Saturday, November 22, 2008

Running to standing still

You know wall, every now and again, a title in your DVD collection will come back to haunt you.

Last night I was struggling with a choice of DVD - it was Friday night and the thought of something loud, abrasive, or confrontational didn't sit well with me, after a week that I'd rather be rid of.
After staring at my collection for over five minutes I realized in my current state of mind it was entirely possible that my once cherished romantic comedy section would never see the light of day again. That, and I was seriously lacking a genre somewhere in that mass of 500 DVD's. I'll have to get DeadlyJelly to have a look and check.

So, with a complete lack of enthusiasm and the whimsy dial turned right up to eleven, I chose Shirley Valentine.

When I watched this film well over ten years ago, I realized a wake up call in the films message, and even though the finger might have been pointed at another demographic entirely, that message was still relevant. All these years later I'm not sure the message really took hold.
I must be the most stubborn person I know. Where other people seem able to change mid-stream; I don't: I point blank refuse to.

That's not to say my life situation hasn't changed with my six years in Auckland. In many respects I am a different person - but I haven't changed direction at all - I've just for fulled a little more of my potential. Hopefully there's a little more blood left in that stone.

Running to standing still is a concept that bothers me - regardless of how many hours we work, how much hair and sleep we lose - how fast we run, how far do we actually move? I cant help but think that regardless of my achievements, I'm effectively running like a mad idiot in the same spot, and have been for some time.

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I dont know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Looking into their eyes I see them running too [1]

The weird thing is, I could have sworn there was momentum all around me, and any minute now I'd get swept up in it and dragged away with the masses. Problem is, I'd probably cut off my nose to spite my face if I thought too much about it.

Damn you Shirley Valentine!

[1] Running on Empty - Jackson Browne


Kiwis in Eizer said...

Nothing a good dose of airport can't fix - or a funeral, but you can't just go out and get one of those every day can you? But you live in Auckland man. Just go out to the arrivals hall at AIA and do a spot of people watching. I find this helps realise what the most important thing in life is.

Mark J said...

Yep - I know what you mean.
I loved that first airport scene from "Love Actually". It set a feel good tone for the rest of the film. I guess because of that I could forgive the more "dodgier" parts of the film which were pure unadulterated bollox :)

Jacie said...

I've spent my life running Mark and effectively gotten nowhere but discovered this past year that nothing changes until you change the way you think. I'm still struggling with this and I'm still a million miles from where I want to be but I know that even though I'm physiclly in the same place I've been in for years the landscape in my head has changed dramatically.
'...when you change the way you look at things - the things you look at change' Wayne Dyer.
Oh and I agree with you about Love Actually!

Di Mackey said...

Brilliant writing!

I love Shirley ... I was the demographic so completely way back then and well, I wasn't stubborn, although a good and challenging life situation after divorce is motivating.

I expect great things when you're here, if not before although if you do great things before you come to my place then you might not come.

Hmmmm ...