Swimming Pool Therapy

I stood at the edge looking down.
After a moment I knelt.
I reached in; the water warm and clear.
I hung over the edge; arm up to my elbow, I stirred the warm waters.
As the chlorine quietly rose from the surface, the memories of what seemed like a hundred summers past soared upward, destroying the funk, that to that point, had ruined my day.

It's all about flying kites

Warning: Dont watch the vid - you'll go blind.

But the music on the other hand is all you need to know about flying kites - and that's about all I gunna say about that.




Big blue skies and an open field
My right hand on the steering wheel
Two young lovers runnin' wild
We bought string and a brand new kite
We couldn't wait to watch it fly
But it flew too high, it flew too high

Here comes the wind let your string unwind
Run as fast as you can in your mind
Back to a place that you never forgot
Before everything was lost
I don't remember when we ran out of rope
When we did we lost all hope
And we just stood there cryin'
That what's we learned about flyin'

So I took your hand and you took mine
And we waltzed togheter in time
But looking back I guess I didn't know
That I was in love and you were letting go
It's funny how your mind plays tricks on you
Seemed like the higher and higher we flew
You took off and I was made of stone
I was made of stone

Here comes the wind let your string unwind
Run as fast as you can in your mind
Back to a place that you never forgot
Before everything was lost
I don't remember when we ran out of rope
When we did we lost all hope
And we just stood there cryin'
That what's we learned about flyin'

Here comes the wind let your string unwind
Run as fast as you can in your mind
Back to a place that you never forgot
Before everything was lost
I don't remember when we ran out of rope
When we did we lost all hope
And we just stood there cryin'
That what's we learned about flyin'

What the hell were we thinking?

Ahhh the 80's



It was fun while it lasted tho - right?

My own private Idaho

I have an accord at home.

This may a scary statement to make, especially for those of you who know I live alone, but I have an accord never the less.
Well; actually i had an accord: now, not so much.

The opening act of aggression started yesterday while I was driving home on the North-Western motorway; a daddy-long leg spider swung from my sun visor causing me to swerve ever so slightly in my lane.

Understand this:I hate fucking spiders.

In recent years, however, I've grudgingly accepted they do a lot of good around the house, so as long as they leave me alone and don't invade my personal exclusion zones I'm pretty OK with the status-quo.

After my return from three weeks in Dunedin, any onlooker from afar would have been shocked to see me madly run from one side of the house to the other; raised broom in hand, swearing vehemently and loudly.

People: there is nothing as icky as walking into a simple strand of web in the dark.

During my three weeks away a couple of spiders had taken squatter rights above my shower, near the roof. After two days they didn't take the hint and leave so I ushered those two particular arachnids to the afterlife, only to find others return in their place.
Still, all this aside, I cleaned my space of webs, and awaited their response.

I contemplated the coexistence of man and spider over the next couple of days. I pondered our unspoken agreement, specifically around my personal space. I reasoned that they didn't pay rent and made a bloody mess about the place; but still, I hesitated.

But when that prick of a spider flung itself into the field of my peripheral vision, on its suicide mission toward my genital region, all thoughts of a peaceful outcome were moot.

Upon returning home, I nuked the fuckers!

As I see it

Right



Wrong

Forgetting

I keep forgetting;
How bad music videos were in the 80's
How great the bass track is for this song
How ridiculous dating was when I was younger
How pathetic it still is now
How complex mainstream music was once
How bad most mainstream music is today
How i felt when it never worked out
How i ended up making the same mistake more than once.

How ironic that this song reminds me of so many of the above.

One thing I'll always wonder though - How do men with beards EVER get laid?
It cant be personality - right?

Preemptive Strike

Disclaimer: I DID NOT read DeadlyJelly's post before writing this.

I am now disturbed at the similar nature of the two articles - however I take solace in the fact mine is better due to hers; she having fewer references to meaty goodness. :p

Anyway onwards McDuff.....

My Generating Excellence tutor once told our group a story.

It seems in the days of old, bushmen used to sit under a shady tree to eat the spoils of their latest hunt. Over the following days their bellies would swell with the meaty goodness before they would once again set off in search of new prey and sustenance.
During their hunt they would never stop to eat; their belly fat now gone, having supplied them with the necessary energy to hold them over until their next meal.

Question: Is it modern mans fault that there is now a McDonald's within easy driving distance of their last meal?
I THINK NOT.

Moving on...

While working off our belly fat is high on the list of things to get around to (Exhibit 1: the sales of Abflex machines), it is a sad fact that the modern man has now also become a victim of self image. Preening and fawning over moisturiser, clothes, and fashion, the line between the sexes blurs even further - and all because we're supposedly "worth it".

However; for what it's worth, there is an underbelly (heh) of resistance.
The last bastion will not bow to the machinations of the media.
I believe the last battlefield will be around restaurants without meat.

Take today for example - the lovely Deadly Jelly maneuvered me toward an unassuming orange building with "Organic's' written on the side. I must admit to some trepidation seeing the sign as we crossed the road, however her dulcet tones around the quality of the pizza therein were strong indeed. 1.

Upon arriving inside it came to pass that the hither to highly spoken pizza contained no meat products WHATSOEVER. While on the inside i recoiled in horror, outwardly I barely made a sound. This abomination was pizza only in the same way that the Pope was a cannibal !
The tribesmen, if they were alive today, would have surely wept for my condemned soul.

Given my rapidly diminishing options amongst the myriad of organic grains, and vegetable shakes, I steadied myself before choosing the manliest item on the menu - a Chocolate Brownie (albeit made of spelt flower). The day will soon be amongst us men...perhaps sooner than one thinks.

Organics - Glen Eden - Fellow tribesmen, you have been warned!

And she has the cheek to call Brad Pitt smug !

1. Truth be told there is only one object that will make the hunter gather man in us drool whilst eating pizza - that being the thought of MORE, and possibly VARIED pizza.

2. The company was most excellent however :)

3. My belly fat was in no way added to by the experience - in fact it is highly possible that in my raise state of awareness I burnt even more calories than normal.

Caro

I remember as clearly as if it was yesterday. I was driving a flat mate somewhere with Alanis's "You Learn" playing on my car's CD player.
When we got to where we were going, and I pulled to the curb and turned to say farewell, only to see two tracks of tears down her cheeks. Music can touch you, and take you places where others shouldn't intrude - I waited, but she never told me why, and I never asked.
I'm only saying this because I'm looking to be moved; not to those extremes mind you, just moved a little; to add a little colour in what has been thus far, a grey week indeed.

It's just that I live for the colour - it makes life worth living I guess. For better or for worse I believe we need to move though this life; to mix it up.

Some may blend vicariously, but I'd settle for a single drop of red and a little agitation to get the process underway - I've always been a bit of a slow starter.

Like today. Today I lay on the couch, and as the wind blew in and out, I dreamed as this music lifted me high on the summer breeze. No tracks of tears, but one small step for man-kind one hopes.

Run

Sometimes a cigar isn't always a cigar. Heard this at Matts a week or so back - it's really growing on me.

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Pony - Kasey Chambers

I'm off the opinion that there's not enough yodeling in music these days....



OK - I can't really back that up :)

If you happen to be interested in the history of New Zealand Yodeling, you couldn't go any further than the Topp Twins.

Sleeping and my Head

Another type of nightmare entirely

The first two nights back have been interesting to say the least.

On the first I dreamt I had entered into an arranged marriage.
I tried my hardest to be happy; after all she was a lovely girl, but at the end of the day I just had to admit my heart belonged to someone else - and no one else would do. But she was my wife, and she loved me, so in my dream I remained regardless.

In the morning I awoke with such a feeling of dread, it took almost all my energy to pull back the covers. Less than ten seconds later, when I realised it was all a dream I was so bloody happy...

Last night however, a different dream was delivered. This time I dreamt I was with a girl I really cared about. It felt right in so many ways, and when I awoke it felt like the weight of the previous "dream" had been lifted from my shoulders; it took almost no energy to pull back the covers. Ten seconds seconds later .... well you get the idea.

The funny thing about all this is that my mind has a way of getting the important messages to me, even when I don't seem to listen. In this instance I think what my dreams are telling me, is to be true to myself, and not to accept something I know wont make me happy.

So; more of the single life for me I guess - and believe it or not I'm pretty happy with that decision, given the current climate.

Sorry Mum and Shars - I can hear your sighs from here :)

2009: Year of Happenstance

So - I am back in Auckland.
Now I'm here I cant help wonder what gems 2009 has in store for me here?

While some people harp on ad-nausium about making your luck (i.e. yours truly), it's also worth pointing out that luck can happen through other peoples action as well.

Not that I'm asking what you are going to do to make my 2009 memorable...

...but what are you going to do?

It's OK if it's a secret - I absolutely love secrets.

Haven't thought of anything yet huh . . . . . :)

Dont mention the War.

I loved you in Wall Street!

I think now, looking back, we did not fight our choices; we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. This holiday is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Dunedin will be, fighting with Auckland for what some may call the "possession of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two cities. But be that as it may, those of us who have had to move on have an obligation to build again. To learn from our previous experiences, and to try with what's left of our days to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.[1]

:)

It's been a great break, and more than a part of me would love to stay. Sunday, I head to my other life in Auckland, and by doing so, become the other half of myself.
John commented to me just yesterday that he never seen someone who lived so far away fit so well back into his Dunedin life. The truth is, my path has always been made all the easier by the lovely people I surround myself with. Such is life.


[1] Platoon - well mostly :)

A classic love song

I will come for you at night time
I will raise you from your sleep
I will kiss you in four places
I'll go running along your street
I will squeeze the life out of you
You will make me laugh and make me cry
We will never forget it
You will make me call your name and I'll shout it to the blue summer sky

We may never meet again
So shed your skin and lets get started
And you will throw your arms around me

I dreamed of you at night time
And I watched you in your sleep
I met you in high places
I touched your head and touched your feet
So if you dissapear out of view
You know, I will never say goodbye
Though I try to forget it
You will make me call your name and I'll shout it to the blue summer sky

We may never meet again
So shed your skin and lets get started
And you will throw your arms around me

What I really meant to say was ....

California's comments the other day, were oddly timed.

A couple of days ago I got a text from a friend asking if my post was directly related to her - in this case her concerns were unfounded, but I was still perturbed that something I wrote could have potentially upset someone I know personally.

The problem with writing about your life, is that eventually you run the risk of upsetting someone. This blog was initially a way of venting my frustration, keeping in touch with friends, and trying to learn how to write - now I wish I'd never told anyone about it.

Why?

Because, my friends, it limits what I write, and perhaps more importantly HOW I write.
There are things that I would love to share in the comfort of not only my anonymity, but the subjects as well. Given the current state of this blog it would be moot, and more than a little crass to do anything else. Simply put: I'm not wired that way.

All this is leading nowhere fast - but I just wanted to say how much I admire those who courageously open themselves to the blogsphere, and share more intimately than I would ever dare.
They are the true pioneers, and history will learn more from their writing (and their lives) than from anything I scribble here.

Yep, you heard it here last, but regardless; Jay simply rocks.

Nope - no sin here

It seems to me so many people hold on to grudges just for the sake of doing so. Events that may have happened many years before seem to be reborn; as if to justify some sort of moral stand, even when a conversation centers around something else entirely.
I wonder in these specific cases if it isn't all a "look at me... looook at meeee" type of thing. A somebody done somebody wrong song.

Boy is THAT's a tune that never goes out of style. [1]

Although my generosity doesn't extend in any way to serious crime, I'm happy to consider we all have our moments where we could have done things differently. Forgiveness is underrated, and in cases where we have no direct relationships to the issues at hand it's all so easy to take a side, when in actuality we have no right to judge at all.

Judge not, lest you be judged, or so it's said. It's just that I'm not sure I could stand up to a cosmic security check.

How about you?

[1] This isn't about Team Aniston btw.

Clarity '09

In what could be considered a rare moment of clarity, I've been thinking how nice it must be to truly except the things we cannot change, and spend our precious emotional energy on things we can.
All that energy wasted for no reason, but for the biggest reason of all.