Saturday, December 26, 2009

2009 - the year that "almost" was.

God - I miss my carbs :(

I've been reflecting on the wins and losses in 2009, and by doing so I've noticed an ironic pattern emerging.
It seems that in most areas of gain, their have also been losses.

Earlier in the year, paths crossed through unfortunate circumstances; someone I care for dearly lost someone close to them, and I was in the right place to help. We had a perfect day in the eye of that storm, and now our lives drift apart once again - to what end remains to be seen, perhaps yet unwritten. I am nothing but an optimist at times, although even my delusions have limits.

My work year has been the most successful yet - these twelve months I am not only a hero, but a legend as well (their words - not mine). Still though this all I am loving my job less and less: my passion abating. My job was my justification of my life as it was lived- now I need more, and I'm not getting what I need there.

On a more positive note I can now mention that I have lost thirteen kilograms (or about 29 pounds) in the last 8 weeks. I guess eventually the guy looking back at me in the mirror wasn't me anymore.
Change the things you can I said to myself - and i did.
By my reckoning I only have 4 to 5 kilograms remaining until my target weight is obtained (at 5' 8" I'm thinking 77kg).
I've come to realize how damn stubborn I can be about some things. Through all of this I have been uber-unbending. On an all expenses paid reward trip to Australia, with all the food and drink I could have wanted, I have stayed true to myself and steadily worked on my goal, unchanged in my resolve.
At the end of it all the HR director came up to me and said "Hi Mark - still have the weight of the world on your shoulders I see". Not understanding why I abstained from so many excesses around me, I eventually told him the secret I was keeping from everyone, including those closest to me.

When I arrived home for Christmas, people were surprised at my lesser self, although it's funny that many asked if i was ill - deep down i suspect they may have a point. :)

So - what do it want for 2010?

What I'm wishing for in 2010 is clarity. A clarity of vision, and direction - not just for me, but for the people who's lives touch mine as they pass. I'm sick of life's ambiguity and irreverence, and dammit - I want answers!

You never know - given my recent track record I may even be stubborn enough to get them.

Take care all - 2010 may be in for a bumpy ride !


Jacie said...

you're already making me feel lazy - I 'tuned in' to your channel earlier this morning (having not made time to do so for a while) and had decided to write you a 'Happy Christmas and New Year' type thing on your '80's salad' post and then I come back a couple of hours later and you've already written a new one whilst I haven't even managed a comment let alone an actual posting! Anyhow wishing you lots of love and hope you allow all good things to come to you in 2010 - and well done on staying true to yourself

Mark J said...

The muse is a funny thing Jacie - some days it takes me nowhere, the next....

Thanks for your regular comments girl. They make my day. I hope 2010 brings you all you wish for and more.

Still, with all that in mind I honesty believe that good things just don't happen to us by wishing and hoping - we make them happen through our actions and interactions with others. Or at least that's what I'm betting on. :)

Cian said...

Well I wish you clarity during the year. I too hope for further clarity among other stuff - but I should not be greedy. Life is a journey and we should enjoy the journey. We may not know where the destination is and even it we do it may not be all that we wish for when we get there.

So do not settle for a destination which does not meet your needs. Keep on going. We'll find our place eventually.

Right now your blog/postings is part of my journey. Sometimes it makes it laugh, sometimes it makes me poignant and sad. But above all it makes me think and thinking keeps the mind alive.

Wishing you the best in 2010 and beyond...

Jay said...

I have a good feeling about 2010. :)

Mark J said...

Amen to that ! :)