No idea - at all

I'd like to think life was trying to teach me something in 2010; that living through another year would bring with it a better understanding of my place in this universe.

Life, perhaps, does not realise the challenge it has with me. I am a very slow learner.

Seeing past my own perceptions is a challenge I've yet to master; more recently I've had to accept that my understanding of my own personal universe is lacking. It's nice to have something to work on I guess.

I've recently seen the struggles made by youngsters finding their stride; their place in this world. I never thought that this process was continually ongoing - that we all must continue to find new meaning in what we do. Although life is a job for life, it can be hard to change pace, look where we run, and find out where the hell the race is taking us.
We can stumble, get lost in the maze of options; it is especially hard if we have too many options, or we see the obstacles in front of us too clearly. I'm beginning to think if we try too hard not to fall, we may miss the point of the race all together.

Frankly, some days I wish I never knew. I prefer so many other things to running. :)

Good hunting

To everyone who drops by to read my meandering stories, I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas. Take care of each other - after all, we're all we've got.

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
- Mother Teresa

Like me fuckers!

My universe is contracting.

Many of my Auckland friends have settled down with their families, or are playing house with their new partners. I don't get home to Dunedin nearly enough to stay that current with my friends down there, so over eight years what once were busy weekends have now become rather predictable and perhaps a little boring.

I know that it's up to me to make new friends, and to find new social circles to orbit, but thinking and doing can often be different things entirely. That said, I have met a number of lovely people this year.

From a single outsider looking into to another social circle, it can often be hard to break in. It's not enough to want it; they have to want it too.

It's kind of silly really. You want to build friendships; yet by making the extra effort you can look needy or overly aggressive. The rub is that if you don't try hard enough you never make an impression at all.

Some days you wonder why the hell you bother, and the next you're enjoying great company wondering what you did to deserve it.

Through it all I know that no matter how fine the line I dance; my choices are honest and there is no hidden agenda. What you see is what you get - and I guess that's all that really matters.

Dont drink and think

I hardly ever drink.
Drinking is something you should do with friends - somewhere you feel safe.

I hate bars.
On the whole they're populated with entirely different people, who's motivations I just don't understand.

I hate drunk me.
Entirely too open, entirely to honest, entirely too easy to read; even when I say nothing at all.
I see the paths to take. Too many taken before, all leading nowhere. I dont see the point. I am too jaded; I feel as old as time.

I have to be careful - words become dangerous. Words are scanned, removed, and sanitized inside. Mouth engaged; language becomes a minefield of intentions.

Best to leave I think.

I hug, then I do.

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far

Shiny floor indeed

Deadly Jelly stole my copy of Knight and Day.

DUDE
(she texted)
Can we borrow Knight and Day?
Please please PRETTY FUCKING PLEASE?
Your floor's very shiny, quite impressed x

I only say this, because in shorter order we will doubtlessly see a @deadlyjelly review of "Knight and Day", and I very much suspect it will not show me in a good light.

I've been thinking about this film most of the day. I think I like it.
I've been wondering why.

I think it's because I've come to hate "You've got Mail" mostly.

This is the synopsis of You've Got Mail;

Boy and Girl cheat of each others respective partners by developing an online relationship.
Real world Girl and Real world Boy meet - Real world Boy lies about who he is
Real world Girl finds about Real world boy at party - Real world Boy acts like an arse.
Real world Boy casually sets out to destroy Real world girls business
Real world Boy finds out girl is actually online girl - but doesn't tell her.
Real world Boy sets out to woo online girl - all the time hiding who he really is (Online Boy)
Online boy arranges with online girl to meet him finally. Realworld boy tries to stop Realworld Girl meeting Online boy.
Real world girl turns down Real world boy to meet online Boy
Online girl meets Online boy and finds out he's Real world Boy - and doesn't kill him on the spot
Real world girl always hoped Real world Boy would be online boy.
They kiss - dog nuzzles crotch.

Bollocks.

Knight and Day may be complete bollocks as well.
But it's good spirited bollocks, where the good guys are good and the bad guys aren't grey.
The romantic leads seem like good people.
Tom doesn't shag Cameron Diaz after 5 minutes - or 10 even.

It's light hearted, whimsical, and a nice bit of chewing gum for the mind.

And right now - that seems a pretty good fit for me.

Plus Tom didnt smile too much.

Rule 1

How life should be :)

The spiral

I think that if we're open to it, we adopt the best habits of those who influence our world.
If you are lucky enough to have friends or associates who are outward looking, positive and motivated, it's hard not to be lifted and taken along for the ride.

When those influences are gone, and you find yourself longing for their return, there are two options; to pick up the baton and run with it, or look for another group of like minded people and join them.

Make it or find it - but either way - be it; before it's too late.

Two minute silence

Twenty nine men still underground, and a nation grieves.
Two minutes of silence at two pm.
Supermarkets announce the coming of the hour; everyone stops: there is silence.
I wish I was there.

Our office is a barnyard of cultures
The sounds of many languages
Everyone rushing; so busy
I couldn't stay there.

I walked to the cafe; saw the fat cats drink their lattes
Chattering through it all, like it was nothing
I walked away, found a quiet spot.
I thought about all the things the 29 would never have.

Sons, daughters, grand kids, wives and lovers.
One was a teenager, and now will always be.

Time passed, the world moved on two more minutes.
I didnt know them, I didn't have to grieve.
But I had a respect for the risks they took to make a daily wage.
And how fragile we can be when chance bets against you.

Just another day.
The world moves on; they stay behind.
Thank God the coasters will remember them.
Because there are too many who never bothered to care.

Wedding Songs

I always thought "Never Tear us Apart" would be the ultimate wedding song.



And "By my side" would be a close second.



But if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak :)

Here endeth the INXS posts !