Always a Browncoat

[Don't worry if you don't get this post - just follow its example]

There are a lot of things I should be more upset about. The fact that I even take time to dwell on these pettier emotions, shows that I have far too much time on my hands for this angst.


I mean - why do I get so upset when I see yet another "Director's Cut" of Bladerunner at the DVD store. Is it perhaps, because I have to sit through yet another reinterpretation of the story?

I wonder, when the night finally takes me, as I lie down to sleep -
Is Harrison Ford's much hated monologue intact ?
Will we find out - definatively - if he is really a replicant ?
Will I actually see more through the light, mist, and atmosphere in this version, and if I do, will it actually make sense?
I wonder these things before I drift off - because, years on, I believe Harrison probably wonders as well.
How many times oh Lord - How many times?


Donnie Darko has also been re-released with commentary from Kevin Smith and director Richard Kelly. With music originally intended for the film, but initially cost prohibitively denied, it just happens to be missing the brilliant cast commentary from the original release, especially around "Sparkle Motion" and Mary "Stands with Fists" McDonald. Trust me - get the early version.
I might be able to save you - but not I.... I have two copies.


Serenity director Joss Weaton has released a Directors cut that I've also purchased. It's probably the same version as the old one that I gave to Writer Girl, but I so desperately want Fox to sanction another movie, I'd buy more copies if I thought it would make a difference. Jewel Staite mentioned recently that Joss was getting the Firefly cast back together for the comments track on the Blu Ray version of Serenity. A Blu Ray fucking version - OMFG! I don't even have a Blu Ray player - but if Fox are ever going to sanction that movie...

Actually- come to think about it - just don't talk to me about Firefly - everyone I know who's watched that show left wanting more. Years later, in yet another interview, Jewel Staite still rates Kaylee as her favourite character. (sigh).

Still - all these wishes and frustrations are a blissful refrain from a potential boredom waiting just around the corner. Be different - embrace that, that makes you you. Embrace that, that makes you different. In a world where conformity is an easy, yet strangely unobtainable option, our uniqueness is all that we truly own.
Don't give it up without a fight, and just for a change, take some time to admire people who live their lives on the outskirts of the herd; even if they aren't treading the same path you are.
They are, after all, kindred spirits.

A B-side guide to life

Friends and liars
Don't wait for me
Cause I'll get on
All by myself
Put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

Yeah right

So - a flirtatious email surfaced inside my work in-box yesterday.
Is there anything more stupid than dating someone you work with?
Someone younger than the (1/2 your age + 8) year calculation, allows for.

Yep - Upon reflection I'm sure that it's a great idea.

I just wanted a much simpler life. Somewhere, I know someone is mocking me!

Enough already!!

Some regrets - but not many

Accepting things I can't change has always been an issue for me.

I could learn to live with it all, if life didn't have a habit of fucking with me by continually dumping new and varied crap for me to deal with.
Life in its infinite wisdom may have been trying telling me something for some time, but like most people I'm loathe to listen to things I don't want to hear.

I may elaborate at a later date, but not before first assuring friends and family they don't have to stage an intervention. One of the worst things about writing personal stuff here is that too many friends and family drop by to see how I'm going. In some respect a degree of anonymity would be a welcome change. That's why I admire Fish and Dooce so much; they put it out there for the world to see day after day, and they just don't seem to care. Lately I've been holding back, and because of that I'm starting to feel like I'm not moving forward here. Don't get me wrong This is ALL my fault - and I will have to deal with it sooner or later. Knowing me - it will be later - always later. :)

I read somewhere - "You never learn anything while you're talking". An interesting statement, and although it's one thing to listen; when you don't quite understand the language, those lessons can take time to learn.

One thing I have come to realise is that making ones luck isn't something you can do retrospectively. I'm guessing at least in that respect, I'm correct.

Redemption?

Take it easy on me - ok?

Sometimes my musical tastes are extremely eclectic.




I feel the need to justify this, I really do - it's just that I cant find the words.
Please forgive me, but on the off chance that you like it too - it will have to be our dirty little secret - OK?

It's not like its a Celine Dion fetish people!

Other things Mama said

After reading Jacie's last post :)

Social Lepers

Setting: Three guys stand around a work desk discussing the early stages of beard growth.

[fade in]

Mark to Jase: "You had an impressive beard going there for a while Jase."
Jase: "Thanks, although it drove me mad when it got to that itchy phase"
Mark: "Yeah - I cant get past that - eventually I have to shave"
Sam: "It's quite prickly though - right"
Jase: "Actually it's quite soft"
Sam: "What about your partners? Don't they mind?"
Mark: "Well I'm single - so it doesn't really matter"
Jase: "I'm single as well, so it's the same for me"
Sam (English as second language): " Oh.. I'm sorry.. I didnt mean to mention your...(searching for word)... inadequacy"
Jase:"(silence)"
Mark: " It's OK Sam - really"
Jase: "Yeah - It's fine"
Sam: (nods head - oblivious)

[fade to black]

Our McCarthyism

The following email appeared in my mailbox today. I wonder in the future, upon reflection, if historians will view polictical correctness the same way that they do McCarthyism from the 40's and 50's. I believe it's gone too far, and sooner or later there will be a backlash....

The following is the winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A & M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was 'Political Correctness'. The winner wrote:

'Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.'

Where for art thou Eric?

First off - I refuse to apologize for the 80's. I know part of me feels I should, but I can't:)

I'm sure in the years to come the 70's parties I once went to will morph into parties revolving around the excess of the 80's. Party goers will, no doubt, be heading off with knitted ties, leather boots, black lipstick ,rounding the whole thing off with massive shoulder pads - and that'll be just the boys!

Don't forget - the 80's may be remembered for their excesses, but they also brought us some amazing music. Ushering in the 80's were The Clash with London Calling; it's wasn't all Duran Duran, and the Style Council, although people in general tend to remember the bands that pushed the envelope of (lack of) style I guess.
In the early 80's Pink Floyd released their concept album The Wall, Springsteen released The River, and a little known group of schoolmates from Dublin won a battle of the bands contest to record and album for CBS called Three. CBS passed on the band, and U2 signed with Island Records; the rest is history.

Band Aid came and went - I still remember the Queen set on that day. They were amazing. Live8 was an unfortunate attempt to capture some small part of the spirit of that original day - It was obvious the original audience wasn't going to get what they wanted as too much had changed in the years since; all that promise - had come to nothing.

Other bands that I personally remember making their mark in the 80's include;
The Cure, Depeche Mode, Queen, Guns and Roses, REM, The Pretenders, AC/DC, and strangely, the B52's....

Sure, Duran Duran were a self indulgent guilty pleasure. Robert Palmer was very possibly simply irresistible, and Michael Jackson may have thrilled us by taking off this sunglasses at the Grammy's.
and..
a lot of British pop involved cardigans and crappy music videos but don't forget US pop consisted, in the main, of guys with huge hair, leather and makeup singing Girls Girls Girls (or variants thereof) ,

but...

though it all was an optimism that seems to be sadly lacking today. I miss the boom days of the 80's occasionally - just occasionally mind, and never for long.

Now, there's a whole genre of artists talking about get'n rich or die'n try'n. But those same guys are actually making a pretty good living off samples ripped from those same 80's songs, so I guess thats some kind of justice.

We children of the 80's may have had a hand in the way the world is today, but I'm not sure that the youth of today, given the same economic environment, wouldn't have made the same life choices we did. Personally, looking back though, I wish I'd paid more attention to the gold, and less on the glitter.

That and girls, obviously.

Guest Post

I received this email today, and after getting Writer Girl's permission I have posted it. Rest assured I am looking into a suitable excuse for not having posted on Eric Carmen before now. At this stage I'm having trouble just picking one out of the multitude.

[Post starts]

I am concerned how Eric Carmen appears to be overlooked in your blog and by extension your music collection.
Please see:-



Observe the sartorial daring of the man: his exploding head, tangerine makeup, shiny gold lame leopard print jacket with shoulder-pads (any of those adjectives would be enough indictment in themselves, never mind all together), the vest, the braces, the drainpipes and white sneakers. Wait for the dancers who re-enact highlights from 'Dirty Dancing' on stage.

You can thank me in person.

[Post ends]

Sap Alert Part 2

Says too much really.

My point is this.

If I ask you not to think about dark chocolate, what is the first thing you think of ?
Yes, this isn't a trick - the answer is invariably dark chocolate.

I read a story once, where a naturally gifted pianist, with no musical training or influence listened (illegally) to a recording of Bach supplied by a fan. Because he knew it was (in the context of this story) illegal to listen to any others musical compositions, he tried to hide the fact he had heard the tune. Even though the concept of the structure of Bach as an artist was completely alien to him, (as were all other types of traditional music for that matter) he was eventually found out by those who uphold the law; not because they discovered the hidden recording, but because all shades of his music afterward that time were lacking in their Bach-ness.

His genius and musical purity, once praised from afar, were now corrupted, and so in this perfect world, it was deemed he could no longer play music again.

There may be no point to this post; or perhaps, just perhaps, this is just another case of dark chocolate. I'll leave it for you to decide.


P.S. The photo, I borrowed from here. I just that I love her smile; we should all smile this well :)

Why volume controls should go to 11

Wanna Rock?

Remember how your head (and hair) moved back and forward in time with the music as you stood (or perhaps pogo'd) near the front row of a rock concert - before there were mosh pits even!
I remember you - you were there; fists pounding the air; the power, the passion, and a smile you couldn't remove from your face if you tried?

For your listening please; The Cult of Personality by Living Colour.
Listen, but only....only if you still wanna rock :)

Original Video here at Sony BMG's YouTube site. I cant embed it - yet I can link to it - go figure :(

Addicted

Why is it you cant be addicted to something thats good for you ?

I ask this because I've been wondering if there shouldn't be some balance for the word "addicted". You know what I mean; some good to balance to all the nasty things we all can fall prey to.
And I'm not just talking the hard stuff here; what about Chocolate Cake, Coca Cola, and other sugary treats. It's bollocks really isn't it ? When was the last time you heard someone was addicted to Bran? Yet "they" have to have it every morning right? Hmmm braaaaannn.
I believe it's time to take back addiction from the bad, to remove the stigma of having an addictive tendencies.

I'm addicted; yep you heard me right. Maybe not to bran - lets face it - NEVER to Bran actually, but I've been making a list lately. And it's getting larger every day.

Just today I added a two new items.

1) "V" - Yep, but before you jump in and tell me each bottle has like 20 teaspoons of sugar in it, I'm talking the sugar free variety. God - when I first tried the sugar free variant after giving up the sugared up version i was struck by its HORRIDness. But determined, I stuck with it - determined to get past the vile taste to get to that sugar free goodness. It took a while but now it seems i always have 4 small cans in my fridge lurking - less energy than diet coke mind - take that you sugar Nazi's !!! Addicted and I don't care.

2) Massage therapy at the mall.
Yeah - not the "You want extra's" kinda place. Nice and safe in plain sight at the mall. When you saunter in and ask for a massage that's what you get. Not one of those deals where they place hot stones on your back either. Nope - this is a mans massage - at the mall you get to keep your clothes on as they work out those knots and sprains after a stressful day in front of your office PC drinking caffeinated drinks, and doing lines of coke. All above board - nothing to see here - just keep moving along folks.

And no - I don't miss the sugary goodness. As much as the Green Party might try to ban things that taste sweet as well (yes - they believe we need to rid our craving of sweet things in general) - I don't miss the sugary goodness. Honest I don't....

Sure - I may look the other way when they take away my sugar, I might even look at my feet when they ban chocolately loveliness from the work vending machine; but when they take my caffeine..... IF they take my caffeine - well that's another story entirely buddy. Thats when the revolution will start my friends.

[Disclaimer: this post may have been written whilst under the influence of a sugar free caffeine product]

Dinosaurs

It doesn't surprise me that the music industry is hurting. You just have to take a look at who are running the RIANZ. These guys don't make music, they make money, and lately their stock is falling. So, guess what do the these type of guys do do when they see their cash cow slip though their oily grasp? They legislate.

There is a young woman in spectacles and an orange wig dancing around her bedroom doing an out-of-tune spoof of the song "YMCA", complete with arm-waving and expletive-riddled lyrics. Nothing out of the ordinary there, then, because of course, this is YouTube.

The song is actually pretty funny, and decent satire.

It's called "DMCA", after the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the US law that enshrines some of the rules websites such as YouTube must abide by if they don't want to get sued by the owners of copyrighted material posted by their users.

Viacom has launched a $1bn claim for damages over all those copyrighted clips, 150,000 of them, watched over 1.5 billion times, according to its lawsuit.

The problem here is a distinct lack of innovation. Anyone who visits this site cant help but notice all the Youtube clips. Here I share my musical tastes with others. I broadcast my love of music to those who drop by, and if people who come here are interested in an artist, maybe they'll go out and buy a CD or two: except in increasing numbers - they don't.

More and more people are bypassing the CD shops at the mall in favour of iTunes or downloads from their mobile phones. You know it's time to get out of the music retail business when The Warehouse is New Zealands biggest physical seller of CD's, and the largest digital download source in New Zealand is Vodafone New Zealand.
The final step in this mess has to be the eradication of the middle man, whose love of music seems not so much in its creation, but more with its destruction. The sooner artists bypass the recording companies, and fast track their music to digital downloaders, the sooner we wont have to worry about buying a platter of aluminium that costs up to $32 dollars - especially when that platter costs less than $2 to make and box.
So in the end we lose and the artists lose.
Support Youtube - advertise the music, share music with your friends, in the hope that it won't die out entirely on the world stage. By putting the music back into the hands of the fans, we can truly listen to what we want to, rather than to what's on some radio stations play list. And that's an innovation I'd love to champion.

This wont last long

I have sometimes been blessed in the ability to see bad relationships for what they are, and have ended ended them with good reason. I'm equally blessed, in that those I've dated have also had the same wisdom and ended relationships with me as well.:)
The end seems to justify the means - and I reluctantly admit, looking back, I am a better person for the experience.

This song is a rare posting indeed - and I suspect it wont be around for long before it gets removed. Although it doesn't necessarily subscribe to my life accurately, some of it fits a little too close for comfort. Plus it's a nice bit of 80's cynicism :)

Switchfoot

I'll never understand why on one hand I'm told I give good advice to others, yet I refuse to follow it myself. Would it kill me to look past the forest and the trees?
This all wouldn't matter so much, if I didnt find myself asking the same questions year after year.
Like, in this video clip, I always seem to ask myself, is this who I want to be?....
In a world where we choose our direction - are our decisions always the right ones for us?



By the way check out the person who created this - she's an amazing artist :)

One you must watch

This movie, I would die defending. Pleasantville is one classic flick.



If you have seen it, and wish to relive it again in 5 minutes click on the Youtube link below. For those of you who would prefer to watch the movie - spoiler free, avoid - please. You'll thank me for it later.

Five Movies I shouldnt like

...but I do....

So, in no particular order - here are five (of many) films I know I shouldn't admit to liking;

1) Elektra.

Not sure if it's Jennifer Garner in red leather, or the fact she's a kick arse assassin - OR she almost gets killed during a lesbian kiss. Perhaps it's all of the above. A guilty pleasure that doesn't bore with repeated viewings - honest!!


2) The Core

Oscar winner Hillary Swank (a heroines name if ever there was one) travels to the center of the earth in a ship made of a material that actually gets stronger with increasing pressure - in an almost futile attempt to restart the rotation of the earths molten core. Plus they get saved by whales dude!
"All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps! A day in the Marine Core is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet! Every paycheck a fortune! Every formation a parade! I LOVE the Core!" - oops wrong movie :)


3) Cars

I kiddies film for sure - but I get that lump in my throat every time Lightning McQueen stops himself just short of winning - just to go back and push "The King" across the finish line, and by doing so giving up the piston cup for a more noble prize - sportsmanship.


4) Natural Born Killers
This film polarizes people - I love what Oliver Stone is trying to say here. Sure it glorifies violence, but if you delve a little deeper it's a damning examination of the medias "If it bleeds it leads" mentally. Hate this film, and I believe you're missing a very important warning on where we are heading as a society. Plus they really regretted killing that Indian guy while they were high.


5) The Cutting Edge.

D.B Sweeney stars as a washed up ice hockey star who takes up figure skating with an impossible partner (Moira Kelly) in a bid to win an Olympic gold medal. Chosen here not only because of it's high cheese factor, but because the two actors in question met on this film and remain good friends to this day; proving once and for all what a sap I am.

Mojo missing

Don't know where - don't know why, but it's missing.

Will add to this tomorrow, in the hope that a new episode of Battlestar Galactica, to be delivered on Friday, raises ones spirits somewhat.
Lost are the words that propel me though the waters of seasonal affective disorder, delivering me onto the shores of disinterest, from the seas of complacency. Perhaps, just perhaps there is a resort and a bar tab. Tis a lot to ask for, but for today I am demanding it seems.
As Picard said "make it so"

About bloody time

We ask them to travel to foreign shores, to kill for the greater good, only to deny them recognition and later hide information that impacts not only on them but their families.
Later - we apologize, but it is enough, and can we ensure it never happens again?

Full story here;

At the Manurewa RSA, five not-so-old-soldiers gather around a table to explain why they are calling a truce. There is not a celebratory beer in sight.

Like 3500 other Vietnam veterans, they came home in the late 60s and early 70s to begin the war at home. They returned to a country which didn't want to know about Vietnam.

They were not welcomed back - unlike earlier conflicts, there were few parades before flag-waving crowds. Instead they were spat at, abused and punched by protesters who knew little of what they'd been through.

"We were ordered to march down Queen St and the public told us we were a bunch of arseholes," says Ken McKee Wright, a career soldier who spent six months in Vietnam in 1967.

They were left to fend for themselves by a system which didn't recognise post-traumatic stress. They were shunned by many RSAs because the Government had not declared war.

Then they started dying....

.....When Garry O'Neill went home to Christchurch he would walk home from Burnham base in battle dress with his ribbons on. One evening he was walking with a female friend whose brother had been wounded in combat when a woman came up and spat on him.

"I just recoiled but Devon took it to heart and dropped her."

Most soldiers resorted to changing into civilian clothes off base to avoid confrontation.

Early last year, O'Neill lost a daughter to breast cancer.

He remains dismayed at the narrow range of conditions, in veterans and their children, recognised as due to the chemicals absorbed in Vietnam.

Yet, he says: "Some positive things have been done. It's going in the right direction."

What hurts Zac Harris most is the denials. In the 1980s, veterans' children were being born with deformities including spina bifida and their parents were spending thousands on health care. Other veterans were dying young.

"At that time they were denying we were in the spray zone.

"The evidence was in Defence headquarters all along.

"I remember Helen Clark on TV saying I don't know what these Vietnam vets are groaning about - they all volunteered.

"I nearly smashed my TV."

I dunno but

[Disclaimer - the person I am thinking about, doesn't visit here.]

Why is it, we're all so quick to take sides when it comes to people? Why do we take so little time to make our minds up about people when we meet them for the first time?
OK - when we first meet people we can't help but form an opinion - I imagine that it's some kind of fight or flight complex - maybe from some junk DNA that still works, and by doing so, we make a stand on whether we trust them or not.
The issue I have with all this is that this whole thing has evolved (or devolved) to a point where people dislike each other because of perceived misunderstandings; I don't like them because they did that, or said this. I just wish people looked beyond the superficial, and into the other persons heart. Are they a good person? Do they mean well?
Socially, we're not all at the same place. Some people lack the niceties of polite society - sometimes they... hell, all of us .... can get it wrong. All I'm saying is, a closer look may be in order, before sending another lovely person to Coventry.

Taking off the rose coloured spec's

Contrary to popular opinion the 80's were a dire time indeed :)

How to deal with Nihilists

Dipshit with a 9 toed woman - classic stuff from the Cohen brothers.

All uses of the f word dedicated to Writer Girl.

Then and Now

I loved Cold Chisel back in the day - though I never saw them live. They were a powerhouse of rock, with a few ballads thrown into the mix.



Later, after the booze and drugs, the talent remains. It's a shame there's such a thin line between the two.

Shooter: entertainingly dreadful

They shot my dawg - prepare to die

. . . or dreadfully entertaining I'm not sure which; maybe an equal blend of the two. But I stayed until the bitter end which is relatively unusual for me. Sometimes I feel shortchanged when half the movie is in slo-mo, but I was more than happy staring at Mark Wahlberg's ridiculous musculature. I started laughing shortly before Marky Mark whispers: "I'm not your son," and didn't stop until long after the credits rolled up the screen. "They killed my dawg" - too funny! Awesome! [Review by Writer Girl -Ed]

Because one doesn't get a second chance at the first impression, my first choice of DVD had to be perfect. The question is ... was Shooter the perfect DVD one could present Writer Girl and the Dubai Kid with?

In fairness I was in a difficult position. It was far too early in the "relationship" to take the more challenging titles. David Cronenburg's "Crash", and James Spader's "Secretary" could wait another day for an unveiling, if indeed at all. I wonder what a film about car crash eroticism and S&M would say about me as a person? Far too much at this early stage one muses. The romantic comedies were just as bad, and for exactly the same reasons they stayed at home as well.

Can you go wrong with action movies? I thought to myself, as I headed out to their house. To deny the brilliance of Shooter or Serenity could be in itself a huge faux pas - what if, in a brilliant move, I was actually taking the piss. Could you really rip either to shreds, when in actuality, you'd make yourself look silly in the process; after all Top Gun was actually a succinct exploration of the gay subculture in America in the 80's right? Exactly.

I arrived to find Writer girl making guacamole on the breakfast counter. Making guacamole ! Holy cow - I thought that that stuff came in plastic containers from the supermarket. Suitable impressed, I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't like avocado, but shit, she'll never know - It will be our little secret - right? And as for their sound system - all previous memories of watching movies with subtitles at Brew King's place (so we didn't wake the kids), were well and truly erased in a blast that blew my man breasts out my back.

So what was it going to be ? Serenity or Shooter? Would either choice be the correct move - and in doing so would they finally see the subtle nuances behind my choices. Hold on a minute - were there actually any? SHIT!!!!

I needn't have worried, I really enjoyed the night. Writer girl and the Dubai kid laughed at all the right places, telling me that (a distinct lack of swearing from Writer girl aside) they were indeed kindred spirits. Now all I have to do is work out if they were laughing with me, or at me.

With me - right?

Once more with Feeling

These moments never happen in real life...



But they should....

Wheres my bloody Scythe?

This Monday I could have done without.
If there are two things I loathe, it's arrogance and a distinct lack of fair play.

On an interesting aside, I discovered I do not harbor any latent telekinesis; fortunate indeed for the arrogant prick in one of my Monday meetings ,whose head would have surely exploded half way through his ill informed and spiteful "dribbling on". Especially when he had no right to comment so negatively on something and someone he knew nothing about.


My disgust at this persons inane drivel, may have seeped out into the gaia-field, as other people present at the meeting came up to me afterward, commenting favorably on my restraint.

Restraint is well and good - but my sense of fair play dictates some kind of retribution.
If there is one thing I know about being a Kiwi; it's mostly about lopping the heads off arrogant tall poppies. Well - most of the time it's just tall poppies in general - but in this case I'm happy to get specific.

Degrees of digression

I'd like to think we all have a special talent. Perhaps we'll never be a John Mayer, Edward Norton, or a Marla Olmstead - but does that really matter?
There's no degree of talent to consider, just a measure of enjoyment.

I love music. From an early age I played the piano, but it never stuck. At high school I picked up the bass guitar and never looked back. In the early 80's I took up the guitar; initially I thought I was better than I was, perhaps now I've swung the other way; feelings of regression in the air. Regardless; music is a daily staple.

But as a younger man, music was an obsession. Now in some ways I've leveled out from that death spiral, although some days I'm forced to wonder if I'm on a slippery slope again.... I recently picked up the bass again - in one room of my house I have both bass and acoustic guitars . They always seem watch me when I walk past; calling me, imploring me to come and play.

Recently I spirited my Roland Synthesizer from Dunedin, and I am about to embark on a journey with a piano again. It's going to be a fiendishly difficult journey. I'll never be a Tori Amos, but I will be a me - and that's the most important thing to accept. Being the best you can be, doesn't invite a comparison, and I'm in no hurry to make one.

Haiku Moments

When you find yourself lying in your hotel bed after a week of little to no sleep it's a blessing when you find the bed to your liking. Stranger still, the moment when you discover the pillow is the right size and consistency.
Dread follows when you slip under the cool, clean sheets, turn on to your side, and you start to slip into slumber. Dread because you realise, you could be slipping into a haiku moment. A minute later you realize that you've found the perfect position in a perfect bed with a perfect pillow. Too late - you're in the moment; a perfect sleep beacons. But why dread it?
The sad thing is, in that moment of blissful happiness, you know there will almost certainly be an external force applied to ruin it all. And there it was - a dripping tap in the bathroom.
I lay there, blissfully happy; warm and content, knowing that getting up to stop the damn faucet from its infernal drip would ruin it all. I waited as long as I could before dragging myself away from nirvana - knowing full well that tap had eventually done it's job, and ruined my moment in time. Afterward I went back to bed, slept like the dead - well at least until 4am when I leapt out of bed with a wicked cramp in my left calf. Shit - it hurt; dragged kicking from a deep sleep...

Ain't that just like life 'though?
You have those moments of perfection, and although they're often fleeting, afterward there's almost always some pain to deal with. The secret is to recognize those moments of perfection for what they are. Cherish them. Like friends and lovers you may meet along the way to the here and now; haiku moments of perfection; comfort with pain - all this has happened before, and it will happen again. Life's a circle from the outside, when you take the time to look back in.

The Alternate Cycle

When monks don't think others are watching.

Character is what emerges
from all the little things you were too busy to do yesterday,
but did anyway.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Wouldn't it be boring if everything always went your way?
You want something? - it's yours. Just like that. Unconditionally.
Really - who would want that ? Is that really a life worth living?

Through our ups and downs we learn an important lesson. Not much good in this life comes easily, and the sweetest moments often taste all the more sweeter when you've known some sour.

It's the same here. My thoughts, and experiences, and resulting words wouldn't be nearly as interesting if all my life was a series of Pollyanna moments strung together with candy floss gossamer threads of joy. I make no apologies for what ends up here - the roller coaster goes up and down, but in the long run it's a ride well worth taking.*


*[Ten points to those who pick the not so subtle references to Parenthood, and Vanilla Sky in this post. Writers steal for a living - don't you ever forget it. ]

Soulmates

It's hard enough to find that someone special. People believe I'm fussy - When they invariably confront me, I always ask them if they chose second best when they picked their life partner. The answer is always the same, so why should my quest be any different?
While I'm old enough to admit they we may be compatible with more than one person in this world, I'm looking to be with my soulmate, and therin lieth the problem. I wont go there unless theres a faint chance she likes dark chocolate and red wine, along with the intangible stuff of attraction; something that mere words cannot convey.

...and this week (drum roll), she must thinks this ever so slightly humorous.


My sister in law didn't like it - so I guess it passes the litmus test :)

Office Monks ?

There were three conversations going on in office at the same time. Different voices, different pitches, different timbres, different tempo's. I tried to focus on one, but in trying to, my concentration completely dissolved like an ice cube on a summers day. I found myself, shortly thereafter, staring into space; a moment of complete relaxation.

Office chatter; the chant of the working man, bringing enlightenment?

What is the world coming to? :)

Job has a lot to answer for.

Take your time - really !

When you lose interest in lunch, then you know it’s time to seriously look at your lifestyle.

Today I took a slogan from Jacie’s blog. Simply printed on a sheet of A4 paper, it sits pride of place on my divider at work. “Sometimes you drink the milk, sometimes the milk drinks you.” I fully expect it will keep people at a safe distance – as well they should.
My mum said a while back that I had the patience of Job. Those words have been marinating in my subconscious ever since. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s about context.

Take Sunday.
I was waiting to be served for lunch. The lady customer front of me seemed totally engrossed in conversation with the serving girl behind the counter. Chatting away, she was (hopefully) oblivious to the people waiting. Just when you thought she would stop and move on, she’d delve into her large handbag, pull out her fluffy round purse and arrange to buy something additional for her lunch; all this while my blood sugar dipped and boiled at the same time.
I, on the other hand pride myself on getting my lunch order down pat – A cheery hello, order, pay, thank you. I know what I want before I get to the counter, and I’m aware of my fellow shoppers waiting for their turn to order.
After I ordered, I went to sit down to wait for my lunch, only to find the aforementioned lady was arranging the chairs in the coffee shop. “Don’t mind me”, she said. “I’m only moving the chairs around”. Perhaps this was supposed to be some kind of grand revelation designed in some way, to make me feel better: it didn’t. She was seriously ‘fucking with my Chi’. I said nothing – there was no point, she was apparently some kind of professional chair arranger, and I obviously had no understanding of her part to play in this world – to complain would obviously point to a problem with my ignorance of the situation.

I’m pretty big on etiquette. I was always brought up to say please and thank you. Just the other day I apologised to a checkout operator when my phone rang whilst paying my bill. I’ll always answer the call if it's urgent, but I always ask the caller to ring me back. You should say sorry, because face it, talking to someone on a phone when you have a real person in from of you is just plain rude.

Finally, take last week.
Last Friday I arranged to go out for lunch with a someone. Just as the menus were delivered his phone rang. What followed was a 10 minute conversation that’s seemed to me, more like 5 years. Every time the conversation seemed to end, it would continue. Twice the waiter moved past our table, and seeing we were not ready, moved on to others. I can’t explain to you the extreme frustration I experienced while he was on the phone, yet I realised I was applying my own values to his situation. He was obviously an ignorant prick, and that just couldn’t be helped. Context had its part to play yet again.

When I see a young child play with a family pet I’m reminded how the animals always seem to cut the child slack, especially when they are toddlers – like the cat understands the kid doesn’t know the rules yet. Later, when the kid gets older the scratches start; the cat teaches the kid about boundaries. Just a pity we don’t allow Taser's in this country. The patience of Job be damned – I’d love to set some boundaries myself.

[Disclaimer: This post was written during a period of low blood sugar]

Inks.

Is it just me, or does the universe seem a little smaller without Michael Hutchence in it?
Erotic asphyxiation aside, the man was an amazing performer from the very start. Better to be remembered for our time in the world than our exit from it.



This song, from a much later INXS, would make a perfect wedding song. It would be my choice anyway.

Don't ask me
What you know is true
Don't have to tell you
I love your precious heart

Once more with Feeling

I am not a drugs cheat!

We’re a funny lot, we humans.
Soon, some of us will be tuning in to the Olympics "machine" to watch stronger, faster, fitter people jump through hoops like performing seals. Personally I think the whole games thing is a freak show.
Imagine what sort of a personality it takes to get to the top of your game. Then imagine how hard it must be then, for that over-driven freakazoid not to take performance enhancing drugs. My heart goes out to those honest guys who stay legit and don’t feel the need take that extra little step to drug fuelled excellence; they wont win, trust me.
Now, years later with the benefit of better drug testing, we can go back and retest old test samples, only to find that some people had access to better drugs that masked detection at the time. They never seem to take the medals off them after they've been found out – perhaps because that's not in the spirit of “The Games”. [Note: Interestingly they do take them off you if it's political.]
I think it’s time to admit to the hypocrisy, give up the testing, and allow the athletes to just “go for it”.
Perhaps the more genetically unstable of us could grow another couple of legs to win the 100meters, but perhaps, more realistically, an orgy on Human Growth Hormones and EPO would do the trick quite nicely thank you. One ponders on what other drug marvels have already been developed, yet haven’t been implemented because of a fear of detection. I wonder, in years to come, if we could all live with the news reports that in this year’s Olympics only 2 people died of myocardial infarction in the 100m track finals; a small price to pay for progress perhaps.
With the ever decreasing opportunities for records to be broken as the years go on, I’m sure the games committee will see the benefits in the viewer numbers going up if life and death were thrown into the mix. "86" the fancy swimwear, embrace the greatness you know you can be; grow a set of gills. In a final stroke of brilliance, we could just get the drug manufacturers to sponsor the athletes - imagine the endorsements - they should be on the gravy train for (albeit a short) life.
So, short of reducing the size of a metre, or taking the timing up to another decimal point on the stopwatch, the Olympics are on the slippery road to mediocrity. It’s time to man up, and admit it. The drug cheats are ruining it for those who maintain the Olympic ideal, so we might as well embrace the drug technology. Until they do I won’t be tuning in – the hypocrisy of drugs aside, I could always site China’s horrific human rights record – but perhaps that isn't in the spirit of the games either….

Gravity

There are few things that surprise me these days; I guess that includes people as well. Sometimes I crave something extra from this world - something unexplained, unexpected, not manufactured by me for me in any way. The problem is; it never seems to happen.
Deep down inside I know I don't want everything to be explained away by logic. Just once or twice I'd love to live in a world where one plus one didn't always equal two. I'm not looking for a religious experience, or a drive by shooting even! I just want to be pleasantly surprised, and reminded that everything I know isn't always the way it is.
How many ways to say the same thing badly - the words are on the tip of my tongue but they wont come. Maybe I'll find them one day, and come back to edit this....

It's just when I hear this song, the small part left clinging to that hope feels a little more optimistic.

Oh I'll never know
What makes this man
With all the love
That his heart can stand
Dream of ways
To throw it all away

The Passion of the Mark

It's like this!!!

I don't know why, but when I'm talking about the things I'm passionate about, I often feel like a kid again.
As an adult perhaps I should be a little more reserved when I talk about some aspects of my job with my peers? It seems at times, when I get into discussions in meetings around issues around work i do, the adrenalin seems to takes hold and I almost regret it later. Afterward [when the shakes subside], I hope these concerns are unfounded and is all in my head. You know...maybe, from the perspective of the outsider looking in, every thing looks normal; like an ordinary, everyday, normal passion. :)
Being normal sometimes has its advantages - when you're so obviously not.

Another lesson in the making

Obsession isn't a strong point of mine any longer. Sooner or later you just have to accept that for a relationship to exist both parties have to feel the same way. Unrequited love is pathetic, and unhealthy - except maybe in the romantic comedy. And you should know my feelings on that genre by now.

When you cant move on.... well then you get something less than either party deserves. Something, maybe like this;

Powerful stuff - the more I hear it the more I like it. The song that is; never the message. Never this message in real life, I can assure you.

The wisdom of the ages

Disclaimer : this is not about any particular person or event. I promise!

I don't think we say enough about how we feel for others.
I wonder sometimes, if the whole human condition hasn't stagnated along the path of evolutionary development simply because of this one simple fact.
Maybe, just maybe, we don't say "I Love You" to each other anywhere near enough.

What could possibly make me go out on the thinnest branch of the evolutionary tree to say this? What is the single biggest argument for this cause?
Simple: The romantic comedy.

Oh Meg - you serial scary person you!

Everything I need to know about love, I learned from Meg Ryan films.

In Sleepless in Seattle I learned the following things;

1) If you've truly loved once, you've find love again. But you must first have been truly in love.

2) You'll learn about the Tiramasu sexual position, because it's all the rage right now.

3) If you talk about true love on the radio, an attractive girl will fall for you.

4) If you truly love someone you must write to them, but throw the letter away, knowing your friends are good enough to find it and post it on your behalf.

5) Your intended love's partner will graciously step aside in the face of true love, make the object of your desire believe in them self, practically wishing them good luck on there way to the Empire State Building (or other high building depending on your locale) to meet you, their "more truer" love. And you, true believer, will be there waiting, with your son (if you have one), who, you will discover, already loves her.

In You've got Mail I also learned;

6) It's OK to stalk someone if you really really really like them a lot. Even if they don't know who "you" are. Really it is - Just ask Tom Hanks. I was interested to note that you can financially ruin her in the process. Sorry - my bad - "Don't cry shop girl, don't cry".

7) That the object of your affection will conveniently get dumped in time for you to make your entrance - oh don't worry - she'll even be happy for the guy who dumped her. She will also be happy in the knowledge that you stalked her and deceived her. Because thats what people who love each other do, silly!

8) Unfortunately, first you may have to dump your girlfriend (but never, never your wife). Don't worry tho, because she's probably a bit of a superficial bitch anyway.
[Note: If you are married - you can not live a romantic comedy movie lifestyle - period]

Finally... in French Kiss I learned;

That girls like foreign lovable rogue types who steal cars and hide contraband on them when they go through customs. It gets better - you can freely mention sleeping with prostitutes, especially when you mention you stole money off your brother to go back to the same "said prostitute"; this time only to kiss her. Later on, for good measure, you can tell her you also slept with your brothers wife. Oh Luc, you lovable rogue!

From the same film I learned that if someone loves you they will give you their personal fortune and arrange it in secret with the police so it looks like it came from the sale of a stolen necklace. I discovered policemen were not to be trusted, and will undo the elaborate ruse only to tell - but wait - it's so the lovable rogue who stole his brothers credit card to pay for her blue dress and accommodation, can tell you that they were meant for each other.


You could believe all this rubbish, or simply look at the clip below, which is perhaps one of the best uses of the words "I love you" that I have ever seen. I suspect you may agree with me.

Northern Sky

It's amazing what you find when you start listening to the music in the background of your favorite television programs.



Nick Drake - recorded circa 1974

Anzac Day rememberance

Kiwi's like this make me proud to be a New Zealander.

This just serves to remind me of the sacrifices make by the men and women of our armed services, both past and present, to make our world a better place to live in.

Thankyou.

Arguement disproved

This song is as brilliant now as it was then.

You say I'm a dreamer,
we're two of a kind
Both of us searching for some perfect world
we know we'll never find
So perhaps I should leave here,
yeah go far away
But you know that there's nowhere that I'd rather be
than with you here today

Another girl another planet

Maybe memory is unreliable, coloured with all the years in between, until only what you choose to remember is left. Case in point; this song - which in my memory sounded so much better than in this You tube clip. Or this one even!



Perhaps the only reason we remember past events so kindly is because there's no way of ever being there again. I'm not ready to admit it entirely yet. I'm off to find an mp3 for a final check, because I'm not letting "this" go without a fight.

Man Cold Alert

I have a "man cold". If I make it through the night I'll post tomorrow :)

Life's Cement

Secret camera phone images

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"
- Woodrow Wilson

So many friends, so little time to see them all.
By being home I see the many and varied friends I have. All lifelong friends now without a doubt, and from so many directions they've come! They open their hearts and their homes - I've never had so many cups of tea.:)
Big smiles, warm hearts, and memories both good and bad. Old friends evolve, new friends grow stronger.
With each one I make, I make a place in this world - A place worth fighting for; a home wherever I go.

A gypsy once said I'd be incredibly rich - I had no idea how much.

Waterfront

You just cant have one song without the other.
Hope this doesn't start a huge wave of nostalgia out there, and don't worry - I wont post any Style Council stuff :)

Back to the Bard

In the main, we may well shudder at the thought of the New Romantic period of music, but there were some songs that still stand out in my mind as brilliant.

Memories, burning gold memories
Gold of day memories change me in these times
Somewhere there is some place, that one million eyes cant see
And somewhere there is someone, who can see what I can see.

Maybe I hope it's still so.

Damn - is it here again already?

Greetings from Sunny Dunedin.

This morning I woke at 6am due, in part, to the first of a long line of congratulatory SMS messages wishing me a Happy Birthday. I spent most of the the morning with Mum and Dad and my nephew Cole, before heading off to lunch with Keri and Sandra. The afternoon found me in a comfortable bar with IG, and a couple of glasses of Merlot, realizing all days should be this good.
It's nice to be home, although I'm a bit flat, perhaps noting how nice it would be to have what I know I'm missing, here with me.
Still, all up - a pretty good year. It's nice to have some many people to share it with :)

I wonder where 2009 will find me?

Ken Lee

I know I shouldn't laugh at this.



But I'm not that good a person yet :)

The Superficial

I love this song.
I respect Hayley Williams as much as a 40 (ish) year old can appreciate a 19 year old.
Dignified respect people! Dignified respect!
The girls got talent, and the guys in the background aren't too shabby either.

Chewing gum for the ears, but a flavour i like never-the-less :)

Making a picture

My thoughts today are everywhere. Somewhere between yesterday and today I ended up here; thinking about watching Fleetwood Mac at Wembley Stadium with NFG. Here I was, small town me, as far away from home as I could possibly be, watching Fleetwood Mac play; blown away by the whole thing. London! Wembley Stadium! All these bloody people!
Stevie's voice was stuffed that night, but Christine McVie was amazing. I'll never forget her playing Songbird at the end of the night. A sea of lights before her; the purity of an artist alone with her piano. I closed my eyes and made a picture, that is as clear today, as then.

Sap alert!

This trick almost never works

Here's a song i dedicate to those who survived the 80's with their dignity intact.

I hope this sort of thing still happens. In fact if this posts prompts just one person into taking their boom-box outside their loved ones window, in the attempt to woo, who is to say the world wouldn't be a better place! And if it's raining - all the better. I'm sure Cameron Crowe would approve.

Love; I get so lost, sometimes.
Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart.
When I want to run away, I drive off in my car.
But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are.

Leave the Gun - take the Cannoli

I was invited out to a local Italian Restaurant tonight. While mulling over my two favourite choices, I decided to break with tradition and choose a yet to be tried, third option.
I was so happy with myself, it didn't bother me that I never enjoyed the meal as much as I would have the original choices - it's nice to know I'm capable of major life changes every now and again :)

Another revelation that came to me this week involved someone a little closer to me. My anger at this person has been brewing for some time, and it appears that his charmed life would continue unchecked. I had nothing to do with his fall from grace, he authored his own demise... still I'm sad. It seems when you take too many things for granted, life will always find a way to remind you who's boss.

Maybe my initial anger followed later by sadness, makes me a hypocrite... I just don't know. I only wish people could learn from their mistakes before they fall - it just never seems to happen that way. Life's the affirmative action type I believe.

In a heavier vein

Shihad perform "One will hear the other"

Like most Kiwi rock, the lyrics will require translation - it's all in the accent apparently. :)
Warning - heavy-ish rock. Not to be taken on an empty stomach.

Time has a way of casting doubt
Life is a cage they let you out
So fly while you can...

So little time don't let it go to waste
Hold your ground don't throw it all away
And take a chance now

More of the same.

This never happens in real life

My birthday is next week.

For some good reasons, best explained between copious bottles of red wine, my birthday is an intense source of discomfort to me.

I have two dates that are used to track my progress through this life; New Years Eve and the 17th of April. The fact that these dates are close together come as a double whammy of sorts, but I seem to survive regardless. It's in my nature to always try to improve in some way; to take on a new skill or hobby, as if not doing so would be admitting to being some kind of finished work. I guess I'm not yet willing to say that "This is all there is to me", even if perhaps some days it feels decidedly so.
With all this in mind I wonder if my search for non-completion is extreme folly; back-filling the missing experiences in my past, to provide a semi solid structure in which to move forward, a colossal waste of time.
I hear people talk around me; their self doubt is a deafening roar some days. I hope people grow to know their worth, to believe in their ability to change and evolve with time. We were a blank slate when we were born, molded by parents and society. In our teens we rebelled as well as we could (or were allowed). No one ever said we couldn't continue to move forward with our internal revolution ; throwing off the shackles of our prejudices and limiting thoughts well into our later years, and by doing so, to become the best we can be.

Just don't use birthdays and the promise of a new year to measure your progress; but if you do, don't forget the red wine; perhaps using more than is socially acceptable.

Sandra J is all grown up.

This is not Tim*.

I could write about Sandra's 40th Birthday, but her sister wrote such a very special piece here, I don't think I could do it any more justice.
What I can say however is that it was a lovely night.
Only in Dunedin could I be invited to a 40th where I would once again meet up with someone I went to school with 26 years ago. To my right, a couple who hugged me when I walked in, and to my left a world famous motorcycle racer who had me smiling all night with his tall tales.
Sandra looked absolutely lovely, catching up with us all - the perfect hostess. Chatting away with her mischievous smile, wine bottle in hand, filling glasses as she stopped to say hello. The evening flowed with lively conversation and much merriment. Nineteen people from almost as many different lives, come together to enjoy the company of a very special person; an exclusive club indeed.

Happy Birthday Sands - I had a ball.

One thing tho. Lets just see if you can keep Tim away from that dress - ok. You know he'd just think he'd look better in it - right? :)

* Tim thinks he has nicer legs

The Setup

Its the setup I fear.
Well meaning people, who "just want me to meet someone nice".
Especially when their idea of lovely doesn't match mine.
And when I already have someone else in mind to measure them against; it just isn't fair on the prospective date. It's just that the one I'm thinking of comes with a long list of pleasant memories, and I'm beginning to worry that no one else will ever come close.
Still, the threat of the setup always looms, and probably when I least expect it.

The Price of Boredom

Vacation Photos from Ironforge.

Not too many sleeps before I head home for a long weekend to celebrate Sandra's 40th birthday. I'm really looking forward to seeing all the crew.

The problem is I'm not sleeping that well of late.

Some months back, desperate for a game for my iMac, I purchased World of Warcraft thinking it was some kind of real time strategy game like Command and Conquer; I was wrong - so very wrong. It turned out that World of Warcraft an online role playing game. While I've always been a fan of "good" Science Fiction, the genre of Fantasy didn't appeal, so for months the game remained unloaded.

Then I got bored, and thought I'd give it a go.

Even after hearing it was pretty addictive, and coupled with a very real risk I'd never get laid again, I pressed on regardless - all the while thinking I would never catch the bug.

A week or two later I found myself dreaming. Walking in a beautiful garden, suddenly the quiet charm was ruined when a lion rushed toward me from nowhere. In desperation I reached for a length of lumber, then realizing I was done for, I dropped the wood, and surrendered to my fate. I woke from my deep sleep with a start - wondering why I was still alive, before realizing it was too late for me.

But perhaps not too late for you. Avoid - less you suffer the same fate. All this was before I'd encountered the Horde.

It is fun tho - in a never getting laid kinda way :)