There are few things that surprise me these days; I guess that includes people as well. Sometimes I crave something extra from this world - something unexplained, unexpected, not manufactured by me for me in any way. The problem is; it never seems to happen. Deep down inside I know I don't want everything to be explained away by logic. Just once or twice I'd love to live in a world where one plus one didn't always equal two. I'm not looking for a religious experience, or a drive by shooting even! I just want to be pleasantly surprised, and reminded that everything I know isn't always the way it is. How many ways to say the same thing badly - the words are on the tip of my tongue but they wont come. Maybe I'll find them one day, and come back to edit this....
It's just when I hear this song, the small part left clinging to that hope feels a little more optimistic.
Oh I'll never know What makes this man With all the love That his heart can stand Dream of ways To throw it all away
I don't know why, but when I'm talking about the things I'm passionate about, I often feel like a kid again. As an adult perhaps I should be a little more reserved when I talk about some aspects of my job with my peers? It seems at times, when I get into discussions in meetings around issues around work i do, the adrenalin seems to takes hold and I almost regret it later. Afterward [when the shakes subside], I hope these concerns are unfounded and is all in my head. You know...maybe, from the perspective of the outsider looking in, every thing looks normal; like an ordinary, everyday, normal passion. :) Being normal sometimes has its advantages - when you're so obviously not.
Obsession isn't a strong point of mine any longer. Sooner or later you just have to accept that for a relationship to exist both parties have to feel the same way. Unrequited love is pathetic, and unhealthy - except maybe in the romantic comedy. And you should know my feelings on that genre by now.
When you cant move on.... well then you get something less than either party deserves. Something, maybe like this;
Powerful stuff - the more I hear it the more I like it. The song that is; never the message. Never this message in real life, I can assure you.
Disclaimer : this is not about any particular person or event. I promise!
I don't think we say enough about how we feel for others. I wonder sometimes, if the whole human condition hasn't stagnated along the path of evolutionary development simply because of this one simple fact. Maybe, just maybe, we don't say "I Love You" to each other anywhere near enough.
What could possibly make me go out on the thinnest branch of the evolutionary tree to say this? What is the single biggest argument for this cause? Simple: The romantic comedy.
Oh Meg - you serial scary person you!
Everything I need to know about love, I learned from Meg Ryan films.
1) If you've truly loved once, you've find love again. But you must first have been truly in love.
2) You'll learn about the Tiramasu sexual position, because it's all the rage right now.
3) If you talk about true love on the radio, an attractive girl will fall for you.
4) If you truly love someone you must write to them, but throw the letter away, knowing your friends are good enough to find it and post it on your behalf.
5) Your intended love's partner will graciously step aside in the face of true love, make the object of your desire believe in them self, practically wishing them good luck on there way to the Empire State Building (or other high building depending on your locale) to meet you, their "more truer" love. And you, true believer, will be there waiting, with your son (if you have one), who, you will discover, already loves her.
6) It's OK to stalk someone if you really really really like them a lot. Even if they don't know who "you" are. Really it is - Just ask Tom Hanks. I was interested to note that you can financially ruin her in the process. Sorry - my bad - "Don't cry shop girl, don't cry".
7) That the object of your affection will conveniently get dumped in time for you to make your entrance - oh don't worry - she'll even be happy for the guy who dumped her. She will also be happy in the knowledge that you stalked her and deceived her. Because thats what people who love each other do, silly!
8) Unfortunately, first you may have to dump your girlfriend (but never, never your wife). Don't worry tho, because she's probably a bit of a superficial bitch anyway. [Note: If you are married - you can not live a romantic comedy movie lifestyle - period]
That girls like foreign lovable rogue types who steal cars and hide contraband on them when they go through customs. It gets better - you can freely mention sleeping with prostitutes, especially when you mention you stole money off your brother to go back to the same "said prostitute"; this time only to kiss her. Later on, for good measure, you can tell her you also slept with your brothers wife. Oh Luc, you lovable rogue!
From the same film I learned that if someone loves you they will give you their personal fortune and arrange it in secret with the police so it looks like it came from the sale of a stolen necklace. I discovered policemen were not to be trusted, and will undo the elaborate ruse only to tell - but wait - it's so the lovable rogue who stole his brothers credit card to pay for her blue dress and accommodation, can tell you that they were meant for each other.
You could believe all this rubbish, or simply look at the clip below, which is perhaps one of the best uses of the words "I love you" that I have ever seen. I suspect you may agree with me.
Kiwi's like this make me proud to be a New Zealander.
This just serves to remind me of the sacrifices make by the men and women of our armed services, both past and present, to make our world a better place to live in.
You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind Both of us searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find So perhaps I should leave here, yeah go far away But you know that there's nowhere that I'd rather be than with you here today
Maybe memory is unreliable, coloured with all the years in between, until only what you choose to remember is left. Case in point; this song - which in my memory sounded so much better than in this You tube clip. Or this one even!
Perhaps the only reason we remember past events so kindly is because there's no way of ever being there again. I'm not ready to admit it entirely yet. I'm off to find an mp3 for a final check, because I'm not letting "this" go without a fight.
"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together" - Woodrow Wilson
So many friends, so little time to see them all. By being home I see the many and varied friends I have. All lifelong friends now without a doubt, and from so many directions they've come! They open their hearts and their homes - I've never had so many cups of tea.:) Big smiles, warm hearts, and memories both good and bad. Old friends evolve, new friends grow stronger. With each one I make, I make a place in this world - A place worth fighting for; a home wherever I go.
A gypsy once said I'd be incredibly rich - I had no idea how much.
You just cant have one song without the other. Hope this doesn't start a huge wave of nostalgia out there, and don't worry - I wont post any Style Council stuff :)
In the main, we may well shudder at the thought of the New Romantic period of music, but there were some songs that still stand out in my mind as brilliant.
Memories, burning gold memories Gold of day memories change me in these times Somewhere there is some place, that one million eyes cant see And somewhere there is someone, who can see what I can see.
This morning I woke at 6am due, in part, to the first of a long line of congratulatory SMS messages wishing me a Happy Birthday. I spent most of the the morning with Mum and Dad and my nephew Cole, before heading off to lunch with Keri and Sandra. The afternoon found me in a comfortable bar with IG, and a couple of glasses of Merlot, realizing all days should be this good. It's nice to be home, although I'm a bit flat, perhaps noting how nice it would be to have what I know I'm missing, here with me. Still, all up - a pretty good year. It's nice to have some many people to share it with :)
I love this song. I respect Hayley Williams as much as a 40 (ish) year old can appreciate a 19 year old. Dignified respect people! Dignified respect! The girls got talent, and the guys in the background aren't too shabby either.
Chewing gum for the ears, but a flavour i like never-the-less :)
My thoughts today are everywhere. Somewhere between yesterday and today I ended up here; thinking about watching Fleetwood Mac at Wembley Stadium with NFG. Here I was, small town me, as far away from home as I could possibly be, watching Fleetwood Mac play; blown away by the whole thing. London! Wembley Stadium! All these bloody people! Stevie's voice was stuffed that night, but Christine McVie was amazing. I'll never forget her playing Songbird at the end of the night. A sea of lights before her; the purity of an artist alone with her piano. I closed my eyes and made a picture, that is as clear today, as then.
Here's a song i dedicate to those who survived the 80's with their dignity intact.
I hope this sort of thing still happens. In fact if this posts prompts just one person into taking their boom-box outside their loved ones window, in the attempt to woo, who is to say the world wouldn't be a better place! And if it's raining - all the better. I'm sure Cameron Crowe would approve.
Love; I get so lost, sometimes. Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart. When I want to run away,I drive off in my car. But whichever way I go,I come back to the place you are.
I was invited out to a local Italian Restaurant tonight. While mulling over my two favourite choices, I decided to break with tradition and choose a yet to be tried, third option. I was so happy with myself, it didn't bother me that I never enjoyed the meal as much as I would have the original choices - it's nice to know I'm capable of major life changes every now and again :)
Another revelation that came to me this week involved someone a little closer to me. My anger at this person has been brewing for some time, and it appears that his charmed life would continue unchecked. I had nothing to do with his fall from grace, he authored his own demise... still I'm sad. It seems when you take too many things for granted, life will always find a way to remind you who's boss.
Maybe my initial anger followed later by sadness, makes me a hypocrite... I just don't know. I only wish people could learn from their mistakes before they fall - it just never seems to happen that way. Life's the affirmative action type I believe.
Like most Kiwi rock, the lyrics will require translation - it's all in the accent apparently. :) Warning - heavy-ish rock. Not to be taken on an empty stomach.
Time has a way of casting doubt Life is a cage they let you out So fly while you can...
So little time don't let it go to waste Hold your ground don't throw it all away And take a chance now
For some good reasons, best explained between copious bottles of red wine, my birthday is an intense source of discomfort to me.
I have two dates that are used to track my progress through this life; New Years Eve and the 17th of April. The fact that these dates are close together come as a double whammy of sorts, but I seem to survive regardless. It's in my nature to always try to improve in some way; to take on a new skill or hobby, as if not doing so would be admitting to being some kind of finished work. I guess I'm not yet willing to say that "This is all there is to me", even if perhaps some days it feels decidedly so. With all this in mind I wonder if my search for non-completion is extreme folly; back-filling the missing experiences in my past, to provide a semi solid structure in which to move forward, a colossal waste of time. I hear people talk around me; their self doubt is a deafening roar some days. I hope people grow to know their worth, to believe in their ability to change and evolve with time. We were a blank slate when we were born, molded by parents and society. In our teens we rebelled as well as we could (or were allowed). No one ever said we couldn't continue to move forward with our internal revolution ; throwing off the shackles of our prejudices and limiting thoughts well into our later years, and by doing so, to become the best we can be.
Just don't use birthdays and the promise of a new year to measure your progress; but if you do, don't forget the red wine; perhaps using more than is socially acceptable.
I could write about Sandra's 40th Birthday, but her sister wrote such a very special piece here, I don't think I could do it any more justice. What I can say however is that it was a lovely night. Only in Dunedin could I be invited to a 40th where I would once again meet up with someone I went to school with 26 years ago. To my right, a couple who hugged me when I walked in, and to my left a world famous motorcycle racer who had me smiling all night with his tall tales. Sandra looked absolutely lovely, catching up with us all - the perfect hostess. Chatting away with her mischievous smile, wine bottle in hand, filling glasses as she stopped to say hello. The evening flowed with lively conversation and much merriment. Nineteen people from almost as many different lives, come together to enjoy the company of a very special person; an exclusive club indeed.
Happy Birthday Sands - I had a ball.
One thing tho. Lets just see if you can keep Tim away from that dress - ok. You know he'd just think he'd look better in it - right? :)
Its the setup I fear. Well meaning people, who "just want me to meet someone nice". Especially when their idea of lovely doesn't match mine. And when I already have someone else in mind to measure them against; it just isn't fair on the prospective date. It's just that the one I'm thinking of comes with a long list of pleasant memories, and I'm beginning to worry that no one else will ever come close. Still, the threat of the setup always looms, and probably when I least expect it.
Not too many sleeps before I head home for a long weekend to celebrate Sandra's 40th birthday. I'm really looking forward to seeing all the crew.
The problem is I'm not sleeping that well of late.
Some months back, desperate for a game for my iMac, I purchased World of Warcraft thinking it was some kind of real time strategy game like Command and Conquer; I was wrong - so very wrong. It turned out that World of Warcraft an online role playing game. While I've always been a fan of "good" Science Fiction, the genre of Fantasy didn't appeal, so for months the game remained unloaded.
Then I got bored, and thought I'd give it a go.
Even after hearing it was pretty addictive, and coupled with a very real risk I'd never get laid again, I pressed on regardless - all the while thinking I would never catch the bug.
A week or two later I found myself dreaming. Walking in a beautiful garden, suddenly the quiet charm was ruined when a lion rushed toward me from nowhere. In desperation I reached for a length of lumber, then realizing I was done for, I dropped the wood, and surrendered to my fate. I woke from my deep sleep with a start - wondering why I was still alive, before realizing it was too late for me.
But perhaps not too late for you. Avoid - less you suffer the same fate. All this was before I'd encountered the Horde.
It is fun tho - in a never getting laid kinda way :)
