This week.

Happiness.
Happiness is a word for a feeling.
Feelings are rarely understood in the moment
they are quickly forgotten,
and almost always misremembered.
- Shrink (2009).

It's fairly rare to get caught up in the emotions of someone you work with.
When that someone isn't a friend there is always the possibility that you will overstep some imaginary line - that by entering into the moment of emotion, you will be intruding into some place you are not welcome.

Silence makes it worse.

I will always remember the silence, the passive stare through everything; the utter acceptance of what was happening at that moment in time.
It was an incredibly powerful experience to behold; and in truth, I wasn't sure I was supposed to be there.

I rested my hand on her shoulder, and gave her the slightest squeeze.
I knew on some level what she must be going through.
I stood up and walked away; my part in this moment had passed.

In this life, there are moments you have to conquer alone.
Even when surrounded by those who love you.

Robert Downey Junior

It's nice to hear this one from a male perspective.



I'm working on a post - it's swimming in my head, slowly becoming coherent.

It might be rubbish - it's too hard to say right now.

So until then, we have this now.

Wind of Change

Peter Frampton was perhaps the first non-mainstream artist I listened to, way back in 1978.
I was 11 years old, and the sound was entirely foreign to me. I'm sure the sound pushed me toward the guitar, and as a result, another world entirely.

Sapphires aren't enough to buy me happiness
Diamonds don't demand me, they're just for looking
Love comes close to wrecking all you have to give
God knows, there's so much to give

I used to be embarrassed the first album I brought with my own money was the Beach Boys Greatest Hits - now, not so much.

Rain Man

When it starts to rain you can head for cover; cower
You can run like a madman; create a spectacle
You can drop your shoulders ; let if beat you down

or

You can carry on; as you were.
Accepting that - yes - it is rain, and you're going to get wet.
You can accept that these things happen, and rather than run away; blindly - jacket over you head, you can walk on serenely, as if the water isnt even there at all.

Maybe it's only there because we react to it.

If you accept this, and ignore the rain, you start noticing other things.
Like how people go to extraordinary lengths to stay dry, and how silly they look; clustered like sheep, peering out into the darkness like one touch of water will ruin them.

You leave them behind, as you march on unihibited.
You get where you're going - you're never as wet as you feared.
Home and dry, you find yourself strangely refreshed.

Life is about experiences; both good and bad.
Sometimes even bad experiences can be enlightening.
If you view them the right way.

Kissing a fool.

You will never know how you feel about someone till you kiss them.

As a much younger man in the late 1970's, I recollect the full frontal lip kisses of the day, the waxy taste of lipstick from so-called aunts and family friends many times removed.

I remember the many awkward first kisses.

Years later I recall the way I learned the "faire la bise", or french cheek kiss, from an Austrian girl in London.

Now I've come to realize, when it comes to the casual kiss, I may have become a complete unknown.

Which speaks volumes really.

I really have to turn the volume back one day.

She will have her way

There's genius here - I can sense it, yet it remains just out of my grasp.

She's the life I've been frightened of
Seems like deathly silence and especially the dark
Feels like I am heavy and my spirit has died
She will have her way
Somehow I will still believe her
She will have her way
One day I will come back

Live in the now dude!

On Monday, after work, I took Allison's advice, and got a neck massage.
The pain from my neck and jaw had got to the point where I'd try anything to get a decent nights sleep. God it was good.

Half way through the massage I couldn't help but wonder how long i had left. The pain had abated, and although I was enjoying the respite I was thinking about what would happen after the massage was over. As the massage drew to an end, that was all I could think of.

I am so angry - here I was in a moment of bliss, and yet I couldn't enjoy it fully because I couldn't stay in "the now".

If I could do anything over, it would involve an appreciation of the now, and equally, a extreme disinterest in the immediate future.

[Better posts when this is over - apologies - I'm all over the place]

Small Potatoes

Pain is a funny thing.

First is where it comes from, the answer today, my subconscious.
For some unknown reason I'm clenching my jaw again ; left side this time, as if that means something. I'm not stressed at the moment - but my sleeping mind obviously didnt get that particular memo.

Positive spin is; when i bit into my hash brown for breakfast this morning, the heat from it spread over my jaw like a hot water bottle on a cold winters night.

If I could have bottled that feeling and sold it, all the drug dealers in the world would have gone out of business overnight.

Deep down inside I just wanna push the good stuff people; turns out today it's basically a bit of a hot potato.

God - I wish it was always that easy, being me.

Not a love Story

I saw this quote, and was looking for images of love to accompany it.

Specifically looking for one that didn't evoke the gag reflex, I saw this screen grab from 500 Days of Summer. It looks to me like a shout out to Syd and Nancy, although I don't recall it in the film. I love the role reversal.

Today finds me under the weather - i went home at lunchtime, and slept all afternoon, but not before updating my facebook profile with the following post...

MarkJ found a lonely cow while harvesting his heroin poppies. Looks like steak for dinner kiddies!

I like sick me. :)



They do not love that do not show their love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar.
Love is a devil.
There is no evil angel but Love.

William Shakespeare

Linda Ronstadt - Willing

I cant explain the many different types of music that feed my soul. You listen, you feel, you grow.

Music isn't all consuming for me; although I play every day I can, and miss my guitar when I'm away from home. I think loving different styles of music can go a long way to accepting things the way they are - not trying to bend the world to your particular perspective.

Honestly, I believe we are in a mess as a species because too many powerful people put their petty wants and desires before common sense, and everybody else.

Acceptance of moderation in everything should be a "given".