But I'm still young on the inside!

I'm constantly having to remind myself I've grown up.

Today I had to wear formal attire to work for a high profile meeting. I looked about the room and felt so out of place; at least until I realised that so many people were looking to me for some answers.

I cant say too much yet, but huge things are afoot - at least a half a billion of them. All this while the tall poppy eradicator ambles ever so purposely in my direction.

We Kiwi's are our own worst nightmares - we need to accept it's OK to step up, and take charge when we need to - it's doesn't always mean we're full of ourselves....

Affirmations don't always do the trick 'tho - that inner monologue takes a lot of sating...

The Waiting

Pearl Jam's been slipping in under the radar of late. It might be the reissue of Ten, but Jeremy and Even Flow have been on my mind a lot lately.

Thoughts arrive like butterflies......indeed..

I was searching for a good version of The Waiting. I was looking for the Live Aid version - the version that started me on that whole Tom Petty phase - then I found this...

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

New drug blues

Our office email is down; actually for two days now...

Except mine - mine works. Fate's fickle finger allows some of us at work to communicate - knowing who you can communicate with however, is a question best not pondered.

In the meantime I send emails with some trepidation. I must admit a certain thrill - living in a world where your thoughts and instructions may never meet their destination. Like some Pony Express rider being taken out by a bullet as he rides between stops, I wonder; will the mail get through?

That aside, the worst thing is the lack of incoming mail. I've never been so bored, so lacking in the daily distraction: I've been so focused it's killing me.
Tasks that would have spanned days can now be addressed in hours. Uninterrupted I am slowly going mad - it's like working on a construction line that has no end....

When I walked out of the office on my way to lunch, I started humming that old crappy song "I Wanna New drug" by Huey Lewis and the News. Hours later I realized I should really think about taking up nicotine patches.

I've never been a smoker. I hate the thought of drawing smoke into my insanely pink lungs, but nicotine patches - well they cant be carcinogenic - right?
Those smokers - they walk away from their desks all the time - sometimes in pairs even! They get to go outside - they chat and laugh. They really know how to live this "work life".

So tomorrow maybe me and some of the guys will go on the patches. Don't worry, the irony hasn't escaped me entirely; work hands them out to the smokers for free :)

Left field music

Try to ignore the hair - yeah, I know - it's kinda hard.



I love watching the dynamics between the couples, wondering what the back stories are.
Some appear pretty damn hostile :)

And as for this next clip; well, as Joss Weedon once wrote "You cant take the book of my life and just jump into the middle".

A better ending

The letter I was writing a couple of posts back was nearing completion when a text arrived.
The message I couldn't see myself delivering as an email, was better explained in person; engineered by fate, tinged with a little sadness.
The positive thing; this meeting with destiny, regardless of outcome, was the best way to end a chapter in the book of our lives.

Sorry to be so cryptic, but I cant be more specific without permission :)

This just in...

Esplanade: St Clair, Dunedin

1) There is a God - nothing specific as of yet, except to say that he (or she) has a developed sense of the ironic and a good handle on fate.

2) I have found that a fresh sea breeze is as invigorating as a pair of heated gym shoes. I am now looking for the ever elusive "third thing" to complete the trifecta.

3) I should give up on photographing landscapes - I am seriously shit at them; probably because they almost always leave me cold..

More on this as it comes to hand......

A two quarter life crisis

I've been writing a note in my head most days since.
I'm trying to get it down right; it's not something you can re-do when (or if) it goes wrong.
I often have revelations when I wake in the early hours; the sound of my humidifier dripping water in its tray lifting my consciousness. Still, you're reluctant to write anything down: a fear of the nonsensical and saccharine meeting the cold light of day and its reality.

When Meg Ryan romantic comedies no longer cut the mustard you wonder if ;
a) the last vestige of romanticism left has evaporated from your psyche,
b) you've just grown up somewhat or
c) you're just too old for this shit.

Regardless, it will be written, and it will be done.

The most important things to leave; no doubt, two clear possible outcomes, and pleasant memories for the salad days.

P.S. Everything is fine :)

When bad grammar and nudity collide

I find it odd that even though I probably have a slightly more appealing torso, I cant bring myself to display it in the company of my friends at a pool party, let alone 20,000 people at a Rugby League game....like this striking gent.


I guess in this dog eat dog world of "you either got it or you don't"...

I simply don't (got it).

A lighter interlude

Even though summer has almost left us, the days are mild and the sun still warms my shoulders on my way to lunch. It's days like these I'm reminded it's OK to like a sunny song that puts a spring in your step, even if they have a "best by date".