Beautiful Girl

A haunting INXS song from the 90's.
I love how we can discover old things for the first time ever
And they become new again.

A true story

Once upon a time I was locked in a tin shed filled with fishing nets and corks. I was told that I was going to spend the rest of my life in that shed, and that I'd never see my parents again. It was hot and musty - the sun shone through dirty windows lighting up the dust in the air. I was terrified. When I asked what I was going to eat, I was told that I could eat the corks.

I think I was five or six years old.

I cant help but wonder who I would have been if that moment never elapsed.

I cant help but wonder what I would have to do to them in order to provoke a similar emotional response; especially now they must be in their mid 50's.

I honestly think that whatever that would be, I'd probably get some serious jail time. Especially as I think one is now a top cop, and the other a member of parliament.

So: two lessons.

One: You are what you absorb, and
Two: There is no such thing as Karma.

Although I'd like to be proven wrong on the second one.

Respect and Admiration

Respect and admiration aren't given away.
Respect is earned over time; can never be demanded or sought.
There is no clear cut way to either outcome; it can come from adversity or love.
It can come from anywhere and nowhere at the same time.

You cant just give it away on a whim: you have to be sure.
Like the love of your life, it's hard to give back when it's gone,
But through it all it shouldn't be retained for past deeds,
Because respect and admiration are both retained through consistency.

There are no awards, often there can be no words.
They are but silent reminders of the best we can be,
And who we might become, if we try.

Minutes to Memories

How much passion this life?
And how much magic?
And why, oh why, can I not find a DVD to watch?

I literally have hundreds; many I watch over and over.
In some way I want them to teach me something - something I haven't yet seen. Why else would I watch them so many times? Some days I wonder if these favourites aren't just the visual equivalent of warm socks on a cold winters day.

Today's choice showed, among other things, a man and his wife on a couch. How as she lent in close; how as she put her head on his shoulder, they just fitted like some small part of a cosmic jigsaw puzzle.

I see parts of that puzzle every day; how some things fit, and others never do. I see what looks like a three year old child; a child who cant understand why the shapes don't fit, but carries on regardless.
I see some parts dance around each other, getting set aside for another day, another dance. And through this all I also see this all as someone who might move the pieces, but never take part in it's final outcome.

And finally, as the movie finishes i hear;

The universe will expand
and it will collapse back on itself
and then it will expand again.

It will repeat this process forever

What you don't know is that when the universe expands again
Everything will be as it is now.
Whatever mistakes you make this time around
You will live through again on your next pass

Every mistake you make you will live through
Again and again
Forever.

So my advise to you is to get it right this time around
Because this time, is all you have.

And when I stop to think, I think this apt. Especially from the outside looking in.

Where I am today.

I've been struggling with the concept of friendships lately.
From those I've known since my school days, later through my early years at work, and onto those I'm yet to make, friends have become the foundation that I build myself upon.

Lately I've found I want to know more people who inspire, and help me grow.
Not that I'm desperate, but I can only hope they'll see something special in me as well.
And if that makes me try a little harder to be a better person, so be it.

So true.

"Hold it, wait. Cut the fucking bass, man. Folks, may i have your fucking attention please?"

-Niamh Shaw; About Time

Blue Day

I love this song.

Many people say a bands first album is their best. I wonder if it's because they put so much energy into what they're trying to say - never sure they'll get another chance. Although there's a certain purity in a first album, later on when a band becomes more comfortable with itself, a few gems remain. Sometimes a single song from a later album can eclipse a lifetime of previous works.

I'd like to think it's a metaphor for life as well - that every day is a chance to eclipse a monumental time in our past. Another chance to redefine ourselves - not for those who watch on from the outside, but for those lost dreams that wait from within.

Sifting through the thoughts that lead you on
Find the door that's open, now you're gone
We softly say to our-ourselves
If we could be anybody else