Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I'm fine. Just angry.

If I were to try and consolidate my thoughts of late, I'm sure I'd go mad during the process. I'm sure I wouldn't keep cutting off my nose to spite my face, if i didn't studiously keep gluing it back on afterward. The same traps I allow myself to fall into, are severely starting to get me down. It's like I'm suffering some sort of mental malady that ensures I follow the same tortured path time and time again - in hope that an outcome will be different. So when it isn't, and I'm just the littlest bit surprised, I just wonder how many more times i have to learn this lesson.

Anger at my inability to move on, I cant help but wonder if this is as good as it gets - and that any attempt to do it differently will create an ever more intricate path to yet again the same outcome. I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this.

The problem is, I know who I am - and I know I'm not ill. In the cold light of reality it's my heart that's causing the grief - and not my head. And there in lies the kicker.

Anyone for the tropics? I really need a holiday.


ig said...

Don't worry Mark, it's your own version of Groundhog Day. Remember how many times it took Bill Murry to get it right.

Mark J said...

Yeah - but Bill Murray didnt age during the "learning process".
On the down side he did end up with Andie McDowell - can't say I'm fond of that actor. :)

Thanks for your support tho IG - I had an interesting chat with Di last night, and she's given me something to work on.