5 Star Haiku

Ramsay stunned slience

Top Chef, Rachel Ray routed

Shaw cooks up a Storm

One sentence

I've just added a link to a site called "One Sentence".

God - I'm so in love with the idea of all the possible combinations and permutations of words making just one sentence...

like ;

Eva
My boyfriend thinks it's cool that I check women out with him, but what he doesn't know is that I am more gay than he can imagine.

or

Jennifer
My childhood and my dog share a grave in my backyard.

Brilliant

Damien Rice - Cannonball

The new office makes my eyes dry. The air conditioner rumbles somewhere in the background, but when I put on my noise canceling headphones, there's a deafening silence. It's almost a sin to press play on my iPod....

Speaking of music, lately I've been loving Damien Rice's "O" album - it's like it's mixed for headphones; it's the most unnerving experience having someone in your head like that, but ultimately rewarding at the same time.

0101010101101101

0100100100100000011101110111001001101111011101000110010100100000
0110000100100000011011100110111101110100011001010010000001110100
0110111100100000011101000110111100100000011101000110100001100101
0010000001110111011011110111001001101100011001000010000001101001
0110111000100000011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001
0010000001110011011000010111100101101001011011100110011100100000
0100100100100000011101000110100001101111011101010110011101101000
0111010000100000010010010010000001101100011011110111011001100101
0110010000100000011010000110010101110010001011100010000001010011
0110100001100101011000000110010000100000011011100110010101110110
0110010101110010001000000110011101100101011101000010000001101001
0111010000101110

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

The Ted'ness of it all

There's a newness in the air.
Newness; is there such a word?
New manager.
New office, new job, new title.
New desk repels the ever potential terrorist threat with its strategic placement.
(the others simply wont know what hit them).
New locker - Number 1; suspiciously expectant of them - i giggle a little when no one listens.
New team, new workmates.
New walk to work; I leave the car and walk the last 15.
Minutes not miles - silly.
All this newness, yet still the same old me.
I hope they win.
I feel like losing this battle, maybe even the war.
Guerrilla in their midst.

Horseless clothing

I remember, many years ago, when a friend and I were looking at a movie poster of Sarah Jessica Parker.
SJP, to this day, has an uncanny ability to look different in almost every shot. In this particular photograph (you have to trust me) she looked amazing in side a profile, dressed in an over-sized wo0llen jumper with torn blue jeans. My friend then made a comment that shocked me to the core - he said "She's hot - pity about the ripped jeans tho eh".

Shocking, because to me, the torn jeans made the shot; made it real in some way.

Although I can scrub up well when the occasion demands, those who know me, know I care little for expensive taste in clothes. I've never been comfortable with collars; I'm a jeans, sneakers, and t-shirt kinda guy. I'm wondering, after all these years, if I've been hiding something.

This all came about after I read yesterday that Tim Gunn (who's taste in clothes I actually admire) recently released a tirade against a number of celebrities, saying they hide behind their choices in clothes. Jennifer Aniston in particular, being exposed as "desperate" by Gunn. *1

What a sad state of affairs - we are now not only judged by our looks, pay packet, and occupation. We have our clothes to be judged by as well. This actually explains a lot :)
An awful lot....

I will never be mistaken for something I'm not.
I may never be seen as someone with style.

Just shoot me - I love the natural beauty that comes from not being judged. To been seen complete. To me, sexy is a girl in a white t-shirt, demin jeans and sneakers, laughing and smiling over a cup of coffee. It's not too late ; if you run now, you wont catch my disease.

Run Forest Run. Before it's too late.....


*1 TEAM JOLIE!!!

Absence

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Reinventing the Wheel

John Mayer may not be Stevie Ray Vaughn, but he's bringing blues to an entirely new audience.
This clip shows Mayer playing "Empty Arms" with Stevie's old band "Double Trouble". Although John lacks the intensity of Stevie's style, the guy has an amazing talent.



When I watch stuff like this I wonder why I ever pick up the guitar at all - then I remember the sheer creative joy playing an instrument can bring, happily accepting what talent I can muster.

Goats Rock

It seems bewildering sometimes.
How I hold on to the old truths like they were gospel.
Along with the rest, I often struggle with the ones like;
Good things come to those who wait, or
The meek will inherit the earth.

Obviously it's all a load of old tripe - AS IF leading a good patient life will reward you in some magical way; and it's not like the meek need reined in anyway.

I mean if all these sayings were true, only worthy people would win the lottery. So it turns out all these years, it turns out I'm simply unworthy. If I was just a little bit nicer - if I just learned that elusive lesson life is trying to teach me before paying out in style.


Sure, maybe it's just an odds game after all.
Do I really believe in luck, or is it her more cynical cousin probability? Perhaps winning is for people who simply buy more tickets or sacrifice chickens under a full moon [1] .

Face it; these truths were put on this planet to hold us like sheep surrounded by electric fences; get too close to the edges of your polite boundaries, and you'll pay with some metaphoric shock to the system.

Goats on the other hand, are always looking to escape - they don't think the grass is greener, they KNOW it is. They constantly test the electric fence; and if it's ever left off, they're gone.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the sheep the electric fences are always on.

Or something like that.

[1] although more than two if last weeks results are anything to go by :)

Work Dreams

So; I'm involved in a aftermath of a disaster. Although getting everything operational again might require some serious thinking, I'm pretty confident I can rig something together to get it all working.

My contractors have (once again) made a complete hash of everything, so sure, it's going to take some serious work to undo their efforts first. The more I work on the problem - the simpler the solution becomes; I start to ask myself leading questions.

I wake in a tangle of blankets and swear words. For a micro second I realize it's been all a horrible dream. My anxiety ebbs until I suddenly comprehend that in reality, the situation is probably much worse.

Spending a Saturday morning curled up in the fetal position in ones bed is not the start to the day that one might have wished for. I will buy two Lotto tickets today; maybe three.

Monday will come soon enough; wanted or not.

Angry Friday

No idea why - just is...

Pavlov's Phone

This isn't exactly an unhappy post.
It's almost about a lack of control.
And pointing out that no matter how much we try
We can never get away
From one on thing we always take on holidays;
Ourselves.

Something I've finally managed to do over the last two weeks, is to bump calls from work.
Yeah - I'll admit it, In the past I've been guilty of getting involved in some serious work shit while on leave: No longer. I have downloaded the upgrades - I am MarkJ v2.02beta1. [1]

One of the down sides to working for a major corporate, is that no one misses you when you're gone - because they simply assume you're still there: I am so not there today.

It didn't start out that easily.
Initially, incoming calls were afforded a Pavlovian wrenching avoidance. I will not answer.
Let...it...go....to...voice mail....

A few days later I would politely (immediately) bump the call - so as to perpetuate the myth that my phone was off whilst on leave. No hurt- no foul.

A mere two weeks later I have resorted to bumping after a couple of rings - to let "them" know they have well and truly been bumped; Do not pass GO - Do not collect $200. I'm on fucking leave. What do you not understand about that?

Obviously I could turn off my phone.
Obviously.

But that would be admitting to some sort of defeat. Plus my morbid fascination around who would call next/or attempt to call me AGAIN seemed to get the better of me as the week wore on. Come Monday I will again be forced to answer, but for the next few days I will have utter power of dominion - to bump or not to bump?

[cue maniacal laughter].

Except for you - I would never bump you.
If you don't believe me, just call.
If it rings twice before transferring to voice mall - I'm just fucking with you.
Honest :)

Just call me back.

I dare you :)



[1] results not typical

If someone finds me Dead

Blame this person

Especially after this post. :)
Although the photo is from 1979, the sulky "smile" can still be seen today, although probably never here.

Got a feeling payback is going to hurt :)

[Update - posted a lower res version of the pic - as was the custom of the day]

The smallest things

Sometimes it can be hard to find your place in this world.
Some days it feels that you simply don't belong at all.
Occasionally you get pulled along in the jobs that you do; so at the end of that day, your life has simply become a list of things to accomplish.
Another day, you can be sitting with friends, and for some unknown reason, one of them will rest their head on your shoulder. And as you move your head to touch theirs you instinctively realize how rare these moments can be; and how much we can still appreciate being loved for who we are.

Then comes the realization that that intimacy never happens as often as you'd like.
But you were expecting me to say that - right?

No cadavers

Its the same thing night on night
Whos wrong baby whos right
Another fight and I slam the door on
Another battle in our dirty little war
When I look at myself I dont see
The man I wanted to be
Somewhere along the line I slipped off track
Im caught movin one step up and two steps back

Connections

To the connections made, lost, and hopefully reestablished throughout the years.



I really have to see Springsteen one day...

Keep it under your hat

Freezing in my sleeping bag, I had my iPod on shuffle when I came across this song.



I hate the idea that this song resonates with me so much. It cant be just me - right?

Damn you Dixie Chicks - stop reading my mind :)

Tell me now if you came sneaking up behind
Would you know me and see behind the smile
I can change like colors on a wall
Hoping no one else will find what lies beneath it all
I think I hide it all so well

The Majesty

The seasons abound.

Beer - Breakfast of Champions

The morning brought with it the promise of another excellent day at Coronet Peak, and for the most part it delivered. But what the day also couriered in late afternoon, was one excellent snowstorm. Around 3:15 I headed up the Coronet Peak chairlift with IG and Matt. The snow and ice was driving horizontally across our faces; Ian had his face covered by a balaclava, but Matt and I held our heads in and our hands while the wind did its best to apply its own unique facial scrub.

What was to be my last run of the day was almost what you'd call a whiteout. You couldn't see the terrain changes - before you knew it you'd be right on top of a mogul, or off piste. Half way down the M1 trail I came across a medical party putting some girls right leg in a splint.
Right there and then I decided that it was a good time to stop for the day: IG and Matt went up again. The story of that lift ride was one of even more discomfort; frankly I thought they were both nuts.

Around 4pm we decided to pack up and head down the hill; by this stage the snow was falling heavily and we were beginning to wonder if we shouldn't have left earlier. We decided against chains; although it looked marginal we knew that the snow would probably peter out before we traveled too far down the mountain: we were sorely mistaken; it was still snowing heavily at the bottom, and on through to Queenstown.

View from the top carpark, down the mountain

We were about to experience something magical; snow to lake level.

Snow at the Shotover Bridge.

The downside of this majestic event, was our inability to get to our rented accommodation - we were well and truly snowed in. Parking the Merc in a near by camping ground we tramped through the snow to our house: you guessed it - the power was out.

Basecamp - the Merc abandoned, our house in the distant mist

So complete with wet shoes and socks, we did the only thing we could; we trudged off to the nearest pub for a beer and a steak.

Turns out the day knew what it was up to all along.

The Art of Doing Nothing

We sat about this morning deciding what to do with our day.

"We could go skiing", said IG.
"What about Quad biking?" , I ventured.
"We could always do nothing", Matt responded.

We stood dumbfounded - what a profoundly brilliant idea!
So today was all about doing nothing.

You may think that this would be an easy thing to do once on holiday - but in the past we've always been sidetracked by those who feel we should always be doing something worthwhile.
Not today - Fuck no.
Those influences have been well and truly expunged. We asserted our manhood by doing absolutely nothing, and it was grand!

I wonder if what our modern (read sick) society needs, is simply more days of doing nothing. I think we could be on to something here. :)
If we could just get those who would have us do more, do less, we all might be better off.

Who am I fooling - they'd never let it happen.

Another day at the Office

Turns out I sucked at skiing today.
Gone, it seems, the zen skier of two years past; but when the office looks like this, you cant really complain too much about minor stuff - like not being able to move off the couch this evening.


The pain... the pain...