy, we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called "possession of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Two:

Topper, I was so young, just a schoolgirl. He was an older man, so wise in the ways of the world. He used to come around the schoolyard, day after day. I so admired his persistence. Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him was no deterrent. He opened my eyes to the arts: music, clog-dancing, WrestleMania. His work has meant so much to so many. And I owe him everything, Topper. Everything.

Three:

"At first, I thought they handed me the wrong dossier. I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead. Third generation WestPoint, top of his class. Korea, Airborne. About a thousand decorations. Etc, etc... I'd heard his voice on the tape and it really put a hook in me. But I couldn't connect up that voice with this man. Like theysaid he had an impressive career. Maybe too impressive... I meanperfect. He was being groomed for one of the top slots of the corporation.
General, Chief of Staff, anything... In 1964 he returnedfrom a tour of advisory command in Vietnam and things started toslip. The report to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Lyndon Johnson was restricted. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them. During the next few months he made three requests for
transfer to airborne training in Fort Benning, Georgia. And he was finally accepted. Airborne ?
He was 38 years old. Why the fuck would he do that ?1966 he joined the Special forces, returns to Vietnam ..."

A Real Dead Man

Found this snippet on a supposedly dead Indian who has complained to his local Police that his family no longer recognise him as living.
Children screamed "Ghost! Ghost!" and villagers locked their doors when Raju Raghuvanshi returned from jail earlier this month to his village in Mandla district in the central state of Madhya Pradesh.

You want fingers with your combo?

A Santa Clara woman must be regretting her decision to place a severed finger in her "Wendys" chilli to extort a payout from the fast food chain. After a scam was revealed the woman, and her husband were yesterday sentenced to prison for nine years.

It should be pointed out that she now regrets the incident.

"I am truly sorry. I owe Wendy's and its employees an apology," a sobbing Ayala told the court. "Wendy's had always been my family's favourite fast food restaurant."

Having had Wendy's chilli I can categorically state it tastes just fine without the finger, and you're not missing out on anything.

I understand the woman has been involved in other scams with other fast food restaurants, hence the heavy sentence imposed.

What the hell's in the water?

Its been a bizzare week so far - I'm beginning to think someone's been spiking the water we drink.

A sickness beneficiary caught on video breaking shop windows - by a member of the same group - for laughs. I cant think why this guy should receive a benefit - if he wants to spend his time breaking windows, the tax payer shouldnt have to pay for it....

Also this week a guy is shot dead for no apparent reason except he was running.

Here - we see a "top ten" speed camera that has dished out nearly 9000 tickets a year. Supposedly the camera was put there to stop people speeding - and they think its working????
Own up New Zealand these camera's are revenue gathering machines! - nothing more...

And finally a women bites her two dogs to stop them attacking a third dog.

What the hell is going on!

Dere's poetry in dem dere movies

Tyler's "borrowed" comment in the previous posting is too good to not have it's own post.

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright... and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice...but still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.

Steven King wrote the original story - and I wonder if this was in the book, or just the screenplay.

Either way, seeing this quote can make you a bit sad - especially when someone you work with decides to take a job in Melbourne with a rival company. Good luck Verapol - you will be missed.

On a more interesting note - perhaps if you have some favouite part of a scene in a movie you could include it as a comment. Avoid the obvious ones ok?

When headlines go bad.

Most idiotic headline from the Herald today.

Sperm unlikely to cross Tasman.

At 1 to 4 mm per minute a succesful crossing is indeed highly unlikely - what was I thinking?

Goes to show you now can believe everything you read in the mass media. I take all my previous comments "back".

Things are not so bad after all

I "Googled" a report of a shooting of a teenager who confronted a SWAT team with a realistic "modified" BB gun that looked like a 9mm handgun and came across this page. Turns out the modification is simply painting the end of the gun black - it seems all toy replicas sold in the US must have the end of the barrel painted red to avoid incident.

I hope this website is just being sarcastic, as the data is very disturbing. There are a lot of people in the USA though - I wonder how many own guns?

God - I'm so glad only the serious criminals have guns here.........

America’s Shooting Gallery, 1.13

America’s Shooting Gallery is our daily look at all the gun violence ravaging the country. It’s ugly, but someone’s gotta see it.

* FL: Student threatens police SWAT team with modified pellet gun, gets shot for his trouble
* IL: Student among 3 hurt in shooting near South Side Chicago school
* MA: Police investigate shooting homicide in the “safest city in America.” Still think nothing’s wrong with the gun situation in this country?”
* MA: 18-year-old killed in Dorchester. Same killing or different from the Dorchester killing earlier this week? Who can tell anymore…
* MA: Teenager injured in shooting near schoolbus
* MI: Shots fired inside Detroit high school
* NC: Woman arrested in shooting
* FL: Three arrested in fatal drive-by shooting

Whimsy

whimsy.

I like this bit :)

Often Characterized by seahorses, children, and toys. Whimsy is usually lost by the age of 15 when it is replaced by emotions that are meant to be mature but are actually far more immature than whimsy.

Seahorses, children and toys? - Oh.. my.. god...

Dont know why - perhaps the humidity or the temperature - or perhaps a combo deal. Either way if the humidity doesnt drop my mood may move from whimsy to homicidal rage - like the feeling i get when I see that dropkick who does the $10 TXT promo for Telecom on TV.

Every time i see him I hope (against hope) that he never ever gets laid - he is ghastly I tell you - ghastly.

In the meantime I might just go restore another Ford Capri - arrrrghhhh - no.... thats just the masochism talking.

If i could just stop the bizzare dreams that always seem to come with the warmer temperatures. Normally I dont remember my dreams - and right now I could do with a bit more of that.

Peace out

Why pilots get the big dollars

Have a look at this tricky landing by a 747 into Hong Kong - then tell me these guys don't deserve decent paychecks!

Evolution by shoe

A potential class structure emerges... From people who choose to walk barefoot (even in winter) to those who wear Italian leather loafers.

Do not judge lest you be judged? Bugger that!

In the begining there was the foot.

And then came the Jandal

Then came the gyms shoe

Then the "proper" shoe

Can anyone tell me where the jandal and sock combo fits into the evolutionary tree? Or is simply genetic throwback?

Or what about the yuppy sportshoe wearer?

God it's great to be a guy

Humour

Selected reasons:

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women.

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

Movie trivia - name that movie.

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiance. He was thirty-five years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit for his long, reputed soul mate; a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, it is a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite, sublime plan. Ask about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. Things were clearer for him, Kansky noted. Ultimately, Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe we must all possess a powerful faith, of what the ancients used to call fatum; what we currently refer to as destiny.


No cheating!!!!

And so it begins

So...US troops break into a respected journalist's house in Iraq looking for insurgents - and take away all his video tapes he's using for a documentary on the "War against terror".

Ali Fadhil, who two months ago won the Foreign Press Association young journalist of the year award, was hooded and taken for questioning. He was released hours later.

The director of the film, Callum Macrae, said yesterday: "The timing and nature of this raid is extremely disturbing. It is only a few days since we first approached the US authorities and told them Ali was doing this investigation, and asked them then to grant him an interview about our findings.

The tapes have yet to be returned - and I can't say I'm surprised

I fear the real war against terror: The US industrial military complex against anyone who disagrees with anything "they" hold true and just!

source

Supression in action

MP Ron Marks wants to bring in a new law to provide new harsher penalties for those who attack the Police. The article is here.

"Society can't have it both ways. We can't demand that the police protect us and then turn a blind eye when thugs and drunken louts attack the police," he said.

What about the thugs and drunken louts that attack those of us that arent Police?

I thought we were supposed to be the same - Cops and Citizens alike - how about we have one law for all. Oh - wait a minute we already do - don't we?

We all deserve to be treated the same way - we don't need a class structure just yet thanks.

When does "Tyler Knows Best" - Know Best?

"Tyler Knows Best" mentioned the other day that we should be a little more understanding of the "boy racer" subculture in NZ.

I am paraphrasing when I write these statements but Tyler basically believes that we are in the process of making all fun things illegal in NZ.

Tyler says we are only trying to stop people doing the same things now that we did when we were young.

Tyler says we should be able to "draw outside the lines" and not have to conform to an ideal society. I have to admit that I agree with many of Tylers statements.

IG, Tumorboy, Tyler and all you others who are scared to post - your comments would be appreciated.

In the meantime see a small glance of the world Tyler would have my lovely car live in :)

My 70's Show

Meet my car. It’s 32 years old.
This car kept me sane in my last job as a Telecom employee. Well restoring it did anyway. Five years of slow methodical work – a calm in the storm that was my (work) life.
I didn’t finish it until after I left Dunedin and moved to Auckland to work for a much better company.
Every year at Christmas I come home, and pull back the car cover to reveal the same Christmas present – and it never stops making me smile.

Don’t get me wrong – this car isn’t fast, or well behaved. I get a lot of shit from my friends who think I’m a bit too anal about it – and to them I say “Well -Yes I am!”. This car is a throw back to the 70’s – I time when I was growing up – a time when the most important decision I had to make was the flavour of my ice cream. A time that is the butt of too many jokes – and I must say that the 70’s in New Zealand wasn’t a bad time to be growing up. Who cares if you couldn’t get a "flat white" or shops didn’t open in the weekends!

It’s funny that there has been a revival of 70’s memorabilia recently – perhaps people are searching for something lost along the way to this century. By restoring one small part of that 70’s era I’d like to think I’ve kept something important: well, something important to me anyway.

Movie Madness

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a walking database on movies. I often get calls from friends who ask me questions like.. "What was the movie with Clint Eastwood and the girl who played Matthew Brodericks sister in You Can Count on me?".

If I could just harness the brainpower required to process all that information and channel that into a more proactive direction I wouldnt be relying on Lotto to save me from lifes' woes.

In the meantime I can only point out they are talking about Absolute Power. Fools !!!!!

The best online database for movies can be found here. Enjoy the masses of information I digest (without thinking), that slowly erodes any other room that could be taken up by - say - spell'n un suchlike stuff.

One of the best movie reviewer guys on the net is here. James is a brilliant reviewer, and I've almost never disagreed with him. (except the time he gave the Phantom Menace 4 stars - He must have been on drugs THAT day).

Confusing Signs Abound

Evidentally the skating chapter of Hells Angels was in town......

A drink anyone?

Drunken stars' will be wondering what the hell happened to their New Years Eve celebrations today, when they awake to find themselves in a Police cell, charged with various offences.

No doubt they will blame everyone else for their woes, but they can take heart - that they have well and truely been passed the torch from last years drunken idiots.

Now, I've never been a fan of Aussie cars - in fact turning them upside down and setting fire to them is probably preferable to actually owning or driving one. But legally the car must be owned by you, and not by the couple of sad looking locals who called the Police. Also setting fire to a car in a campsite surrounded by tents and other cars isn't the best of ideas either!

So the Police arrived to arrest the culprits, only to deal with a bunch of drunken idiots who decided to attack said police with bottles. It's a shame the Police always seem to have to pick up the pieces after stupid legislation is pushed through without thought. There's never time to do it right - but there's always time to do it over. Also contrary to my previous bits of satire regarding the Police I do support them in the good community things they do, I just wish they weren't a division of the governments revenue collection team.

Anyway - I think it is time to seriously look at the way we drink as a nation. It's not what we drink - it's how we drink. And we drink bad.

Happy New Year !

A Happy New Year to all those readers (yet still no comments - sigh).

I trust the hangovers have started to abate in the Southern Hemisphere, and I can but imagine those drinking in the Northern hemisphere are still working on theirs.

Anyway - where ever you are, and whatever you do - have a safe New Years.

Mark

Police Car sighted

In what appears to be a sudden move by the Police, Dunedin is to receive it's first Police Car.

Today, in a quiet unveiling ceremony, the car was shown to the public. As you can see from the photo, the public appear non-plused.

"Now we just have to wait for the criminals", cried an unnamed young woman. "We never had any of their like - until the Police showed up in town", she muttered, before heading off to Pack-N-Save for some last minute New Years Eve supplies.

The Police minister was unavailable for comment, but it is understood the general feeling is that Dunedin has had it far too good for far too long, and that the long arm of the law will now extend further south than Christchurch.

It has been well understood for some time that Dunedin has been an "untapped resource for crime" and that the scope for potential criminal offending is significant. It was thought, however, that the lack of criminal infrastructure would hinder the revenue oppertunities for the Police.

The Minister responded: "This will now no longer be a problem, as we have fast tracked some Brothels and Opium Dens. RMA consents have also allowed to be bypassed to allow the cultivation of Cannabis in secret locations."

Police expect to also import some "snitches" to enable fast resolution of these "hidden plots".

In an unrelated exercise Police and other government departments, recently set up in Dunedin, are insisting on making it safe once again to walk the streets of this lovely city.

"With this in mind we will be installing Speed Cameras and Random breath-alcohol checkpoints. We also will be lowering the drinking age, and supplying people with faster cars to aid revenue growth in this sector of our operations", said a Police source.

"We will have Dunedin looking like the rest of the country in no time", he stated.

Ban this ban that

An article in the herald looks at the banning of cellphones inside vehicles.

Even though the use of cellphones in vehicles have only been attributed to 4 road deaths this year 77% of people who like participating in polls think that their use by drivers should be banned.

Out of those 77% I wonder..

How many drive?
How many currently use their cellphones whilst driving?
How many polls they've completed in the last 12 months?
How many polled have a life?

From the article .....

The Ministry of Transport has spent more than a year investigating cellphone use in cars and other "inside-the-vehicle" driver distractions such as map-reading, tuning the radio, eating, drinking and smoking.

Frankly if they ban cellphones, then you would have to ban all the formentioned driver distractions as well. Oh and dont forget to get rid of those "out of car" distractions - like the shameless young men and woman who flaunt their lithe, semi-clothed bodies at the poor unsuspecting motorist during the summer months.

Bring back the berka I say!!!

Road Toll 2005

The NZ Herald includes an article on this years road toll.

Some interesting paragraphs are included below (in itallics)

People who run red lights and overtake on double yellow lines should lose their licence....

AND

Mr Duynhoven agreed with police that 95 per cent of New Zealanders were good drivers but 5 per cent were letting the side down.
He believed that 5 per cent should be made to pay.

I am inclined to agree with these statements, and would like to point out that personal responsibility has always been the issue in my opinion. The Government and their enforcers ie. The Police, have always gone for the soft targets - The Mum's and Dad's and the rest of the 95%.

Dont get me wrong - I in no way condone the wrongdoings of the 95% - in fact I believe that we all have to follow the laws of the land. It's just that, as a country, we seem to turn a blind eye to the 5%.

Examples of their behavior include;

People who rack up fines to a point where the courts wipe them - as they cant pay them.
People who drive without a licience - and never intend to stop doing so.
People who always drink and drive, and simply dont care if they do or dont.

There is no point to having laws if a certain percentage of the population dont intend to follow them. We all have a vested interest in our society flourishing - it's time to weed out those that survive on the fringes, supported by those of us that choose to live by the rules.

In order to hit these people where it hurts we must take away their ability to cause trouble. I'm thinking as I type this - but how about these for ideas...

If you drink and drive - your car is impounded and sold. Unless the car is stolen - If the car is someone else's then the car will be impounded for a time period decided by the courts.
If you dont have a licience you can't buy a car.
If you cant insure a car - you cant own a car.
If your car is not registered - your car will be impounded for twice the duration of the lapsed registration. You will then only be able to recover the car - after it's been registered.

Well that will do for starters. Personally I'd vote for a zero alcohol level for drivers - then there is no confusion over the amount to drink. The the No Drinking and Driving message would then make some sense.

And as for the problem teens driving under the influence - that would stop once they lost their car (or their parent's car). The responsible teens who were obeying the law would be able to carry on unhindered - after all they've done nothing wrong.

When keeping Left isn't always Right

Here in New Zealand we drive on the left hand side of the road, except in Dunedin - where it seems we chop and change on a whim.

This photo is an example of Dunedin's little nod to America and Europe. And another example of why you should always drive someone elses car and not your own over-restored 1974 Capri. Thanks to IG, who was riding shotgun, my car is still in one piece.

Another good reason to live in Dunedin

Not that anyone would need another reason to move here but....

Just look at the masses taking to the streets in a mad rush to get the last sale bargain. I tell you Dunedinites don't seem to appreciate what they've got. I'm told by locals it's chaos out there!


On a more distressing note look at what happens if you disobey the strict instructions not to drink the water in Central Otago. Tumour Boy and Scrabble Queen look beyong help in this PXT sent to me a few days ago. Bottled water kiddies - bottled water!!!!!

One hates to think that at this very moment, they are sitting on the veranda of their log cabin. Scrabble Queen picking a banjo whilst Tumorboy does some whit'ln with a giant bowie knife.

(cue music from Deliverance)

Fast lane shopping.

Having managed to avoid the Boxing Day shoppers yesterday, I ventured out today with Shars for some retail therapy.

I never understand why people stop in the middle of the footpath for no apparent reason. Did you notice that they then seem to stare through everybody around them, before some small spark startles the hamster in their brain only to set them heading off again?

Its' the same thing for the idiots who seem to enjoy walking against the flow on the wrong side of the footpath - and I for one, am sick of it all.

This is obviously not acceptable - If they were in a car they would be rear-ended or at least abused by people following behind. So what can we do about these forgetful shoppers?

I believe we need a lane system - much like the roading system. You could have a slow lane for the idiots who dont know where they are going - and a fast lane for those of us who do..

Now lets see... heading for K-Mart then a short trip to the mall to buy a CD. Great! Sorted! It's the fast lane for me - say goodbye to the huddled masses in the slow lane; never sure which foot goes in front next. No sudden stops, followed by the uncertain wobble - unsure if they plan a 180 degree turn before smashing into an unsuspecting fellow slow lane passenger.

This way we can all zip past them, and enjoy the sight of the traffic challenged shopper - sure in the knowledge the person in front of us knows where they are going as well.

Ahhhhh - the prospect of nirvana..... Make it so!

Home for the holidays

Yippee - I'm home in Dunnoz for the holidays (Dunedin,New Zealand).

At this time of the year I really enjoy the break from my own life, enjoying the stresses and worries of others!

So whilst heading out to numerous cafe's and eating too much I can listen to all the latest gossip from my Dunedin friends, and post them on the interweb thingy for everyone else to see.

So who's doing what with whom, where, I hear you asking?

Absolutely bloody nobody, with no-one, nowhere! - and I smell a rat!

I believe this is one huge conspiracy, and I vow to get to the bottom of it. They wont be able to keep any secrets once i ply them with chocolates and Christmas drinkies so watch this space !

Merry Christmas all

Was wondering what to post for Christmas Eve - and received this email from Petri.

I hope he doesn't mind me using it :)

Merry Christmas to all (terms apply of course) & best wishes for 2006.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all ...

And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make New Zealand great, (not to imply that New Zealand is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Warmest Regards

Peter

Smile!

Bloody Harry Potter

This story was in a link from my previous post - and I found it here on the Herald site as well!

Please - he is a fictional character -say it slowly with me - a fict-sion-al character.

From the article...

Harry Potter has cast a protective spell over accident-prone children, doctors claim today.

Despite his enthusiasm for Quidditch and jet-powered broomsticks, the youthful wizard appears to have had a benign effect on his fans, researchers have found.

Idiots - pretending to be doctors, noted that children who were reading Harry Potter books had less accidents than those who weren't reading the books. Its seems that during the release of the latest Harry Potter book less injuries were reported (except maybe eyestrain?).

Bad science - bad bad science. I knocked up a research study on the effect of SLEEP on children, and have come to the conclusion that during the time children sleep they have fewer injuries than when awake and playing with pit bull terriers on "speed".

Surprisingly, fewer deaths as well.

When I was at school, i was told the best way to disprove an hypothesis was to to design an experiment to prove your hypothesis wrong. If you couldn't get that experiment to work then chances are you might be on the right track. I was informed by a scientist that this no longer happens - perhaps because scientists no longer think, and would rather just spend money trying to find something sexy that will end up in the mass media.

News Flash - Earth round after all

Humour

The NZ Herald report that US Scientists are voting Darwinian evolution as the breakthrough of the year.

While this may not come as any surprise to some, the idea of Creationism or "Intelligent Design" has been gaining momentum, and it appears many people now fear travelling by cruise liner lest they fall off the edge of the world.

Other practices on the rise include the burning of Witches and the revival of traditional medical practices such as blooding and leeches.

Lord of the Rings fans should rechoice at the prospect of the return of Orc's and Wizards, while others fear the return of Lord Voldemort.

I blame Harry Potter for all of this.

Star Wars in 30 seconds with Bunnies

"A New Hope" in 30 seconds with bunnies - and still much better than "The Phantom Menace"

Pre-nup ? What pre-nup!

In a Intolerable Cruelty twist Jessica Simpson has asked that she not have to pay alimony to her soon to be ex-husband Nick Lachey.

It seems that under California Law if you dont have a pre-nuptial agreement then by law you have to pay half of the earnings made during the marriage to each partner. When Jessica married Nick he was worth much more than her (hence the no pre-nup). However Jessica is now worth over 50 million dollars, and wants to keep it.

She should of had a Massey Pre-nup methinks

Kate is Dead

I've been putting off this post for a day now - and it isnt getting any easier to type the words. Yes - our Kate is dead...

All i know is that Gibbs, Dinozzo, and McGee will be very very very upset indeed.

And that wont be good for a double crossing al-Quada agent will it....Die Ari DIE

I cant believe I didnt use the interweb thingy to see this coming. I'm in shock - and I KNOW I'm not the only one. It just doesnt help that i found out Kate will live again in Mission Impossible 3.

I bet the bastards will kill her in that as well!!!!

Nicky Butt is going to Hell

Who is Nicky Butt?

Ms Butt is leading a crusade against Victoria Avenue School, and their tradition of saying the Lord's Prayer prior to the school assembly. In fact she's taking the school to the Human Rights Commission.

Now the school has offered to remove her 7 year old daughter from the school assembly - but NO that will not do - I cant have my daugher marginalised at such a young age she bleets. (Like having a mother taking the school to the Human Rights Comission wouldnt do a slap up job of that anyway).

"I'd rather have her roast in hell", she said... ok she didnt say that.... but she might has well have.

And to top it off her daugher is leaving the school this year, so she really just wants to stuff it up for everyone left behind!

The article is here.

Now I'm an agnostic, and if there's one thing an agnostic knows - it's that you never really know. Basically we're a bunch of fence sitters. And you know - I really liked saying the Lords Prayer at school - it was a great tradition. Our school also had a great tradition of singing. It really raised the hairs on the back of your neck when we sang the old hymns like "Exodus". Tradition is good goddammit.

So while sitting on my white picket fence I can say that..

A) If there is a GOD then saying the Lord's prayer isnt going to do you any harm
B) If there isn't a GOD then saying the Lord's Prayer isnt going to do any harm

BUT

C) If there is a GOD and he is a vengeful GOD I wouldnt want to be Nicky Butt - no buts about that at all :)

WTF!

Links from Frankie's site

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Biggus Dickus

What's Your Porn Star Name?

You Are a Classic Martini

You area sophisticated drinker, who knows that simple quality is over-rated. You're a knowledgeable drunk, but sometimes you're a know-it-all when you're blasted. You should never: Drink and gossip. You tend to forget who's standing right behind you! Your ideal party: Has a real bartender. But no one mixes a better drink than you. Your drinking soulmates: those with a Chocolate Martini personality Your drinking rivals: those with a Margarita Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

When is Domestic Spying ok?

George Bush is answering that exact question, although many in the United States are unsure they like what they're hearing.

In what some are saying is an illegal move, Bush has used portions of the Patriot Act, passed after the 9/11 bombings, to allow the NSA to intercept international phone calls from people "determined" to have a close links to al-Qaida.

From the article...

James Bamford, author of two books on the National Security Agency, said the program could be problematic because it bypasses a special court set up by the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act to authorize eavesdropping on suspected terrorists.

"I didn't hear him specify any legal right, except his right as president, which in a democracy doesn't make much sense," Bamford said in an interview. "Today, what Bush said is he went around the law, which is a violation of the law - which is illegal."

"I tell you, he's President George Bush, not King George Bush. This is not the system of government we have and that we fought for," Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wis., told The Associated Press.

It's just not logical Jim

After all the media reports about the possible banning of Party Pills, I find it ironic that we dont look at some other recreational drugs of choice.

ALAC have an interesting pdf that has some interesting stats on New Zealand and drinking.

I find it sad that those who govern us decided to change the drinking age from 20 to 18, especially when you consider the damage this drug of choice does to our society. I dont blame a specific party for the outcome as this was a conscience vote - but you have to wonder what they were thinking....

The stats are amazing - Alcohol cost us a staggering 1 to 4 billion dollars a year in harm, with 655 million in public heath spending, 240 millon in crime, and over 1 billion in lost productivity each year.

When our top sports team is sponsored by alcohol, and sport stadiums are rife with alcohol sponsorship - you have to ask yourself why Doctors want to ban "Party Pills" that to this date have not killed a single person. You think they would have bigger fish to fry.

Now let me make a couple of things clear here - I drink on occassion, and I've never taken party pills. I just think its sad we dont put our energies where they are needed because we simply accept that alcohol is a necessity in our lives.

I know no famous people

Toni Marsh - yeah right
Nicki Watson - someone I knew saw her on the street - does that count?
Paul Holmes?
Judy Bailey? - Wait they're not famous anymore!

Hey - Auckland isnt that big - surely I should statistically know someone who's famous?

And the list of people continues... and this is why I should stop buying Lotto tickets.

Jake the Muzz ? Isnt he in Guatemala?
Marty Devlin/Marcus Lush or Michael Laws - no...no...no

You would think that as small as Auckland is, with it's one corner diary and fish and chip shop, I would know someone, but I'll have to accept one degree of separation from the ONLY decent thing about Shortland Street - the multi-talented Angela Bloomfield.

Eat your hearts' out commoners :)

Humour

The Penis Song for your viewing pleasure. (Flash Multimedia)

Try just clicking on the link first but Right click and "save as" if you cant stream this (although it should load first - its only 520k) and save it to your harddrive. You can then open the file from within internet explorer.

Why is it....

That people always laugh at someone else's expense?

I just about pissed myself when I watched this... on Kladblog (warning - streaming media)

If you have a slow connection you might like to right click on the link and click save as - to download the link to your PC.

Train 1 - SUV's 0

Stuff reports on an accident between a Train and an SUV at and uncontrolled train crossing. Maybe IG is right - and we just need bigger SUV's.

Or perhaps we should all be driving trains?

What is it with all these accidents at uncontrolled level crossings? - look left/look right before crossing the tracks. Maybe it's just that people get complacent when they cross these tracks every day without incident, and just dont look. Russian Roulette without guns?

Or maybe "Trains are bad mmmmmmkay"

SUV's are Bad ...mmmmkay

After a discussion with Tumorboy and his wife Jac about the growing use of SUV's in New Zealand I tried to find some stats on how dangerous they were, especially in accidents.

Now; New Zealanders have a passion for killing themselves in their motorcars. It's a passion bordering on an obsession, but for every one idiot out there trying to end it all, there is at least one fanatic out there who is trying to stop it from happening. So there is a balance of sorts.

While I often see boy racers as natures answer to lemmings running of a cliff, it still upsets me to think they often take innocent bystanders with them. I prefer that if boy racers decide to partake in actions that greatly increase their odds of shuffling off their mortal coils, I'd rather they hit stationary (non human) targets.

In this article it mentions that between 1995 and 1999 there were an amazing 7539 crashes in New Zealand that occurred with only one vehicle. Now 6185 occurred with a stationary object.

In NZ we seem to prefer crashing into banks and ditches - trees feature fifth at 715 crashes - which should keep the Greens happy. Unfortunately SUV's arent considered as stationary objects (even when they're parked).

So I was wondering... if we fill in all the ditches, would we have been able to save 1049 accidents? I was also wondering ... where would we get all the dirt to fill in the ditches?

A-ha - According to this article 1474 accidents occurred by vehicles running into an upright bank. If we used the dirt from these upright bank we'd be killing two birds with one stone - bravo!

I know this sounds a bit trite and silly - but think about this.

If you knew that one Boeing 747 full of New Zealanders was absolutely going to crash every year. Would you fly in one?

Yet every day most of us climb into these metal coffins and hit the highways - never giving it a second thought.

And those of you that chose an SUV because it safer in an accident - Are you really thinking about the unfortunate people out there (who hopefully you'll never hit), who are driving a normal family sedan? I hope so - because most of the time, after an accident, they wont be around to think of you...

Paper darts

I found this site that shows you how to make a multitude of paper darts.
Geeky but informative!

And things have been getting a bit serious here lately.....

Happy birthday/housewarming Scot

10 Word film Review of Harry Potter

long.
slow.
predictable.
needs closure.
actors range limited now.
watchable.

Disturbing Headlines

Marshals Gun Down Proud American - NZ Herald 9 Dec.

Whoever writes their headlines should be fired. Imagine IF the Guy had a bomb in his bag, and while he was reaching inside he set it off AND the marshals did nothing... perhaps the headline might read;

Marshals fail to act as Suicide bomber sets off bomb????

If it bleeds it leads (well at least on the front page of the Herald)

I swear if i see another stupid headline like that again this week the kitten gets it!

Good old Watties

Watties - good old Watties.

A great NZ icon. You'll never be a Kiwi 'til you love our Watties sauce they tell us.

So when I go to the supermarket I buy Watties. And yesterday I brought peaches. And though they're not the cheapest, I'm a sucker for the whole buy NZ thing.

Having opened said Peaches, i noticed they weren't the normal orange/yellow colour - they were a bit "pale" looking.... Probably picked a bit early in the season I thought. But something about the whole thing bothered me - so I checked the label.

And there on the back of the can were the words...Produce of Greece.

Scalpers shit me!

I've been thinking a lot about these tossers onselling U2 tickets for the St Patricks Day concert next March.

There are some out there who subscribe to the "Market Forces" arguement - basically saying the price of a ticket is what people are prepared to pay for them. I'd like to see these people on the receiving end of a similar deal in their own lives - the souless bastards!

OK - so these tossers camped out to get tickets... I dont have a problem with that BUT for those people to immediately put them on Trademe at a fifteen times profit - that bothers me. And it really bothers me that people pay fifteen times the book value of these tickets! You MUGS!

Congrats to the guys and girls who posted fake bids and abuse. God love ya!

Remember these guys only scalp tickets because someone will buy them!

So...I dont feel sorry for the idiots who pay for scalped tickets BUT I feel for fans that have waited 12 years for this moment, and can not afford to pay for something, that given half a chance, they would have been able to afford at $100 a ticket.

Thanks to Jim, I get to go for $100 - but if I didn't have a ticket I wouldn't take one off a scalper - even if he was lying face down in the street with 100 knives in his back, in case I caught something nasty off him. They're diseased you know .....

Sudoku for beginners :)

New Cellular Network to start in NZ

Econet (EWNZ) are coming to town. According to this article in Stuff, Econet are planning to roll out a 3G cellular network in New Zealand.

I find this ironic, because no one seems to have picked up that this is a Zimbabwe based company. Remember Zimbabwe, and all the nasty things that were happening over there that almost upset the Black Caps tour?

I suppose it doesnt really matter as long as Hautaki Ltd is involved.

So who are Hautaki?

EWNZ has entered into a strategic partnership with Hautaki Ltd and has access to both 2.5 and 3G spectrum blocks. The former is held by EWNZ and the latter through a commercial arrangement with Hautaki Ltd. Hautaki Ltd holds its right to 3G spectrum on behalf of all Maori in New Zealand. In return, Hautaki Ltd has become a substantial shareholder in EWNZ.

So whats more important - A potential ongoing genoside in Zimbabwe, or a partnership with a New Zealand company?

And where are the Green Party when you need them?

Update on CIA involvement in War on Terror

Passages from this article in the News Telegraph

Speaking before her departure for a tricky four-day visit to Europe, the US Secretary of State gave Washington's first detailed defence of the CIA since a transatlantic row broke out last month over its alleged use of secret prisons in eastern Europe.

Miss Rice also conceded that terrorist suspects were flown abroad for interrogation but denied that they were tortured, saying that the US always acted in accordance with international law.
She also hinted strongly that anything the CIA did on European soil was with the support of host governments.

Over the next four days she can expect a grilling about her definition of torture and her understanding of the legality of "rendition", the CIA's practice of kidnapping suspects then flying them to a third country to be held in legal limbo. Two of the most frequent destinations, Egypt and Jordan, have a record of torturing prisoners.

"What now constitutes torture in the US?" Rice said on RTE (Irish State Radio). "That is a big problem, especially when the acts are carried out outside the US."

I'd be interested in what Rice defines torture as, and more specifically what she doesn't.

Big business and bad government?

A selection of interesting posts... well interesting to me anyway

USA involved in covert operations in Pakistan? Missile parts claimed found at al Qaeda hit.

Sony scramble to remove virus attracting anti piracy software from music CD's. Just wait and watch as Sony BMG go under if this sort of thing continues. Sony's rigid adherance to anti piracy measures have alienated customers who have moved from Sony devices like Walkmans and CD Walkmans (which used to be household names) to iPods and other mp3 devices.


Remember the Geneva convention - oh yeah thats right the US never signed....

USA running secret torture prisons in Europe? CIA flights to eastern europe have been occuring since 9/11. Reports abound that people have been kidnapped and taken to torture friendly countries for interrogation sessions. This is not a drill - I repeat this is not a drill.

Traffic Wardens are human after all

Hah - just another example of a misleading heading!

I heard on Radio Live the other day that eight Wellington traffic wardens had a deal not to ticket each others cars. Now a few days later the Herald has a short article on this. Just what the world needs - eight less bluebottles.

Finally a good story in the news.

Rewriting the News

Tumorboy has challenged me to rewrite an article from the maintream media - to take a negative article and present it in a positive manner. Here is the original NZ Herald story...



And here's my spin. Apolgies to Dylan Cleaver ;)

Opposition cricket players receiving gifts have again come under scrutiny following a series of breaks in play during the one-day international between Australia and New Zealand last night.

Play was stopped for about 10 minutes during the match at Eden Park as people got into the Christmas spirit on the terraces.

Australian players were gifted presents from New Zealand supporters from the stands.

Fast bowler Brett Lee said he was avoiding apples, oranges and lemons, stating that he preferred limes and womens underwear, but tennis balls and golf balls were also removed from the field. It it understood all gifts would be send on to Australia pending MAF checks.

At least five spectators entered the field of play while the match was in progress to say hello, praising their cricketing prowess, and noting the distinct lack of seagulls.

"We don't want people in a position to be hurt," Ponting said, after one fan rolled his ankle on a lemon.

Lee said, jokingly: "I'm a big fan of fruit but not that big." "I'd love a beer but."

Shane Warne made good use of the break to send a few text messages on his cellphone.

Is this the Ultimate Challenge?

This event....

The Wattyl Lake Taupo Cycle Challenge is New Zealand's largest cycle event. It covers a scenic course on 160 km of sealed road around beautiful Lake Taupo. The event caters for riders of all abilities.

On this bike....




With Tumorboy as the rider....



Obviously without the lovely daughter because the Chopper is for single riders ONLY kiddies!!!

Note the time to beat is 11:46:48

What is you Inner Superhero?

Was at Jen Jag's site and found the following link to find your inner superhero.

Give it a go!



By the way - I am Batman!

Convicted Drug Trafficker Dies

The Herald reports on Nguyen Tuong Van, the Austrailan drug trafficker, who was hung at 11.00 am NZDT.

Personally I believe only a fool would enter any country in Asia with any drugs - let alone half a kilo of pure "product", that after cutting would yield 25,000 hits.

He wasnt ignorant of the law, he knew the risks - and he has paid the price.

What I find amazing is how other nations will interfere in the internal politics of another country to try and change they way another society chooses to live their lives. Even the UN gets involved - calling the process illegal.

I've been to Singapore - it's a lovely place. It's clean - probably because there are laws against littering with large fines for non compliance.

I believe you can't buy chewing gum there without a dental prescription - and it's great not to have reminants of chewing gum stuck to the soles of your shoes, cause by the arsewipes who spit their gum out on the street.

Ironically, I felt much safer walking around there than I do my own neighbourhood - but that's probably because we only let our drug traffickers off with a smacked hand (and a cuddle afterward to see theres no mental anguish).

Its a shame that some people refuse to live within the structure of our society - and I ask you what is the point of a society if it isnt to the benefit of those who live in it?

For those who break the rules there has to be a consequence - and in clear defined exceptional cases the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few (or the one).

It's time to say enough - to draw the line in the sand and deal with those that refuse to live the rules of our society. Singapore has made their line in the sand - and I congratulate them for not bowing to those who would seek to undo their hard fought efforts; to maintain the quality of life for their people, and providing a just punishment to those to perpetuate a vile blight on humanity - those who supply Class A drugs.

Irony

Seen on a home made t-shirt today...

Life is hard, especially if your stupid!


I didnt have the heart to tell the guy, because he looked so smug ;-)