Constraints

I'm in the middle of a project I cant talk about yet, but within the project itself I've come to realise just how many constraints I put upon myself.

For years I've lived with self imposed boundaries and rules. Without hesitation I make the same decisions time after time, and I now understand that although all that is well and good, I may now not be able to break free of these ties that bind.

I guess I'd like to be a little more human, and make the odd social mistake that I wont necessarily regret....

Freshmen

I think it's good to learn from our personal history; perhaps ghosts that remain guide us as we go, but it's equally important to know we cant change what we did or how we felt.

The thing I like about the past is our inability to change it; conversely our future is equally exciting for the opposite reason - change is always an option :)

It's never to late to do what you truly desire, or so I'm hoping.

Yep yep yep yep

I eat well these days; I tend to cook rather than take out more often than not.
I don't drink as much as I did, and I know what cholesterol and GI are
I'm buying a house.

Tonight I turned on the TV, looked at the shows on offer, and turned it off.
I had to work later tonight, and because i was wasted after a hectic 8 hours at work, I slept for 2 hours instead.

All these decisions may on the surface seem innocuous, but if you dive below the detail you come to realise its just you're getting to old for this shit...

And that depresses the fuck out of me :)

Raindrops

I love this scene from Clerks 2.



Sometimes after a shitty day - doing something like this can really turn it around. This clip captures the emotions perfectly.

Kevin Smith was really on to something here. Better than in Butch Cassidy IMHO :)

WRONG!

For three weeks my internet has been running at about a 1/4 speed.

The first time they went to to the wrong address, closed the fault off, and said there was no problem.

The second time they said they found the problem - and did nothing about it for two weeks.

The third time my internet service provider sided with the subcontractors and said that the speed was as good as I could expect 5kilometers from the exchange. I tried to explain to them it was 4 times faster 3 weeks ago and my neighbours are all getting 5Meg downloads compared to my 1.4Megs!

I cant believe Vodafone's help-desk fuck-wit in Egypt just told me I was wrong.
I was (and am still) fucking livid.

In the meantime my internet is still woefully slow - all because Telecom/Visionstream cant employ staff that can fix a simple line problem - a problem they know exists, and told me about over a week ago.

Welcome to the new world - where techs are paid peanuts, and don't know or don't care about doing a good job because they don't get paid enough to care.

I am so angry I just want to take the lot of them down. I wonder what the head of Vodafone technology will say when I mention casually i had to move to Orcon because his wholesale subcontractors let me down...

I'll let you know.

Food for thought

Finally a philosophy I can buy into..

"Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you" - Rashi

Ship of Fools?

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin

I got call.

Another one of us was leaving.
"I'm driving a fork lift now", he said.

He sounded happy.

"I go to work at 8, I finish at five".
"I don't have to think about what I have to do tomorrow"
"I don't have to take my work home with me"
"I just drive a forklift now"

I often wonder if it would be enough;
I wonder if I'd get bored, and always want more.

By a strange twist I got voted a legend at last nights works dinner.
It's an honour given the company of those who have gone before...
Recognition from my peers - I was truly shocked

But through it all I couldn't help but remember that he sounded so happy -

And for him, so was I.

Windmills

I love the chord progressions within this song, and the ambiguity of the lyrics



An excellent slide into a blissful weekend. No work, no plans, just what will be :)

Missing the second bus.

I know my life is good.
I know I define myself too much by the work I do.
I know I get a lot of positive feedback from that part.

But

I know I'm lacking balance
I know I shouldn't think as much as I do
Especially about her.

I'm lucky that I'm free to do anything
But the truth is I do very little about that
I get too wound up in the moments
Then realize I miss my friends at the other end of NZ

I love that I can drop by there and feel welcome.
We can grab a beer or wine and watch a classic movie.
Leave conversations midstream for another shore
Bro-mance is a word I guess
I miss that here.

But today is a low day.
Two days from now I will look at this
pause, then maybe delete
wondering what i was thinking

But - not today.

Here they are catching the busses
Everyone is pregnant - or once removed
No one can play - even the husbands
Especially the husbands

And this is my second time around.

The bother with bathrooms

My parents have a story.
When I was a young lad, many years ago, it seemed I had a fascination with toilets. No sooner had I arrive in a new house, i would need to know where the bathroom was.
These days when I recall this information, I'd like to think it was because I always wanted to be prepared; that even as a five year old I didn't want to leave anything to chance. I'd like to think that.

Over thirty five years later, I may have to admit a deeper concern. I maybe a bathroom snob.

Today, I honestly have to say that the bathroom stall concept appalls me.
That line of stalls with the overriding concession to the cleaners, allowing them to easily mop the floors has eliminated any sense of privacy by removing the extension of the walls to the floor.

I don't know when it became ok, I wonder how this insidious design propagated, and why we sat by and created a new poop culture to cope.
See this page if you don't know what I mean.

It may be humor people - but I'm not laughing
I love my walls. I love my privacy.
And in so many ways there's a lot of that 5 year old still about.