Sunday, January 25, 2009

My own private Idaho

I have an accord at home.

This may a scary statement to make, especially for those of you who know I live alone, but I have an accord never the less.
Well; actually i had an accord: now, not so much.

The opening act of aggression started yesterday while I was driving home on the North-Western motorway; a daddy-long leg spider swung from my sun visor causing me to swerve ever so slightly in my lane.

Understand this:I hate fucking spiders.

In recent years, however, I've grudgingly accepted they do a lot of good around the house, so as long as they leave me alone and don't invade my personal exclusion zones I'm pretty OK with the status-quo.

After my return from three weeks in Dunedin, any onlooker from afar would have been shocked to see me madly run from one side of the house to the other; raised broom in hand, swearing vehemently and loudly.

People: there is nothing as icky as walking into a simple strand of web in the dark.

During my three weeks away a couple of spiders had taken squatter rights above my shower, near the roof. After two days they didn't take the hint and leave so I ushered those two particular arachnids to the afterlife, only to find others return in their place.
Still, all this aside, I cleaned my space of webs, and awaited their response.

I contemplated the coexistence of man and spider over the next couple of days. I pondered our unspoken agreement, specifically around my personal space. I reasoned that they didn't pay rent and made a bloody mess about the place; but still, I hesitated.

But when that prick of a spider flung itself into the field of my peripheral vision, on its suicide mission toward my genital region, all thoughts of a peaceful outcome were moot.

Upon returning home, I nuked the fuckers!

4 comments:

Deadlyjelly said...

Mark, I hope I never get on the wrong side of you. You one bad motha

Mark J said...

So true :( - But on the positive side YOU SO KNOW I'd throw myself into the fray protecting you, should a spider ever threaten.

Unless it was a particularly big (or hairy) one - obviously.

Deadlyjelly said...

Honey, perhaps it's best if I protect you from spiders. If you want to show your regard, you can save me from ponies. They scare me

Mark J said...

Ponies eh...

The mind boggles....