Portishead on my Mind

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here.

The thing about depression is, that it happens to all of us at certain times of our lives.

Be it the death of someone close of us, the coming of winter, or a passing illness, depression can grab a hold of you, and submit you to what seems like a 12 round bout in the ring with a heavyweight boxer.

I've been fortunate not to suffer from clinical depression, however, I have at times, seen a glimpse of what a personal hell that must be.

Last week I was lapping up the sun in Dunedin, enjoying the company of my friends and family. On the last night in Dunedin I got a nasty Novavirus - specifically at 4.00am. This meant the time I had set aside on my last day in Dunedin was spent in bed wanting to die. The fact I had to spend 3 hours in an airplane at 5pm was hanging over me was a major source of concern, as I struggled to keep fluids down and my pants up. It wasn't fun I can tell you.

The flight home was uneventful thanks to the drugs my mum managed to get me to keep down, and almost a week later I am starting to feel myself again.

The problem for me has always been perspective:
Weighing up the two weeks in Dunedin feeling good, against the return to Auckland feeling decidedly ill.
Seeing the sun disappear so soon in the day and the onset of SAD's.
Being on Holiday, being back at work.
Being around so many good friends versus fitting back into my normal Auckland life with a smaller yet equally important support group.
My latest findsomeone match is 4 years older than me with 2 kids who doesn't want anymore kids (I do) but is willing to adopt a child from overseas (Ala Bradgelina).

It wasn't an easy transition.

The solution for my bouts of "depression" is always the knowledge that "in three days I'll be fine". This is always the case with me, and for that I'm grateful, but with the remnants of my Novavirus, and an unexpected relapse it stretched to six days- and that, my friends, scared the absolute crap out of me.(If you'll forgive the pun)