Saturday, April 26, 2008

The wisdom of the ages

Disclaimer : this is not about any particular person or event. I promise!

I don't think we say enough about how we feel for others.
I wonder sometimes, if the whole human condition hasn't stagnated along the path of evolutionary development simply because of this one simple fact.
Maybe, just maybe, we don't say "I Love You" to each other anywhere near enough.

What could possibly make me go out on the thinnest branch of the evolutionary tree to say this? What is the single biggest argument for this cause?
Simple: The romantic comedy.

Oh Meg - you serial scary person you!

Everything I need to know about love, I learned from Meg Ryan films.

In Sleepless in Seattle I learned the following things;

1) If you've truly loved once, you've find love again. But you must first have been truly in love.

2) You'll learn about the Tiramasu sexual position, because it's all the rage right now.

3) If you talk about true love on the radio, an attractive girl will fall for you.

4) If you truly love someone you must write to them, but throw the letter away, knowing your friends are good enough to find it and post it on your behalf.

5) Your intended love's partner will graciously step aside in the face of true love, make the object of your desire believe in them self, practically wishing them good luck on there way to the Empire State Building (or other high building depending on your locale) to meet you, their "more truer" love. And you, true believer, will be there waiting, with your son (if you have one), who, you will discover, already loves her.

In You've got Mail I also learned;

6) It's OK to stalk someone if you really really really like them a lot. Even if they don't know who "you" are. Really it is - Just ask Tom Hanks. I was interested to note that you can financially ruin her in the process. Sorry - my bad - "Don't cry shop girl, don't cry".

7) That the object of your affection will conveniently get dumped in time for you to make your entrance - oh don't worry - she'll even be happy for the guy who dumped her. She will also be happy in the knowledge that you stalked her and deceived her. Because thats what people who love each other do, silly!

8) Unfortunately, first you may have to dump your girlfriend (but never, never your wife). Don't worry tho, because she's probably a bit of a superficial bitch anyway.
[Note: If you are married - you can not live a romantic comedy movie lifestyle - period]

Finally... in French Kiss I learned;

That girls like foreign lovable rogue types who steal cars and hide contraband on them when they go through customs. It gets better - you can freely mention sleeping with prostitutes, especially when you mention you stole money off your brother to go back to the same "said prostitute"; this time only to kiss her. Later on, for good measure, you can tell her you also slept with your brothers wife. Oh Luc, you lovable rogue!

From the same film I learned that if someone loves you they will give you their personal fortune and arrange it in secret with the police so it looks like it came from the sale of a stolen necklace. I discovered policemen were not to be trusted, and will undo the elaborate ruse only to tell - but wait - it's so the lovable rogue who stole his brothers credit card to pay for her blue dress and accommodation, can tell you that they were meant for each other.

You could believe all this rubbish, or simply look at the clip below, which is perhaps one of the best uses of the words "I love you" that I have ever seen. I suspect you may agree with me.


Di Mackey said...

Loved it :)

PS - 2 word verifications were fairly unreadable, wish me luck ...

Oh shit, let's make that 3. They're horrible Mark, the worst I've seen and are actually fairly illegible.

Mark J said...

In case anyone is interested - Di is my sanity checker.
If she likes it I know I'm in for trouble :)

Di Mackey said...

I had to make 3 attempts at your random word verifications before I could have my comment accepted. It was infuriating, as the text was in a bizarre unreadable font ... hence the P.S. ... since you asked via the email.

Jacie said...

Brilliant stuff! Also the Thompson Twins, Nick Drake and Manflu - all excellent. Thanks for the link also - will do likewise once I work out how to!

Mark J said...

Thanks Jacie. Email me (click in the links section) and I will tell you how to link others from your homepage.Cheers Mark.