Saturday, December 31, 2005
Police Car sighted
In what appears to be a sudden move by the Police, Dunedin is to receive it's first Police Car.
Today, in a quiet unveiling ceremony, the car was shown to the public. As you can see from the photo, the public appear non-plused.
"Now we just have to wait for the criminals", cried an unnamed young woman. "We never had any of their like - until the Police showed up in town", she muttered, before heading off to Pack-N-Save for some last minute New Years Eve supplies.
The Police minister was unavailable for comment, but it is understood the general feeling is that Dunedin has had it far too good for far too long, and that the long arm of the law will now extend further south than Christchurch.
It has been well understood for some time that Dunedin has been an "untapped resource for crime" and that the scope for potential criminal offending is significant. It was thought, however, that the lack of criminal infrastructure would hinder the revenue oppertunities for the Police.
The Minister responded: "This will now no longer be a problem, as we have fast tracked some Brothels and Opium Dens. RMA consents have also allowed to be bypassed to allow the cultivation of Cannabis in secret locations."
Police expect to also import some "snitches" to enable fast resolution of these "hidden plots".
In an unrelated exercise Police and other government departments, recently set up in Dunedin, are insisting on making it safe once again to walk the streets of this lovely city.
"With this in mind we will be installing Speed Cameras and Random breath-alcohol checkpoints. We also will be lowering the drinking age, and supplying people with faster cars to aid revenue growth in this sector of our operations", said a Police source.
"We will have Dunedin looking like the rest of the country in no time", he stated.