Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Only happy when it rains
A name out of my past has come back to haunt me, and although it has been over two years since we spoke the feeling of loss is daunting.
Don't get me wrong, it's not a feeling of sadness or remorse - I was totally happy to remove the "5 foot something" pile of crazy from my life. It was for the best - really it was. I just regret I spent so much time and energy trying to help solve a problem that had no solution.
But like all those other disasters in my life, I learnt from it - and although it killed me a little to live through it - and killed me a lot more to let it go, I never ever regretted it.
Some may say I had no right to interfere to offer help, but it was a friend, and for a while I think it helped. In the end I just ran out of energy, I'm sure "a certain someone" blames me for my failure - of that I'm sure.
I'm just thankful that I learnt something from the whole thing, and although the name spoken or written still makes me feel physically sick, I realize in time my memories will blur enough to totally forget. But in order for that to happen I cant really stand to hear that name anymore.
Does that make me a shallow person?