Saturday, February 23, 2008

More Mayer

I have too much stuff. I know that I'm compensating, but sometimes you just cant get what you want. Last weekend I stepped away from the path of rampant consumerism, toward something I truly desired. Although the outcome was expected, I'll never regret it: not for one second.
Life is a journey of twists and turns. The only thing I know is that if there is to be a next time for us, it will be her turn to find me. After all she's "it".




I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for the joy but i bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pain
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Gardenia

Haunting, yet resonant somehow.



Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It's so easy to get caught up in what I'm regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart

Kudos Miss Moore

Monday, February 18, 2008

Random events

Last year I saw this t-shirt I liked. I found the store that sold the shirts - It was a mission and a half, but I seldom give up when I find something i want. I really need to work on that.

I ordered. I waited. It never came.
I wrote. And wrote again.
They replied. And much later apologized.

The shirts arrived today, and on the card inside was printed the message;

Love this life...
is about celebrating the moment
and that we're not guaranteed
or owed another day
and how cool it is that what we hide
can actually be the fuel towards our glory
and that it's not so bad
to be proven wrong

And after the shittiest of Sundays - this was something I really needed to hear.

More, as it comes to hand; perhaps.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Soup Nazi

You know who you are
No blog for you!
You banned :)


You come back - ONE YEAR!

Tech Support!



David
: Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around.
SofĂ­a: I'll find you again.
David: I'll see you in another life... when we are both cats.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The memory of TT lives on

This clip was an easter egg on the "What we did last Summer" music DVD.
Robbie was pretty much kicked out of Take That, and probably with good reason. Always one to hold a grudge, I believe the song "No Regrets" was written about the incident.

All that aside I love the fact that fellow Take That member Mark Owen ended up on stage for this number. Maybe I'm just a romantic sap, but I like seeing bridges being rebuilt. That and the fact this version is streets ahead of the original number.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Lipstick Sunset

I've always loved this song. Actually - the whole "Bring the Family" Album is worth a listen, if you are open to a little blues with your country.

So we are clear - before you press the play button - it is a COUNTRY song.
(or possibly Western - I always get them mixed up - godammit) :)

Another Cheese Sandwich Post


Although I missed out on NFG's corporate lingerie show earlier in the week, one finds oneself curiously unperturbed. [Upon reflection this is now obviously a point of concern for me :)]

This week Tuesday and Wednesday were spent traveling about the North Island, fixing problems our contractors could not. It's a nice feeling to be useful in a more immediate way; so much of what I do these days is "remote control". Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't like to be "on the tools" full time, but those two days out of the office were a breath of fresh air.

The last two days I've been on the receiving end of some training in personal excellence. I've been pushing for this training for two years now - and now I'm in the midst of it, it's inspiring. There have been a few home truths delivered during the process, but I have really embraced the whole event. It turns out I have a bit to learn about being a leader, but I knew this going in.
The biggest issue for me is the link between productivity and people focus. I'm very much a people person, and I tend to shy away from confrontation. The challenge for me will be to get to the point, and not worry too much about hurting peoples feelings - a difficult balance for me.

It's been pretty full on training, and when asked to summarize the last two days in two words I cracked up the class by immediately saying "Absolutely Wasted".

I may sleep all weekend. :)

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Not so Shiny in the Verse



They'll come at you sideways.
It's how they think.
It's how they move.
Sidle up and smile.
Hit you where you're weak.
Sort of man they're like to send believes hard.
Kills and never asks why.


Way to write Mr Weedon

Sideways


Sometimes you can feel the temperature drop
'though you'd swear it was as sunny out as the day before
Being human is a difficult thing
When you're trying to be practical

Character Assassination

I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character but every now and again I find myself taking an instant dislike to a person for no apparent reason.

I wonder what is was about the person that set me off, given this has only happened a handful of times during my life. Months later, when the same person walks into the room I still feel the same way, and it bothers me. Obviously I'm grown up enough to deal with this person in a pleasant and professional way, but afterward I feel like I've compromised myself.

It's much easier to dislike people to a lesser degree. Today I held a door open for someone, and they didn't say thankyou. I believe there is a special hell reserved for those who don't say please and thank you; the lessons their parents taught them years ago, lost to the comfortable anonymity of the big city.

You may think it doesn't matter Mr "no thank you", but I noticed - and believe me, karma's a bitch

Friday, February 08, 2008

My life as a Cigar


Posts here may look bizarre of late. I have to admit I've been pulling some long hours over the last week. Working through the night and sleeping until lunchtime dictates most days start by waking with a headache that just wont quit - but I assure you things are mostly fine once I drag myself out of bed. The worst part will be getting back into a normal sleep pattern once my current project ends.

All this information may explain (in part) the last post. I would be the first to admit that putting Aerosmith up against Kelly Clarkson in the same post may, on first glance, seem to indicate a less than stable mindset. Rest assured, the less than subtle juxtaposition has a method to its madness.

What actually happened, was that I decided to take a "walk" though Youtube, choosing videos as they came to mind. Using the whole six degrees of separation, I took the first and sixth video and posted them together. I think it says as much about my musical diversity, as it does my state of mind.

Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar I guess.

Yeah - I don't believe that either. :)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Miss Independant and BiPolar

I don't care what the cool kids say - I like this song.



So in touch with my inner nerd today, yet so self destructive. Not a bad combo for a Tuesday evening, even if I say so myself.



Yeah, I know nobody knows
where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Monday, February 04, 2008

Once

Find this movie - If you love music, it may change your life. *



* results not typical.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Can't plan this.

When Marty and Leeane had their housewarming Tim brought a little gift along on the night. The gift was a count down timer connected to a very, very loud siren.
The plan was to activate the timer just before we left - the timer would start its countdown and activate the siren after two hours. The siren, placed in a cardboard box, was left in a spare room, easily spotted when the time came to stop the noise.
It was harmless fun - what could go wrong?

I actually forgot about the whole thing when I woke the next day, but Tim rang me giggling hysterically. This is what actually happened...

We left at 2:20am, so the siren went off at about 4:30am. The problem was that Marty was so hammered he didn't wake up first; his wife Leeane did. Thinking someone had activated the house security system she keyed in the 4 digit pin code, but by doing this, she actually activated the house security system. Sixty second later the house system triggered and it's siren went off as well. So now two sirens were blaring, and our 30 second prank had just woken all the neighbours.
Convinced that she had put in the wrong pin code for the alarm, Leeane started entering numbers from their previous house's alarm system. After 6 incorrect pin numbers the alarm locked on refusing to accept any more attempts.
At this stage Leeane ran down to the master bedroom and managed to shake an inebriated Marty to life. Of course we didn't realise Marty slept in the nude, but those who slept over that night got an eye-full as he bounded naked down the hall toward the security panel. Realising he was too drunk to follow the complex reprogramming sequence to reset the locked alarm, Marty ripped the security panel off the wall pulling out every cable he could find.
The internal house siren silenced (but not our one), Marty rushed toward the balcony to silence the outside siren. At the last minute Leeane yelled at him to put on her dressing gown, and all the neighbours watched in amusement as Marty stood on his balcony in his wifes favourite pink satin dressing gown, hitting the hell out of the external alarm box with a hammer. Eventually the siren could take no more and plummeted to the ground, one story below, screaming no longer.
It was then, and only then, that Marty heard the siren in the spare room. He opened the cardboard box, pulled off the battery wire, and finally there was silence.

Marty, God bless him, saw the funny side of it all afterward. He even admitted the whole incident broke the ice with all the surrounding neighbours. I'd love to take credit for it all, but I was only guilty by association. Tim retired from housewarming pranks that night; undefeated, at the top of his game - the best way to go.

Actually, come to think of it...I wonder if Tim still still has the answerphone messages made between 4:30 and 4:45am that night. I'm sure any statutes of limitations are long past. If they're about I'll link to them. Please forgive me, but the memory of those messages still make me smile.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Conformity

Years ago a friend introduced me to Pete Murray. I hated the song "So beautiful"; whiny crap, personifying so much of a type of music I used to listen to, but had beaten out of me early in my work years. Work was about conformity you see, not much room for different feelings, attitudes, choices.

It's sad these feelings remain. I'd like to think my musical appreciation had evolved since then. Perhaps, as some sort sort of penance I should offer this Pete Murray song.



Don't be scared of what you cannot see
Your only fear is possibility
Never wonder what the hell went wrong
Your second chance may never come along


No shit sherlock!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Delusional Moi

I live too much in my head.
How much of what I know is real, how much imagined, how much misinterpreted?
Do I want to know the truth? Can I handle the truth?
Can I survive the truth?

All questions to which I need answers - and unfortunately for me, required sooner rather than later.

I uploaded this clip to Youtube the other day - I'm sure it won't last long, but I think it shows exactly why living in your head is a bad thing - especially when it comes to thinking about woman you are attracted to.

By the way - this may not be safe for work. Parental discretion advised.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Conchords

This is why us kiwi guys score heaps eh bro.



We have such a choice way with words, it hurts sometimes. Plus it's not really fair on the Aussies eh. Awesome!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Acoustics Sets

I always used to think that if you stripped down an artist to their core essence, the the result would always speak volumes, either for or against them. I was beginning to think the same of people.



However, because life isn't always that cut and dried, I also heard the lead singer from Twisted Sister say something like how acoustic sets by rock bands proving their worth was a load of rubbish. "Take Tracey Chapman and put her in front of two Marshall stacks and an electric guitar - and see how well she rides the lightning", he said.

I have to agree with the man - and with that admission comes a lot of grey, in what I was rather hoping was a black and white world.

Turns out that I know less than nothing.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Laughing with me - right?

Saw this via a link on Ren's site.


There's something about this that rings true, and even more here.

Reading on between chuckles, I paused at this one entirely too long.



This is soooo not going to be my mantra for 2008. :)

A Very Civil Union

Bouncers are getting younger every day

You know? I'm starting to think of weddings the same way an immortal might think about funerals. Sure - the first few times are fun, but after a while the gloss goes, especially when you realize it's something you'll never get to participate in. As time goes on.... well, you get my drift; but I guess that's what you get for being everlasting.

This weekend SweetP and Army Girl got hitched. The second of my Auckland group of friends to follow their hearts into wedded bliss. Most of my Dunedin friends on the other hand, have long since wed, and are well into raising children by the score. Once again I seem to be left behind: it's not as cool as it once was.

It's not totally hopeless kiddies; I don't own any cat's or dog's - so perhaps that isn't to be my fate either :)
More importantly, the thought of living alone hasn't forced me into any panic; if there is a certain someone out there who can handle my particular brand of crazy, I'm prepared to wait; to say something suave, honest or sophisticated to get the girl. No second chance to make the same mistake again for this kid. If I dared to dally should the moment present itself, Bullrush Girl, Shars, or Keridopilus would surely kill me. Frankly I'd probably both deserve, and enjoy the prospect, especially if it meant missing another damn wedding. :)

So please, no comments for this post; because, although I am most likely immortal, I still hope for an outcome that awaits us all.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Temperature Check 3


Company - Rickie Lee Jones (1979)

If you don't love this, then we'll never bond at a musical level.
And I really would regret that; we've been through waaay too much.

Acceptance


I think its important to accept we can't fix every problem in the world. It's a guy thing to want to, I know; but sometimes in life, solutions to problems outside our sphere of influence can't be fixed no matter how hard we want to try (or rant for that matter). At times like this I guess we just have to have faith in those that can make a difference.


Tina Dico - Head Shop, from the Album "In the Red"


The city wakes the sirens call
To remind me why I don't remember
I'm kicking trash against the wall
Evening fades, still waiting to rise
No-one escapes undisguised

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Whats with the Death Worship?

Ed's Dead Baby - Ed's Dead

OK, but for the life of me I don't understand the whole lets have a state funeral for the Sir Ed "thing". Sure - he was a great guy, and was first to climb a very high mountain. He also did a lot of good for others; but so do some many others out there. Seeing all those who stood on the footpath on the funeral route for a last glance at Sir Ed, the newspapers claimed that the last time this happened was when people lined the streets seeing off the soldiers for World War One. Frankly having someones death televised for public consumption made me a little ill, and even more turned off. Tune in next week for the next lucky recipient of the state funeral brought to you by "flamoral" soap, the soap you wouldn't be seen dead without.

Funerals are not a spectator sport. Sir Ed was supposedly a down to earth chap, who didn't enjoy a fuss; who didn't want a statue erected when he was gone. I can't help but wonder what he thought of all the pomp and circumstance.


Let those who knew him grieve him,
To those inspired, say goodbye,

To all others get a life.

Peace out.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Humid, you dont know humid!


If I don't get a good nights sleep tonight - I'm going to have to kill someone!

The last three days have seen temperatures over 30 degrees, which in itself isn't too bad; but coupled with 70 percent humidity, the result has been unbearable.

The store man at work proudly announces (to anyone who will listen), that he has had his air conditioner on for the last week not stop, enjoying the cool breeze as he slumbers: I think he may be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

This summer has been unbelievably warm. Usually prior to Christmas, those of us that live in the lower parts of the South Island grind our teeth at the prospect of continual wet weather; weather that seems not to improve until at least mid January if not February. This year however, it has been glorious.

NFG has been enjoying the last week in a balmy Dunedin, and I'm glad that her memories of Dunedin this year will be of warm, albeit windy days. Unfortunately for her, she will soon have to deal with the reality of Auckland, with it's associated rain, heat and humidity; not to mention the traffic or the rushed pace of life. It is a sad life for those of us that opt in for careers and the cash, when we could have it all in Dunedin - except the careers and cash obviously.

Now, where did I park my other Ferrari?

Monday, January 21, 2008

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Mandolin Rain - Bruce Hornsby

Forgive my seemly never ending musical posts of late; I'm still in a holding pattern, my first week back here in Auckland. Blame it on the humidity and the power naps.

Cryptically - I'm trying to end something old, in the hope that it may somehow start something new; damning the consequences - once again the nose spites the face. :)

Eventually we all have a chance to risk a lifetime of inaction by action. Perhaps by taking a road never before traveled, an alternate ending may present itself.

Sorry about the video content - but this song is hard to find online :)



Think about her when I hear that whistle blow
I can't change my mind
I knew all the time that she'd go
But that's a choice I made long ago

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Little Wing

So I'm back in Auckland, and it's been real. The days are grinding through pretty slowly at the moment, and with NFG down in Dunedin this week I'm a little green with envy. If I win Lotto this weekend I'm heading south to catch up - if she wins she said she'd shout the flight. Looks like twice the normal chance of winning. :)

In the meantime I'm not in the mood for posting so until i do, have a listen to this version of Hendrix's "Little Wing" by Stevie Ray Vaughan. It's from the album "The Sky is Crying" - and is well worth a listen on a really good stereo. You can almost smell the atmosphere through the speakers.

Only the good die young. RIP SRV.

Monday, January 14, 2008

A-B Comparison

Cast you mind back to 1997. Billie Myers on the Radio singing "Kiss the Rain".



I brought the album, but as good as it was, I couldn't help but notice how much she sounded like Chrissie Hynde; so much so in fact, that half way through the album I would always stop and put in The Pretenders instead.



Never did hear the end of that album.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Brooke Fraser - C.S Lewis song

Incomplete but a taste of a lovely song. Enjoy :)



If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that i fight is at best only light and momentary,
Then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

I fell in love

Photo credit

If Ford is to Chevrolet

What Dodge is to Chrysler

What Corn Flakes are to Post Toasties

What the clear blue sky is to the deep blue sea

What Hank Williams is to Neil Armstrong

Can you doubt we were made for each other

Friday, January 11, 2008

End of the Golden Summer

Around this time of the year I'm always reminded of the long trip home after the summer holidays. Just prior to Christmas we would pack up the Holden and travel to Westport to stay with my grandparents. Weeks later we would pack up and do the whole thing over again.


It took nine hours to get from Westport to Dunedin, not on interstate motorways but instead by roads built along the sides of mountain passes. In a country where air conditioning meant winding the window down more, and on roads that could be better thought of as secondary to pot holes, nine hours in a car was extreme torture to anyone, let alone a ten year old.

As a child I remember thinking that if I could just get to sleep, the trip would pass faster - all assuming you or your siblings didn't get car-sick along the way and set everyone else off. It was all in vein - someone always got sick, and usually after waking from a deep sleep.


The first part of the trip through the Buller Gorge was amazing, but as the family car hit the Canterbury plains the scenery slowly changed from green to brown and the hot "nor-westers" blew relentlessly through our windows, as we slowly baked under the midday sun.


After Christchurch we knew we were over half way, yet still had 4 hours to go. The roads south from now on were straight to the point of absurd. We couldn't wait until we hit the winding roads around Oamaru just to break the boredom. Sixty minutes from home we sat, eyes glued to the front windscreen, playing the age old game of "First to see Dunedin". No one cared who won, because thirty minutes later we would be home.

We always complained that the butter tasted funny after 9 weeks in the fridge, and the first dinner was limited to what what was in the pantry, because in the 70's there were no 24 hour supermarkets, and even the dairies closed in the early evening.
Behold New Zealand in the 70's - where all coffee was instant and milk was 5cents a pint. I know because I put the coin in the glass bottle we left for the milkman at the letterbox, sure in the knowledge we'd have a bottle of milk for our breakfast WeetBix the next day, unless (obviously) it was a Sunday. Because no one worked on a Sunday.

For better or worse, I think I miss that part the most.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The World according to George


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways ,but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

George Carlin

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Matt the Magician

I've been wanting to do this for a while. Seeing it on the "Everything Changes" video clip (a couple of posts back) just cemented the whole idea. Matt gave me a photoshop lesson, while I provided the lump of clay.

I'm pretty stoked with the outcome, and I am planning to get it printed as a block canvas print.

Katie Rocks Out

I dusted off my Nikon today, and I'm really happy with the results.
I dont take that many photos these days - it's probably due to a lack of subject matter, as well as time.
All that said, I do love it when images like this happen.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Yep


This blog is all about you.
No - not you silly - the other person reading this
Yes - YOU. You know who you are.
Well most of the posts anyway.
The other posts are about someone else entirely
Trust me - would I lie to you? :)

Learn to be still

I had a nightmare last night. Well, in truth, probably just another bizarre dream rooted in substance; either way an unpleasant experience.

In this dream I am contemplating a return to retraining in my particular field of expertise. After looking at the work ahead, and my dead grandfathers notes on the subject matter, I realize that I am no longer interested in this path. I go to find my course supervisor to tell him I'm pulling out of the course, and to my surprise the classroom has now been turned into a Dance Academy. I wake depressed and confused.

So, on the face of it this is a simple "I've wasted my whole life" type of dream. At least in the dream I realize this, and am prepared to make a change in some way; a positive step one might say.

I think it's fair to say I'm driven, and therein lies the problem. I need to learn to be still. The sad thing, is that I realize this is not an uncommon occurrence. There are millions of people in the same predicament the world over, and no universal answer to be found.

NFG would say I should enjoy the now a little more, and she would be right. But when you've spent your whole life going from goal to goal, it's a hard beast to turn around on a whim. Still you have to try - don't you.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Never a Gem


Have you made someone smile today?
Just do it.
But look no farther than your own heart
To feel the joy it brings.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Guitar Hero Part 2

For every silly love song there's also a song about love gone bad.
When I first heard this song yesterday I was immediately reminded of the fact that relationships often don't last, and the worse thing you can do is prolong the inevitable. The trick is knowing when to go, or when to stay.
Before I continue in this vein and suddenly burst into the Gambler by Kenny Rogers, I'd like you take a listen to this live version of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer - better that than hear me sing :)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Everything Changes

This song has been running around in my head for a day now.
Hopefully posting it here will allow me to move on, at least musically.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

First thoughts


We've reached an impasse, Alcohol and I.
She's a lot of fun, and gets me into a lot of fun situations. Although we don't always see eye to eye the next day, she's been around a long time, so we tolerate each other.
Hanging out was always fun in the past, but truthfully I don't drop by to visit much any more. Although I've changed over the years I notice she remains pretty much the same. The problem arises when I think I haven't changed - she bites viciously if you don't pay attention.
She brings me out of my skin; I'm usually more reserved. She makes me more honest than I should be, but frankly I don't care about that any more. Honesty is almost always a good thing.
Time to say goodbye for another year tho'. Enough time to remember the fun, yet still time to forget the consequences.
These are the best of times, after all.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

Its was a dark and stormy night (kidding). The first bottle of red wine seemed to evaporate as they watched; the second slightly less so. Full of good will IG and Mark J headed to Beer King's for a BBQ and a date with a bottle of 42 Below vodka.
The evening was young, yet they were old - thus the balance of the universe was maintained, at least for one more day.
There would be stories - oh yes there would be stories; yet to be told obviously, but stories never the less.
Stay tuned - while those of you in the northern hemisphere huddle around your mass lunches - we will carry the flag of New Years "Eve-ship" until you are ready to take over. Be ready - it's coming, and it's not going to be pretty folks :)

Best wishes to all for 2008!

P.S. God it's hot out!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Sounds good to me

Seen in the City today...

Life is short
Break the Rules
Forgive Quickly
Kiss slowly
Love Truly
Laugh uncontrollably and;
Never regret anything that made you smile.

Granny J has left the building


I'm not sure how to start this one.
Mum called me this morning at 7am and told me what I already knew before I picked up the phone; my last remaining grandparent passed away last night.
We all knew that it was going to happen; with a trip to the nursing home early yesterday morning came a realization, and a mere twelve hours later she is no longer with us. I can't help but think it was a pretty good move on her part.
All this may sound callous, but if you read a much earlier post here you'd realise that she hasnt been herself for the longest time. I hope she's much happier now, especially with the knowledge that her declining health is no longer a concern to her surviving children. Perhaps the perpetual fog that clouded her mind of late has now also lifted, and she is herself once again - telling her old stories over and over to anyone who would care to listen. One suspects that all hell would break loose if anyone dared to correct or interrupt her during the best bits - she could be awfully determined at times :)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Just block out the 70's vibe.

At the risk of being flamed for my choice in music today - I dedicate this song to NFG.
I wish I was there with you girl. :)



Everynight I walk around the city.
Seems like I'll never know,
That feeling of being together when I go.

Retaining water


Suddenly bereft of anything important to do, I find myself a little on the fragile side this week. Even today, while IG trundles off to the Gym full of vigor, I find myself wanting to curl up on the couch for a little sleep when no one's watching.

I might otherwise attribute this malaise to too much food or/and wine, but I can assure you that this is not the case either. Rather than follow the previous Christmas dogma of too much food and wine, I have have decided to be "good" over the break; I even have a packet of rice crackers lurking somewhere should the need arise to prove my point.

Upon reflection my lethargy is most probably related to a lack of (bad) stimuli; and the resultant nap-wanting, a poor substitute for a sugar packed, fat laden, old fashioned chocolate bar. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately I must report a distinct lack of junk food within arms reach. Life is so unfair!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Self help Me

Wandering around Dunedin bookstores during the Boxing Day sales, I couldn't help but notice all the self help books on the shelves.

In a world where it seems more and more that one size must fit all, I wonder why there are so many self help books. Surely if one or two worked then there would be no need for others. At the same time I cant help but think that the whole self help industry is surely a corrupt one; secretly wanting a sicker society for a bigger market share.

Every time I see another self help Guru like Doctor Phil, or Jerry Springer on the TV, I treat them as I would any other evangelical minister preaching; I change the damn channel.
I find the whole requirement for these shows to be morally repugnant - like Captain James T Kirk, I believe that we are all a product of our life experiences; both good and bad. Why people insist on polishing all the rough edges off themselves makes little sense to me.
Not that I don't take mental illness seriously. Dooce wrote a lovely essay on mental illness just the other day. It's a serious business, and one not to be trivialized with by buying a self help book - I often wonder if people try to self medicate with these, instead of seeking out the real deal. It's time like this that I realize how much admiration I have for people who put their hands up and ask for help - they are the strong ones.

Then again, all this angst was gone after one Belgian biscuit, so what do I know :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas

Cute is not enough sonny boy!


The horror of the pickles aside, I would like to take this moment to wish all that lurk and post here a very Merry Christmas.

Take care out there, but remember; I need you all back here on the 27th, or the kid (above) doesn't get a present. Do not test me people - his needy manner will not sway me :)



May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness of Christmas give you hope,
The warmth of Christmas grant you love.

~Author Unknown

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Hold the "you know whats"


Hot on the heels of my ham-less toasted sandwich post, I now have to put my hand up and admit I am a difficult bastard.
Why? Because it turns out I can even hate it when I get something I don't ask for. No one is more surprised than I!

Christmas shopping has been a little better than expected this year. Two new Mega-malls at Albany and Sylvia Park have opened up, so by taking a trip to a less hip, established mall, crowds are actually not too over the top. I managed to get a park on the first attempt. I must admit to getting out of my car and walking around it twice looking for towing signs or handicapped zones - but there were none. Un-fricking believable!

After the last minute Christmas shopping was done and dusted, I decided to drop in for a bite at the local Robert Harris Coffee shop, but as expected it was full to the brim with espresso drinking caffeine heads. My disappointment held in check, I decided to down-size to the mall's Burger King: big mistake.

Crying babies and mindless children running amok, the joint was almost moderately clean, so I decided to brave the elements and order a Double BBQ Bacon Cheese burger - just to tide me over until dinner. I wasn't shocked when my burger was luke warm - you more or less expect that, but when I took my second bite I felt a profound disturbance in the force.
In the universe I live in, finding a pickle in a Double BBQ bacon cheese burger, is akin to finding 7 McNuggets in a 6 pack - it just doesn't happen.
I guess the combo of screaming children, too many people, a luke warm burger, and a damn pickle was too much for me to stomach.
I put the burger down, lifted the top, not willing to admit the truth; yet there they were. Not one, but two pickles that had no right being anywhere under that luke warm bun.
Concerned that the world was teetering on the outcome of my actions I quietly put the burger top down again. No one had noticed. No one had seen the horror. Burger King were down two pickles and they didn't know it yet.
I had now convinced myself that the best course of action was to deny knowledge of the existence of the missing pickles. I folded the offending burger back into its hellish paper wrap and put it back on the tray.
As I grabbed my coke and slowly made for the door, I realized that we must never talk of this again. These two pickles swim with the fishes.

Friday, December 21, 2007

2 minute challenge

Courage

Courage is a lie,
will tempt you
and flay,
If you fear it

Courage has a scent
and a sweat.
Under your skin,
when the wind blows
Courage is cold.

Courage is a sword
that cant be unsheathed
without tasting blood.

Courage hungers
for failure,
and is never sated.

Thanks NFG

It's never that easy in real life - but sometimes courage can be found when or where you least expect it.



[click image to enlarge]

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tell me something

Why are we here?
Is there a point to all this?

I wonder if this has happened before, and will happen again. Wikipedia has a page on something called Eternal Return which ties a few interesting ideas together.

Some days I wonder if our time here is simply one of growth. If we repeat our lives over and over do so in order to grow, evolve in some way? Do we end up learning and relearning the same lessons, before finally understanding and moving on. To where? - I have no idea.

There are so many ways to be more spiritual in nature, so many roads to get to the same point; one no more correct than another. For some the journey is easy, for others, less so. I think some may like the ride too much to bother getting off and moving on at all. More power to them.

No matter where you are on the journey to self discovery, an important step might be self acceptance. And that may involve more than a few rides on the ferris wheel of life.

This is all a sudden thought - out of nowhere really. Maybe a conversation with a like minded person has opened my eyes to a different view of the world. Not really the world I was living in, but it just goes to show - you cant always judge a book by it's cover.

Much like this clip I suspect...



.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

18 April 1987

I remember you at my 21st
(yes - thats you on the floor)

I'm sorry that we lost touch
(I'm pissed that we had to)

I'm really glad we're close again
(I couldnt have it any other way)

And it's great that you get me
(even if I don't)

But did you ever notice the world's a lot less interesting
When we're not across a table talking like there's no tomorrow?

Especially when my tomorrows may truly be numbered.
If you ever see this photo. :)





The light that burns half as long, burns twice as bright.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Mathematics

For some reason I find this sad; perhaps the realization my whole life thus far would be rendered in a mere 11 minutes.

I need to get out more :)


Monday, December 17, 2007

The potential in us all


A nice Christmas story, found in full here.

When Sammy Gitau, a child of one of Nairobi's most notorious slums, discovered a Manchester University prospectus languishing on a rubbish tip, he kept it as a talisman and reminder of what his life could be.

Like thousands of other children living in the squalid conditions of the Kenyan capital's longest-standing slum community, there seemed little means of escape.

But yesterday Gitau, 35, who spent almost a decade gazing in hope at the precious prospectus, became the university's most remarkable graduate.

Maybe, if we want something bad enough - sometimes the impossible is possible after all.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Whats going on?

Bugger Waldo - Wheres the baby Jesus?

God - Christmas is really getting to me this year.
So much so that I broke with tradition and got out of bed before 9am on Saturday morning; all to beat the Christmas rush. By ten thirty I'd had enough, retreating far from the zombie shoppers, back to my fortress of solitude. It was a close thing - the innocuous Christmas music in the background almost trapped me with its sweet dulcet sounds. The tinsel, almost hypnotizing me - leading me by the hand to the next sale: almost, but not quite.
To think this is what Christmas has become to so many here. It's sad that in this country Christmas is rapidly becoming a time for Santa, instead of a celebration of the birth of Jesus.
The funny thing is, I shouldn't really care. As an agnostic I sit on the fence here. The thing is, I am increasingly disheartened by the shift from religious holiday to retail commercialism; because this isn't what Christmas should be about.
The whole gift giving thing bothers me as well. Expressing your love for a friend or loved one should be a daily occurrence, small actions over time; a hug here, a kind word there - you know, the small stuff that adds up to something over a whole year.
I don't see my friends every day; some I see only once a year, others - too far removed, but regardless they are all seldom far from my thoughts.
The money changes may not be in the temples yet people, but if you're starting to think like me, you cant help but notice the malls seem to have a lot of worshipers this time of year.

Music is my life.

It seems to me, that I have been posting a lot of music lately.
Sandra pointed out this is not a bad thing - but it is a step away from where i was here.
I think primarily, this has been caused by a self imposed lack of life experiences of late. I've been contemplating a next step for some time now, but have been enjoying the calm before the storm entirely too much.

Time to move ahead - at least one step. I suspect next weekend will show me the way.



The Feelers - Stand up.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Bob has a message.

Sums up so many little things of late; some small meaning in this time and space.
Ten minutes, hours, days, or years later - who can possibly tell.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bob Dylan - Most of the time.



Most of the time
I'm halfway content,
Most of the time
I know exactly where I went,
I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide,
Hide from the feelings, that are buried inside,
I don't compromised and I don't pretend,
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time.


.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mosgiel Intermediate Pool

I cant believe I actually did this all those years ago.
Now kids are tied up in cotton wool by parents who enjoyed a freedom they in turn deny their own kin.
That and lead paint. Tasty, tasty lead paint. :)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Because I'm a Sap

Sometimes I think this way - but I try not to.
More often than not, however, I lose the battle.



Eva Cassidy - Autumn Leaves


The falling leaves drift by my window
The falling leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sunburned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Monday, December 10, 2007

Cuz I'm complicated



Smooth jams from classic Lionel and Co.

and as someone posted on Youtube...

Whatever happened to excellent music that told a story? Now it's all grab your glock and kill your Mom.

Why it's not easy



“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.”

-James Matthew Barrie

The Days of my Cows



Warning : This is a long post, but worthwhile in my humble opinion.

I read this article, or one much like it, many years ago. Although it is perhaps culturally insensitive to buy your wife with cows in this day and age, this love story made me smile. If only we could show the world how much we loved our partners by showering their parents with cows. I'd very likely bankrupt myself for the woman I loved.


Condensed from Woman's Day Patricia McGerr. Reproduced in full from here

When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. After I got back it was filled with descriptions of flora and fauna, native customs and costume. But the only note that still interests me is the one that says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita’s father." And I don’t need to have it in writing. I’m reminded of it every time I see a woman belittling her husband or a wife withering under her husband’s scorn. I want to say to them, "You should know why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife."

Johnny Lingo wasn’t exactly his name. But that’s what Shenkin, the manager of the guest house on Kiniwata, called him. Shenkin was from Chicago and had a habit of Americanizing the names of the islanders. But Johnny was mentioned by many people in many connections. If I wanted to spend a few days on the neighboring island of Nurabandi, Johnny Lingo would put me up. If I wanted to fish he could show me where the biting was best. If it was pearls I sought, he would bring the best buys. The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.

"Get Johnny Lingo to help you find what you want and let him do the bargaining," advised Shenkin. "Johnny knows how to make a deal."
"Johnny Lingo! A boy seated nearby hooted the name and rocked with laughter.
"What goes on?" I demanded. "everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Let me in on the joke."
"Oh, the people like to laugh," Shenkin said, shruggingly. "Johnny's the brightest, the strongest young man in the islands, And for his age, the richest."
"But if he’s all you say, what is there to laugh about?"
"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!

I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four or five a highly satisfactory one. "Good Lord!" I said, "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away." "She’s not ugly," he conceded, and smiled a little. "But the kindest could only call Sarita plain. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she’d be left on his hands."
"But then he got eight cows for her? Isn’t that extraordinary?"
"Never been paid before."
"Yet you call Johnny’s wife plain?"
"I said it would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow."
"Well," I said, "I guess there’s just no accounting for love."
"True enough," agreed the man. "And that’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get special satisfaction from the fact that the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."
"But how?"
"No one knows and everyone wonders. All the cousins were urging Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny’d pay only one. Then Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, ‘Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.’"
"Eight cows," I murmured. "I’d like to meet this Johnny Lingo."
"And I wanted fish. I wanted pearls. So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And I noticed as I asked directions to Johnny’s house that his name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. And when I met the slim, serious young man, when he welcomed me with grace to his home, I was glad that from his own people he had respect unmingled with mockery. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
"They speak of me on that island?"
"They say there’s nothing I might want they you can’t help me get."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"
"Why, just..." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."
"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.
They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused.
"They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lightened with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded.
"And in Nurabandi everyone knows it too." His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."
So that’s the answer, I thought: vanity.

And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right. I turned back to Johnny Lingo and found him looking at me. "You admire her?" he murmured. "She...she’s glorious. But she’s not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.

"There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata." "She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."
"You think eight cows were too many?" A smile slid over his lips. "No. But how can she be so different?"
"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two?" This could not happen to my Sarita."
"Then you did this just to make your wife happy?"
"I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands." "Then you wanted -"
"I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman."
"But —" I was close to understanding.

"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife."

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Bullrush Girl Revised

Just a snap from my cellphone.

"Why do you always do that?", she asked. (sighing a little under her breath afterwards)
And you know?
She was right....

So it turns out that it wasn't always a case of life always putting me in these situations after all!
Seven words from a close friend, and finally it's a little clearer. That's what having kids must do for you - the uncanny ability to cut through the bullshit to the heart of the matter. :)

That I would continue to put myself in the same situation beggars belief, and although in fairness the situations haven't always started identically - the end has been suspiciously similar.
The scary thing is that it is entirely possible that the outcome will always be the same, and that Green Street Girl's sister might have hit the nail on the head; all whilst sitting ever so calmly in a lounge chair, one warm Friday evening in Anderson's Bay.

Not the most obvious place for an epiphany, but the girl was always smart beyond her years.

But to my credit - I've always known that fact :)

The missing post.

One of the Knopp girls

The verdict is in - and the grass is greener on the other side of the fence - or perhaps, just at first glance.
Today I find myself in front of my brothers computer in very hot and sunny Dunedin. Last Wednesday I flew home on the quiet to catch up with IG, who just happened to be 40 yesterday, surprising my parents in the process.
As usual with a trip home I find myself spread a bit thin - wishing I had more time before my flight back to Auckland on Sunday. But all that said, since Wednesday I have had a serious job offer, registered my Capri, taken photo's of the Knopp ladies at play, eaten a shed-load of BBQ meals, and enjoyed myself far too much.

Even with this all going on I managed to write a post down on a piece of paper last night. The thing is - I've lost it - and it's really started to bug me. It said exactly what I wanted it to say, and now the words I write just aren't enough. I just hope I can find that damn bit of folded A4 paper before I go home!

So - until then - I'm having to retrace my steps. Grrrrr

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Christmas in Wanaka



I never know where this stuff comes from - but when it does I'm glad I'm near a computer.


Trees bent at impossible angles
Gaggles of children pulling adults for popcicles
As the central Otago Sun beat down without mercy
We sat on the grass outside the pub
Waiting for New Years Eve,
riding a sea of Speights.



.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

My Christmas wish

At his time of the year one could be excused for wanting to pack your bags and run away from home.

Unfortunately, finding that ever elusive off switch somewhere on your kids body is just another pipe dream.
I have a dream people - a dream of a life without complications, mortgage payments, or responsibilities. Imagine all the people - we could join our friends, and run away together with copious bottles of wine and great conversation, with nothing but time to burn - what a wonderful world that would be. Ask not what you can do with your dreams, but what they can do for you.

Hangovers and plagiarism optional, obviously. My dream - my rules - ok? :)



I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to get some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Not your typical Wedding Song

...but a lot more realistic than a lot of the other "drivel" out there.

Goodbye

I guess I'll always be an incurable romantic. I love this song - Chrissie Hynde is amazing.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Talking to a Stranger


I'm sorry
but if you think you know me
You don't

The things I say
mean as much
as the things I don't

You cant see inside me
read my mind - make me something else.
I exist - regardless

I seem - as I project to others
unknown even to myself
The things we hold back
make us complete - give us balance, you see

If you take the time
You'll realise
that even though I'm different
In reality - I'm just like you.